marriage advice

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godsgirl77

Guest
#1
I have a question concerning marriage issues... i know all marriages have ups and downs.. everyone has a past that maybe causes trust issues in present relationships... my question or questions are....does your husband or wife tell you that you can't have another person of the opposite sex in the vehicle??? Says it's not you it's them they don't trust.... how would you approach this and overcome it...
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,301
16,296
113
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Tennessee
#2
I have a question concerning marriage issues... i know all marriages have ups and downs.. everyone has a past that maybe causes trust issues in present relationships... my question or questions are....does your husband or wife tell you that you can't have another person of the opposite sex in the vehicle??? Says it's not you it's them they don't trust.... how would you approach this and overcome it...
I have been in this exact situation. I used to drive a co-worker to work and my late wife told me that she trusts me but not her. After that, I drove alone.
 
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godsgirl77

Guest
#3
I never have anyone of the opposite sex in the car....how did you deal with that if you don't mind me asking..
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#4
What tourist said......I second that advice...
I think the best thing is to pick your battles.......this win is his....he isnt asking
much.... not even worth an argument....we gotta let them win once in a while.....lol

Besides would you really be ok if he had a girl in his car......
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#5
does your husband or wife tell you that you can't have another person of the opposite sex in the vehicle??? Says it's not you it's them they don't trust.... how would you approach this and overcome it...
Imo, its actually you he doesn't trust. Pretty girls get hit-on all the time, but you can easily reject the advance by saying "No thanks, I'm happily married". No harm, no foul. So I suspect your spouse doesn't trust you to ward-off the advances of another man? He shouldn't trust strangers because he doesn't know them, but he should be able to trust his wife. When you really trust your spouse, there's no need to isolate them from the opposite sex.
 
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Roughsoul

Guest
#6
My wife was this way when we was early in our relationship. I use to have many girls as just friends but she was jealous just from a hug. So I told them all sorry and explained my back then girlfriend gets jealous. So now I never see them but just have them as facebook friends. But now she trusts me and does not care if a old friend runs up to me and hugs me. Just like jogoldie said I chose to end the fight a easier way and respect her feelings. But I agree with Dan too because I fully trust my wife and if a man gave her ride I wouldn't think nothing of it. But this is also from years of trust building. Plus she would even tell me if a man was hitting on her.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#7
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[TD]But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.


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Bella34

Guest
#8
I like all the posts I'm also married and don't understand why I can not have friends of the opposite sec but it's ok if he does and to make it woes he hides it
 
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Bella34

Guest
#9
Sex,worse typos sorry
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#10
If I have liked one woman, the one who could have married me, why do I need more friends?

Pro 5:15 You should be faithful to your wife (or husband), just as you take water from your own well.

Pro 5:17 Let them be to thee for thyself, And not to strangers with thee.

Pro 5:20 Son, why should you give your love to another woman (or man)? Why should you prefer the charms of another man's wife? (or another husband)
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#11
I don't understand why both the husband and wife don't share the same friends when it comes to opposite sexes. There won't be any problem and there wouldn't be any hiding or deception.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#12
I have a question concerning marriage issues... i know all marriages have ups and downs.. everyone has a past that maybe causes trust issues in present relationships... my question or questions are....does your husband or wife tell you that you can't have another person of the opposite sex in the vehicle??? Says it's not you it's them they don't trust.... how would you approach this and overcome it...
I'd say respect his wishes. On the occasions where I have driven a woman who is not family, I've had her sit in the back seat. I took a baby-sitter home that way once a while back.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#13
I like all the posts I'm also married and don't understand why I can not have friends of the opposite sec but it's ok if he does and to make it woes he hides it
I don't think it's appropriate for a married woman to go hang around with her guy friend. If my wife develops some kind of friendship or contact with a man, we might invite him to dinner so he can get to know me and be my friend, too. She doesn't just go hang out with guys or anything like that.
 

Toska

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
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#14
I have given a couple of male co-workers a ride when they have needed it. I let my husband know ahead of time in case he gets any calls about someone seeing me with another man in my car. My husband trusts me and knows that I would be able to handle myself if someone tried to hit on me in a situation like this.

If, for whatever reason, my husband did not want me to give a particular person a ride then I would respect his wishes. My husband is not the kind of man that tells me what to do so, if he did not want me to give a person a ride, he would have a good reason for it.

Things work the same way about my husband giving a female a ride.

It is about trust for us:)
 

blondensmart

Room Moderator
Staff member
Jan 19, 2014
108
36
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#15
godsgirl77,

It sounds like your husband is insecure for some reason. I do not know why, and quite possibly he doesn't either. Imo, you can look at this in one of two ways. First, you can see it as him trying to "control" you and not let you develop friendships that he finds threatening. Secondly, you can see him as a man whom is so madly in love with you that he has no wish to share you with ANYONE of the opposite sex. I have been married for 20 years. My husband has never been jealous until the last 6 months or so It honestly came out of the blue - he has no identifiable reason for feeling threatened. But, that is irrelevant. How often do you feel a certain without being able to explain WHY you feel that way It comes down to this. There is not another man on the face of the earth that would cause me to jeopardize my marriage, but that doesn't change the fact that for whatever reason - mid-life crisis or whatever, he is feeling threatened. My choice is simple....I can argue with him and tell him how wrong he is to feel that way or use this as an opportunity to show him that HE is my one and only and that I don't value another man's friendship enough to jeopardize my marriage. I'm hoping that you wanted an honesty answer. If so, that was my intention. Best of luck to you and may your marriage be blessed richly!

Blondensmart
 
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Sirk

Guest
#16
I have a question concerning marriage issues... i know all marriages have ups and downs.. everyone has a past that maybe causes trust issues in present relationships... my question or questions are....does your husband or wife tell you that you can't have another person of the opposite sex in the vehicle??? Says it's not you it's them they don't trust.... how would you approach this and overcome it...
I am sure this has already been said before but.....Your spouse is obviously uncomfortable with the situation and it sounds like they have let it be known to you, so.....this is a very simple way to honor a request made by your spouse and you should. I also think that if possible, you should try to get to the heart of the matter as to why your spouse is insecure about it, so that it doesn't accelerate into paranoia about your activities......not saying that it will.....just saying that it's worth getting to the bottom of and that this is an opportunity for greater intimacy between you two.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#17
We are instructed to avoid even the appearance of evil. It is never wise for a wife to be alone with another man or a husband to be alone with another women, period.
 
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kcar

Guest
#18
I wonder why you don't want to simply honor your husbands wish? It is not an unreasonable request. You should avoid even the appearance of evil..and for some people (including your husband), driving around with other men doesn't look the best.

What type of message are you sending to your husband by having to ask others what to do in this situation? To me it looks like you are looking for reasons to ignore your husbands feelings.

Show your husband you respect his thoughts and feelings above people you don't know on the internet. You are not giving up something you need, there is no loss in not giving men rides in your car. However ignoring your husbands feelings is going to weaken your relationship with the person you should love and respect more then any other.
 
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like2chat

Guest
#19
I understand that Billy Graham has shared that he would not ever be alone in a room, car etc. with a woman other than his wife. Done out of respect to his wife, his vow to God and to avoid any inkling of temptation.
 
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pastac

Guest
#20
Insight for you, married people don't have it all together all the time! Asking for advice from anyone has risk. I ascribe to the bible method. I ask God who then tells the Holy Spirit who directs me. Sometimes it is using a person,a song, or a scripture very rarely will he use a single person in my particular instance since I have been married over 20 + years a single person has no insight at that level. Everything done decently and in order is wise and let not you good be evil spoken of.

Women minister to women men minister to men if the lines ever cross where you must minister to the opposite sex one or the other should always be present for the sake of accountability.Did I say ALWAYS!!! ok Anything else causes conflict and confusion. And we know what the word says about confusion don't we??