I am really sorry that you feel this way and can only surmise that you have had bad experiences with the opposite gender. I have been a single female for the last 35 years after a divorce and truth of the matter is I was too young to be a wife the first go around and did not respect my husband as much as he deserved.
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Interestingly, this exact topic came up in a bible study I was teaching a week ago. I asked the people in the class where it said that a wife should “respect” her husband, or should honor her husband. They all immediately jumped right to Ephesians 5.
I asked if anyone had another translation for the verse. I got the reply, mine says wives are to fear their husbands (KJV) anther said the same (Douay – Rheims Version ). Then I asked the room, should we alter the meaning of scripture to force the meaning to comply with what we want to believe? Of course everyone said NO!, rather emphatically. I asked if anyone had ever witnessed to someone from another belief group where they altered the meaning of words to fit what they wanted to believe. Dozens of hands went up. I asked, “Should we allow others to interpret the meaning of words any way they want to allow them to comfortably believe whatever they want?”. Again, an emphatic no.
I then asked what happens to truth if we allow each person, or each belief group, or each panel of experts that publishes a bible their group likes, to interpret the meaning of words in accordance with their desires. The answer was pretty much, hopefully they wouldn’t do such a thing. I said, “The question remains, if we want the truth of the meaning of any word/root word in the word of God, what do we need to do? Are there any translations where we are guaranteed that every word is translated 100% correctly?” Which translation is a 100% accurate, fully reliable, 100% consistent, translation of the word of God?” Does voting on it, and getting a majority, make it so?”. Again, a no.
So how, if you want to leave out all personal feelings and opinions, and trying to make things support your beliefs, do we get to the truth of the meaning of any word in the word of God? Well, if we want to do it right, we need to pick the meaning that fits every single place where that same word / root word is used. So, if the meaning of the word in Ephesians 5:33 is “respect”, then that will be the word that fits everywhere. If the meaning is “Honor”, then that will be the meaning that fits everywhere. Since Jesus and the disciples used the Septuagint Greek, and quoted from that, we have another source of words on which to test the meaning as well. Shall we see the consistent meaning, or do we want to keep our eyes and ears closed lest we hear the truth?
Depending on the version of the Septuagint, and depending on the N.T. Greek document(s) you choose to use, there are approximately 567 places where phobos, in one of it’s forms, is used. They are:
G1630
ἔκφοβος
ekphobos
ek'-fob-os
From
G1537 and
G5401;
frightened out of one’s wits: - sore afraid, exceedingly fear.
Septuagint: 1 N.T. : 2
3 Total
G5398
φοβερός
phoberos
fob-er-os'
From
G5401;
frightful, that is, (objectively)
formidable: - fearful, terrible.
Septuagint: 33 N.T. : 4
37 total
G5399
φοβέω
phobeō
fob-eh'-o
From
G5401; to
frighten, that is, (passively) to
be alarmed; by analogy to
be in awe of, that is,
revere: - be (+ sore) afraid, fear (exceedingly), reverence.
Septuagint: 342 N.T. : 97
439 Total
G5400
φόβητρον
phobētron
fob'-ay-tron
Neuter of a derivative of
G5399; a
frightening thing, that is,
terrific portent: - fearful sight.
Septuagint: 1 N.T. : 1
2 Total
G5401
φόβος
phobos
fob'-os
From a primary φέβομαι phebomai (to
be put in
fear);
alarm or
fright: - be afraid, + exceedingly, fear, terror.
Septuagint: 126 N.T. : 47
173 Total
Here are some of the available words that pertain to respect and honor, that God could have used, that have nothing at all to do with fear and terror:
G1788
ἐντρέπω
entrepō
en-trep'-o
From
G1722 and the base of
G5157; to
invert, that is, (figuratively and reflexively) in a good sense, to
respect; or in a bad one, to
confound: - regard, (give) reverence, shame.
Septuagint: 34 N.T. : 11
45 Total
G5092
τιμή
timē
tee-may'
From
G5099; a
value, that is,
money paid, or (concretely and collectively)
valuables; by analogy
esteem (especially of the highest degree), or the
dignity itself: - honor, precious, price, some.
Septuagint: 58 N.T. : 44
102 Total
There are 147 places throughout the Old and New Testaments where the words for respect, value, regard, reverence, esteem and honor are ALWAYS used, but they do not have anything at all to do with “phobos”, and its other forms which is always translated, fear, terror, frightened, … shaking in your boots, … by every translator in about 650 out of 657 places. The question is, are the meanings interchangeable? Can we use fear or terror for respect, honor, … in English, in all the places where those Greek words are used in scripture, and not change the meaning to make everything non-sensical, and can we use respect, honor, … for fear, terror, trembling, losing bodily control, … everyplace in scripture and again, not make most of the passages non-sensical?
I could list them all. There are even places where words for Honor, Respect, … and the word for fear are used in the exact same sentence. Question, if God had meant “respect” and/or “Honor” why did He not choose one of the 2 words consistently used that already have that meaning?
Next question to ask a Greek expert who wants to hold to the “respect” or “honor” interpretation as a viable option for the word “phobos” is, “What, from the texts, of the passages in question, requires you to use the other interpretation? The answer: There is nothing in the text that “requires” the other interpretation. If you ask them why they do not choose the consistent meaning, you will get all kinds of waffling answers, the alternate meaning is allowed in cases where … but it’s not consistent … if you manage to pin them down you will hear that Christians are not to still fear God or judgment, and wives are not to have literal fear for their husbands, ergo the meaning has to be respect. When you tell them that they are then altering the consistent meaning of the word to make it conform to their beliefs, the honest ones will agree that that is the case. When you ask if any other belief group then has permission to alter the consistent meaning of the words used in 1% of the places to make those passages fit their beliefs, they say, “Of course not.” The word of God is not supposed to be of a private interpretation. It seems we have a double standard.
A wife is commanded to be subject to her own husband in the fear of God. All submission is to be done in the fear of God. Wives are to fear their own husbands. Anyone feeling upset, angry … befuddled … yet? Let me explain as I did to the class.
You see, we, the husbands, are to FEAR our Husband, Jesus Christ the Word of God. I tremble in fear all the time. Oh do I fear. It’s real, honest to God, the boat is sinking in the storm, there is a body floating on the water in the middle of the night in the middle of the lake, my head is about to be chopped off, FEAR. That’s what fear is, from the worry part, to the more extreme “Ekphobos”, losing control of bodily functions, shaking so bad you cannot move kind. Same thing, just different degrees.
Now for what I am in REAL FEAR of with my Husband. Am I afraid He will beat me for getting something wrong? Nope. No fear of that. AM I in fear of spending an eternity in hell? Nope. No fear whatsoever. What am I afraid of then? I am in real fear, real TERROR, of displeasing Him. I am in real fear of misinterpreting His will / His word, and thus living contrary to His heart’s desire. I want to please my Husband so much that I would rather cut off an arm than hear that He is displeased with me. To think that I might distort the consistent meaning of His words to fit what I want to believe, or would want to do INSTEAD of EXACTLY what He says and means TERRIFYS me. Because I love Him so much, I fear. I have dread. I fall short and I weep. He loves, He comforts … I try and I fail.
Wives, you are to subject to your own husbands in the fear of the Lord. Wives, fear your husbands. Will you respect and honor them as well, IF you fear? Yes. But you can do those things and never ever be close to what God commands you to have for your husband. Do you FEAR God enough to do as He commands and FEAR your own husband? In truth, you are as subject to God as you are your own husband. You fear God as much as you fear your own husband. It all starts with a Christian man and woman FEARING GOD. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom after all.
