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R
Yes, while intimacy is an important part of any marriage, it should not be enough to make one leave or cheat in any manner. There could be many different reasons why a spouse does not want to have intimate time right now or the near future. Some things my husband and I have faced when dealing with lack of intamacy are:
depression
stress
working too much
anger (at and for many different reasons)
then there are the other things that are much less desirable reasons such as cheating (hasn't happened in our relationship but it is a factor in others as everyone can agree with) but just try to increase your intimate relationship with Christ, and try to learn your spouse more. Figure out what's really causing the lack of drive. Ask God to speak to you both and above all, make intimacy fun! Believe me I understand the stale "boring" phases. lol. It can be rough I know.
depression
stress
working too much
anger (at and for many different reasons)
then there are the other things that are much less desirable reasons such as cheating (hasn't happened in our relationship but it is a factor in others as everyone can agree with) but just try to increase your intimate relationship with Christ, and try to learn your spouse more. Figure out what's really causing the lack of drive. Ask God to speak to you both and above all, make intimacy fun! Believe me I understand the stale "boring" phases. lol. It can be rough I know.
A
Err...are you not willing or is he not willing? The bible clearly states when it is acceptable to divorce.
Matthew 19
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 19
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
M
Matthew 19 is rather interesting to me. Because in this day of 'internet porn addiction', that falls under the category of 'sexual immorality'.... thereby constituting a 'yes' that you could divorce him. If he is not having sex with you because of something HE is doing on the outside whether with an actual person or not, then it's up for debate. Yes, the bible CLEARLY states when it acceptable for divorce. But the Bible CLEARLY states what those ground might be..... Also later down in Matthew is this.
Matthew 5:27-28
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[SUP][a][/SUP] [SUP]28 [/SUP]But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Only you know the reasons why he is not having sex with you. You are also to, basically, give your body up to your husband. If you have been holding out for any reason, be it headache, kids, work,......CONTROL... then, while he might have certain reasons for looking elsewhere if he's not having sex with you, often times, there is also a reason.
People who post these things in forums only give one side of the problem.... So while the BIBLE may be clear on things, human being are not often as clear in THEIR truths....
Best of luck... God Bless
Matthew 5:27-28
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[SUP][a][/SUP] [SUP]28 [/SUP]But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Only you know the reasons why he is not having sex with you. You are also to, basically, give your body up to your husband. If you have been holding out for any reason, be it headache, kids, work,......CONTROL... then, while he might have certain reasons for looking elsewhere if he's not having sex with you, often times, there is also a reason.
People who post these things in forums only give one side of the problem.... So while the BIBLE may be clear on things, human being are not often as clear in THEIR truths....
Best of luck... God Bless
B
It would be easier if you sat down with him to discuss the difficulties. In many cases where the spouse stop loving the other is because of infidelity. Not in all cases but many.
Why am I bringing this up? because if you are seeking answers based on the NT , you will find that there are two cases where divorces are accepted on Christian beliefs:
1st: an abandonment by a spouse who is an unbeliever.
2nd: infidelity (cheating on you).
Why am I bringing this up? because if you are seeking answers based on the NT , you will find that there are two cases where divorces are accepted on Christian beliefs:
1st: an abandonment by a spouse who is an unbeliever.
2nd: infidelity (cheating on you).
M
It depends! I would suggest you sit down and have a deep conversation with your husband. There could be numerous reasons of why he's not having sex. I hope its not because he's spending time in the bedroom with another woman. Its really hard when you have a higher sex drive than your partner. Maybe you should try approaching him differently. If the issue continues I would just be honest as possible and let him know its a deal breaker for you. Pray and ask God to reveal your husbands reasoning of not having sex. BE CAREFUL, this issue can turn ugly really fast. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy. If another man comes along complementing you, etc...you might find yourself in someone else's bed. I've seen this happen so many times and its ruining our families. Stay strong, pray, exercise, seek counseling, and remember to stay faithful to your marriage. Focus on God not the situation and he will see you through.
I would say yes, it's wrong. It is also wrong to withhold sex from a spouse.
Is this none at all, or just rare and not enough? You don't have to answer, of course, but these are different situations.
Apparently, there are some men who watch porn and play with themselves who don't sleep with their wives. That's one thing to watch out for. If you have a shared computer, you could search to see what he's been looking at. If he were having sex with you and then stopped, you could try to figure out if he's having an affair. Signs might be working late a lot, hiding to talk on the phone, texts, facebook messages, etc. Or he could have gone into a depression.
It could be a sex drive issue. Some men have low testosterone. He could have that checked out. Also, if he's depressed, that could effect his sex drive. Some men just have lower sex drives than others. I think it can help if someone reminds him that if he married a woman, he takes it upon himself the responsibility to give her 'due benevolence' as I Corinthians 7 says.
I read that a church in Puritan New England expelled a man for not having sex with his wife as a form of church discipline in the colonial era. The church is another possibility of a place to go to for accountability. A marriage counseling session with the pastor could be something to consider.
Is this none at all, or just rare and not enough? You don't have to answer, of course, but these are different situations.
Apparently, there are some men who watch porn and play with themselves who don't sleep with their wives. That's one thing to watch out for. If you have a shared computer, you could search to see what he's been looking at. If he were having sex with you and then stopped, you could try to figure out if he's having an affair. Signs might be working late a lot, hiding to talk on the phone, texts, facebook messages, etc. Or he could have gone into a depression.
It could be a sex drive issue. Some men have low testosterone. He could have that checked out. Also, if he's depressed, that could effect his sex drive. Some men just have lower sex drives than others. I think it can help if someone reminds him that if he married a woman, he takes it upon himself the responsibility to give her 'due benevolence' as I Corinthians 7 says.
I read that a church in Puritan New England expelled a man for not having sex with his wife as a form of church discipline in the colonial era. The church is another possibility of a place to go to for accountability. A marriage counseling session with the pastor could be something to consider.
Have you had a serious conversation with him about your needs and how much is required to meet them, and how it's his job to do that? Or have you not done it? I'd imagine it can be difficult for a woman, and make her feel like she's begging instead of feeling wanted. But if you haven't, I think you need to have the conversation to let him know how important this is to you. If you've done this before, you can do it again, but this time, schedule the event and try to get him to agree to a schedule. Scheduling may sound kind of boring, but it might be able to help jump start him and get him back on track in this area of his life. You could also point out that a lack in this area opens you up to temptation. If it's the case, you can point out that when you are satisfied and he treats you well, you stand around thinking about how much you love him. If not, then there is more temptation.
Have you tried a lot of flirting, hinting, etc?
Have you tried a lot of flirting, hinting, etc?
L
We've had several conversations about it and you're right it seems like I'm always begging for sex. He says he's sorry for not fulfilling his "manly duty". I don't want it to feel like a duty and I don't want to schedule sex but I guess I'll give it a try. I'm willing to try almost anything. I don't want to cheat. I'll divorce before that happens.