my marriage

[mikeny]

Hi everyone, I had troubles in my marriage that were brought on by me mostly. I had left the household for about 3 weeks and moved back this past week. I discovered my wife had been using Christian mingle. She met some guy on there and I accidentally saw some emails. She knows I know. they are chatting,texting,Facebook.she even wanted to invite him over last nite but knew I had a problem with that.we have 2 little boys.she keeps talking about and moving in the direction of divorce. I still love her but don't want divorce.last night she met the guy at the mall instead of him coming over.she asks me if I'm OK now,because when I first found out I was very upset and hurt.but I'm trying to be the good guy and still helping in the home and the boys.I want a chance..to be forgiven,I don't wanna feel like she's given up on me. She tells me she was drawn to him because of his commitment to his christian faith. I thought of contacting him very nicely and ask him to stay out of my marriage, I mean if he is really that good of a guy and Christian, he would understand.even though my wife would not like it maybe.from what I have seen on his Facebook, he's very much Christian.. quoting scripture etc. He's employed at VOA and a homeless shelter place..case worker I think. So, what should I do...any advice? Thanks for your time.

 

[jogoldie]

Hello brother...I seem to be confused.....if you left 3 weeks ago....and she is on dating sites....I dont understand
why she wanted you to move back.....because when a spouse returns I figure its to work on the marriage....
And if this man is a christian as he claims....knowing her situation.....that would mean he is interfering with
a marriage.....troubled or not......its against Gods commands....it seems I have as many questions as you....
maybe not a help I suppose....but these are the first things I would find out about....
and dont you think her bringing this man to the home.....would that not confuse the children ....
the only way to get your answers is to sit down and discuss this with her....christian marrage counseling
comes to mind.....we cant move on unless we close the door....and her door is wide open.....
Sorry..this is'nt much of a help...you say it was mostly your fault.....kind of vague..if its infidelity you have done..
that might explain why she wants to see another man....but if not...she is playing a dangerous game....and I dont
think this is right for the children.....or herself........im sorry this is happening to you....I will surely pray for you and
your family.....but get in there and win this girl back....let no one or nothing get into your way....you have God on your side..
the last thing He wants is for this marriage to fail...put this in His hands.....find a christian man to council you in
what God expects a husband to be......and do it.......may you find peace and joy......jo

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hi everyone, I had troubles in my marriage that were brought on by me mostly. I had left the household for about 3 weeks and moved back this past week. I discovered my wife had been using Christian mingle. She met some guy on there and I accidentally saw some emails. She knows I know. they are chatting,texting,Facebook.she even wanted to invite him over last nite but knew I had a problem with that.we have 2 little boys.she keeps talking about and moving in the direction of divorce. I still love her but don't want divorce.last night she met the guy at the mall instead of him coming over.she asks me if I'm OK now,because when I first found out I was very upset and hurt.but I'm trying to be the good guy and still helping in the home and the boys.I want a chance..to be forgiven,I don't wanna feel like she's given up on me. She tells me she was drawn to him because of his commitment to his christian faith. I thought of contacting him very nicely and ask him to stay out of my marriage, I mean if he is really that good of a guy and Christian, he would understand.even though my wife would not like it maybe.from what I have seen on his Facebook, he's very much Christian.. quoting scripture etc. He's employed at VOA and a homeless shelter place..case worker I think. So, what should I do...any advice? Thanks for your time.

It was wrong of her to go on a dating site, when she is married. It was wrong of her to go and meet the guy, knowing that it's immoral and that you're upset and hurt. If she truly cared about you at all she would not be acting like this. You say you're thinking of contacting him and asking him to stay out of your marriage--that sounds like an excellent idea!! If your wife does'nt like it, too bad, she brought this upon herself and now she needs to reap the consequences of her immoral actions. I agree with jogoldie--fight for your marriage.

 

[patience]

I have to agree it was wrong of her to go on a dating site, and so quick three weeks. Did you cheat on her? for her to lose the trust in you so quick and thinking it was all over.

I would contact the guy, if he is good Christian as you say he is , he should step back .. I would ask her what about her Christian Faith and also say lets grow together in are Faith and move forward.

Its going to take time , seems like since she already thinking about moving forward , So how bad do you want this ? And to move forward the other person needs to be out of the picture , and all contact of him , even unfriend him on Facebook ...

Because this way she not going behind your back , talking and texting him.

Sorry your going though this , remember the power of prayer is very strong .

 

[notuptome]

The word insane hardly begins to cover this issue. Too many lies to sort out the truth. Neither party is being honest and neither party is concerned about the other. Both are only concerned about themselves. The third party involved in this is either unaware of the situation or doesn't see it as a concern.

Why would anyone expect the Lord to intervene when He is not invited to the party?

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[mikeny]

I guess I need to clarify some things and more...I had an order of protection in place because I inappropriately hit one of the boys.but its been modified, so I can stay or visit,she's granted custody of our residence.her mom lives with us and is 72.we can't afford a babysitter during the day for the boys, me and her mom take care of them.I work nites. I really have no where else to go..I was with my mom, but she asked me if I could find another place to stay,because my parents had there own problems middle this year,they will divorce soon.we had other problems over the last few years or so..I use to go on like social dating site off and on. I confessed eventually because she knew something was going on.but I never ever met anyone at all. Basically it was a lot of meaningless msgs and never got to know anyone. I don't do it anymore.so she tells me she felt hurt many years about lying and fighting and not caring about her.I want counseling but it seems she don't.I'm thinking of contacting him very nicely and even though our marriage is in crisis,telling him please understand..good idea or not?

 

[sparkles1981]

So your wife went on social dating sites.. but so did you? Um.. and you are upset with her..? Confused..

 

[mikeny]

Yeah OK I see your point thank you..

 

[notuptome]

Yeah OK I see your point thank you..

What is your relationship with Christ? What is her relationship with Christ? Are either of you saved? Do either of you go to church? Right now it is hard to tell you apart from a run of the mill heathen.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[mikeny]

Yes we are saved, but her relationship with Christ is stronger. I'm working on my faith. I believe in Christ.

 

[Eze20]

My advice would be to sit her down with you and go through the Bible places where it speaks about marriage and especially divorce. After that if she still wants to continue the unhealthy relationship with the guy who claims to be a christian, contact the guy and speak with him about word of God when it comes to adultery and marriage also.

Personally I think the only way to save your marriage is to run to Jesus and to His word. Renew your mind and your wife's mind by the word of God. To show the seriousness of divorce in God's eyes, I think Malachi 2 puts it well.

"Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
17 Ye have wearied the Lord with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?"

Personally I think NASB explains verse 15 better: "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth."

Looking at the bolded part its good to remember also that Bible does say that he that hath not Spirit of Christ in him is none of His. Bible does also tell us what are the only acceptable reasons for divorce in New Testament (Adultery). I would really encourage you to take out your Bible together with your wife and go through the Bible places that speak about this subject. It might be wise thing also to perhaps listen few sermons by Paul Washer or David Wilkerson on the subject if you can find any.

But ultimately you need to seek Jesus with all your heart and plead Him to save your marriage and also change you. The change always begins with us ourselves and then we might become the instruments that God uses for restoration. Also start praying together daily if you don't yet. There is cliche saying; Couple that prays together stays together. There is truth to that saying.

Take my advices with grain of salt, I am not marriage counselor nor even too experienced in life nor marriage. But I do believe that nothing is too impossible for God and His word has power to change hearts with the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

[notuptome]

Yes we are saved, but her relationship with Christ is stronger. I'm working on my faith. I believe in Christ.

Then you have a foundation from which you can work toward restoration. Get to a Christian counselor or Christian pastor and work these things out. It will be work and it will take time but it can be done. It can not be done apart from the Lord.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[presidente]

If you didn't have any boys in the house, for example, if you hired a baby sitter, you could have him over for dinner with your wife. Then quote one of the many Proverbs about a man who commits adultery taking his own life in his hands. Tell him to stay away from your wife, and that you intend to reconcile. Ask him if he is a Christian, why does he think it's okay to have an affair with a married woman.

If he doesn't go over for dinner, you can show up on his doorstep and tell him the same thing. Don't fight him, of course. If you show up at his house, he knows that you know where he lives.

I know a guy going through something similar. He says he just trusts his wife to choose him and not the other man at this point. But that hasn't worked out too well for him since she's been sneaking around behind his back for so long.

If she leaves you, then you messed up her 'escape plan' and she doesn't have anyone to commit adultery with. You don't owe her that kind of sinful happiness.

 

[Matt1626]

Hi everyone, I had troubles in my marriage that were brought on by me mostly. I had left the household for about 3 weeks and moved back this past week. I discovered my wife had been using Christian mingle. She met some guy on there and I accidentally saw some emails. She knows I know. they are chatting,texting,Facebook.she even wanted to invite him over last nite but knew I had a problem with that.we have 2 little boys.she keeps talking about and moving in the direction of divorce. I still love her but don't want divorce.last night she met the guy at the mall instead of him coming over.she asks me if I'm OK now,because when I first found out I was very upset and hurt.but I'm trying to be the good guy and still helping in the home and the boys.I want a chance..to be forgiven,I don't wanna feel like she's given up on me. She tells me she was drawn to him because of his commitment to his christian faith. I thought of contacting him very nicely and ask him to stay out of my marriage, I mean if he is really that good of a guy and Christian, he would understand.even though my wife would not like it maybe.from what I have seen on his Facebook, he's very much Christian.. quoting scripture etc. He's employed at VOA and a homeless shelter place..case worker I think. So, what should I do...any advice? Thanks for your time.

Set up an appointment with your pastor right away with her.
Never move out
start attending your church daily with your boys

IF she truly wants to lead a Christian life ask her were divorce is in the bible
Also if she truly attempts to date others ask the man she met on Christian mingle and ask him to discuss scripture, become his friend


pray
I'm sure you can save your marriage with Christ

 

[biscuit]

Until he gives CC a slight detail as to why he left his wife for three weeks, I really find it difficult to give advice on the matter. And I really have a problem when the OP gives incomplete info such as age and Christian values.

In reality, his wife committed adultery when she solicited an affair online.

 

[seekingg]

He can not date a married woman. God hates divorce. If he cares for her why would he do something that could possibly condemn her soul to hell. They should both know this. they are looking at only what they want and not what would please god. they think they are entitled to break the rules cause of what happen to them. I know because i have been separated for 3 years after the first year i got lonely and started to talk to women on christian mingle also. the holy spirit finny convicted me i am still married and can not do any thing that would form any emotional commitment with a woman. she should flee from sin. BUT IF SHE DON'T IT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THE SAME THING. i WOLD CONTACT HIM IF I WERE YOU. ASK HIM HOW GOD WOULD EVER BLESS ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT IS FORM ON ADULTERY. WHAT IF GOD SAVES YOU MARRIAGE AND YOU WIFE COME BACK WITH HIS BABY IN HERE BELLY.

 

[BelieverInChrist]

Sounds like neither her or this man are very good Christians. Adultery is a sin, and they should both know this. Also, if she is willing to cheat on you, doesn't this guy understand that she will probably cheat on him as well. And if he is interfering with your marriage, then she should know that he will do the same to her if they end up in a serious relationship, he will cheat on her as well.

Communication is the key to any relationship, I have no right to tell you what to do or give any advice. My advice may be wrong and not in line with what God has planned for your lives. Everything has to go through God before it gets to us, so as strange as it sounds...He does have a reason and a purpose for this happening.

Also due to the sin being committed, this could possibly be the consequences to everyone's actions.

Keep your focus on God and let Him do what He needs to do in your lives. Since I have not been in your shoes, all I can say brother is, I will be praying for you and may God give you a clear answer in what you should do.

God bless you.

 

[sandtigeress]

Hm, my advice would be to get your relationship with god in order, and to trust in your lord.
Pray, for him to work on you and on your familie interactions, and trust the situation
to the lord, no matter how long it takes.

That she is meeting a good christian man, is not a sign of impending adultary,
she might (just) look for a (male) friend to help her redifine her values, to see what
she needs to have in you (if you stay, and you have to really change, if a future
is to be possible) and what she can give to a mate (give to you, if you stay that
man). And a christian man, is actually safer, then any other kind of rival.

This is a time of growing, for both of you, but also especially for you.
She took you back into the home. That is a huge step towards you.

And yes you might want to meet that man, if there is a possibility to make
him a family friend, instead of a risk.