Songwriting

[Blueblonde9916]

So I wrote a song and I was wondering if I could get opinions on the lyrics... Good honest opinions of course these are the lyrics:

Verse 1:
A song of praise
To honor your name
Only lyrics of worship
Not lyrics for my gain

A song I bring
To please my King
Only lyrics of worship
Not lyrics for my needs

Chorus:
So I'll sing, "Holy, Holy is the Lord"
I follow after you my Savior
You have raised me up
You have shown me love
My Lord
My Lord

Verse 2:
The first time I
First felt new life
Inside my soul
I saw the light

It's still amazing
That gift you gave me
Inside my soul
I know I'm free

Chorus:
And I'll sing, "Holy, Holy is the Lord"
I follow after you my Savior
You have raised me up
You have shown me love
My Lord
My Lord
Every believer knows of your reign
We'll never worship or to another pray
You are beautiful
You work miracles
My Lord
My Lord

Bridge:
Let us all cry out to the Lord
"Jesus, you are wonderful!"
Let every thing that hath breath say
"God, you are my God"
"God, you are my God"
"Oh... You are my... God!!!!"

Chorus:
l'll sing, "Holy, Holy is the Lord"
I follow after you my Savior
You have raised me up
You have shown me love
My Lord
My Lord
Every believer knows of your reign
We'll never worship or to another pray
You are beautiful
You work miracles
My Lord
My Lord

You are beautiful
You work miracles my Lord
My Lord
My Lord
My Lord...

 

[SouthernStorm]

Hi there. I hope you don't mind my opinion. I have been a worship leader for many years and I really like your song. I sang it to see how it flows

In the first verse I would replace the word lyrics for "words".
The Chorus where you have written My Lord, My Lord ~ I would replace with, My Lord, My God.
In Verse 2 you used the word "first" twice. I would replace with "received new life".
In the bridge I would replace God you are my God to ~ "Lord you are my God and then God you are my God"
In the last chorus I would write ! "Lord you are my God, God you are my God"

The last piece I would write ~ You are beautiful, You work miracles my Lord
My God
My Lord
My God...

Bless you xox

 

[Blueblonde9916]

Thanks so much that's really flattering. I didn't actually think it flowed well and I thought the lyrics were kinda corny but it might be the way I sang it. I guess the way you sing it makes it flow. And thanks for the suggestions

 

[blue_ladybug]

I agree with SS. Replace the word "lyrics" to "words" in the first verse. And the last part needs to be changed from "not lyrics for my gain" to something like "words of love for my King."

Then change this:

A song I bring
To please my King
Only lyrics of worship
Not lyrics for my needs

To something like this:


A song I SING
To please my Lord.
A song of worship
For my beloved King.

 

[IDEAtor]

Creative suggestions

Verse 1:
A song of praise
To honor your name
Only lyrics of worship --I like how the "ick" in lyrics goes with the "hip" in worship, do not change this "lyrics" out
Not words for my gain --The one syllable "words" fits better with "gain," which rhymes with "name."

A song I bring
that pleases my King --(That pleases creates same syllables as "to honor," while keeping "please")
Only lyrics of worship
Not words for my need(s) --soft, delayed "s"

Chorus:
So I'll sing, "Holy, Holy is the Lord"
I follow after you, my Savior
You have raised me up
You have shown me Your love-- While redundant, or implied, it may be more intentionally intimate to add "Your."
My Lord,
My Lord God.-- Staying with SouthernStorm's input.