Should we have kids?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
E

Emilia7

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been married for two years. When we started dating we were both lukewarm Christians, but my faith has grown since. My husband is at the point where he's "not sure if he believes in God" at all. He smokes pot (which I've never liked). He doesn't really tell me what he thinks or what's going on in his head. The worst is not knowing how he feels about us, God, etc. I'm struggling with the decision to have kids. Should I forgo it because my children won't have a believing father? I don't want to be the moral compass in the family. Any advice will be appreciated.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
You have illegal activity going on in your home. A husband that is, quite obviously, not following God, nor shows any desire to. Doesn't respect your wishes to stay out of the illegal activity. And there are communication problems in your marriage, which are often the beginning of bigger problems. Does this sound like the kind of environment you would want to bring kids into?
PS, if you think having kids will magically make your marriage better, it won't. It will more likely put even more strain on your marriage.
 
D

dabodab

Guest
#3
#3
Hi Emilia7,

First, a couple scriptures about having children:


Psalm 127:3-4 says "Behold, children are a heritage from The Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of the Lord, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them: they will not be ashamed they meet with their enemies at the gate".

1Corr 7:14 says "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; else were your children unclean but now they are holy".


So you see, children are a blessing and deemed 'holy' by one believing parent. That's you!!!

You are concerned about your husband smoking weed. I would be too. There is too much knowledge out there on the internet superhighway to be ignorant on any matter. Do some research and see what the ramifications would be for his use. Can you convince him to agree to quit while you are trying to get pregnant? How motivated is he to have children?

You definitely raised some other important issues, just not sure if you are wanting 'advice' for those too.

Having children for the sake of having children is not a sin. Sure you would put some extra work into it since you are the practicing believer, but God is in charge, anyways. Also God can change things. I think God is a God of change. Trust me, the way things are in your life today will not be the same in one, two or especially five years down the road, LOL. You are young. Having a family is a precious gift from God that we can glean so many blessings and benefits. Don't deny yourself these because you don't see everything as being perfect. There was a time when I would see pregnant young women and think 'don't they know how evil the times are? Jesus is coming soon!' But that was almost 30 years ago and that child in his mothers womb is likely enjoying his own children now. <smile>
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#4
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#4
I think the question is, "Do you want children?"

I have 4 and they were all very wanted and loved by me. I was prepared to raise them myself, if something happened to my husband, but fortunately I never had to face that, and he has always been a great caring and loving father. I have a close friend who got saved after her marriage, and her children are now older teens and strong Christians, because she put the time and effort in to insure they had a relationship with a God.

As for the pot smoking, it is psychologically addictive, which may be your husband's problem. You need an intervention to stop this, or you may be arrested just for being in the home if the police come. Please talk to someone at Narc-Anon to get help for both of you. You should not have to put up with this!

By the way, because you are the only Christian, you are by default the spiritual head of the household. Pray for him, especially that God would bring Christian men into his life to witness to him. It is very hard to lead a spouse to the Lord.
 
E

Emilia7

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you so much for the scripture. It warms my heart.

You asked two good questions:
Can you convince him to agree to quit while you are trying to get pregnant? How motivated is he to have children?

I've told him if we have kids he cannot smoke in front if them EVER and I've td him I don't want them to know he does it. He doesn't smoke around me thank goodness so I know he wouldn't while I was pregnant.

He wants kids more than me. I can be cynical sometimes and feel like the world is already so corrupt etc... Plus I don't want to feel as though I'm raising them alone spiritually. Money is an issue too. I probably worry too much.

I really appreciate your kind words. It makes the future with him not seem as hopeless. We are in a rough patch right now.
 
E

Emilia7

Guest
#6
#6
Thanks for the prayer ideas too. I've been praying that God would soften his heart. I think he's saved, but hasn't made that second decision to live his life for God if that makes sense. He doesn't want to change anything in his life. One unnerving thing he said once is that love and God are two separate things, but as a Christian I believe God IS love. Thanks for the advice.
 
H

hopeandfaithforever

Guest
#7
#7
Children are one of God's greatest blessings.
It is tough raising kids even in a home with two strong believers.
I would definitely pray about it and ask God to lead you in His perfect plan.
I will be praying for you, hang in there!
 
D

dabodab

Guest
#8
#8
Emilia7 said:
Thank you so much for the scripture. It warms my heart.

You asked two good questions:
Can you convince him to agree to quit while you are trying to get pregnant? How motivated is he to have children?

I've told him if we have kids he cannot smoke in front if them EVER and I've td him I don't want them to know he does it. He doesn't smoke around me thank goodness so I know he wouldn't while I was pregnant.

He wants kids more than me. I can be cynical sometimes and feel like the world is already so corrupt etc... Plus I don't want to feel as though I'm raising them alone spiritually. Money is an issue too. I probably worry too much.

I really appreciate your kind words. It makes the future with him not seem as hopeless. We are in a rough patch right now.
Click to expand...
All marriages go thru rough patches. Do you know other couple(s) you can pattern your marriage after? No one marriage is perfect. But pressure should be relieved with God at the center of your life. Stay prayerful!!!

I suggested that you ask your husband if he is willing to quit using weed while you are trying to get pregnant. Hoping you read that correctly.

Come back and tell us how you are doing at the very least. There are many other forums here with you can derive benefit from. Giving Testimony about God working in your life is always a blessing and most welcome!! Hopefully you have support of family and friends and Christian fellowship at a place of worship.

May God bless you, Sister!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.