I fear for my grandmother's life - what should I do?

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proverbs31woman29

Guest
#1
Hello everyone. I am very worried about the things going on in my grandmother's household. My grandfather has been extremely verbally and emotionally abusive toward her (I even heard in the earlier stages of their marriage there was physical abuse as well). He starts arguments - without provocation - with her and gives the silent treatment in order to get out of doing special things for her. For example, two days before their 55th wedding anniversary, he refused to speak to her just because he didn't want to do anything for their anniversary. And earlier this evening, he cursed at her by calling her an #@$! idiot for no reason (I should add that her birthday is tomorrow, so this didn't seem like a coincidence). She was very upset; I think she was actually crying.

He is downright cruel and vicious, to the point where I fear he may try to do something to her physically. I cannot understand how he could hate her so much because my grandmother is one of the most loving, giving, and kindest people anyone could ever meet. I really want to help her, but I'm not sure I'm going to get any cooperation from my other family members because they see this either as a form of entertainment or something that they can talk about.

I am very worried. Are there any words of advice on what to do here?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
Abusers aren't about hate. They are about control. Selfishness. Insecurities. Hate is rarely one of the aspects that causes abuse.
But really, after 55 years i don't foresee her changing her mind and leaving him, unless she's already shown a desire to do so. All you can do, really, is talk to her and see what she thinks and feels about staying in the marriage. If she says she wants out, then move on from there. But if she's determined to stay, then you can't force to to leave. So your first step needs to be to figure out what SHE wants. You can't take any actions until you know that much.