Rejection

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Stace87

Guest
#1
#1
Hi all, just need some guidance and maybe a little reassurance that all will be well with God in the midst. It's been really tough on me lately.... I have come to the realization that my husband may have never loved me and maybe in love with another someone we both know. We have been married for 6 years but recently separated. He claims he loves me but his actions hardly ever prove these statements of love true. I feel rejected in that he doesn't see me as worthy of his love. I feel this way because he constantly lie about very important things, there has been verbal and physical abuse with no sincere apologies, he has accounts on several dating sites.... It's all too much for me to deal with and it's why we are separated today. He doesn't profess his marriage to me rather he lives life as he is single. When I confronted him about the online accounts he shows no remorse and instead get angry at me for asking about it. He has developed a very unhealthy relationship with my sister ( the one whom he maybe in love with). He's been very sneaky when it came to her, he gave her a gift without my known, calls her at inappropriate times and share some private things with her concerning our life. I have confronted them both and they both deny any thing other than friendly relations. I have prayed and I am praying that God reveals the truth in all of this and that he take control and lead me to do the right thing. It has been hard.....
 
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Stace87

Guest
#2
#2
Sorry forgot to add that on occasions he tells me that I deserve so much better than him and that I am a wonderful person..... I don't know how to recieve and I don't know if he is trying to say something more than what he is conveying..... Help!!!!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,299
16,294
113
69
Tennessee
#3
Stace87 said:
Hi all, just need some guidance and maybe a little reassurance that all will be well with God in the midst. It's been really tough on me lately.... I have come to the realization that my husband may have never loved me and maybe in love with another someone we both know. We have been married for 6 years but recently separated. He claims he loves me but his actions hardly ever prove these statements of love true. I feel rejected in that he doesn't see me as worthy of his love. I feel this way because he constantly lie about very important things, there has been verbal and physical abuse with no sincere apologies, he has accounts on several dating sites.... It's all too much for me to deal with and it's why we are separated today. He doesn't profess his marriage to me rather he lives life as he is single. When I confronted him about the online accounts he shows no remorse and instead get angry at me for asking about it. He has developed a very unhealthy relationship with my sister ( the one whom he maybe in love with). He's been very sneaky when it came to her, he gave her a gift without my known, calls her at inappropriate times and share some private things with her concerning our life. I have confronted them both and they both deny any thing other than friendly relations. I have prayed and I am praying that God reveals the truth in all of this and that he take control and lead me to do the right thing. It has been hard.....
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Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. Without love there is no reason to look back. Cut the weakest link of the chain that binds you and start moving forward with your life.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
This is a pretty easy answer. And deep down inside you know the answer, or you wouldn't even be asking to begin with. You're letting your emotions get in the way of seeing whats in front of you. Your husband is a bad person. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, being on dating sites. And this behavior with your sister. He's an abuser and a cheater.
Many men who abuse also cheat. So no surprise there. But also most abusive men don't want their marriage to end. Because they have a punching bag at home that will tolerate their abusive and cheating behavior. So as long as you stay with him all you're doing is letting your life go by so that you can be used by someone else.
 
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Stace87

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you....
 
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Stace87

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you. Although divorce was something I didn't want, I believe it is best under these circumstances.
 
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Stace87

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you. I agree trust is the foundation of any relationship especially in marriage. It was something that my marriage lack over the years. I know God wants the best for his children and this marriage is everything but great.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#8
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#8
Stace87,

I see a lot of red flags in what you have written. But I would urge you not to get a divorce based on the advice of a couple of people on a forum who do not know the whole story. A lot of your story was a bit vague. It's suppose it's possible that your husband isn't having an inappropriate relationship with your sister. It does sound fishy, but that's not grounds for divorce.

Is there a Christian counselor in your area you and your husband could go to who could hear you in more detail and also hear your husband's side of the story?
 
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Stace87

Guest
#9
#9
I have tried counseling and I have asked my husband to come with me but he refused every time stating he doesn't need anyone's help. Yes my story is vague as it would be too much to post here. I have evidence of his unfaithfulness on many occasions. He refuses to work with me on reconciling our marriage and is unrepentant of his actions. My husband is an unbeliever and I don't know where he stands with God but from what I have seen he could careless. It's draining going through life with a man who doesn't love me and acts as if he's single.

I understand your concern when it comes to divorce, as I said I didn't want it but should I stay with a man who doesn't want God and a man who feels trapped by marriage?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
presidente said:
Stace87,

I see a lot of red flags in what you have written. But I would urge you not to get a divorce based on the advice of a couple of people on a forum who do not know the whole story. A lot of your story was a bit vague. It's suppose it's possible that your husband isn't having an inappropriate relationship with your sister. It does sound fishy, but that's not grounds for divorce.

Is there a Christian counselor in your area you and your husband could go to who could hear you in more detail and also hear your husband's side of the story?
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'Physical abuse' isn't too vague.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#11
#11
Let him go. It was never a marriage to begin with and you realize that. There is a lot of healing to overcome when you are rejected like that but a wonderful time for you to build on your relationship with Christ and discover who you are in His eyes.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#12
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#12
Stace87 said:
Hi all, just need some guidance and maybe a little reassurance that all will be well with God in the midst. It's been really tough on me lately.... I have come to the realization that my husband may have never loved me and maybe in love with another someone we both know. We have been married for 6 years but recently separated. He claims he loves me but his actions hardly ever prove these statements of love true. I feel rejected in that he doesn't see me as worthy of his love. I feel this way because he constantly lie about very important things, there has been verbal and physical abuse with no sincere apologies, he has accounts on several dating sites.... It's all too much for me to deal with and it's why we are separated today. He doesn't profess his marriage to me rather he lives life as he is single. When I confronted him about the online accounts he shows no remorse and instead get angry at me for asking about it. He has developed a very unhealthy relationship with my sister ( the one whom he maybe in love with). He's been very sneaky when it came to her, he gave her a gift without my known, calls her at inappropriate times and share some private things with her concerning our life. I have confronted them both and they both deny any thing other than friendly relations. I have prayed and I am praying that God reveals the truth in all of this and that he take control and lead me to do the right thing. It has been hard.....
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Stace, what you have described here should be a bunch of red flags in your face screaming, "warning, danger"! If he has accounts on multiple dating sites, is MAYBE having relations with your sister, then that is an obvious sign that he no longer cares about you and has moved on to lustful things with other women. It's disgusting that he may be with your sister, and since he's married to you, he should not even go there. And since he's married, he has NO REASON whatsoever to be on dating sites. Adultery is the ONLY allowance God makes for divorce, so dont fool yourself into thinking he will stop doing all of this. Divorce the bum and move on. This relationship is toxic for you and your kids (if you have kids).

I agree with Ugly's response. You are letting yourself be used by this guy. Your husband is right about one thing: you DO deserve someone alot better than him!! He is not going to stop physically abusing you until YOU make the decision to stop being his punching bag.

Has he ever met anyone in person from any of the dating sites he is on? Do you know what he does and who he's with when he's not with you? It would be wise of you to take precautions just in case. If/when the two of you make love, be sure he uses a condom every time. You certainly dont want to get any STD's from him.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#13
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#13
blue_ladybug said:
Stace, what you have described here should be a bunch of red flags in your face screaming, "warning, danger"! If he has accounts on multiple dating sites, is MAYBE having relations with your sister, then that is an obvious sign that he no longer cares about you and has moved on to lustful things with other women. It's disgusting that he may be with your sister, and since he's married to you, he should not even go there. And since he's married, he has NO REASON whatsoever to be on dating sites. Adultery is the ONLY allowance God makes for divorce, so dont fool yourself into thinking he will stop doing all of this. Divorce the bum and move on. This relationship is toxic for you and your kids (if you have kids).

I agree with Ugly's response. You are letting yourself be used by this guy. Your husband is right about one thing: you DO deserve someone alot better than him!! He is not going to stop physically abusing you until YOU make the decision to stop being his punching bag.

Has he ever met anyone in person from any of the dating sites he is on? Do you know what he does and who he's with when he's not with you? It would be wise of you to take precautions just in case. If/when the two of you make love, be sure he uses a condom every time. You certainly dont want to get any STD's from him.
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Oh! I´m scared (for what I heard)

:p
 
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Sirk

Guest
#14
#14
Violence cycle looks like Tension building...acute battering stage......respite calming stage and then repeats. If this is happening to you it's a tough cycle to get out of without professional help. Additionally there are three types of abuse....Physical, sexual and emotional/spiritual.
 
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