Requiem for a Dream

Something new is happening.
time to leave this past behind,
Shake the dust off my feet and
dry every tear from my eyes.
Stop looking back at what was,
and what wasn't.
appeciate the present of the present.
Bravely face the future,
Looking forward to better days.

Time for me to leave this behind,
time for me to begin something new.
its time to forgive, let go, and move on,
It is daybreak, time to walk on through.

​

The Ache
by - (me)

Tossed two and fro;
My heart has become worn.
Sore from the agonizing heartaches;
A smile I can no longer fake.

A kind word I shall give;
shall you heed?
Am I wrong to draw on this?
Do you even feel the need?

Anger is not worth it;
nor is holding a grudge.
For all the pain we suffer;
hurting each other.

Waving a handkerchief;
"Am I alone in this?"
Feeling the same longing hunger,
That has been interrupting my peace.

"Is your heart in shambles?
is it the same as mine?"
Tell me I am crazy;
laugh and then let this heart break;
please tell me your heart, with love,
or I beg you to destroy me with malicious unkind.

As I lower my guard;
To let you strike through,
As my flesh and pride
are dying though my faint whisper.
I Love You.
I can no longer hide my heart
from you.

By - Lo





​

Dear God - After a moment of weakness

I am willing to admit that I am weak,
and full of all sorts of sin
before this world of wolves
awaiting to devour.
Its kind of hard to be free when
you knock me down from Heaven
trying to reveal whats has been hidden in
this aching heart.
What it has been holding onto.
I can't be fake on where my heart is.
O stupid heart, you get me in trouble everytime..
I don't even have to say a word.

I am tormented by my guilt and sins,
they keep me living in the past
my weak aching heart,
keeps me hoping for things
to work out, to last.
I feel pitiful and stupid..

Again, I fell down but I stood up
looked up and ran back to you God.
I don't know how to be free,
I don't know how to use my authority.
For the others who boast,
why does it come so easy?

I have dedicated my life to you,
my service, my will,
Sometimes I feel like I can't do this.
This is hard for me.
Especially because I admit I get lonely.
..It hurts so much.

I will dust myself off,
leave the past behind while dragging
My heavy burdened lonely heart in the dirt
toward you.

I will trust you God,
as I walk toward the future
leave the past behind.
Please forgive me for my sins.

Toward the plan,
that you have for my life.

I love you God.​

You know...I don't like to hurt you.
I don't like having to let you go.

I am sorry for every time that I ever did
cause you pain and let you down.
I just wanted to do the right thing.
Even if it meant denying my wants and needs.
If it meant to be less selfish..

My heart still aches,
its getting worse,
it hurts so much
I never felt this way before about anyone.
that is because I really do love you.
You broke my heart into loving you.

I wish it was you
that I woke up to..
That I walked with down road
looking dow then realizing you were
waiting for me..
Nothing would make me more happy...
I feel that way about you.

aren't I such a fool?
Writing here alone,
trying to get out the pain.

This hurts so much...
crushing my heart.​

A kind word for you.

Everything will be okay for you,
everything will be okay for me.
shake the dust off your feet,
take a deep breath,
Don't be afraid to move forward.
Don't be afraid to be happy,
I want you to be happy,
and remember most of all...you are loved.

I believe in you, I am for your good.
I pray with an aching heart for you.
just know that you will always mean something to me.
None of your efforts of love are ever lost in vain.
you have a place in my heart.
I appreciate every thoughtful little thing you have done.

Just know that it hasn't been easy,
Just know my heart will always be hurting,
but we will be okay.

Just put on a brave face,
and walk forward.

sorrow may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning..​

but I like him..
by: me

Shallow you say?
what? For liking the most popular
boy in school?
I can't help it he keeps throwing stones
at my window.
He keeps blowing spitwads at my hair
trying to get my attention in the classroom
whilr we learn our life lessons.

I ..tried to ignore him,
because I wanted to be the best student
in the classroom, and teachers favorite.

besides..

..why would he ever want to be with me?

We are two different people in
Very different worlds.

You really can't help who you love..
You can't help if they love you back.

But what I would not give to hold his hand.
To spend the day discussing our dreams.
He would probably call me a nerd.
He is too shy to look at me, and in too much demand
by the cheerleaders.

I wonder how I could get to him..
Everything in its own time and season
i suppose.

Two very different worlds.
Yet Two equal sinners,
guilty of the same sin.
Looking up at Heaven
drawing seventy times seven.

i am not better than you..​

Has not happened yet..but it will.
I have not yet met him yet, but I will.
by: (me)

I'm going to get married to a Christian man.
a man who has Jesus in his heart.
I will love him, and he will love me.
I will not pursue him, but he will pursue me.
I will be comfortable around him,
he will be comfortable around me.
I will be attracted to him, and he will be
attracted to me.
He will be my Adam, and I will be his Eve.
He will be the one that has been searching for me.

I am going to get married in a church,
surrounded by friends and family.
That day will be beautiful, warm and sunny.

I've envisioned my wedding dress,
white, beautiful and flowing.
My bouquet of roses,
and the sparkling shimmering ring.

I won't settle...
for the way things use to be.
Something different, there are winds of change,
hear the meadowlark singing,
its morning! Night is gone! It is morning!

I need more than this.
I need more than what I've been dreaming.
I need not the past,
nor the pain,
I need the real thing!

I need a husband,
not a delinquent one night stand.
I won't settle for less than that,
because I know there is more for me.
I deserve better than this.
Did you know that I am a princess?

So I am holding out
For something beautiful,
Something wonderful,
I am ready for.

Something new,
change is coming.
Something beautiful.


​

If that is what you want..
(I will not play this game)

I am moving forward
forgetting what was past,
looking forward toward the future.
​

It's over

I'm breaking it off between us.
It's over.
What am I fighting for?

You go your way.
I will go mine.
Goodbye.​

I'm sorry.
...maybe I acted hastily.
This is really hard for me.
This is extremely confusing and frustrating.
What exactly am I suppose to hold onto?


​

You can hate me,
and your fans can hate me too.
It doesn't make a difference, nor
does it bother me.

I think you expect me to be okay
with this cruelty, but I'm not.
I am a person with feelings just like you..

who has the ability to take years of this?
God has kept me from killing myself
And protected me from danger, Over this, all these long years because
this is not easy to handle.
I suppose I don't matter though, just you
because you are 'someone' to them.

But I am someone to God...
i matter to him.

Your music is hurting you,
and it's hurting them.
But you don't see that.

I cant support it,
i can't be a part of it.

...it's hurting you..

I gave you up because I know I am not what you need.
You dont need another person to love and worship you.

You need God.​

Do you know what Missionary dating is?
It is when a Christian and an unbeliever date.
The whole reason the Christian is with that person
is to save them. Or try to change them.
It's kind of sneaky and underhanded, and it is
manipulation at its best.

It can work the other way around where the
unbeliever tries to change the Christian.

Either way, someone is going to be
pulled in the other direction.
They have to if they want to be one,
to be together.
These sort of relationships never work out.

I didn't want this to be a missionary dating relationship,
that is why I pulled away from you.

I can admit I am guilty of doing this to you, a lot.
But I get called out for it,

I wanted you to choose to be saved,
that way it would be okay to be together..
but it felt wrong to try to pursue this if we
didn't share the same beliefs.
I can't force you to do anything,
nor believe the way I do.
You are pretty stubborn anyway.

that is your choice alone.

I love you but I don't want this to be a missionary date
relationship.
I don't know if that makes sense to you,
I hope it does.​

The best thing I can do for you
is just be quiet now,
and stop talking.

(It is the best thing really..
shutting up for me is the hardest thing to do...
its going to be a struggle, but I can do this.. )

I will give you your space,
and let you move forward with your life too.
I love you and I want you to be happy.

I am sorry I couldn't make this work out..
I love you. Take care of yourself.​

( Sorry I am breaking my world record of silence..only because God is dealing with my heart)

Sin Erased
by: (me)

For all the things I've held onto,
for every debt I used against you.
For all the anger I held inside.
I am canceling all of it, it is gone,
the bitter, poisoned, woman I use to be has died.

Tearing up all that you owe.
I let it all go..I refuse to hold onto it.
I forgive you,
for everything..

I hope one day you will forgive me too,
for all those times I didn't forgive, and used those things against you.

I release you from the prison
I kept you in from me
I know you didn't know any better.
Maybe you didn't know how to be.

How can I be forgiven if I don't forgive..

So this is the beginning of a new thing,
There is now no bad blood in between,
The slate of a bitter past is finally wiped clean.

May God keep a record of everything I say,
May he help me keep my word that I have said this day.

I hope this will one day restore,
and maybe perhaps open a door.
I love you, I want you to know.
I will do my best to remember these things no more.​

From now on, I will watch what I say.
To you, to your friends, and to whomever,
or whatever is important to you.
I need to change, and have more self control
in how I act toward you.

I realize the damage and pain I cause, by seeing
all the things I say. I can't erase any of it, physically
and I can't erase it from your mind, or your heart.

I just got so use to this 'way' of talking to you,
I didn't see past the wall in between that separated us.
It was 'safe' for the both of us.

I like you. I like talking to you,
because you listen for better or worse,
but the bad thing about this wall is that
you don't talk or fight back,
oddly enough I think I need that,
(Hopefully not too much of the fighting part.)
because it makes us real.
I don't want to be fake, and I don't want you
to be fake with me either...You don't have to be.
...because I love you.

I know I can say all this but words don't mean
anything unless they are put into action.
Now I have to keep my big mouth shut,
because you are actually
keeping your word to me..

and I can't keep making excuses anymore...
I can't keep pushing you away either..

I have to admit I am scared..
believing in this, having faith in it.
It's a huge step for me on a shaky bridge
in the storm on the ocean.

when I posted:

"Has not happened yet..but it will.
I have not yet met him yet, but I will." - by me

That was actually aimed at you, I think the 'Christian' man
thing sort of threw you off. It was just how I felt about you.
It didn't mean I was looking for someone else...
​

I can't fight for this fantasy anymore.
It's just not real to me,
and writing to you doesn't make it real..
I can't wait another year for you anymore,

for another concert where I will have to pay to see you?..
I have to let you go.

You can keep your band, I don't want it,
and its logo, I don't want it,
I don't want your fame, your money, your music, your songs,
whatever is holding you to these things...
I don't want anything to do with any of it.

You are an idol to people, but you will never be my God.

Since that is who you choose to be.
..I don't want anything to do with you.
Even if that means losing you..

It all goes against what I believe.
I don't want any of it in my life!

we're done.​