joy...? whatever

[momo5]

So where does one find joy? Oh, I know the biblical answers and I know all the right words to say if a friend of mine were to ask. But what do I do about the day to day? I have 5 kids ranging in age from 17 to 4. I stay at home and I know that is a blessing, but sometimes it feels like a prison. At times I struggle to find joy in my day. My husband gets angry that I sometimes seem so 'unhappy'. Sometimes I just want to run away. Cry. I am on anti-anxiety medication, but I don't take it because it makes me too sleepy. I would rather have a glass of wine. I am tempted to take a sleeping pill every night just to have a deep sleep...to escape. I love my family, but sometimes I hate it here. The rage builds up. I pray, I am in my word. And again, I 'know' it all in my head, but my heart is struggling to live it. As disgusting as it sounds, i sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didnt have all these other people needing me. If I could just be me...just me. The truth is, the real me isn't pretty. And the me without my family would be a me without my God and that is downright ugly...but is still sometimes appealing to me. just not sure I care anymore.

 

[greatkraw]

you only sposed to work 6 days a week

negotiate one day a week for you

 

[nanabean]

Hi momo5......I am a mom of 2 and they are older yet than any of yours (they are 22 and 23 yrs old, both girls) I obviously never had as much on my plate as you do at this moment --4 to 17?? quite an age range! God Bless you!!-- in terms of how many and in such different ways, but I do know how it can feel as if there is not enough of you to go around. It may sound like a "pat" answer, but true Joy is truly found when you put things into perspective....take the letters in JOY and put them in order.....

J=Jesus
O=Others and
Y=Yourself

I think in your case, what's "missing" is the YOUrself...you need to be sure not to ignore the sanity and serenity it brings us to take time for ourselves... think about what you enjoy (or used to enjoy before life got too hectic to enjoy it!) or what relaxes you. Greatkraw has the right idea, however it may not be realistic of a mom of 5 to be able to get a full day every week all to herself. Just make sure you get a soak in the tub, or an hour of reading, or a nice walk around the block, or at a park......anything that affords you a bit of time to call your own. It's not selfish, to expect a few moments or even an hour or two to yourself, indeed it will help you be better equipped to face the day for your family. I don't know if anything I said will help....but I will keep you in my prayers as well.

 

[Kakashi]

Let's clear something up, joy does not equal happiness. Not always anyway. Joy is the underlying attitude of being aware that we are saved because of Christ. That is why we "rejoice" despite our afflictions. it took me awhile to realize that just because we don't feel liek the bees knees does not mean that we can;t rejoice in God.

Paul told Christian to rejoice despite actually being locked in a prison, rather than just feeling liek he was in one! I'm sure he felt like crap, and I'm sorry that you've got so much going on. we can know things in our head, but joy comes form knowing that where we are now, it could be so much worse off without God. Then we have to embrace that fact and rejoice!. The lack of evidence of that horribleness that could have been should not eclipse all that God has done for us on life that has changed us to who we are now.

Everyone had great suggestions. I suggest you take them. Hope that helps

 

[silverwind]

No one can tell you how to be joyful. I think that is something each person has to find for themselves. We cannot force ourselves to be 'joyful'. The verse 'count it all joy when you are faced with many trials' (James1) is a type of contentment IN your situation or trial. God desires us to be thankful IN every situation, no matter what the circumstances. I had to learn to be thankful and content in my own situation (having a child with special needs) since I couldn't run from it, I chose to embrace it and accept it. It hasn't always been easy, but the choice is mine whether I want to be joyful in my trial.
I think you need some time out with friends, away from home, to relate to someone who can understand you and take time away from the kids at least once in a while so that you can 'fill up' in order to give again. When you feel empty and drained, you have very little left to give. I hope you have such friends locally who can help encourage you.

 

[pickles]

Hi momo5, I am so sorry I did not see you earlyer. I am a mom of 5 also. Mine were born within a span of seven years.
I could give more detail but I can see you already know the facts of it all.
Mine are basically grown now but I think I can quallify in understanding it all.
smiles and hugs to you.
One thing I finally came to realize is that I felt the way I did because I was doing too much for my family. Also like greatkraw said, you need time off for yourself.
With faith comes understanding and wisdom. Part of wisdom is knowing what you need also.
Now your family can be great, wonderful and try to help but rarely do they really get that all of their needs still is ultimatlly your Job.
People can say otherwise but if you are a mom , you cannot rest untill you have taken care of all their needs.
I used to hide in the bathroom , but that only worked once they were older and then they just yelled through the door.
You can try to ask hubby for help but sometimes that just means more work later.
I finally came to where I learned to do something for myself each day. I know that there will be times that you will have to pass on yourself because of emergencies. But it is important that some one pampers you each day. Wether kids, hubby or you. For a long time I would give myself my time after all went to bed. I still do most of the time. But pampering yourself is very important.
In fact as my kids and hubby grew older they realized that they could pamper me too.
There will always be the voices calling for mom this and that, and most of the time you will feel like they are sucking the blood out of you. But this will pass and you will find yourself wishing for a little of it back.
When it was at it worst I just praised God or repeated to myself God bless them, God bless them, God bless them.
Also how your feeling is just how many moms feel at times. I remember feeling like I lost myself somewhere along the way, or praying God would send an angel to take over so I could get a moments rest and peace.
I know that you wonder if it will ever get better, yes it does. But when it does it happens so fast you will wonder where it all went.
So take time to pamper yourself, learn to laugh at the caos. Because it will soon be tomorrow and they will be grown.
By the way, the great joy comes once they are gone and you realize just how great all of it really was. Although you will not want to do it over again. smiles.
If you ever need to vent or just could use some serious prayer to survive, just pm me. It would give me joy to help you through.
You are in my prayers, hugs and God bless, pickles

 

[greatkraw]

i have experienced joy while i have been on life support and in considerable discomfort

i also experienced joy when the ventilator started working agin

 

[silverwind]

yikes greatkraw... can't imagine being in that situation, but thumbs up to you for the great and joyful attitude... like your humour.

 

[loveschild]

You might think of the word joy as calm. Being a mom and a housewife is one the most important jobs in the world. And your doing it. Give yourself credit. You have to talk to your husband about you need some you time. Some speacial time that is just for you to relax and have some fun. If it's just getting to lay in the bath tub without everyone knocking on the door. Or getting your nails done. Something you enjoy. You must have some you time.

 

[Wootie]

I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you outta start needing from your kids and husband. Give them a little dose of the 'I Need'. Just be careful not to do it in a mean way........ Just let them know you can't do everything!!! That you need help too. And stop trying to do everything!!! Your killing yourself.

 

[asamanthinketh]

it sounds like you caught up in the day to day realities of life
missing the temporary feeling of unhappiness doesn't always mean that you are unhappy
and your husband should be a little more understanding of what you day is like

So where does one find joy? Oh, I know the biblical answers and I know all the right words to say if a friend of mine were to ask. But what do I do about the day to day? I have 5 kids ranging in age from 17 to 4. I stay at home and I know that is a blessing, but sometimes it feels like a prison. At times I struggle to find joy in my day. My husband gets angry that I sometimes seem so 'unhappy'. Sometimes I just want to run away. Cry. I am on anti-anxiety medication, but I don't take it because it makes me too sleepy. I would rather have a glass of wine. I am tempted to take a sleeping pill every night just to have a deep sleep...to escape. I love my family, but sometimes I hate it here. The rage builds up. I pray, I am in my word. And again, I 'know' it all in my head, but my heart is struggling to live it. As disgusting as it sounds, i sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I didnt have all these other people needing me. If I could just be me...just me. The truth is, the real me isn't pretty. And the me without my family would be a me without my God and that is downright ugly...but is still sometimes appealing to me. just not sure I care anymore.

 

[sunshine_debbie]

First of all, take the anti-anxiety medication, your dr. prescribed it for a reason. If you need a nap, I see no reason why an older child can not care of a younger child for a one hour nap. You sound depressed, and since I can smell depression a mile away (i should know I have been depressed enough times), I would suggest that you try to see a doctor or a counselor, even a Christian minister might help. No mother of five children can do everything by herself. I have five children as well, ages 20,17, 17, 15, & 13 and I am greatful and thankful enough to have the support of a wonderful husband who does more then his share. I could not even imagine trying to do it on my own or with a husband who yells at me to be happier. How about asking him to stay home with the children for a three day weekend so you can go to a Christian Womens Retreat, and when you get home, see how happy and joyous HE is.

As far as being joyful, well, I dont know much about that. There is happy and there is joyful. I think joyful is more for the Lord. Happy is more for how we feel on earth. I can sing joyful songs to God and still be unhappy here on earth. Does that make sense. So worry more about you, and less about joy. God knows your heart. He loves you no matter how sad you are.

Debbie

 

[heart4him]

i suggest you go to a third world country and see how much other people's lives suck and then maybe you'll learn to appreciate yours.

i dont mean this in a nasty way- thats what i needed. i was the worst. i needed to see.. first hand.. how RIDICULOUSLY lucky i am. you can read about it and watch the news but it doesn't even compare to meeting the people who live that way.

 

[Matthew]

If you have been prescribed anti-anxiety medication then that clearly indicates things have gotten to a point where you need a break from what it is that is causing it, my feeling is that medication may help you survive that envirmonment but it won't help you recover in the long term.

My parents had 5 kids but planned on a few less than that, life had other plans for them and I can remember when they were at the limit of their endurance just surviving each day, between the demands us kids put on our Mum coupled with money, housework and the fact that Dad was out working, she struggled just like you are, she found her joy in the family despite the struggle as a large family had always been her dream.

My point is you say your husband gets frustrated by the way you feel, it's him you need to rely on and while I know it can be close to impossible to have free time in your sitaution maybe getting away would do you a world of good, sometimes getting perspective is enough to change how we feel over the long term, and a good 100% relaxing vacation might be able to help.

I would further suggest you seek out a support group, which would be preferable to a counsellor or therapist, my mother got through so much of the tough times rasing us by speaking to friends/acquaintances who had a demanding home life and that friendhsip and support made the difference, I know that first hand because her sister had a similar situation and rather than seek to deal with it she smoked/drank a lot and physically abused her kids, it can be VERY dangerous not to deal pro-actively with your feelings when you start to feel overwhelmed.

I know it likely feels like you're in this life with no way out but as you say, your truly blessed to have such a family so do whatever you need to do to get back to a point where you can embrace it and not feel burdened by it, I would suggest that taking mediation on/off and drinking red wine to feel better will not any help in the long term.

 

[SeekinHIM]

Dear Precious Mom,

PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY, SLOWLY, AND THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY THE ENEMY TRIED TO ERASE THIS, AFTER I ORIGINALLY WROTE IT!!! I HAD THIS ENTIRE RESPONSE WRITTEN AND WHEN I TRIED TO HIT SEND.............MY INTERNET CONNECTION FAILED! IT GOT ERASED!

What I am going to suggest to you may sound a little strange at first, but once you take a closer look into the details, it will all make perfect sense!

We ARE NOT DESIGNED TO LIVE LIFE..............AS SON'S AND DAUGHTER'S OF GOD WE ARE NOW, SIMPLY HIS VESSELS ON EARTH, THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TAUGHT TO SURRENDER TO HIM, AND LET HIM LIVE THROUGH US, HERE ON EARTH...............

This may sound a little different from what you may already know, but it is TOTALLY SCRIPTURAL...............The reason why you have been struggling so much, and under so much strain, so drained of energy, and all the rest, that you are going through, is BECAUSE JESUS WANTS YOU TO TOTALLY SURRENDER TO HIM.................Please check out this most awesome website www.lifetime.org Their lead book will teach you what I am talking about here...........

I will give you some POWERFUL SCRIPTURAL REFERENCES that will begin to show you what I am talking about.......This is for ALL MANKIND, EVERY CHRISTIAN ON THE PLANET..................This is the TRUE message to Humanity from The FATHER to us, WHICH JESUS CLEARLY PORTRAYED WHEN HE WALKED THE EARTH......He said a lot of things like this: I came not to do my will BUT THE WILL OF THE FATHER..............Please remember these most important Scriptures.

If you try to find YOUR LIFE, you will lose it.........If you LOSE YOUR LIFE for My sake, THEN you will find it.................Matthew 16:25

I HAVE BEEN crucified with CHRIST, AND I NO LONGER LIVE....................Galatians 2:20

I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me......................Philippians 4:13

Without Me YOU CAN DO NOTHING.................................John 15:5

You were bought with a price, YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN.................1 Corinthians 6:20

For YOU HAVE DIED, AND YOUR LIFE IS HIDDEN IN CHRIST WITH GOD...................Colossians 3:1 (AND HERE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES........)

YOU WERE RAISED UP AND SEATED IN HEAVENLY PLACES...................Ephesians 2:6 Just think about this one right here............What the LORD is saying is this...........I raised you into heavenly places (do you notice this is PAST TENSE.....meaning it already happened.......)

The reason: JESUS CHRIST WANTS TO LIVE THROUGH HIS BLOOD BOUGHT, SON'S AND DAUGHTERS HERE ON EARTH WHILE THEY ENJOY BEING SEATED IN HEAVENLY PLACES.................This is a deep, Spiritual TRUTH and reality, that the Body of CHRIST has missed to a great extent. The reason why LIFE seems to be such a struggle is because YOU were never intended to live it here for yourself.

This is why we needed to be BORN AGAIN.................Adam and Eve caused SPIRITUAL DEATH to permeate the entire human race and it wasn't until JESUS came to Earth and took THE PENALTY OF DEATH AWAY THROUGH HIS OWN DEATH, did that change. There is a lot more to this teaching and I encourage you to go to the website listed above.............

I will be praying for you and your family,

REJOICE, YOUR LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER HAS HEARD THE CRY OF YOUR HEART AND IS RESPONDING, BY SHOWING YOU WHY YOU ARE STRUGGLING AND HOW TO JUST SURRENDER ...............AND LET CHRIST DO IT ALL THROUGH YOU WHILE YOU REST IN YOUR HEAVENLY, SEATED PLACE.

SeekinHIM