Sleeping with another after seperation

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M

MissPickles

Guest
#1
#1
I love this board for it helps to get answers, where I cant seem to find other places on the net.

Question:
My husband and I separated after 20 years. My divorce was final last NOV. "Before", my divorce was final I slept with another guy in my dwelling and have since been involved seeing him. (I left my husband after 20 yrs of abuse both Physical and mental and his drinking...I begged him to seek Church or counseling with me. He denied me). So I felt I was at the end of my rode with him and left him. I never got involved with the man I now see until after I left the home. I didn't leave my home for another man when I left , I left because of the abuse.
My question is can I continue this relationship or is it considered adultery in GODS eyes, was it considered adultery beforemy divorce was final. Or did the abuse and drunkenness free me from this marriage? Can I remarry?
Sorry for asking so much, but this really seems to play heavy on me.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
MissPickles said:
I love this board for it helps to get answers, where I cant seem to find other places on the net.

Question:
My husband and I separated after 20 years. My divorce was final last NOV. "Before", my divorce was final I slept with another guy in my dwelling and have since been involved seeing him. (I left my husband after 20 yrs of abuse both Physical and mental and his drinking...I begged him to seek Church or counseling with me. He denied me). So I felt I was at the end of my rode with him and left him. I never got involved with the man I now see until after I left the home. I didn't leave my home for another man when I left , I left because of the abuse.
My question is can I continue this relationship or is it considered adultery in GODS eyes, was it considered adultery beforemy divorce was final. Or did the abuse and drunkenness free me from this marriage? Can I remarry?
Sorry for asking so much, but this really seems to play heavy on me.
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Yes, it was adultery because you went and slept with another man while you were still married. Whether or not you were getting divorced is irrelevant. The only exception God makes for divorce is adultery, meaning if your husband had been cheating on you, then God would allow you to divorce him because of it. But since YOU cheated before the divorce was final, then yes, that was wrong. Repent of what you did, and ask God to forgive you. :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
You were married.
And even if you weren't you were still not acting in a biblical manner, single or married.

Far as the validity of the relationship now, it's tricky. But i'm assuming you're still living out the relationship in a sinful manner, as when you were separated. As long as you're still sleeping together the relationship is wrong. No matter the past.
 
R

Roughsoul

Guest
#4
#4
MissPickles,

Hey I understand I have not been in your shoes so I cannot give advise and also its not my role to judge you. But I will say my preacher did a lesson over this one Sunday and he told us when you get married yall take vows right? Yes and what do them vows say? They basically give yall something to live by. The man in Gods eyes is suppose to be a certain way. He needs to be the spiritual leader, take care of you, love you ect. Well as far as I know this man from what you said did not live up to his vows. And God would not want you to stay in a abusive marriage if he was not keeping his vows then marriage was already destroyed in Gods eyes. God does not work off of a court house paper saying your divorced.

See I believe in my marriage I am suppose to stick to it till I die because I love my wife and that's how a good marriage should be but like I said if he is not holding up his vows the marriage is destroyed by his lack of selfishness and the knowledge to stay true to Gods word.

The bible can be read and absorbed in so many ways but to me my preacher made since why would God want you to stay in a marriage with all the abuse. And that's the whole reason why we say our vows. We say them and we are witnesses in front of God to hold these vows. Which he did not a long time ago.

Ask your preacher see what he says.

Roughsoul
 
M

MissPickles

Guest
#5
#5
I understand the part I slept with another man while I was still married (After I left the home)...This other guy did not come in the picture while I was still living with my husband. BUT, I found nudes photos of a girl on his phone before I left the home...So with that thinking...My marriage was already done in the eyes of GOD, on top of the Physical abuse I endured for 20 years. Starting on my wedding honeymoon him choking me. Because I didn't like the idea he brought his mother along.
 
A

amymine712

Guest
#6
#6
You have endured a lot at the hands of your ex. It doesn't change the fact that you are not acting in a biblical way. You need time to morn and forgive. You need to learn who you are according to God's word. You need time to learn how to be alone with yourself and God. You just got out of a very long abusive relationship and hopped into another relationship before your divorce was final. Take the time hon. You can live without a man and just have God. I am praying for you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#7
MissPickles said:
I love this board for it helps to get answers, where I cant seem to find other places on the net.

Question:
My husband and I separated after 20 years. My divorce was final last NOV. "Before", my divorce was final I slept with another guy in my dwelling and have since been involved seeing him. (I left my husband after 20 yrs of abuse both Physical and mental and his drinking...I begged him to seek Church or counseling with me. He denied me). So I felt I was at the end of my rode with him and left him. I never got involved with the man I now see until after I left the home. I didn't leave my home for another man when I left , I left because of the abuse.
My question is can I continue this relationship or is it considered adultery in GODS eyes, was it considered adultery beforemy divorce was final. Or did the abuse and drunkenness free me from this marriage? Can I remarry?
Sorry for asking so much, but this really seems to play heavy on me.
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I believe that you definitely got off the track quickly in this new relationship. I believe that you were in a vulnerable state and this guy took serious advantage of your circumstances. Why do you want to continue this relationship? Does this guy love you and do you love him? If you and this guy were both willing to back off and give each other space, no sleeping together, than I would say that this relationship has a chance. What are you both willing to do for each other that is based out of the love of God?

I am sure that this is considered adultery in the eyes of God. I do not believe that you were wrong in ending this abusive marriage. Anyone can remarry but would this constitute adultery in the eyes of God? This is a hard question to answer in the absence of adultery on the part of your former husband and will take hours and days of reflection and prayer. The key question that I would discuss with God is that were you and your husband joined together in the first place in His eyes.

It would have been better if you had not tried to replace your ex-husband with just another problem. My council to you is to separate yourself from this man. If he loves you he will agree to the wisdom of this. Another question to ask is whether or not this guy is free also to marry you in the eyes of God. You both need a time out for serious reflection and prayer.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#8
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#8
Two wrongs don't make a right. I have made many relational mistakes in my life so who am I to judge? But sin looks and feels good to us. I am so sorry that you had to endure abuse from your husband and unless he gets help and gives his heart to God I certainly would not consider returning to him.

But unless you are married to someone any sex outside of being married is wrong biblically. Death and adultery are releases from marriage. Believe me I have sugar coated many things to make the sin look or feel sinless, but the reality is that sin is sin so be very careful with your new relationship. Is your new friend a Christian also? If he is not this is not a very good witness for him. Be honest with yourself do you feel guilty about what you are doing with him? Then you already know it is not right. God loves you for who you are seek Him first and all the other things will fall into place.

Dear Father In Heaven

We are all sinners and we need you to help us make the right choices I pray now for our dear sister Pickles that she will give her will to Yours and that you will help her to make wise choices that are pleasing to You. Help her with her walk with You and thank you for hearing our prayer in Jesus Name Amen
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#9
JesusLives said:
Two wrongs don't make a right. I have made many relational mistakes in my life so who am I to judge? But sin looks and feels good to us. I am so sorry that you had to endure abuse from your husband and unless he gets help and gives his heart to God I certainly would not consider returning to him.

But unless you are married to someone any sex outside of being married is wrong biblically. Death and adultery are releases from marriage. Believe me I have sugar coated many things to make the sin look or feel sinless, but the reality is that sin is sin so be very careful with your new relationship. Is your new friend a Christian also? If he is not this is not a very good witness for him. Be honest with yourself do you feel guilty about what you are doing with him? Then you already know it is not right. God loves you for who you are seek Him first and all the other things will fall into place.

Dear Father In Heaven

We are all sinners and we need you to help us make the right choices I pray now for our dear sister Pickles that she will give her will to Yours and that you will help her to make wise choices that are pleasing to You. Help her with her walk with You and thank you for hearing our prayer in Jesus Name Amen
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This is an outstanding post.
 
M

MissPickles

Guest
#10
#10
JesusLives said:
Two wrongs don't make a right. I have made many relational mistakes in my life so who am I to judge? But sin looks and feels good to us. I am so sorry that you had to endure abuse from your husband and unless he gets help and gives his heart to God I certainly would not consider returning to him.

But unless you are married to someone any sex outside of being married is wrong biblically. Death and adultery are releases from marriage. Believe me I have sugar coated many things to make the sin look or feel sinless, but the reality is that sin is sin so be very careful with your new relationship. Is your new friend a Christian also? If he is not this is not a very good witness for him. Be honest with yourself do you feel guilty about what you are doing with him? Then you already know it is not right. God loves you for who you are seek Him first and all the other things will fall into place.

Dear Father In Heaven

We are all sinners and we need you to help us make the right choices I pray now for our dear sister Pickles that she will give her will to Yours and that you will help her to make wise choices that are pleasing to You. Help her with her walk with You and thank you for hearing our prayer in Jesus Name Amen
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Thank You for the Prayer! and yes still continue to see this man. But, he has allot me the space I need. #1. I have two teenage children who still need a lot of my time #2 we both work different schedules so we may see each other one day a week at most or one day sometimes every two weeks. He has a teen age daughter from a previous marriage, we decided right off the bat we could always make time for ourselves but our Children come first. Ive given up dates with him just so I could be there for my children and he has also broken dates with me or left when his daughter called needing him. Im still a mother , that never changed and I will be there for my kids.
But over the last few months my ex has moved in a married woman into the house we once shared, threw my son out when he graduated a few weeks ago now the son lives with me fulltime.
When we separated, I couldn't live in the house for my mother in law lived across the street (Only seen problems if I stayed there living across from her). I moved 30 miles away to another town #1 my job. and #2- the place we lived there was no where decent to rent. So we agreed out kids could stay with him the 4 days they have school and the rest of the time with me. holidays/vacations/summers.
Back to the married girlfriend. She moves in April, straight out of her husbands home. He met her in November at a Funeral. My son has tried to explain to him that he is so wrong for doing so. But when my son moved out. His old room she took and redone the room and placed pictures of her family on his walls, and through put the home. Ive watched my son cry himself to sleep over how his dad has done. Drinking/Partying/Married woman/just so out of control. Ive since seeked Counseling for both of my kids and myself. We have only been to one session in the last few days. But the next is scheduled Its just a lot to have to sort out. But I care for the man I now see, but for me remarriage is not even and option at this point. Ive been going to church. But I did before, not as much as I should have. But this man does not live in my home and I don't live in his home. we have separate dwellings. I just don't want GOD to be mad at me when I should have known better.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#11
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
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#11
It's a little late to ask since the deed is already done. Any relationship that has sex introduced into it this early in the process is going to be more earthly based than heavenly based.

You do not need me or anyone else to tell you that you need to repair and strengthen your relationship with Christ far more than you need the companionship of a man. I can only wonder what his relationship with the Lord looks like.

If we really want Gods help we should start listening to what He says before we do what we do.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#12
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#12
MissPickles said:
I love this board for it helps to get answers, where I cant seem to find other places on the net.

Question:
My husband and I separated after 20 years. My divorce was final last NOV. "Before", my divorce was final I slept with another guy in my dwelling and have since been involved seeing him. (I left my husband after 20 yrs of abuse both Physical and mental and his drinking...I begged him to seek Church or counseling with me. He denied me). So I felt I was at the end of my rode with him and left him. I never got involved with the man I now see until after I left the home. I didn't leave my home for another man when I left , I left because of the abuse.
My question is can I continue this relationship or is it considered adultery in GODS eyes, was it considered adultery beforemy divorce was final. Or did the abuse and drunkenness free me from this marriage? Can I remarry?
Sorry for asking so much, but this really seems to play heavy on me.
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The Bible does NOT teach that if a woman divorces her husband, it is a valid divorce. Nor does it teach that if one spouse is or was abusive or a drunkard that the other is free to sleep with someone else. What the state allows and what is valid according to the Bible are two different things when it comes to scripture. To women who have departed from their husbands, the Lord commanded, as recorded in I Corinthians 7, "Let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband."

The Bible also teaches that there is forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 6 shows that that forgiveness can extend to those who commit adultery. David committed adultery, and he was forgiven, though there were severe consequences for him, his household, and the nation he led. So it is not advisable to repeat it.
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#13
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#13
Bad behavior on your husband's part does not allow bad behavior on your part! Seriously! Where did you learn that it's okay to sleep around? That's called fornication, whether you're married or not! Why would anyone, who wants to be in God's will, sleep with anyone who was not their spouse? And if you're still sleeping with this man (even though you're divorced), you're still committing fornication! You need to end the sex NOW, you need to repent of your sin, and you need to ask God to forgive you. He will, you know, but you need to change your behavior right now!

I'm sorry to sound hard-nosed, but I get SO tired of seeing people self-destruct. Keep the bar high, folks! We all know what is right and wrong. God has written His Law on our hearts and minds. Listen to that, will ya?
 
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twotwo

Guest
#14
#14
As it is written: I want you to have mercy about those who were abused.

No reproaches but just compassion and empathy, says the Lord
 
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sassylady

Guest
#15
#15
Even if you were divorced it was adultery. You need God's guidance for your life, especially in the area of remarriage.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#16
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#16
twotwo said:
As it is written: I want you to have mercy about those who were abused.

No reproaches but just compassion and empathy, says the Lord
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Are you saying that whole thing is supposed to be a quote from the Bible?
 
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