need help and advice please?

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dustin9211

Guest
#1
#1
I have had trouble a lot lately and it grew a lot worse I used to be so close to God then lately this stuff I've done has driven me away but I still longed for God badly but I just couldn't stop my addiction it became like second nature to me 8( I am married with an Amazing wife who would do anything for me she always uplifts me and is close to God. I feel as if I was bringing her down with all these bad terrible things I've done behind her back. I feel so bad and guilty for it and it depressed me badly. For a long time I've had lust for woman and staring and watching them inappropriate ly . I watched porn and it got worse and worse to where it was consuming me and my free time. I got so bad as to start talking to other woman and going on craigslist and posting ads to sleep with woman and trying to do bad things I have to talked to woman I exchanged pics but I never went as far as to meet up with them and actually do things with them I always felt too guilty and I chickened out my wife always gets these weird feelings that I'm doing stuff but she never can prove it. Here recently I got caught and a girls home I was very attracted to her but I never did anything with her even though I really wanted to I chickened out and then my wife caught me. I know I deserve her lost trust and everything. She forgives me for that but I still have to earn her trust back. I am so scared of losing her and I love her so much. It hit me hard hurting her and realizing what I'm doing and having this wakup call to get right with God I had a huge conversation with him in my prayers and I'm dedicating myself to God and to vow to turn away from all the wicked things I've done. I really don't want to tell my wife all the things I've done and the feelings I've had about those things and I don't want a divorce I am changed. I would feel as my other half was missing if I lost her. Please some advice please
 
Jruiz

Jruiz

Senior Member
#2
Dec 13, 2013
565
5
18
#2
I feel sorry for you. Its immorally wrong to lust after other woman and it's not fair to your wife. How would you feel if she was doing that same exact thing... I do feel there's a lot of men who have a real struggle with lust and need deliverance. Start spending time with God, realy start surrender your life to him. And confide in your wife. You don't need to tell her everything, but tell her you have a problem with lust. Your wife suppose to be your help mate.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
16,300
113
69
Tennessee
#3
dustin9211 said:
I have had trouble a lot lately and it grew a lot worse I used to be so close to God then lately this stuff I've done has driven me away but I still longed for God badly but I just couldn't stop my addiction it became like second nature to me 8( I am married with an Amazing wife who would do anything for me she always uplifts me and is close to God. I feel as if I was bringing her down with all these bad terrible things I've done behind her back. I feel so bad and guilty for it and it depressed me badly. For a long time I've had lust for woman and staring and watching them inappropriate ly . I watched porn and it got worse and worse to where it was consuming me and my free time. I got so bad as to start talking to other woman and going on craigslist and posting ads to sleep with woman and trying to do bad things I have to talked to woman I exchanged pics but I never went as far as to meet up with them and actually do things with them I always felt too guilty and I chickened out my wife always gets these weird feelings that I'm doing stuff but she never can prove it. Here recently I got caught and a girls home I was very attracted to her but I never did anything with her even though I really wanted to I chickened out and then my wife caught me. I know I deserve her lost trust and everything. She forgives me for that but I still have to earn her trust back. I am so scared of losing her and I love her so much. It hit me hard hurting her and realizing what I'm doing and having this wakup call to get right with God I had a huge conversation with him in my prayers and I'm dedicating myself to God and to vow to turn away from all the wicked things I've done. I really don't want to tell my wife all the things I've done and the feelings I've had about those things and I don't want a divorce I am changed. I would feel as my other half was missing if I lost her. Please some advice please
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I strongly advise you to tell you wife everything you have written here. You were right to go to God but now you have to give this to God and pray that your wife has an understanding and compassionate heart. You have greatly wronged your wife and you must be prepared to live with the consequences of your action. I have prayed to the Holy Spirit to pray to our heavenly Father for you to send His Son Jesus so that He can touch your marriage and make it whole again. Really, you must completely stop what you have been doing. I suggest that you talk frequently with someone who is spiritually inclined and who loves the Lord to offer you support because you surely are going to need it.
 
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Rita130

Guest
#4
#4
You need accountability! You need to be accountable to your wife and to anorhwr God fearing man that will be there for you when you are weak. Make a purpose in your heart and actions to attend every service at church. Get a self help book from the Christian book store for you and your wife to do together. You have to know your not alone in this. But your deliverance comes from devotion to God and to get help then allow yourself to be helped.

If you can change your mind you can change your life.
 
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Rita130

Guest
#5
#5
When you tell your wife you may want to do it with a counselor or a pastor you can trust. Your wife is going to need healing too.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#6
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#6
I would be totally honest. the truth sets you free, if we confess our sins it is like a release off our heart and mind.
Tell her it got out of hand and so on. Be honest. It is much better to hear the truth than for her to find out some other way.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#7
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#7
dustin9211 said:
Here recently I got caught and a girls home I was very attracted to her but I never did anything with her even though I really wanted to I chickened out and then my wife caught me. I know I deserve her lost trust and everything. She forgives me for that but I still have to earn her trust back. I am so scared of losing her and I love her so much. It hit me hard hurting her and realizing what I'm doing and having this wakup call to get right with God I had a huge conversation with him in my prayers and I'm dedicating myself to God and to vow to turn away from all the wicked things I've done. I really don't want to tell my wife all the things I've done and the feelings I've had about those things and I don't want a divorce I am changed. I would feel as my other half was missing if I lost her. Please some advice please
Click to expand...

I disagree with those advising you to tell your wife everything, I don't get why anyone would encourage you to hurt her further? You wrote that she forgave you, its enough. There's no sense in forcing her to hear every detail. You also wrote that you have changed, so if you've truly repented from fooling around, you don't need any advice because you've already done the right thing.

The only thing I'd advise, is not to make any vows to God, just ask Him for the strength to change and forgiveness. Its normal to have desires of the flesh, but don't feed those lust with porn, your only leading yourself into temptation. You didn't chicken-out, you had an attack of conscience, and that's good. If you really love your wife and want to keep her, show it with some self-discipline. Like many here, it sounds like you got married too quick?
 
M

MrsClementMelton1122

Guest
#8
#8
Honesty is the best policy. Lying to your wife isn't going to make things easier only worst. Your wife has a right to know, or confirmation from you that her feelings are accurate. No one is perfect and the first step is to be honest with yourself. Seeking professional help from a local ministry or sex counselor would be the second step. God loves you and he knows our mistakes but we have to surrender it all to him. Cast your cares upon the lord and lean not on your own understanding. You should get rid of your computer and any electronics that would promote bad behavior. Be honest with your wife and see if she's willing to sit in on some sessions. Maybe you could try something new in the bedroom with her. I will keep you in my prayers. I know this will not be easy but be consistent and get a person who you can call whenever its difficult.
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#9
#9
Women can always feel that something is going on even if the husband denies anything they bring up to him.

You need to come clean with her, admit your part. You need to be accountable to her. And then get help. In your heart you are cheating on her and that is exactly how she will feel. But if you care you need to own up to it and do what is necessary to go in the right direction.
 
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