You know that feeling after something bad happens? The helpless feeling that seems to break down the walls you built to keep the world out? The feeling that seems to make pride a pointless past time? I’ve come to know that feeling well over time. It’s always been a pointless hurt until now. I finally see that the walls and pride were the things that kept me thinking I could do it alone.
I find myself standing between the right way and the easy way. My friends think “ gods a joke” and their morals no longer match mine. Their friendships are becoming fake and our smiles rest on uneasy conversation, all derived from forever decreasing similarities. Life is becoming complicated and I’m losing faith in the people I once turned to. Home has become a confusing battle ground. I fight to win a battle I don’t even have control over. Nothing is for sure and the uncertainty has made a once reckless battle a delicate dance between holding onto myself and keeping the world happy. I fight battles agents no one and yet everyone. Each person willing to put me down has become another bit of fuel driving my anger unjustly towards myself.
I’ve found something to fight for but its one more thing for the world to fight against. I finally see who I want to be, but more importantly, I see the fault in who I was. I see what it is to be forgiven. I feel what it is to let go and I know what it is to have faith. I’ve found a new world a world I’m desperately trying to fit into I keep my head down and try to find my balance as I take my first steps toward a new life…a life with God.
I slide down the wall as the tears slowly slide down my face. The tears aren’t from sorrow or happiness but from relief. I put my head in my arms and let myself cry as I pray. I sit here and ask god to forgive me and ask him to lead the way. I sit here and thank him for his grace and love. I thank him for the sorrow and tears as well as the happiness and joy. I ask him to be with me as I start this new life and take the first shaky step towards his love. The tears continue to fall but for once they carry away the hurt as they hit the ground.
I find myself standing between the right way and the easy way. My friends think “ gods a joke” and their morals no longer match mine. Their friendships are becoming fake and our smiles rest on uneasy conversation, all derived from forever decreasing similarities. Life is becoming complicated and I’m losing faith in the people I once turned to. Home has become a confusing battle ground. I fight to win a battle I don’t even have control over. Nothing is for sure and the uncertainty has made a once reckless battle a delicate dance between holding onto myself and keeping the world happy. I fight battles agents no one and yet everyone. Each person willing to put me down has become another bit of fuel driving my anger unjustly towards myself.
I’ve found something to fight for but its one more thing for the world to fight against. I finally see who I want to be, but more importantly, I see the fault in who I was. I see what it is to be forgiven. I feel what it is to let go and I know what it is to have faith. I’ve found a new world a world I’m desperately trying to fit into I keep my head down and try to find my balance as I take my first steps toward a new life…a life with God.
I slide down the wall as the tears slowly slide down my face. The tears aren’t from sorrow or happiness but from relief. I put my head in my arms and let myself cry as I pray. I sit here and ask god to forgive me and ask him to lead the way. I sit here and thank him for his grace and love. I thank him for the sorrow and tears as well as the happiness and joy. I ask him to be with me as I start this new life and take the first shaky step towards his love. The tears continue to fall but for once they carry away the hurt as they hit the ground.