Daughter Raised by Two Moms Speaks Out

[p_rehbein]

• Daughter of Two Moms Comes Out Against Gay Marriage

Heather Barwick, who has come out against gay marriage despite having a lesbian mom. A South Carolina woman’s new essay about being raised by her lesbian mom contains a surprising revelation: she opposes marriage equality. My mom raised me with her same-sex partner back in the ’80s and ’90s,”…



EXCERPT:
“Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not,” she writes. “A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.”

 

[3Scoreand10]

This is child abuse.

 

[Willie-T]

If only ALL of us, both heterosexual and homosexual could grasp the importance of children having both a mother and a father in the home.

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

If only ALL of us, both heterosexual and homosexual could grasp the importance of children having both a mother and a father in the home.

I agree, and I want to make clear here I'm not responding negatively at all. But sometimes it isn't possible.

With my kids, initially it was me who was out of their lives. I struggled with PTSD, addiction, unfaithfulness, and a host of other sins in my previous marriage. But I came to Christ in 1993, after my ex divorced me for my behavior. What happened next is nothing short of ironic, if not outright bizarre.

She had her own addictions problems that I never knew about. She met a supposedly ex-felon on federal parole for meth manufacture, and started dating him over the next couple years. One Friday I came over to her house to pick up the kids for my weekend, and rang the doorbell. My eight-year-old son came to the door. I asked where his mom was, and he didn't know. She hadn't been home since the night before. He'd gotten himself and his sister up for school, fed them breakfast -- cold cereal, but it was better than nothing -- and got them on the bus. They were scared, but trying to cope.

I told them to pack some extra things in their bags and took them to my house. She didn't show up at her house all weekend. Or into the following week. I filed for temporary custody, with notice of intent to acquire custodial parental rights. In the next six months, she failed to show up or had her lawyer postpone hearings on the custodial rights petition more than a dozen times. Finally, the judge got fed up with her.

Now, while it's controversial to do so, I'm going to ask -- If it had been me abandoning the kids and her seeking custodial rights, does anyone think it would have taken six months for the judge to "get fed up with" me, if the circumstances were the same, just reversed?

I've no sympathy for a parent of either gender acting in the way she did. But I've been criticized for not "making sure" their mom was involved in their lives while I raised them by myself and put them through college -- admittedly a task made easier by my son's Division I soccer scholarship.

Nonetheless, It wasn't up to me to "make sure" of anything regarding her. I didn't shut her out, she shut herself out. She made her choice. We made ours.

Sometimes, that's just the way it is.

 

[lumberjack]

This is child abuse.

what is? two moms? not by definition

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

what is? two moms? not by definition

The girl raised by two lesbians disagrees with you.

 

[lumberjack]

The girl raised by two lesbians disagrees with you.

That's why I said "by definition," this is an individual case of a woman who all of a sudden claims to have missed her father in childhood, it tells me nothing about the ability of two women to raise kids in general. Interestingly enough the full article mentions the fact that 'Her father, meanwhile, “wasn’t a great guy,” and “didn’t bother coming around anymore.”' Image what would have happened if she had been brought up by both her mom and dad. She got all the love in the world of her step mom though, while the father she "missed" in childhood wouldn't have been there for her in the first place. Heather turned out alright, maybe she should stop wining.

 

[Grandpa]

That's why I said "by definition," this is an individual case of a woman who all of a sudden claims to have missed her father in childhood, it tells me nothing about the ability of two women to raise kids in general. Interestingly enough the full article mentions the fact that 'Her father, meanwhile, “wasn’t a great guy,” and “didn’t bother coming around anymore.”' Image what would have happened if she had been brought up by both her mom and dad. She got all the love in the world of her step mom though, while the father she "missed" in childhood wouldn't have been there for her in the first place. Heather turned out alright, maybe she should stop wining.

That's not the way I saw it.

She didn't say she wasn't loved. She said she missed having a father.

If her mom would've been in a healthy hetero relationship she could have had a dad. But her moms homo relationship wasn't able to provide that.

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

That's why I said "by definition," this is an individual case of a woman who all of a sudden claims to have missed her father in childhood ...

As an addictions and marriage/family therapist, I can tell you with absolute certainty there is nothing "sudden" about it. Children who are deprived, for whatever reason, of their fathers will present indications of psychosocial stress that comes out as anger, fear, withdrawal, acting out, and other types of behavior that are in reality cries for help.

... it tells me nothing about the ability of two women to raise kids in general.

Whether you want to accept it or not, a child needs both parents. There are aspects of men as parents that women can't mimic, or replace. There are aspects of women as parents that men can't mimic or replace. It has nothing to do with the "ability" to be a parent. A man can't replace a mother, and a woman can't replace a father. We know this from observation and research.

Interestingly enough the full article mentions the fact that 'Her father, meanwhile, “wasn’t a great guy,” and “didn’t bother coming around anymore.”'

I'm sorry, but your youth and inexperience in the world as a husband and father makes you too naïve to understand what she is saying there. Her mom knew she was a lesbian even before she got married. You don't think she owed her husband that particular bit of information? You don't think that might color his attitude toward his ex-wife, and the daughter she kept from him through the courts? Maybe you don't understand how divorce works. Maybe you should learn about that before you express an opinion that renders her relationship to her dad inconsequential based on two sentences in an essay.

It certainly doesn't negate, even for her, what she wrote later in the piece: "My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost."

Image what would have happened if she had been brought up by both her mom and dad.

We don't have to imagine it. Her essay tells us what she missed. You're going to tell this young lady, from your total eighteen years of experience on this Earth, she nearly 30 now, happily married, seeing what a loving father does for their kids and what a loving husband does for her, and you're got the audacity to tell her ...

... Heather turned out alright, maybe she should stop wining.

If Heather thought she "turned out all right" she wouldn't have written the essay. Perhaps you need to walk a few more years and miles in this life before you can pretend to dissect someone else's life.

 

[Willie-T]

I agree, and I want to make clear here I'm not responding negatively at all. But sometimes it isn't possible.

With my kids, initially it was me who was out of their lives. I struggled with PTSD, addiction, unfaithfulness, and a host of other sins in my previous marriage. But I came to Christ in 1993, after my ex divorced me for my behavior. What happened next is nothing short of ironic, if not outright bizarre.

She had her own addictions problems that I never knew about. She met a supposedly ex-felon on federal parole for meth manufacture, and started dating him over the next couple years. One Friday I came over to her house to pick up the kids for my weekend, and rang the doorbell. My eight-year-old son came to the door. I asked where his mom was, and he didn't know. She hadn't been home since the night before. He'd gotten himself and his sister up for school, fed them breakfast -- cold cereal, but it was better than nothing -- and got them on the bus. They were scared, but trying to cope.

I told them to pack some extra things in their bags and took them to my house. She didn't show up at her house all weekend. Or into the following week. I filed for temporary custody, with notice of intent to acquire custodial parental rights. In the next six months, she failed to show up or had her lawyer postpone hearings on the custodial rights petition more than a dozen times. Finally, the judge got fed up with her.

Now, while it's controversial to do so, I'm going to ask -- If it had been me abandoning the kids and her seeking custodial rights, does anyone think it would have taken six months for the judge to "get fed up with" me, if the circumstances were the same, just reversed?

I've no sympathy for a parent of either gender acting in the way she did. But I've been criticized for not "making sure" their mom was involved in their lives while I raised them by myself and put them through college -- admittedly a task made easier by my son's Division I soccer scholarship.

Nonetheless, It wasn't up to me to "make sure" of anything regarding her. I didn't shut her out, she shut herself out. She made her choice. We made ours.

Sometimes, that's just the way it is.

Oh, I agree. My father kicked my mother out because she wouldn't abort me, and he divorced her before I was even born. My mother tried two more marriages, but I was, basically, raised by my mother, my grandmother, and a black nanny. And I will admit that it warped me... probably more than I know.

I used to long for what the other kids had with complete families. A single parent just cannot give children everything they need, growing up.

 

[lumberjack]

Perhaps you need to walk a few more years and miles in this life before you can pretend to dissect someone else's life.

Sounds like an ad hominem argument to me. Speaking of which: how does a learned man like you manage to choose a username like THAT? "Viligant-warrior" (sic) indeed.

 

[Jimbone]

That's why I said "by definition," this is an individual case of a woman who all of a sudden claims to have missed her father in childhood, it tells me nothing about the ability of two women to raise kids in general. Interestingly enough the full article mentions the fact that 'Her father, meanwhile, “wasn’t a great guy,” and “didn’t bother coming around anymore.”' Image what would have happened if she had been brought up by both her mom and dad. She got all the love in the world of her step mom though, while the father she "missed" in childhood wouldn't have been there for her in the first place. Heather turned out alright, maybe she should stop wining.

Dude I understand the point you're trying to make but I have to say I disagree. Having grown up without my birth mother I can assure you a child NEEDS BOTH parents period. That's just truth brother, and NO ONES parents are both female, or both male. You need one of each to even make a child, that is Gods design. Are you suggesting God didn't design it right and you know better?

Look we don’t get to change truth because it may offend someone, nor do WE get to decide what’s right or wrong. This case is about a woman raised by 2 loving women, who seemingly raised her to the best of their abilities and the child still feels something was missing. It’s just unnatural period and when we walk away from God no matter what the case is, it is in the direction of death we walk to, and that’s the bottom line. Just to be clear I think the exact same way towards strait couples that reject God as well. I say this having raise my kids both ways, thinking I had God, and being regenerated by His spirit. We need God and to follow His direction to have any chance of raising our kids right or having any kind of “fulfilled” life. The truth is we can’t live in rebellion towards God, not follow His word, and expect to be blessed because “we don’t feel it’s wrong”.

 

[lumberjack]

Dude I understand the point you're trying to make but I have to say I disagree.

Now THAT I can respect, although I don't necessarily agree with everything you say either.
As long as we can agree to disagree.

 

[Jimbone]

Now THAT I can respect, although I don't necessarily agree with everything you say either.
As long we can agree to disagree.

Well I think that can work, but I don't really disagree with you completely. Life is never just black and white in these situations, and I'm sure there are countless people that grew up with their real mom and dad that would give anything to have been raised in a family like this girl had. I don't just think of it like "everyone follow Gods way or you should be punished no matter the situation". Life is not black and white and I could think of many examples of people who would be much better off in a loving "gay" household then what they have now (not that that makes it right, but what's the differance when both groups are living sinfully anyway). We as a society have fallen so far down that it's really hard to make these kinds of points anyway. I really just meant this in an overarching general sense, then as a dogmatic instruction that all Christians should live by no matter what (we should really, but in this world we have fallen too far and are distracted by too much, besides giving WAY too much emphasis on what we FEEL is right or wrong without going to the Word). So I appreciate your willingness to come to a common ground in a polite way, and wanted you to know I understood what you were saying and do agree in a sense.

 

[Nautilus]

"Viligant-warrior"

Lol never paid enough attention to notice that myself.

 

[AngelFrog]

Brave young woman. Considering the assaults she'll no doubt suffer from the homosexual lobby who demand tolerance but never afford it to those who do not concur with their agenda.

There is no such thing as two moms. Just as there is no such thing as a man giving birth. But in our falling society those labels are attached to falsehoods as if they're absolutes. And those opposed due to reason are absolutely assailed for daring to be so.
The new nomenclature. Down is up. Wrong is right. Males are female because they call themselves that and dress the part.
Females are male for the same reason. Pay no attention to that God given vagina.

Where are we headed?
A nation that turns from God falls into the clutches of the enemy.

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

Sounds like an ad hominem argument to me. Speaking of which: how does a learned man like you manage to choose a username like THAT? "Viligant-warrior" (sic) indeed.

And as I've said to others who claim to point out that "error," learn something about ironic sarcasm as a humor form.

As for an "ad hominem" argument, that would be you, picking out the last line of a lengthy post to "attack," due to your inability to respond to the logic of the rest of it.

 

[p_rehbein]

Well I think that can work, but I don't really disagree with you completely. Life is never just black and white in these situations, and I'm sure there are countless people that grew up with their real mom and dad that would give anything to have been raised in a family like this girl had. I don't just think of it like "everyone follow Gods way or you should be punished no matter the situation". Life is not black and white and I could think of many examples of people who would be much better off in a loving "gay" household then what they have now (not that that makes it right, but what's the differance when both groups are living sinfully anyway). We as a society have fallen so far down that it's really hard to make these kinds of points anyway. I really just meant this in an overarching general sense, then as a dogmatic instruction that all Christians should live by no matter what (we should really, but in this world we have fallen too far and are distracted by too much, besides giving WAY too much emphasis on what we FEEL is right or wrong without going to the Word). So I appreciate your willingness to come to a common ground in a polite way, and wanted you to know I understood what you were saying and do agree in a sense.

I think Scripture is fairly clear that it's GOD'S WAY or eternal damnation.......that's kinda black and white in my opinion. But, you may be aware of some Scripture that I am not aware of?

 

[Jimbone]

I think Scripture is fairly clear that it's GOD'S WAY or eternal damnation.......that's kinda black and white in my opinion. But, you may be aware of some Scripture that I am not aware of?

I was talking about life situations not always being black and white, not Gods word. Get it now? Thanks for swooping in to set me strait though.
I guess I could have worded it better.

 

[p_rehbein]

I was talking about life situations not always being black and white, not Gods word. Get it now? Thanks for swooping in to set me strait though.
I guess I could have worded it better.

I wuz confused fer sure.............no worries though