Help I'm falling...

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N

Nomi

Guest
#1
#1
What the **** is wrong with me. I'm crazy. Neurotic. Jagged. Broken. Shattered. TORN.
My life is a big catastrophe. I jump from one disaster scene to the next, from horror story to depressing drama to sad love story to rehab, relapse, rehab again and then I move on to a whole new level of ****ed up... The world of adult entertainment. Why why why why WHY am I so LOST. I'm back in the horror film segment of my life. I'm with my family. I left Las Vegas and moved to a small town in 100 mile because I couldn't bring myself to sell my body and ignore Gods calling anymore. But now as I float here in the light of the love of my family and Gods will, darkness creeps and seeps through the cracks of my broken heart, tearing at my soul and torturing my mind with temptation frustration and worst of all; my past. It Dosent just go away, it dosent just vanish into fairy dust just because I decided to give the straight and narrow a try. I'm a haunted and tormented woman. I'm a blessed and gifted woman. I'm a confused and lost soul. I'm a young girl whose desire to live is growing old. I threw away the vital years of my youth, sold them for a few dollars, glamour glitter fortune and fame... But now all I have is a few dollars and shame, and none of it makes any sense. I'm drowning in confusion and suffering from dillusion, the enemy wants me back. I'm being pulled in two different directions. Do you know how humbling it is to go from making 10k a month and living large to moving back with your MOM and half siblings and creepy step father?!?! From having enough money to do whatever I want to handing out RESUMES at the local mills and Getting regected by the snobby secretary? My ego is screaming in excruciating pain, my pride is no more. Only bitterness. And a desire to be made clean, get my life together, figure out a career and bear witness to the rest of the broken hearts and lost souls out there struggling. Oh God please give me strength, you see my struggle and hear my thoughts. Nothing is hidden from you.
 
E

EvangelistGill

Guest
#2
#2
God has the ability to show you who he is . Be still move out of how you feel because feelings come and go. But the power of God will intervene in your life .
 
M

MadParrotWoman

Guest
#3
#3
Nomi said:
What the **** is wrong with me. I'm crazy. Neurotic. Jagged. Broken. Shattered. TORN.
My life is a big catastrophe. I jump from one disaster scene to the next, from horror story to depressing drama to sad love story to rehab, relapse, rehab again and then I move on to a whole new level of ****ed up... The world of adult entertainment. Why why why why WHY am I so LOST. I'm back in the horror film segment of my life. I'm with my family. I left Las Vegas and moved to a small town in 100 mile because I couldn't bring myself to sell my body and ignore Gods calling anymore. But now as I float here in the light of the love of my family and Gods will, darkness creeps and seeps through the cracks of my broken heart, tearing at my soul and torturing my mind with temptation frustration and worst of all; my past. It Dosent just go away, it dosent just vanish into fairy dust just because I decided to give the straight and narrow a try. I'm a haunted and tormented woman. I'm a blessed and gifted woman. I'm a confused and lost soul. I'm a young girl whose desire to live is growing old. I threw away the vital years of my youth, sold them for a few dollars, glamour glitter fortune and fame... But now all I have is a few dollars and shame, and none of it makes any sense. I'm drowning in confusion and suffering from dillusion, the enemy wants me back. I'm being pulled in two different directions. Do you know how humbling it is to go from making 10k a month and living large to moving back with your MOM and half siblings and creepy step father?!?! From having enough money to do whatever I want to handing out RESUMES at the local mills and Getting regected by the snobby secretary? My ego is screaming in excruciating pain, my pride is no more. Only bitterness. And a desire to be made clean, get my life together, figure out a career and bear witness to the rest of the broken hearts and lost souls out there struggling. Oh God please give me strength, you see my struggle and hear my thoughts. Nothing is hidden from you.
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Naomi, it's called spiritual warfare and it's very real. Satan is tempting you. Even Jesus was tempted by him. All the temptations and negative thoughts come from the father of all lies. You are not what he tells you. If you are in God you are not your past - only your future which is in Christ. God remembers your sins no more - he tells us this in his word! (Hebrews 8:12) Resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#4
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#4
Sorry to say, but your pride and ego is what brought you down. Not to mention that you were/are living a sinful lifestyle by being in the adult video (porn) industry. Money does not buy you happiness, once it's gone, it's gone. Learn a lesson from all of this, let go of the anger, frustration, bitterness. Then move on.
 
B

bikerchaz

Guest
#5
#5
Oh come on lady blue, she said;

"because I couldn't bring myself to sell my body and ignore Gods calling anymore. But now as I float here in the light of the love of my family and Gods will, darkness creeps and seeps through the cracks of my broken heart, tearing at my soul and torturing my mind with temptation frustration and worst of all; my past.

So leaving her past she has gone home, where is your compassion? Jesus said "those who have been forgiven much will love more", If she has gone home and started to allow herself to live in what God has/is doing in her life then she is worthy of praise and support and as much help as can be given, both Spiritually and otherwise.

Nomi, you just keep Jesus as close as you can, He is the life that will save you from yourself. Fight for Him as hard as you can, ignore the world because it does not understand Him, do what ever it takes to get His Spirit inside you to guide you and follow His heart.

This is the race we all run to gain the prize of eternal life by His side, you go for it girl, I am rooting for you and keeping you in my prayers.
God bless.
 
M

mbanham

Banned
#6
Jun 1, 2016
11
0
0
#6
Nomi said:
What the **** is wrong with me. I'm crazy. Neurotic. Jagged. Broken. Shattered. TORN.
My life is a big catastrophe. I jump from one disaster scene to the next, from horror story to depressing drama to sad love story to rehab, relapse, rehab again and then I move on to a whole new level of ****ed up... The world of adult entertainment. Why why why why WHY am I so LOST. I'm back in the horror film segment of my life. I'm with my family. I left Las Vegas and moved to a small town in 100 mile because I couldn't bring myself to sell my body and ignore Gods calling anymore. But now as I float here in the light of the love of my family and Gods will, darkness creeps and seeps through the cracks of my broken heart, tearing at my soul and torturing my mind with temptation frustration and worst of all; my past. It Dosent just go away, it dosent just vanish into fairy dust just because I decided to give the straight and narrow a try. I'm a haunted and tormented woman. I'm a blessed and gifted woman. I'm a confused and lost soul. I'm a young girl whose desire to live is growing old. I threw away the vital years of my youth, sold them for a few dollars, glamour glitter fortune and fame... But now all I have is a few dollars and shame, and none of it makes any sense. I'm drowning in confusion and suffering from dillusion, the enemy wants me back. I'm being pulled in two different directions. Do you know how humbling it is to go from making 10k a month and living large to moving back with your MOM and half siblings and creepy step father?!?! From having enough money to do whatever I want to handing out RESUMES at the local mills and Getting regected by the snobby secretary? My ego is screaming in excruciating pain, my pride is no more. Only bitterness. And a desire to be made clean, get my life together, figure out a career and bear witness to the rest of the broken hearts and lost souls out there struggling. Oh God please give me strength, you see my struggle and hear my thoughts. Nothing is hidden from you.
Click to expand...
Time for you to ask yourself "What Do i Really Want in Life?" Then do it...
 
J

JustWhoIAm

Guest
#7
#7
"God, you want me to WHAT? This hurts..."

Not an easy thing to deal with a lot of the time, holding onto faith in spite of the shadows of one's past.

He's got it covered. All those broken pieces being picked up and reformed can be painful, very painful indeed at times, but he's got it covered.

God is faithful to complete the good work he began in us.
 
B

bikerchaz

Guest
#8
#8
JustWhoIAm said:
"God, you want me to WHAT? This hurts..."

Not an easy thing to deal with a lot of the time, holding onto faith in spite of the shadows of one's past.

He's got it covered. All those broken pieces being picked up and reformed can be painful, very painful indeed at times, but he's got it covered.

God is faithful to complete the good work he began in us.
Click to expand...
This is true Nomi, JustWhoIAm is, in Jesus, just who he is, as are you, as am I. We are all the result of who we are and sealed in Christ the moment we choose to let Him rule in us.

Oh Nomi the love of God encompasses those who fear Him, not a terror fear or a hurtful fear but reverential fear, the same thing as the need He puts in us so we don't hurt the ones we love, and God has an overwhelming portion of love for you. Stand in your choice and listen to your heart tempered with the love you receive from Jesus, and in the faith you are given step out.

Do not fear those who can only hurt the body, they will answer to God. Pray for them and show the grace given to you in the love you have received.

I give thanks to God for your witness, and I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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