K
So curious to know whether anyone has encountered this before in their marriage. After 21 years of marriage and 5 kids, I can count on my two hands the number of times he has even initiated us going out to eat together on a date.
I am not needy as in wanting his undivided attention all day or will cry puddles if he does not give me flowers. I just would like his company a bit each day. He never seemed to want to spend time with me. I thought he was tired from work or busy.
After years of watching him put the needs of others before mine, I finally broke down. My husband would make Saturday morning date times with my kids and never once with me. When he knew how hurt I was, he told me that he always thought of it but never had the time to do it. Yet, he did with the kids (for which I am grateful and yet hurt that I did not matter enough to qualify). He apparently felt our daily routine of life was enough time together. He felt I should have forced him to go on a date instead of feeling hurt. How does one respond to that?
If I can see he does not want to go for a quiet walk alone with me, I will not force him to. I long for his company but he does not long for mine. It has been something I needed to accept. I started going out for walks along the lake by myself just to ease my loneliness. Somehow seeing others out walking helped. The more I did, the more he noticed I was gone and now feels a bit hurt that I am shutting him out. I realized that I was shutting him out in order to protect myself from feeling more hurt when he neglects me.
So, just wanting to know some thoughts on this, if you have ever had the same experience. ( and, no, new to the city and do not know many people, so please do not suggest church groups or girlfriends
I am not needy as in wanting his undivided attention all day or will cry puddles if he does not give me flowers. I just would like his company a bit each day. He never seemed to want to spend time with me. I thought he was tired from work or busy.
After years of watching him put the needs of others before mine, I finally broke down. My husband would make Saturday morning date times with my kids and never once with me. When he knew how hurt I was, he told me that he always thought of it but never had the time to do it. Yet, he did with the kids (for which I am grateful and yet hurt that I did not matter enough to qualify). He apparently felt our daily routine of life was enough time together. He felt I should have forced him to go on a date instead of feeling hurt. How does one respond to that?
If I can see he does not want to go for a quiet walk alone with me, I will not force him to. I long for his company but he does not long for mine. It has been something I needed to accept. I started going out for walks along the lake by myself just to ease my loneliness. Somehow seeing others out walking helped. The more I did, the more he noticed I was gone and now feels a bit hurt that I am shutting him out. I realized that I was shutting him out in order to protect myself from feeling more hurt when he neglects me.
So, just wanting to know some thoughts on this, if you have ever had the same experience. ( and, no, new to the city and do not know many people, so please do not suggest church groups or girlfriends