Your profile says you are 61. Either it's wrong, or you are like my wife and have trouble remembering how old you are exactly. It's easy to lose track after a while. I was a lot more motivated to remember my age when I was little than I am now. Getting a year older doesn't have the same appeal anymore.
My husband and the drama that follows.
- Thread starter christianwife87
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Yes your absolutely right, I don't want to divorce my husband, I do not think it is grounds for divorce either, he on the other hand is saying the opposite, I can handle the family not liking me because I don't have to live with them, but I cannot be in a marriage where I constantly feel unloved and disliked by my husband and when I try to tell him how I feel he disagrees with me and gets upset with me feeling this way, also he when I do tell him how I feel he thinks I'm trying to start an argument.
I've been humble, I've told him I don't want him to leave, I told him I just want to be your wife and show him love, that I didn't want to be with anyone else. He doesn't even believe me, before his dad passed away, we had our marital problems, when his dad died I dismissed our problems and put my focus on him grieving, he pushed me away, he didn't want to to hug or touch him, then he noticed that I was being different and we weren't arguing, he asked me why am I deciding to be a wife now, why was I not a wife before? I was so confused because a my man would appreciate the fact that his wife being a wife, he also told me he thinks that I don't love him and that I'm being fake when I'm just being nice. He calls his family and they both disrespect me on the phone. Also when he left he called me everything but my name, it got me upset and we exchanged words he told me he was done with me, I have 2 children that are not biologically his, he also made a mean comment about my daughter. My children love him. It's not just about being disrespected it's also that there are children involved and my husband was given an ultimatum, if he won't treat me right he should leave, he chose to leave and also said that I don't deserve all his love, so basically he doesn't want to treat me right.
I've been humble, I've told him I don't want him to leave, I told him I just want to be your wife and show him love, that I didn't want to be with anyone else. He doesn't even believe me, before his dad passed away, we had our marital problems, when his dad died I dismissed our problems and put my focus on him grieving, he pushed me away, he didn't want to to hug or touch him, then he noticed that I was being different and we weren't arguing, he asked me why am I deciding to be a wife now, why was I not a wife before? I was so confused because a my man would appreciate the fact that his wife being a wife, he also told me he thinks that I don't love him and that I'm being fake when I'm just being nice. He calls his family and they both disrespect me on the phone. Also when he left he called me everything but my name, it got me upset and we exchanged words he told me he was done with me, I have 2 children that are not biologically his, he also made a mean comment about my daughter. My children love him. It's not just about being disrespected it's also that there are children involved and my husband was given an ultimatum, if he won't treat me right he should leave, he chose to leave and also said that I don't deserve all his love, so basically he doesn't want to treat me right.
K
Hi cw87, my heart breaks for you and know you must be in a lonely and scary place right now. That makes me so mad at the deceiver/accuser because scripture says we are not at war with flesh and blood. In fact, i think the father of lies is especially attacking marriage because it is the one union that is given to help us understand our relationship with our Creator.
I have learned to look at time a different way in dealing with trials in life. Time is an element that causes us to think and feel in certain ways that don't always reflect truth. In other words, when a hurt is fresh, the hurt itself can take center stage rather than what the focus should be on. I have noticed that the old deceiver can use whatever baggage we carry around to strike us in our most vulnerable place.(and we all carry around baggage to some degree) So what is the answer? Love. The test is, to return love for evil, and to esteem yourself less than they.
May the Messiah keep and comfort you and give you peace, for only He knows and understands, and has power to protect your heart and mind with His own.
I have learned to look at time a different way in dealing with trials in life. Time is an element that causes us to think and feel in certain ways that don't always reflect truth. In other words, when a hurt is fresh, the hurt itself can take center stage rather than what the focus should be on. I have noticed that the old deceiver can use whatever baggage we carry around to strike us in our most vulnerable place.(and we all carry around baggage to some degree) So what is the answer? Love. The test is, to return love for evil, and to esteem yourself less than they.
May the Messiah keep and comfort you and give you peace, for only He knows and understands, and has power to protect your heart and mind with His own.
L
Is he a believer also? I was off work one week and my wife got upset with me because I kept using dishes. My mug had broke and every single glass looked alike. I didn't want to drink out of a glass that had had milk in it in the morning or a glass other people had drunk out of. And I washed dishes, too. It was silly to get upset, but after several days, there was this seething tension between us. I suggested we pray and humble ourselves. We prayed and I asked the Holy Spirit to go to work on our hearts and confessed sins to one another and made up. All that tension between us was done away with just like that and we were okay again. You can suggest doing this with your husband.
If you were nice to your husband and he thought you want to argue, that may tell you something. Even if he is hard to get along with, usually, it takes two to argue. I know there are some people who can get upset just at normal conversation and a lot of people can be that way when they are tired and hungry. But there could be a way that you approach him that you could change so you aren't so argumentative. Ask him if you were the ideal wife, how would you act, and what areas do you need to change to be an ideal wife for him.
He may not know everything you can do. Men like to be respected. You can make sure to be gentle and not too demanding with any criticism. You can also serve him in various ways, making things for him. If you are getting along, a lot of men like hugs and kisses, too, just like women do. Of course there are other physical activities that men may appreciate their wives being available for when they are interested. Praise and encouragement are also appreciated. You can tell him how good he looks, how much you appreciate his working hard to support the family. Find positive traits and praise him for them.
If he's a believer, you can talk about the divorce issue by pointing out what the Bible says about divorce. Then ask him for a list of things you can do to be less argumentative and to satisfy his needs. Remind him what he said about your being fake when you are nice and thinking you wanted to argue. Tell him you don't want to be argumentative and just ask him for the behaviors you do that make him upset? Is there something about the way you talk to him? Is there something about your body language? If you make up first and then change your approach to how you talk to him, you might see some improvement.
Here are some ideas. If you have a problem with him or his family, don't just have a normal conversation with him about it. Definitely don't get forceful in the way you talk. When my wife and I first got married, if she didn't like something I'd done or said, we'd be laying on the bed after spending some time together, ahem, and she'd gently say, "can I tell you something?" Then, very gently, she'd tell me something I did that she didn't like and how it made her feel. That's a good approach. She hasn't always used that approach, though.
But that one works best.
Something to avoid is repeating the problem over and over and over again. And avoid talking about problems after 10 PM. That's when a lot of domestic arguments start, after people are tired and cranky.
There are a lot of other things you can do to help him feel better about the marriage. Make a drink he likes before he gets home (assuming you are there first). When he comes in, greet him happily at the door with a big hug and kiss. Ask him if he'd like to sit down and have a glass of lemonade or whatever you made. Then if you want to talk to him, sit at his feet on the floor, lean against him hugging his legs or something like that, and tell him gently what you want to tell him. That's non-threatening and may trigger some kid of protective instinct on his part.
I do notice a lot of 'I'm not going to tolerate X, Y, Z' type language in your posts. If you are taking that attitude toward him, then that can lead to arguing. I know it hurts if you want to comfort someone you love and that person rejects your comfort. But his needing to grieve over his parents is a bigger need. Instead of trying to hold him accountable for not accepting your comfort, you could tell him you are there for him if he wants to talk, hug you, kiss you, or for you to comfort him in other ways, and then back off. You can offer, do you want me to do X for you and thing like that and be very nice to him.
The children issue is a very difficult one. It's hard to listen to someone talk about your kids. He may feel similarly if you criticize his relatives and how they treat you.
I'd also like to encourage you. I've been through some times in my marriage when there was tension between us and we weren't getting along. Right now, though, it feels more like a Honeymoon couple and we have strong feelings for each other and get along fine. If you aren't getting along now, that doesn't mean you won't be getting along really well and enjoying marriage later.
I'd also like to point out that there is a blog and videos called The Peaceful Wife. The woman who runs it has a blog for husbands, too. I think some of her blogs and videos on how she learned to respect and get along with her husband could be helpful for you. You can look up her blog online or her videos on YouTube.
If you were nice to your husband and he thought you want to argue, that may tell you something. Even if he is hard to get along with, usually, it takes two to argue. I know there are some people who can get upset just at normal conversation and a lot of people can be that way when they are tired and hungry. But there could be a way that you approach him that you could change so you aren't so argumentative. Ask him if you were the ideal wife, how would you act, and what areas do you need to change to be an ideal wife for him.
He may not know everything you can do. Men like to be respected. You can make sure to be gentle and not too demanding with any criticism. You can also serve him in various ways, making things for him. If you are getting along, a lot of men like hugs and kisses, too, just like women do. Of course there are other physical activities that men may appreciate their wives being available for when they are interested. Praise and encouragement are also appreciated. You can tell him how good he looks, how much you appreciate his working hard to support the family. Find positive traits and praise him for them.
If he's a believer, you can talk about the divorce issue by pointing out what the Bible says about divorce. Then ask him for a list of things you can do to be less argumentative and to satisfy his needs. Remind him what he said about your being fake when you are nice and thinking you wanted to argue. Tell him you don't want to be argumentative and just ask him for the behaviors you do that make him upset? Is there something about the way you talk to him? Is there something about your body language? If you make up first and then change your approach to how you talk to him, you might see some improvement.
Here are some ideas. If you have a problem with him or his family, don't just have a normal conversation with him about it. Definitely don't get forceful in the way you talk. When my wife and I first got married, if she didn't like something I'd done or said, we'd be laying on the bed after spending some time together, ahem, and she'd gently say, "can I tell you something?" Then, very gently, she'd tell me something I did that she didn't like and how it made her feel. That's a good approach. She hasn't always used that approach, though.
But that one works best. Something to avoid is repeating the problem over and over and over again. And avoid talking about problems after 10 PM. That's when a lot of domestic arguments start, after people are tired and cranky.
There are a lot of other things you can do to help him feel better about the marriage. Make a drink he likes before he gets home (assuming you are there first). When he comes in, greet him happily at the door with a big hug and kiss. Ask him if he'd like to sit down and have a glass of lemonade or whatever you made. Then if you want to talk to him, sit at his feet on the floor, lean against him hugging his legs or something like that, and tell him gently what you want to tell him. That's non-threatening and may trigger some kid of protective instinct on his part.
I do notice a lot of 'I'm not going to tolerate X, Y, Z' type language in your posts. If you are taking that attitude toward him, then that can lead to arguing. I know it hurts if you want to comfort someone you love and that person rejects your comfort. But his needing to grieve over his parents is a bigger need. Instead of trying to hold him accountable for not accepting your comfort, you could tell him you are there for him if he wants to talk, hug you, kiss you, or for you to comfort him in other ways, and then back off. You can offer, do you want me to do X for you and thing like that and be very nice to him.
The children issue is a very difficult one. It's hard to listen to someone talk about your kids. He may feel similarly if you criticize his relatives and how they treat you.
I'd also like to encourage you. I've been through some times in my marriage when there was tension between us and we weren't getting along. Right now, though, it feels more like a Honeymoon couple and we have strong feelings for each other and get along fine. If you aren't getting along now, that doesn't mean you won't be getting along really well and enjoying marriage later.
I'd also like to point out that there is a blog and videos called The Peaceful Wife. The woman who runs it has a blog for husbands, too. I think some of her blogs and videos on how she learned to respect and get along with her husband could be helpful for you. You can look up her blog online or her videos on YouTube.
Is he a believer also? I was off work one week and my wife got upset with me because I kept using dishes. My mug had broke and every single glass looked alike. I didn't want to drink out of a glass that had had milk in it in the morning or a glass other people had drunk out of. And I washed dishes, too. It was silly to get upset, but after several days, there was this seething tension between us. I suggested we pray and humble ourselves. We prayed and I asked the Holy Spirit to go to work on our hearts and confessed sins to one another and made up. All that tension between us was done away with just like that and we were okay again. You can suggest doing this with your husband.
If you were nice to your husband and he thought you want to argue, that may tell you something. Even if he is hard to get along with, usually, it takes two to argue. I know there are some people who can get upset just at normal conversation and a lot of people can be that way when they are tired and hungry. But there could be a way that you approach him that you could change so you aren't so argumentative. Ask him if you were the ideal wife, how would you act, and what areas do you need to change to be an ideal wife for him.
He may not know everything you can do. Men like to be respected. You can make sure to be gentle and not too demanding with any criticism. You can also serve him in various ways, making things for him. If you are getting along, a lot of men like hugs and kisses, too, just like women do. Of course there are other physical activities that men may appreciate their wives being available for when they are interested. Praise and encouragement are also appreciated. You can tell him how good he looks, how much you appreciate his working hard to support the family. Find positive traits and praise him for them.
If he's a believer, you can talk about the divorce issue by pointing out what the Bible says about divorce. Then ask him for a list of things you can do to be less argumentative and to satisfy his needs. Remind him what he said about your being fake when you are nice and thinking you wanted to argue. Tell him you don't want to be argumentative and just ask him for the behaviors you do that make him upset? Is there something about the way you talk to him? Is there something about your body language? If you make up first and then change your approach to how you talk to him, you might see some improvement.
Here are some ideas. If you have a problem with him or his family, don't just have a normal conversation with him about it. Definitely don't get forceful in the way you talk. When my wife and I first got married, if she didn't like something I'd done or said, we'd be laying on the bed after spending some time together, ahem, and she'd gently say, "can I tell you something?" Then, very gently, she'd tell me something I did that she didn't like and how it made her feel. That's a good approach. She hasn't always used that approach, though. But that one works best.
Something to avoid is repeating the problem over and over and over again. And avoid talking about problems after 10 PM. That's when a lot of domestic arguments start, after people are tired and cranky.
There are a lot of other things you can do to help him feel better about the marriage. Make a drink he likes before he gets home (assuming you are there first). When he comes in, greet him happily at the door with a big hug and kiss. Ask him if he'd like to sit down and have a glass of lemonade or whatever you made. Then if you want to talk to him, sit at his feet on the floor, lean against him hugging his legs or something like that, and tell him gently what you want to tell him. That's non-threatening and may trigger some kid of protective instinct on his part.
I do notice a lot of 'I'm not going to tolerate X, Y, Z' type language in your posts. If you are taking that attitude toward him, then that can lead to arguing. I know it hurts if you want to comfort someone you love and that person rejects your comfort. But his needing to grieve over his parents is a bigger need. Instead of trying to hold him accountable for not accepting your comfort, you could tell him you are there for him if he wants to talk, hug you, kiss you, or for you to comfort him in other ways, and then back off. You can offer, do you want me to do X for you and thing like that and be very nice to him.
The children issue is a very difficult one. It's hard to listen to someone talk about your kids. He may feel similarly if you criticize his relatives and how they treat you.
I'd also like to encourage you. I've been through some times in my marriage when there was tension between us and we weren't getting along. Right now, though, it feels more like a Honeymoon couple and we have strong feelings for each other and get along fine. If you aren't getting along now, that doesn't mean you won't be getting along really well and enjoying marriage later.
I'd also like to point out that there is a blog and videos called The Peaceful Wife. The woman who runs it has a blog for husbands, too. I think some of her blogs and videos on how she learned to respect and get along with her husband could be helpful for you. You can look up her blog online or her videos on YouTube.
If you were nice to your husband and he thought you want to argue, that may tell you something. Even if he is hard to get along with, usually, it takes two to argue. I know there are some people who can get upset just at normal conversation and a lot of people can be that way when they are tired and hungry. But there could be a way that you approach him that you could change so you aren't so argumentative. Ask him if you were the ideal wife, how would you act, and what areas do you need to change to be an ideal wife for him.
He may not know everything you can do. Men like to be respected. You can make sure to be gentle and not too demanding with any criticism. You can also serve him in various ways, making things for him. If you are getting along, a lot of men like hugs and kisses, too, just like women do. Of course there are other physical activities that men may appreciate their wives being available for when they are interested. Praise and encouragement are also appreciated. You can tell him how good he looks, how much you appreciate his working hard to support the family. Find positive traits and praise him for them.
If he's a believer, you can talk about the divorce issue by pointing out what the Bible says about divorce. Then ask him for a list of things you can do to be less argumentative and to satisfy his needs. Remind him what he said about your being fake when you are nice and thinking you wanted to argue. Tell him you don't want to be argumentative and just ask him for the behaviors you do that make him upset? Is there something about the way you talk to him? Is there something about your body language? If you make up first and then change your approach to how you talk to him, you might see some improvement.
Here are some ideas. If you have a problem with him or his family, don't just have a normal conversation with him about it. Definitely don't get forceful in the way you talk. When my wife and I first got married, if she didn't like something I'd done or said, we'd be laying on the bed after spending some time together, ahem, and she'd gently say, "can I tell you something?" Then, very gently, she'd tell me something I did that she didn't like and how it made her feel. That's a good approach. She hasn't always used that approach, though.
But that one works best. Something to avoid is repeating the problem over and over and over again. And avoid talking about problems after 10 PM. That's when a lot of domestic arguments start, after people are tired and cranky.
There are a lot of other things you can do to help him feel better about the marriage. Make a drink he likes before he gets home (assuming you are there first). When he comes in, greet him happily at the door with a big hug and kiss. Ask him if he'd like to sit down and have a glass of lemonade or whatever you made. Then if you want to talk to him, sit at his feet on the floor, lean against him hugging his legs or something like that, and tell him gently what you want to tell him. That's non-threatening and may trigger some kid of protective instinct on his part.
I do notice a lot of 'I'm not going to tolerate X, Y, Z' type language in your posts. If you are taking that attitude toward him, then that can lead to arguing. I know it hurts if you want to comfort someone you love and that person rejects your comfort. But his needing to grieve over his parents is a bigger need. Instead of trying to hold him accountable for not accepting your comfort, you could tell him you are there for him if he wants to talk, hug you, kiss you, or for you to comfort him in other ways, and then back off. You can offer, do you want me to do X for you and thing like that and be very nice to him.
The children issue is a very difficult one. It's hard to listen to someone talk about your kids. He may feel similarly if you criticize his relatives and how they treat you.
I'd also like to encourage you. I've been through some times in my marriage when there was tension between us and we weren't getting along. Right now, though, it feels more like a Honeymoon couple and we have strong feelings for each other and get along fine. If you aren't getting along now, that doesn't mean you won't be getting along really well and enjoying marriage later.
I'd also like to point out that there is a blog and videos called The Peaceful Wife. The woman who runs it has a blog for husbands, too. I think some of her blogs and videos on how she learned to respect and get along with her husband could be helpful for you. You can look up her blog online or her videos on YouTube.
As far as him being a believer, he is, but he is fighting a spiritual battle, I pray for him and his family continuously.
My husband told me yesterday he didn't want to be married to Mr anymore he said some hurtful things, and I do admit he made me very upset, I started yelling things back at him out of anger, and everything ended off terrible, I cried because I didn't want things to be like this but it seems as if he feeds off of drama. Even through all of this I still love my husband and don't want a divorce, his family doesn't want him to be with me and I don't think he wants this marriage anymore
I think you have tried very hard, and it's a hard situation for everyone involved I'm sure. I don't have advice like the rest here, I've never experienced this kind of thing. As a regenerated believer I personally feel your husband is in the wrong here. Once the loss of his dad happen it kind of complicates the whole thing, but it didn't sound like he wasn't upholding his role as a husband very well, even before. I don't know about anyone else here but if MY family was ganging up on my wife, or disrespecting her in any way I would be there to confront them on it immediately. If my whole family came for my wife with pitchforks and torches they'd have to get through me first, period. I agree with you completely, once you make those vows and take your role as head of the family it's your responsibility to back your wife, and to make peace between your family and her, not fan the flames. I'm sorry to hear he wants a divorce now, but with the death of his father it makes everything so much more dramatic and people more likely to jump to rash decisions. If you have Jesus you just need to say on your knees and take His advice, not ours. He can do great things and who knows what He will do in your husbands heart. I've learned personally that these super tragedies are a way He leads us to Him. Regardless of how it works out the most important thing is to stay in Him first and foremost.
Well thank you for the kind words, and thank you even more for acknowledging and giving credit to whom it belongs. ALL glory to His name. I hate seeing a fellow believer going through trials like this, but I know it was my own worst trial that crushed my pride and led me to Him. It can seem pretty bleak before His power heals, but it will happen if He wills it. Just know you do have brothers and sisters out here that love you, and thank you for being brave enough to come to us with your problem to help get new perspectives. Very important to do.
May God bless you and your family,
your brother in Christ,
Jimmy Rogers
May God bless you and your family,
your brother in Christ,
Jimmy Rogers
Loosing a parent hurts a lot.
Sometimes people, when they are overwhelmed with grief, start to get into verbal fights,
just to do something else, to spend some of the hurt and confusion, that is deep inside,
because the whole world (view) is differnt, after the death of a parent.
I think, you do the right thing, by beeing there (as much as he accepts) and by praying
for him.
It might take time, for him to heal from his grief and to become adult again.
He needs to grief in the way he needs to, even if that means for him to go back
a little while to beeing a son to his mother, just to feel that he still has a parent.
When he comes out of the grief, he will remember, that you were patient, be
gracefull, when he comes back.
It is hard on you and I pray for you, him and your marriage.
Sometimes people, when they are overwhelmed with grief, start to get into verbal fights,
just to do something else, to spend some of the hurt and confusion, that is deep inside,
because the whole world (view) is differnt, after the death of a parent.
I think, you do the right thing, by beeing there (as much as he accepts) and by praying
for him.
It might take time, for him to heal from his grief and to become adult again.
He needs to grief in the way he needs to, even if that means for him to go back
a little while to beeing a son to his mother, just to feel that he still has a parent.
When he comes out of the grief, he will remember, that you were patient, be
gracefull, when he comes back.
It is hard on you and I pray for you, him and your marriage.
Update! Well since my husband left we have not spoken to each other till today, he called for his mail, to me it did sound like he wanted to talk but unfortunately we never did. He wants to get his mail tomorrow, what should I do? What should I say? I've been depressed since he's left but God has given me strength.
Again I don't have any experience with this kind of thing personally, so any suggestions are from a outsiders perspective, but I think you should just let him know exactly how you feel at this point. Is he a believer at all? I think being away from each other may show him exactly what he's missing, and may even cause him to think about the situation more. What ever you do I would try to keep it calm and stay away from arguing and letting emotions take over (very easier said over the computer by an outsider, than done in real life). Also I wouldn't do anything before you have already talked it out with God in prayer. That's the most important thing, keeping God #1. He will show you the path, but I hope this is Him softening his heart, just don't let yours grow hard too fast, trust in Him to guide. Again I think it's so brave of you to open up your life like this to fellow Christians, I think it shows how much you do love this man, and love God. If I can be of any help please let me know.
God bless your whole family,
Your brother in Christ,
Jimmy Rogers
God bless your whole family,
Your brother in Christ,
Jimmy Rogers