I'm not sure why I'm here, but I feel as though I'm alone in the world of women watching porn. I know that's not true, but I could really use some encouragement and perhaps some advice on how to not give into my desires.
I'm currently single, so I continue to say, "I'll stop when I begin dating." The thing is, is that I did stop when I was dating my last boyfriend, because I didn't think it would be fair to either one of us to have expectations. Expectations is where I begin to notice the pain in my heart, because I don't want to have expectations from my future partner due to what I've learned from watching porn.
I please ask that you don't judge me, and that you go easy with the God stuff as I'm trying to work on building my relationship with God and find myself turned off by people who force God on me. I do believe that God may be disappointed in my decisions, but that He's quick to forgive. I sometimes pray to God that I'm sorry, and I need His strength, because I know I'll be tempted again. I guess you could say that I still have some shame despite talking to a counselor about it. I have made progress in the past but am beginning to watch it more frequently. It hasn't developed into an addiction in which it interferes with my daily life, and that's why I'm coming to this group now.
Thank you everyone so much for your open hearts.
You are brave, I think this is the heart God is looking for…for someone who can openly admit this, it is amazing.
You are allowing God and everybody else here to see your heart.
You are on a good path to recovery. I sincerely admire people like you. You are not dirty , not vile. You are just enticed in the world of Pornography and my guess is this is just the result of others things happening in your life. So addressing pornography only won't help. There must be a support around you. I hope you found your way in the christian woman forum and I hope it is a help.
I have been exposed to porn by my husband and after I left him I found myself couple of times looking at porn because I liked the distraction. I knew it was wrong, but It was a way for me to rebel against God against my circumstances. I wanted to do whatever I wanted. I was newly divorced and hurting.
Until one day God told me, you know most people you are watching, they are victims of sex trade. This woman here who appear to "love it" is been told she would be killed if she doesn't perform well. " Don't move over the children site...because children are being helplessly explored and destroyed. those porn actors you see, dod you know that some have to be drunk so they can bear to act because they don't like what they are doing… Do not be deceived, It is not a distraction. There is great evil behind it. People are committing suicide for being actors in these movies. they die alone. sick abandoned to a life they don't even understand. They are afraid. Lives are being destroyed.
This man here will die tonight because he abbucted two women to the trade.
That day, I suddenly felt sick and repented like I never could. I suddenly started vomiting, crying and praying. Praying for myself and for them and thanking god for having mercy on me and convicting me of sin. I have heard how some people stop smoking out of disgust because God delivered them. It felt exactly the same.
I would always be grateful and humble before God for this.
You complain about being addicted, see it as if you had an opportunity to see what evil it can do to the people doing this. You are attracted to it because you have no safeguard on how to stop. I know you said you don't want to here any of the God stuff, but really if you don't understand why you need God in this, how can you quench it? There is no morality in no other than in God.
You need to have faith in God to resist such powerful evil force. It is not your fault, there are forces around us. a force of Good or bad. see it this way, if God wants you to be good, there is something else that wants you to be bad. You alone cannot fight against this evil. the same way, if you want to do all the good things you desperately want,you need God. That's why we christian believe in Jesus who same in the name of the God to deliver us from evil forces. You cannot stop it by yourself.Jesus came to deliver us from the trap of sin. A simple prayer can help you. Ask Jesus to come into your heart and believe that he can save you from it and you WILL be saved. Repentance like you just did in your OP is all that it takes… you CAN get rid of this… not by your own strength… God wants to show you his love and that you are regardless of what you think is going on in your life, you are a precious child of God. You don't even need to be a christian to be loved by God, he loves you already. Once you know that, you will know all the tool given all of us to become all tat we are supposed to be. If you have a Bible, read it. If you don't have one, borrow or buy it if you have the money.
To understand who jesus is, read Luke in the Bible…I always find it a good place to start. in Luke 4.18
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"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free"
If you don't want to hear all the religious stuff, it's ok too. but if you came to a christian forum that means you are looking for something deeper. You need to take your time and assess how the porn is destroying your life on a practical level and take it from there. Why do you it. what do you gain from it. and why do you really want to stop it.
Bless you sister
and ell us about your success story.
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