I'm sorry God, but I hate them!

To make a long story short, my husband and I have been helping a single mom and her nine children for a couple years. The mom doesn't operate with a full deck of cards and depends heavily on her children to care for each other so she can be irresponsible elsewhere. She is (supposed to be) a Christian. We'll call her (and her children) The "Smiths."

Ms. Smith is friends with another family (supposedly Christians, too) we'll call the "Brown" family. Ms. Smith and Mr. Brown have an inappropriate relationship, but no one knows to what degree because they're so secretive about it. Summer '09 Ms. Smith was forclosed on her home but she kept denying it and pushing her residency in that place. We lived nearby and for a year watched as she neglected her children in favor of wandering around town 16hrs a day while meeting up with Mr. Brown in secret, while her 14yo daughter took care of the younger six children and homeschooled them, and the 16yo daughter worked to pay the bills. (the oldest child, 17, left home early to escape his mother- she used to show up on payday and take his whole paycheck).

We noticed Ms. Smith had no plans for when the sherriff showed up at her door to evict the family, so we arranged to have them move in with us for a season. The children packed the house, and we moved all her stuff (with her consent) to our house, stored it for her, purchased a mobile office and set it up like a home for her and her children. She did not help with ANY of the moving process AT ALL! Her children did all the work, as did we and our friends, while she piddled away her time roaming around town, eating out, and meeting up with Mr. Brown. (and then she had the gall to rheam her daughter out for 'touching her stuff' when she couldn't find something- she always heavily criticized her children and then took the credit for herself for all their hard work)

After the move was finalized our family of eight, her family of nine, and an extra teenager (totalling 18 people) went on a family vacation with us. We spent 10 days loving on each other, having fun, etc. My husband and I financed everything, never asking or expecting anything in return. Ms. Smith became a friend to me and we exchanged many secrets. The day after we arrived home from the vacation Ms. Smith allowed her 17, 8, and 6yo to sneak out with the 17yo's boyfriend (one of Mr. Brown's kids) to go on a canoe trip. (I say "sneak out" because they all knew we wouldn't have approved being the first day back and all the unpacking and transition ahead of us) They got T-boned by a tractor trailer going 65mph and nearly died.

During the month her children recovered Ms. Smith was at the hospital with her brain damaged son while we cared for all the children back home. Her children (homeschooled) haven't been schooled in over two years because Ms. Smith says she's a homeschooler but never schools them. I picked up the slack and started getting them back into their studies. They were years behind! Ms. Smith lived with us free of charge, got free babysitting, and we even gave her spending money to get through her crisis with her injured children.

Knowing that she had challenges ahead with financially supporting all her children as a single mom, we offered to relieve most her financial burden by covering all her living expenses. And since we knew she had a tendency to be gone all day we offered in exchange for paying her car insurance bill (the ONLY bill she had) she agreed to work only one day a week and have a "personal" day once a week. The only thing we asked in return is that her children stay home M-F and that they all attend church with us on Sundays. (when she'd farm out her children to the Browns and relatives it disrupted the transition here at home... come on, we had 14 kids under the age of 15yr's old to coordinate, so keeping them home to establish routine and order was a big deal to us! Especially since we were doing all the work.)

Her children loved our children. We loved her children. We loved HER! I let her change my whole house around and do what she wanted; I stayed out of her way and did not tell her what to do outside of the terms we alll agreed to. Everything was going well! Her children were getting caught up in school, were cared for by an ADULT, she had hardly any financial burden and could stay home with her children just as she had always wanted to do.

But she was still hooked to Mr. Brown. And Mr. Brown and his wife are control freaks. Ms. Smith is an obsessive compulsive liar, and a gossiper. So we found out she was telling horrible stories about us to the Smith family, speaking badly about us behind our backs of things that weren't even true. And if they were it was still inappropriate to share that information with others. The Browns began to hate us, and also felt like we infringed on their "territory" by taking the Smiths in at our home. Ms. Smith's children began to refuse to go with their mother or visit the Brown family because they hated how they gossipped and lied about us behind our backs, and they hated the little three-some that was taking place between Ms. Smith and Mr. Brown and his wife. (these are all christians???)

Ms. Smith started violating her agreement and was carting children off all over town hanging out with friends or whatever, every day of the week. Our home routine started to fall into chaos, and it didn't help that I was ticked off at finding out of her gossip and lying to me and ABOUT me and my family. Then one day the Browns showed up on a Sunday morning, and Ms. Smith and the Browns herded all the Smith children into vehicles and drove off, forbidding them to say goodbye to us, leaving all their belongings. Gone. Just like that.

That was three months ago and the kids are threatened never to speak to us again. And whatever the threat is they are terrified of violating that threat, so it must be bad. We were devastated, to say the least. Now the Smith's are in hiding somewhere and Ms. Smith won't allower her children a phone, nor to see their relatives... not even their older siblings. She is completely controlled by Mr. Brown who will not allow them any contact with anyone outside of himself and his family.

She used us. She used our love, our service, our finacial support, EVERYTHING! Never showed gratitude. Never said goodbye. Totally cut us off. And I hate them. The Browns still trash us and are feeding the kids lies about us as is their mother. I've cried to God so many times and asked Him to help me forgive her for what she has done, for I am unable to forgive on my own. I have made great strides at forgiveness- better than you'd expect. But some nights, like tonight, I can't sleep because the pain just overwhelms me and I end up hating her and the Brown family again.

My children cry for the Smith children, and draw pictures for them, write them letters I cannot send. My children make plans for when they can visit with the Smith children, but I have to tell them it's not going to happen because we don't even know where they are. I just wish this whole memory of them would be erased so I could move on without thinking about them every single day. And thinking about what she did to me. I WAS HER FRIEND! And she stabbed me in the back. And it was all so unnecessary. If she wanted to move out she was free to do so. We could have just said goodbye and that would have been fine. But no, Mr. Brown staged all of this so he could tighten his grip on the Smiths. And the Smith kids HATE him, as do I. The only people who are getting what they want is Ms. Smith and Mr. Brown. Everyone else has been deeply injured by it all.

I'm sorry God, but I hate them!

[Kathleen]

I think you writting this, allowed for you to vent of what you were holding within yourself. All the anger and hurt.
I think you need to pray about it, and I will to.
I think, you have subtily hinted in the story that an affair is going on between Mr Brown, and Ms Smith.
If this is true, they are deeply endulging in sin. If your consience is clear about what you have done, try not to think about it. Just think positivly.
Try also, to report them to the Social Services. Ms Smith sounds anyway, like she is not cabable of caring for one child, never mind nine.
You and both families are in my prayers
God Bless
Kath x

Japangela,

I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. It sounds horrible and your frustration is completely understandable. I probably can't even imagine to what degree because I've never dealt with a situation like this but it sounds like you really showed Christ's love to that family and although you may not see a change now, it could be one of those things that they learn from in retrospect. I know you sacrificed a ton so wanting to see an immediate change is understandable, but maybe it is God's plan that you just planted that seed. And others will need to be planted in that family's life in order for them to come back to God.

As far as forgiving them goes, I too probably would not want to. But anytime I hesitate to forgive someone I think first of how many times God has forgiven me. How many times have I trampled His word and figuratively spit in His face and He has taken me back again and again. His love is absolutely unconditional and I pray everyday that He show me how to love others in that same way. I'll pray the same for you.

Secondly I think of Paul. Paul murdered anyone who confessed to be a believe in our God for a profession. I don't think you can get much worse than that. Yet God forgave Him. I know Ms. Smith claims to be a Christian but I think it is obvious that she displays no fruit of it. And as hard as it may be at time, we cannot get mad at the lost for acting lost.

Good luck with everything.

We did notify social services a month ago and have heard nothing from our inside source. I'm afraid Ms Smith will put on a big show to cover up her neglect and threaten the kids to do the same. Also, the 15yo is so good at caring for the family that I think they'll just overlook it as "not that bad." But the older children suffer as long as they're under their mom and Mr Browns control.

[NoahsMom]

WOAH, sorry to hear about your hurt japangela. Even sorrier to hear that this is actually a true story and that there are actually ppl out there living like this. You gave your best, all that you had and you gave from the heart, God sees all this...along with all this other shameful business happening, rest assured , what you do in tha dark DOES come to light, I know your hurt and greiving even, just keep praying and leaning to the lord, he sees the heart, and you are blessed to have one such as yours, you will be in my prayers.A sis in christ, NM.

First recognise that Ms.Smith and the Brown family have problems/hurt/sin that is not in your control. Secondly, explain to all your children what happened (they dont know all the details) so they aren't mislead or lied to or find out some other way what happened to their friends. They could harbor resentment, be afraid, or be emotionally damaged into thinking it's their fault they never see their friends. Thirdly, it's okay to be angry and it's hard to get over hate. Even if you feel like you dont forgive them, say out loud when you feel angry "God I know what happened was horrible, but under your law I am to forgive them. So I do even when I dont feel like I do". And lastly, cut off the Browns from your life entirely. Teach your family that they are very hurt people so they hurt other people to make themselves feel better. This includes lying. Then tell them that God is in control and that they will make new friends. Smile so they see you are happy and getting over it. Children mimic what they see. I will pray for you

[loveschild]

I only got to the part where your paying her insurance. Couldn't read anymore. What I seen was she was running around all day and you were taking care of her and her family. Paying for all her needs and she was doing nothing. I don't wish to be mean. Whats going on? Why would you do all this? Sounds like the lady needs a job and you need to figure why you are letting someone use you like this. And you can't even blame it on the woman cause you've freely done it all. Just sounds insane.

I have heard that when it comes to forgiving difficult situations/people, that you have to keep doing it. First you vent it all out and ask God to help you forgive. And you try with all your heart to mean it as much as you can. And the next day, you do it again. And the next day you do it again. And you keep doing it, every day, until one day you will look into your heart and you will realize that you have truly through God forgiven them.

Debbie

We all look at someone and only see the wrong they do, but maybe if we knew their background we would understand why they are who they are.We must forgive people though in order to move on or the devil can use that hate to destroy us. That is why Christ said forgive lest ye be forgiven. Think of all we do wrong and Christ even died for us knowing we would do all this wrong against him. I had a nephew in our family who is 18 molest my son,spread rumors about my family, and even egg my house after the fact and yet this year I told him i forgive him and he said Merry Christmas. It is a burden lifted when you forgive someone, does not mean you forget that they could hurt you again but you dont hold it over them anymore.So if I can forgive the guy in our life I think you can forgive so you can heal.