My husband and the drama that follows.

[christianwife87]

Well hello, it's been a whole since I have been on here, feel free top read the last post, or had been a rough journey for me.

My husband's father passed about 3 weeks ago, his father never liked me nor did the rest of his family but I never knew why I always thought it was because I'm 3 years older.
Before his dad died, we were having marital problems, the day his dad died, I decided to put everything to the side and be there for my husband. Being his mother's only son in the same state, he feels as though he needs to take care of his mother, I totally understood that but then, he started telling me he's spending the night with his mother because his mother asked him to. I admit I started to have a problem with him not consulting me about this.
Since his dad died he has had a totally different attitude.

I wanted to be there for him but his sister doesn't me and she started making rude comments about me in front of me, it made me uncomfortable, I decided not to burden my husband with the issue between his sister and I and decided to separate myself because my husband would make comments as of I keeping him from his family, I sat in the back of the church at his father's funeral, his sister and entire family treated my best friend better than me.
My husband finally talked to me and asked why I always drop him off and leave, so I finally told him about his sister disrespecting me and we argued because I feel he was making excuses, saying that his family was grieving. I feel like my husband doesn't like me, he talks to me like I am a girlfriend not a wife, like I don't have any place to complain about his sister. His mother wanted ti get ti know me so she invited me to go out with her, but my husband has a problem with me going with his mother, it's like he doesn't want his family to like me. He also talks to me in a very mean tone, and he told me that some of his focus on me is going to his mom. I believe with strangers he will protect me but with his family, who is going to protect me from him? I don't know if u can deal with the constant disrespect from him or his family, h e also discusses our marriage with his sister and his mother.
What do I do?

 

[biscuit]

Well hello, it's been a whole since I have been on here, feel free top read the last post, or had been a rough journey for me.

My husband's father passed about 3 weeks ago, his father never liked me nor did the rest of his family but I never knew why I always thought it was because I'm 3 years older.
Before his dad died, we were having marital problems, the day his dad died, I decided to put everything to the side and be there for my husband. Being his mother's only son in the same state, he feels as though he needs to take care of his mother, I totally understood that but then, he started telling me he's spending the night with his mother because his mother asked him to. I admit I started to have a problem with him not consulting me about this.
Since his dad died he has had a totally different attitude.

I wanted to be there for him but his sister doesn't me and she started making rude comments about me in front of me, it made me uncomfortable, I decided not to burden my husband with the issue between his sister and I and decided to separate myself because my husband would make comments as of I keeping him from his family, I sat in the back of the church at his father's funeral, his sister and entire family treated my best friend better than me.
My husband finally talked to me and asked why I always drop him off and leave, so I finally told him about his sister disrespecting me and we argued because I feel he was making excuses, saying that his family was grieving. I feel like my husband doesn't like me, he talks to me like I am a girlfriend not a wife, like I don't have any place to complain about his sister. His mother wanted ti get ti know me so she invited me to go out with her, but my husband has a problem with me going with his mother, it's like he doesn't want his family to like me. He also talks to me in a very mean tone, and he told me that some of his focus on me is going to his mom. I believe with strangers he will protect me but with his family, who is going to protect me from him? I don't know if u can deal with the constant disrespect from him or his family, h e also discusses our marriage with his sister and his mother.
What do I do?

Simple Solution: "Give your husband the space he needs during the difficult time with his family." You are simply making life miserable for him in his time of need. If he needs 6 months or longer to sorts things out .... "give it to him."

 

[Angela53510]

Seriously?? They are grieving. This is not about you! Stop trying to teach your husband "lessons" which means manipulating him to do what you want, not to take care of himself and his family.

Time to grow up and actually bite your tongue and support your husband.

 

[LEPIDUS]

Well hello, it's been a whole since I have been on here, feel free top read the last post, or had been a rough journey for me.

My husband's father passed about 3 weeks ago, his father never liked me nor did the rest of his family but I never knew why I always thought it was because I'm 3 years older.
Before his dad died, we were having marital problems, the day his dad died, I decided to put everything to the side and be there for my husband. Being his mother's only son in the same state, he feels as though he needs to take care of his mother, I totally understood that but then, he started telling me he's spending the night with his mother because his mother asked him to. I admit I started to have a problem with him not consulting me about this.
Since his dad died he has had a totally different attitude.

I wanted to be there for him but his sister doesn't me and she started making rude comments about me in front of me, it made me uncomfortable, I decided not to burden my husband with the issue between his sister and I and decided to separate myself because my husband would make comments as of I keeping him from his family, I sat in the back of the church at his father's funeral, his sister and entire family treated my best friend better than me.
My husband finally talked to me and asked why I always drop him off and leave, so I finally told him about his sister disrespecting me and we argued because I feel he was making excuses, saying that his family was grieving. I feel like my husband doesn't like me, he talks to me like I am a girlfriend not a wife, like I don't have any place to complain about his sister. His mother wanted ti get ti know me so she invited me to go out with her, but my husband has a problem with me going with his mother, it's like he doesn't want his family to like me. He also talks to me in a very mean tone, and he told me that some of his focus on me is going to his mom. I believe with strangers he will protect me but with his family, who is going to protect me from him? I don't know if u can deal with the constant disrespect from him or his family, h e also discusses our marriage with his sister and his mother.
What do I do?

Hi, I don't know your situation except what you have shared in this post. And from this post I can sense a lot of different things. One being that before his loss your marriage was already in trouble and the loss of his father was the tip of the iceberg to his indifferent behavior towards you. Another thing I get from this post is that regardless of the loss of his father, it seems to me that he hasn't matured simply because he doesn't give you your place in his family and regardless of the loss or not that should have been in place since the beginning and it appears to be it wasn't.

I understand he may be grieving and you are right in not coming to him with things that in the present moment seem trivial. However, I would like to say that for as trivial as they may seem they need to be addressed. Different questions come to mind, is he a believer, is one of them. I think ultimately all you can do at this time is pray, pray for him, the family, your marriage, restoration.

Also I think instead of worrying about how the family treats you, maybe you should show them kindness and win them over by acts of love, if that makes sense. You cannot control what your husband or his family does only what you do and make sure that it gives no room for them to question your integrity. If your husband comes home frustrated, don't ignite the frustration but rather defuse it, and I'm sure you know how that can be done as you know your husband and your living situation. Again I think ultimately prayer is your answer.

 

[LEPIDUS]

Seriously?? They are grieving. This is not about you! Stop trying to teach your husband "lessons" which means manipulating him to do what you want, not to take care of himself and his family.

Time to grow up and actually bite your tongue and support your husband.

Angela you seem to forget that she is his family. And nowhere in her post do I get that she isn't mature except the husband. I also don't get a sense of her devising a scheme to manipulate him as you imply. If anyone should bite their tongue it should be you. I've read post from you and I must say they are the most condescending, self centered, way high up in the sky high horse that you seem to esteem yourself in. In all honesty you need to bring it down a notch or two. You are the most self centered I've come across on cc forums and that's just from like 5 top posts I've read from you and only because quite frankly your character is repulsive to me and I ignore what you have to say as they are not edifying in anyway except to show how smart you esteem yourself to be. Feel free not to reply I really don't care to read what you have to say in response to this post.

 

[LEPIDUS]

Simple Solution: "Give your husband the space he needs during the difficult time with his family." You are simply making life miserable for him in his time of need. If he needs 6 months or longer to sorts things out .... "give it to him."

I highly doubt that 6 months or more of space is hardly the solution to a marriage in the brink of divorce. This is way past the family grieving. How can you determine that she is making his life miserable from what she wrote? All I get from what she wrote is how her husband and his family make her life miserable.

 

[biscuit]

I highly doubt that 6 months or more of space is hardly the solution to a marriage in the brink of divorce. This is way past the family grieving. How can you determine that she is making his life miserable from what she wrote? All I get from what she wrote is how her husband and his family make her life miserable.

I used 6 months as a reference & starting point. You may want to research the marriage vows that are accepted before the wedding band is placed onto each other's finger. The wife & husband are supposed to be one another's tower of strength in a time of need. She can't get the attention she 'demands' so she is resorting to a form of nagging, which will no doubt contribute to a possible divorce.

 

[LEPIDUS]

I used 6 months as a reference & starting point. You may want to research the marriage vows that are accepted before the wedding band is placed onto each other's finger. The wife & husband are supposed to be one another's tower of strength in a time of need. She can't get the attention she 'demands' so she is resorting to a form of nagging, which will no doubt contribute to a possible divorce.

lol research marriage vows... she clearly stated that she withdrew herself from bringing trivial things at the time of his loss. Why would you imply she is nagging? You are correct that the husband and wife should be one another's tower but in this case the husband has failed to do that for his wife by the mere fact that before the loss he didn't give her, her place. And by not doing so how can he justify his current behavior and not expect her to feel how she does? So in a sense she is only "demanding" as you call it what she is entitled to by marriage.

 

[biscuit]

lol research marriage vows... she clearly stated that she withdrew herself from bringing trivial things at the time of his loss. Why would you imply she is nagging? You are correct that the husband and wife should be one another's tower but in this case the husband has failed to do that for his wife by the mere fact that before the loss he didn't give her, her place. And by not doing so how can he justify his current behavior and not expect her to feel how she does? So in a sense she is only "demanding" as you call it what she is entitled to by marriage. [/SIZE][/FONT]

If I could embed a video to her thread, it would be Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man."

 

[LEPIDUS]

If I could embed a video to her thread, it would be Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man."

I am not implying that her solution is not to stand by him, I am simply pointing out things that need to be addressed whether it be during or after the grieving. Things that should not have been there to begin with and give room for the dilemma she is faced with now. Anyway, it's late and I need to be up early.

 

[Angela53510]

Angela you seem to forget that she is his family. And nowhere in her post do I get that she isn't mature except the husband. I also don't get a sense of her devising a scheme to manipulate him as you imply. If anyone should bite their tongue it should be you. I've read post from you and I must say they are the most condescending, self centered, way high up in the sky high horse that you seem to esteem yourself in. In all honesty you need to bring it down a notch or two. You are the most self centered I've come across on cc forums and that's just from like 5 top posts I've read from you and only because quite frankly your character is repulsive to me and I ignore what you have to say as they are not edifying in anyway except to show how smart you esteem yourself to be. Feel free not to reply I really don't care to read what you have to say in response to this post.

I'll take this as a compliment from what I have read or ignored of your other posts!

Feel free to place me on ignore, so I don't have to report you for unsubstantiated character assassination! Or maybe I will!

Of course the husband of the OP is family. But a 6 month marriage, even sanctioned and blessed by God does not equal forcing him to drop his strong bonds and connections he has had his whole life. The OP is simply trying to establish rules to her own advantage, which is a dysfunctional way to relate as Christians. I do hope the OP doesn't see my post as an attack, but rather a loving piece of advice and caring. I don't want to see her divorce, and her attitude seems to be such that sooner or later these demands are going to detract and draw her away from not only her husband, but from God!

Sad how Lepidus chooses to basically ignore the OP's thread, and come in bashing and crashing, throwing insults left and right and never addressing the OP Directly.

 

[Mamatee]

Dear sister,i wil rather advice u to work on urself. Do u knw that u can conquer evil wit ur good nature and hatre wit luv,show everyone who shows u hatred wit luv, goodness and respect, just as simple as that, then pray to God to touch the heart of this people. Bt u show them the good quality and attribute oe a good child of God. God bless ur marriage ijn

 

[christianwife87]

Simple Solution: "Give your husband the space he needs during the difficult time with his family." You are simply making life miserable for him in his time of need. If he needs 6 months or longer to sorts things out .... "give it to him."

Thank you for your reply, I have given him space I have tried that approach, I did say that I separated myself because his disrespectful sister and because I didn't want to burden him in his time of loss, my husband insist on me being around him and his family despite the many things that have not even been mentioned. He is well aware that his family doesn't like me, before his dad's death he's told me in the heat of an argument that none of his family likes me. But like I said despite of the situation he wanted me to be there with him, and as his wife I did want to be there for him, but he leaves me in the house knowing they dislike me, he goes and just abandons me and not only does that put me in a an awkward situation, he also disrespects me in front of his family as well. But when I gave him his space he argued about me not being there for him.

 

[christianwife87]

Seriously?? They are grieving. This is not about you! Stop trying to teach your husband "lessons" which means manipulating him to do what you want, not to take care of himself and his family.

Time to grow up and actually bite your tongue and support your husband.

Thank you for your response, although it was not clearly thought out, I see you have a scripture that shows up with your response, Romans 12:2.
It's also quite the obvious that you my dear are not married, so your response is really appreciated but oh so irrelevant. It seems as though you know your bible, so you should know that Ephesians 5:31 " For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father and shall join his wife and the two shall become one flesh"

but the reality of it is that scripture stands firm, it does not make it exempt because of his father's death, it also does not give him or his family the right to disrespect me. Here's another scripture for you Ephesians 5:25 "Husband's love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave his life for it"
Last but not least Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless Let everyone of you love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Yes I feel for my husband I wouldn't know what to do if my father or mother passed away, but God's word stands firm even in death, it does not mean sit your wife to the side and take care of your mother, it just means he has more to handle now, my place as his wife still comes before his mother, his mother even knows that but refuses to accept it. Please don't be so quick to reply on what you don't understand. Thank you

 

[christianwife87]

Hi, I don't know your situation except what you have shared in this post. And from this post I can sense a lot of different things. One being that before his loss your marriage was already in trouble and the loss of his father was the tip of the iceberg to his indifferent behavior towards you. Another thing I get from this post is that regardless of the loss of his father, it seems to me that he hasn't matured simply because he doesn't give you your place in his family and regardless of the loss or not that should have been in place since the beginning and it appears to be it wasn't.

I understand he may be grieving and you are right in not coming to him with things that in the present moment seem trivial. However, I would like to say that for as trivial as they may seem they need to be addressed. Different questions come to mind, is he a believer, is one of them. I think ultimately all you can do at this time is pray, pray for him, the family, your marriage, restoration.

Also I think instead of worrying about how the family treats you, maybe you should show them kindness and win them over by acts of love, if that makes sense. You cannot control what your husband or his family does only what you do and make sure that it gives no room for them to question your integrity. If your husband comes home frustrated, don't ignite the frustration but rather defuse it, and I'm sure you know how that can be done as you know your husband and your living situation. Again I think ultimately prayer is your answer.

Thank you, I have been praying and asking God to restore my Spiritual relationship, at this time it's sad to say that my husband is continuously using his father's death as an excuse to treat me wrong, I have talked to him but also prayed and decided to make the decision to divorce. It has been a rough 3 and a half years and I just want to be happy and I want him to be happy.

 

[christianwife87]

I used 6 months as a reference & starting point. You may want to research the marriage vows that are accepted before the wedding band is placed onto each other's finger. The wife & husband are supposed to be one another's tower of strength in a time of need. She can't get the attention she 'demands' so she is resorting to a form of nagging, which will no doubt contribute to a possible divorce.

It's one thing to research vows but it is another to live them and it is easier said then done, a husband or wife should not dismiss the others feelings nor does it give anyone the right to disrespect your spouse, if trying to communicate with your spouse is nagging then it's clear you don't understand the vowels. It sound like your not even married but word of advice never use the word nagging in marriage.

 

[christianwife87]

I'll take this as a compliment from what I have read or ignored of your other posts!

Feel free to place me on ignore, so I don't have to report you for unsubstantiated character assassination! Or maybe I will!

Of course the husband of the OP is family. But a 6 month marriage, even sanctioned and blessed by God does not equal forcing him to drop his strong bonds and connections he has had his whole life. The OP is simply trying to establish rules to her own advantage, which is a dysfunctional way to relate as Christians. I do hope the OP doesn't see my post as an attack, but rather a loving piece of advice and caring. I don't want to see her divorce, and her attitude seems to be such that sooner or later these demands are going to detract and draw her away from not only her husband, but from God!

Sad how Lepidus chooses to basically ignore the OP's thread, and come in bashing and crashing, throwing insults left and right and never addressing the OP Directly.

Actually LEPIDUS comment was very appropriate, you dear came in insulting a bashing, are you a true Christian believer or are you just here to go back and forth, my feelings may push my husband away but one thing your wrong on is that God will never leave me nor will I let go of God, asking a husband to do his natural God given job is not a demand from me, it is a demand from God, can I make him do his job? No! But Do I have tolerate his disrespect or his family, No! He doesn't even defend me against his family, he allows his family to disrespect me, but I've never disrespected his family. It's one thing to allow this nonsense, but it's another to let someone walk all over you.

 

[Ugly]

Seriously?? They are grieving. This is not about you! Stop trying to teach your husband "lessons" which means manipulating him to do what you want, not to take care of himself and his family.

Time to grow up and actually bite your tongue and support your husband.

Normally we seem to be in agreement in many areas, but this time i have to say i don't see what you're saying.
-She wanted to be there for her husband.
-Husbands sister verbally insults her and husband does nothing.
-She goes to husband and husband defends the insulting sister.
-She tries to be friendly with his mother until her own husband disapproves.
-She backs away from the family and her husband after feeling mistreated and having it justified.
-Husband accuses her of trying to keep him from his family, the same family that insults her and dislikes her.
-Husband talks meanly to her.
-She separates from her husband.

I don't see anywhere in that where she's manipulating anyone or being selfish. She tries to support him, gets attacked by his family, discusses it with him, gets attacked by him and she separates.. where's the manipulation?

 

[christianwife87]

Dear sister,i wil rather advice u to work on urself. Do u knw that u can conquer evil wit ur good nature and hatre wit luv,show everyone who shows u hatred wit luv, goodness and respect, just as simple as that, then pray to God to touch the heart of this people. Bt u show them the good quality and attribute oe a good child of God. God bless ur marriage ijn

Thank you.

 

[biscuit]

Thank you for your reply, I have given him space I have tried that approach, I did say that I separated myself because his disrespectful sister and because I didn't want to burden him in his time of loss, my husband insist on me being around him and his family despite the many things that have not even been mentioned. He is well aware that his family doesn't like me, before his dad's death he's told me in the heat of an argument that none of his family likes me. But like I said despite of the situation he wanted me to be there with him, and as his wife I did want to be there for him, but he leaves me in the house knowing they dislike me, he goes and just abandons me and not only does that put me in a an awkward situation, he also disrespects me in front of his family as well. But when I gave him his space he argued about me not being there for him.

Appreciate your openness and concerns ... but please do what right in the eyes of God. Despite how others treat you, treat them with love, kindness & respect and you will be surprise when this ordeal is over how they will see you differently. If you don't want to do it for your husband, his family, please do it for Jesus.

This is what make Christians so special because we are the salt of the earth. Do whatever it takes to get your husband through this ordeal and kill him with love & affection that he will feel guilty of his treatment of you. This ordeal could possibly 'make or break' your marriage in the feature. You have an opportunity to show what an incredible wife he has and make him feel guilty to a degree he will change for the better.

May God be with you.

Please "stand by your man."