No Darkness - Feedback welcome

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patientandkind

Guest
#1
progress from past measured by distance laments travel until being alighted once eyelashes’s precipices
falling off of, dual offerings painfully decadent honor is there wanting being wrested of poison of preference
in indelible penmanship see last first shall be, vice versa and serendipity, sum of all things nil and nothing
kingdom and country one cannot thread through eye of needle, if needing basic necessities and wondering
roll of thunder lightening does till departure is punctuated by lightning, insightful by default owning no reason
living water underlining each rhyme, arrhythmically these weary feet walk as graceful as can be atop ceiling
glass menageries create, don’t understand yourself absent good and plenty that’s the gravity of my situation
circumstantial neighbors considered wild justify acting on whim primitively natural, selective path to desolation
crowd blowing nigh skyward, no darkness heart interred off-center beneath armor of porcelain chest-plate gifts
son do shine so resplendently as lost of Father’s guidance is far gone of godly, HIS Love kind as well as patient
if fundamentally unsound the construct of our constitutions reflect shallowly what’s presented presently in mirror
much closer than what appears, closure: horizon I see parallel and ground floor opportunity to know of serenity
holy Lamb is the standard, eyes set with stanzas then see pillowy difference unworthy blemish wholly insecure
to imbibe what ails false bravado engenders, what ascribes hell comfortable rest assuredly isn’t for remembering
awestruck nil but of Northern star-struck by default must we be at all times not solely when faith shows foreign
to forfeit favor for pittance implies sweat equity’s is standardized, any entitle-mentality heavy-handle a final notice

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Feedback is welcome. Should anyone care to read or hear some further please let me know.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
1. Use capitalization

2.) Use commas and periods.

3.) Use paragraphs.

:)
 
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patientandkind

Guest
#3
Thank you ladybug. I hope to learn the punctuation rules and be that much stronger. Will try my best to do so.
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
4,707
1,131
113
#4
Thank you ladybug. I hope to learn the punctuation rules and be that much stronger. Will try my best to do so.
oh, i dunno. (she replied without capitalization ;))

e.e. cummings didn't capitalize; it's his trademark, so to speak.

poetry differs from prose. i'd say concentrate on your message, and then worry about how you want to format it.

your message is interesting! :)
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
4,707
1,131
113
#5
*addendum*

not that i recommend all of e.e. cummings' poetry! some is fine, and some is not. :eek: