Porn, is not worth it.

[Sethbenrose]

I was raised in a home where pornography was as common as Saturday morning cartoons and after I got married, I mentally couldn't fathom how that could hurt a marriage, or even be an addiction. To me it was what psychologist call a "norm", part of everyday life.
There are times even now after excepting Christ, that using the word addiction and porn in the same sentence, seems weird. Regardless of how it seems, I know firsthand the damage it does to a marriage, I tried to hide it from my wife for years, she would find evidence that I was looking, and I would lie about it. It was an endless circle.
By the time reality set in and I realize what was more important to me, The damage had already been done, I hadn't excepted Christ at that time, and trying to prove to my wife that I was no longer addicted, and that she was all I wanted, wasn't possible, there is no trust and there is barely any love left in her for me.
I hurt her so badly, and made her feel so down on herself, that I believed if she was having an affair it's what I deserved. Thankfully however she wasn't, she's premenopausal, and sex is the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

When Christ entered my life He changed everything inside me, He has open my heart so wide, that the love I have for her is a kind of love I have never felt before. He released me of the burdens and guilt I carried, because of my past and is showing me how a husband should treat his wife.


The problem is though, I pushed her so far away, and made her so emotionally numb, that she doesn't know if she can love me the way a wife should, she's afraid to open her heart to me again. it's hard for me sometimes because I know in my heart, God has forgiven me for my past, but when I try to do the simplest loving things for her and she shows little to no interest, I am reminded that it's my own fault. Then the guilt starts creeping up on me.

The old saying "what comes around goes around" is basically the story of my marriage life, because my actions with the addiction to porn, made my wife feel unwanted by me, broke her heart, and left her feeling lonely. And now since I've done that i'm going through exact same thing, I feel unwanted, lonely, and unloved by her.


But I will not lose faith or give up on my marriage, I may not have had Christ in my life when we first got married, but I do now, and those vows I made, we're not only to my wife, but also to God. I will not dishonor Him by ending my marriage. Together perhaps Him and I will bring her back on the path.


I just have to put it in his hands, and trust Him.(easier said than done sometimes)

 

[JimJimmers]

God bless you. I'll pray for you and your wife.

Is your wife a Christian at this time?

 

[iwant2serve]

From what I know and have experienced, the person not involved looks at the one involved as if they don't want them, which is not the case at all. They don't understand that the lies of not watching is not about them at all or how you feel about them. More times then not I have witnessed and been throught the trying to explain this with little to no understanding. I do understand your position and know that God can make things right. I woul dsay stop trying to prove anything to her and just live the way God wants you to. Only he can change a persons heart. Any time you want to talk feel free to e-mail me.

 

[sassylady]

My ex husband was looking at something online, probably porn as well as some popular young singers he thought were pretty. I felt like a worthless, undesirable woman, a bit overweight from having kids, and could in no way compete with what he was looking at. And I felt like I had been cheated on. So many men think so what, I'm not touching anybody else, so what are you upset about?

He eventually molested our daughters; who knows if what he was looking at had anything at all to do with it.

Praise God for what He is doing in your life. Fathers need to be teaching their sons about the dangers of stuff like that.

God can do a miracle, but I know when a woman feels scorned like that, it is a very deep hurt and trust issue.

 

[Abster]

I was raised in a home where pornography was as common as Saturday morning cartoons and after I got married, I mentally couldn't fathom how that could hurt a marriage, or even be an addiction. To me it was what psychologist call a "norm", part of everyday life.
There are times even now after excepting Christ, that using the word addiction and porn in the same sentence, seems weird. Regardless of how it seems, I know firsthand the damage it does to a marriage, I tried to hide it from my wife for years, she would find evidence that I was looking, and I would lie about it. It was an endless circle.
By the time reality set in and I realize what was more important to me, The damage had already been done, I hadn't excepted Christ at that time, and trying to prove to my wife that I was no longer addicted, and that she was all I wanted, wasn't possible, there is no trust and there is barely any love left in her for me.
I hurt her so badly, and made her feel so down on herself, that I believed if she was having an affair it's what I deserved. Thankfully however she wasn't, she's premenopausal, and sex is the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

When Christ entered my life He changed everything inside me, He has open my heart so wide, that the love I have for her is a kind of love I have never felt before. He released me of the burdens and guilt I carried, because of my past and is showing me how a husband should treat his wife.


The problem is though, I pushed her so far away, and made her so emotionally numb, that she doesn't know if she can love me the way a wife should, she's afraid to open her heart to me again. it's hard for me sometimes because I know in my heart, God has forgiven me for my past, but when I try to do the simplest loving things for her and she shows little to no interest, I am reminded that it's my own fault. Then the guilt starts creeping up on me.

The old saying "what comes around goes around" is basically the story of my marriage life, because my actions with the addiction to porn, made my wife feel unwanted by me, broke her heart, and left her feeling lonely. And now since I've done that i'm going through exact same thing, I feel unwanted, lonely, and unloved by her.


But I will not lose faith or give up on my marriage, I may not have had Christ in my life when we first got married, but I do now, and those vows I made, we're not only to my wife, but also to God. I will not dishonor Him by ending my marriage. Together perhaps Him and I will bring her back on the path.


I just have to put it in his hands, and trust Him.(easier said than done sometimes)

Thank you for the courage to share this story. I pray that the two of you draw closer to God together. My pastor once drew a picture of a triangle. he put God at the top of it and put the husband and wife at the base at each point on the left and right. As he explained it, the closer a husband and wife draw to God (being at the top point) the closer they come together (making the angle less obtuse). Does that make sense? If the two of you can seek God in healing, you can come closer. Don't lose faith. You will have a testimony for others. You won't have sorrow telling your story, but joy! Give him praise now, and go through the storm in faith. I also recommend reading the 5 love languages. Great book!

 

[Sethbenrose]

From what I know and have experienced, the person not involved looks at the one involved as if they don't want them, which is not the case at all. They don't understand that the lies of not watching is not about them at all or how you feel about them. More times then not I have witnessed and been throught the trying to explain this with little to no understanding. I do understand your position and know that God can make things right. I woul dsay stop trying to prove anything to her and just live the way God wants you to. Only he can change a persons heart. Any time you want to talk feel free to e-mail me.

I have stopped trying to prove things to her, it's funny because I find that when I do it makes things worse, like He is saying "let me handle it". He is good and I trust him I have faith that if anything he will help forgive, heal her heart and that's all I am really hoping for. Her loving me again would be a great gift but all in good time.

 

[Sethbenrose]

God bless you. I'll pray for you and your wife.

Is your wife a Christian at this time?

Yes, as, she is a Christian, however her, she has not yet aloud Christ to heal the damage caused by the loss of our babies.

 

[Sethbenrose]

My ex husband was looking at something online, probably porn as well as some popular young singers he thought were pretty. I felt like a worthless, undesirable woman, a bit overweight from having kids, and could in no way compete with what he was looking at. And I felt like I had been cheated on. So many men think so what, I'm not touching anybody else, so what are you upset about?

He eventually molested our daughters; who knows if what he was looking at had anything at all to do with it.

Praise God for what He is doing in your life. Fathers need to be teaching their sons about the dangers of stuff like that.

God can do a miracle, but I know when a woman feels scorned like that, it is a very deep hurt and trust issue.

In a way he was cheating, if a man lusts over a women in his mind he has committed adultery in his heart.
the way you discibe how it feels from the women's point of view, is exactly how she tells me it made her feel, and it's kinda why I wanted to start this thread, sometimes knowing what the other person is going to feel could put a stop to anyone who may be struggling with this.

 

[Lynn68]

Thank you for posting your testimony. I'm going through your wife's feelings right now, and its very refreshing to hear honesty from you . My husband had an affair two years ago, and has been looking at porn. I only found out about it because a magazine fell out of a box that tippedover. He tried saying that it isn't a big deal, but it's like a scab got tore off of my heart....I am currently considering moving out, because he's not doing anything differently.He lies to my face when I know he is lying, so any trust I had gotten back is gone again....

 

[Abster]

Thank you for posting your testimony. I'm going through your wife's feelings right now, and its very refreshing to hear honesty from you . My husband had an affair two years ago, and has been looking at porn. I only found out about it because a magazine fell out of a box that tippedover. He tried saying that it isn't a big deal, but it's like a scab got tore off of my heart....I am currently considering moving out, because he's not doing anything differently.He lies to my face when I know he is lying, so any trust I had gotten back is gone again....

Been there... I'm so very sorry. I pray it gets better...whatever better means is up to God. Pray on it.

 

[Sethbenrose]

Thank you for posting your testimony. I'm going through your wife's feelings right now, and its very refreshing to hear honesty from you . My husband had an affair two years ago, and has been looking at porn. I only found out about it because a magazine fell out of a box that tippedover. He tried saying that it isn't a big deal, but it's like a scab got tore off of my heart....I am currently considering moving out, because he's not doing anything differently.He lies to my face when I know he is lying, so any trust I had gotten back is gone again....

I truely am sorry you have to deal with that. As hard as it may seem, don't start looking down on yourself, because a women that will forgive her husband for having an affair, has beauty where it matters most, on the inside, you will receive blessings for that alone.
I suggest changing things up, meaning the things you do for him that he has gotten used to you doing, stop doing them little by little, he will notice. Here's why, with me I found a certain "comfort zone" in it, and when my wife stopped doing let's say, my laundry or something else little like that it took that "comfort zone" away, and the more she stopped doing the harder it was to get in that zone it made me vulnerable. That was one of the first things that made me realize I might lose her. I hope that makes scents.
stay strong and confident with yourself, and keep faith in God.

 

[mailmandan]

A poll conducted by "one of the world's most visited Christian website" indicates a surprising number of Christians are addicted to pornography.

"The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.

The group defines "addicted" as applied to pornography as use on an ongoing basis.

"We are seeing an escalation to the problem in both men and women who regularly attend church," said Bill Cooper, President of ChristiaNet.com.

"No one is immunized against the vice-grip clutches of sexual addictive behaviors," reads a release issued by the site. "The people who struggle with the repeated pursuit of sexual gratification include church members, deacons, staff, and yes, even clergy."

How many Christians (especially) men can honestly say, "whenever I am tempted to lust, I NEVER give in." I have 100% conquered that sin. No problem?

If David, who was “a man after God’s own heart,” and many other strong men and women of faith yielded to sexual temptation, it could happen to any of us.

Pornography may be the new addiction of this new century. Researchers are finding that when people indulge inporn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body. Mark Kastleman, author of The Drug of the New Millennium, said, "There are a growing number of therapists and psychologists who are saying that this is as addictive as cocaine," or alcohol, or even heroin. He explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal. And so we have things like adrenaline, epinephrine, ACTH."

 

[Sethbenrose]

A poll conducted by "one of the world's most visited Christian website" indicates a surprising number of Christians are addicted to pornography.

"The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.

The group defines "addicted" as applied to pornography as use on an ongoing basis.

"We are seeing an escalation to the problem in both men and women who regularly attend church," said Bill Cooper, President of ChristiaNet.com.

"No one is immunized against the vice-grip clutches of sexual addictive behaviors," reads a release issued by the site. "The people who struggle with the repeated pursuit of sexual gratification include church members, deacons, staff, and yes, even clergy."

How many Christians (especially) men can honestly say, "whenever I am tempted to lust, I NEVER give in." I have 100% conquered that sin. No problem?

If David, who was “a man after God’s own heart,” and many other strong men and women of faith yielded to sexual temptation, it could happen to any of us.

Pornography may be the new addiction of this new century. Researchers are finding that when people indulge inporn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body. Mark Kastleman, author of The Drug of the New Millennium, said, "There are a growing number of therapists and psychologists who are saying that this is as addictive as cocaine," or alcohol, or even heroin. He explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal. And so we have things like adrenaline, epinephrine, ACTH."

This information is awesome, because as someone who had the addiction seeking help from anyone other than Jesus, is impossible. People look at you like you an idiot as if it's not possible to have such an addiction. Don't get me wrong people who are addicted to porn need no sympathy, or need special treatment. I'm just saying......

On another note, women addicted to porn? For real? Women? That is hard for me to compute. Wow.........

 

[Abster]

I dont think sin escapes anyone. so sad...but so true.

 

[Lynn68]

Hi everyone, I have been doing some praying about my situation, and I've gotten an answer(God is so good) The sinner part of me wants to control the situation, by constantly checking the phone bill, his facebook account, etc. so I can find something and confront him about it. You know what that's been doing? Driving me nuts!! When I am like that, the Holy Spirit can't do anything with me. Yesterday I was praying, and what came to me was "You are trying to force your will". When I heard that, it stung a little bit. God disciplines those He loves, and I can always rely on getting the truth from God. Praise God!! I conceded that God was right What I need to do here is pray, trust and pray. My husband was close to going to church once, he can get there again, if I let God do the work, and I stay out of it. All I do is mess it up. What I need to focus on is trusting(in God), praying, and loving(my husband). Anything different than that is not from God. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Yesterday, before I had those words come to me, I had all these thoughts coming at me, and I was in turmoil because of it. Then I remembered something my pastors wife said. "Satan is a liar". So when I had those thoughts coming at me, I remembered that, and said to myself "Satan is a liar". And lo and behold, those thoughts left!! God is so good, and wants the best for us......and He can do mighty works if we let Him. Today, I am trusting and relying on God, instead of trying to force my way into the situation.....and I feel peace. So trust in God, pray, and share the gospel. That's what I am to do.

 

[Sethbenrose]

Hi everyone, I have been doing some praying about my situation, and I've gotten an answer(God is so good) The sinner part of me wants to control the situation, by constantly checking the phone bill, his facebook account, etc. so I can find something and confront him about it. You know what that's been doing? Driving me nuts!! When I am like that, the Holy Spirit can't do anything with me. Yesterday I was praying, and what came to me was "You are trying to force your will". When I heard that, it stung a little bit. God disciplines those He loves, and I can always rely on getting the truth from God. Praise God!! I conceded that God was right What I need to do here is pray, trust and pray. My husband was close to going to church once, he can get there again, if I let God do the work, and I stay out of it. All I do is mess it up. What I need to focus on is trusting(in God), praying, and loving(my husband). Anything different than that is not from God. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Yesterday, before I had those words come to me, I had all these thoughts coming at me, and I was in turmoil because of it. Then I remembered something my pastors wife said. "Satan is a liar". So when I had those thoughts coming at me, I remembered that, and said to myself "Satan is a liar". And lo and behold, those thoughts left!! God is so good, and wants the best for us......and He can do mighty works if we let Him. Today, I am trusting and relying on God, instead of trying to force my way into the situation.....and I feel peace. So trust in God, pray, and share the gospel. That's what I am to do.

praise The Lord, it's amazing what prayer and faith can do.

 

[strugglingfather]

I have been there and it almost destroyed my marriage. The only thing that saved it was God. He asked her that she could forgive me. The trust took longer to rebuild. But it was rebuilt. And God has given us a great marriage

 

[OzDavo34]

God bless you brother

 

[prodigious1one]

I feel for you, man. I've been struggling with my addiction to pornography since I was ... 9 or 10 years old. It's a mental trap. It's difficult to break out of this habit.

I pray that you and your wife come back together and have romance again. It can happen and it's not over. You must try your best to quit looking at porn. It's very difficult when it's so accessible, but every time that you avoid watching it and the more strict you are upon yourself to go to bed regularly, the better you will be at defeating your addiction to pornography.

 

[VioletReigns]

I was raised in a home where pornography was as common as Saturday morning cartoons and after I got married, I mentally couldn't fathom how that could hurt a marriage, or even be an addiction. To me it was what psychologist call a "norm", part of everyday life.
There are times even now after excepting Christ, that using the word addiction and porn in the same sentence, seems weird. Regardless of how it seems, I know firsthand the damage it does to a marriage, I tried to hide it from my wife for years, she would find evidence that I was looking, and I would lie about it. It was an endless circle.
By the time reality set in and I realize what was more important to me, The damage had already been done, I hadn't excepted Christ at that time, and trying to prove to my wife that I was no longer addicted, and that she was all I wanted, wasn't possible, there is no trust and there is barely any love left in her for me.
I hurt her so badly, and made her feel so down on herself, that I believed if she was having an affair it's what I deserved. Thankfully however she wasn't, she's premenopausal, and sex is the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

When Christ entered my life He changed everything inside me, He has open my heart so wide, that the love I have for her is a kind of love I have never felt before. He released me of the burdens and guilt I carried, because of my past and is showing me how a husband should treat his wife.


The problem is though, I pushed her so far away, and made her so emotionally numb, that she doesn't know if she can love me the way a wife should, she's afraid to open her heart to me again. it's hard for me sometimes because I know in my heart, God has forgiven me for my past, but when I try to do the simplest loving things for her and she shows little to no interest, I am reminded that it's my own fault. Then the guilt starts creeping up on me.

The old saying "what comes around goes around" is basically the story of my marriage life, because my actions with the addiction to porn, made my wife feel unwanted by me, broke her heart, and left her feeling lonely. And now since I've done that i'm going through exact same thing, I feel unwanted, lonely, and unloved by her.


But I will not lose faith or give up on my marriage, I may not have had Christ in my life when we first got married, but I do now, and those vows I made, we're not only to my wife, but also to God. I will not dishonor Him by ending my marriage. Together perhaps Him and I will bring her back on the path.


I just have to put it in his hands, and trust Him.(easier said than done sometimes)

It is so evident that you are a new creation and walking in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Faith, hope and love exudes from your testimony. It's wonderful that you are exhibiting such understanding and patience toward your wife. I suggest that you continue to show her you love her, show her mercy and grace, gentleness and kindness, with a joyful heart, a joyful countenance. And do it without expecting anything in return. Unconditional love like Jesus gives to us. I honestly believe your love will be an open invitation for her to find safety, comfort, healing and peace.

I thank God for the beautiful work He is doing in your life and pray the grace of Jesus Christ ignites love in the heart of your wife.

O Holy Lord, let this marriage be such a great blessing to You and glorify Your name. Let Brother Sethbenrose and his beloved wife continue to be a testimony of Your mighty power and miraculous love. Also, heal Sethbenrose's wife of grief in losing their babies and cover her in mercy and grace. Strengthen them both, Lord and build them both up in Your wisdom. Amen.