Page 10 of 13 FirstFirst ... 89101112 ... LastLast
Results 181 to 200 of 250
Like Tree463Likes

Christian Poems & Poetry

Inspired poet? Share your inspirations here! :)

Thread: Presbyterian/Baptist War

  1. #181
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Baptist came out
    All donned in white shirt and shorts
    You'd think he was
    One of the knights
    On King Arthur's court

    Then the Presby came out
    In a polka dotted shirt
    With stripped shorts
    That look to have been
    Mired in the dirt

    The Baptist serves the tennis ball
    With fervor and might
    The Presby covers his head
    And runs off in fright

    15-0

    The Baptist then smashes
    Another serve the Presby's way
    It was served with such wicked speed
    It made the Presby's shorts
    Look like he had just on himself peed


    30-0

    The bold Baptist sensing
    The fear in his foe
    Serves another tennis ball
    That breaks 3 of the Presby's toes

    40-0

    When it ain't broke
    Don't try to fix it
    The next serve was so hard
    It hit the net that it split

    His second serve was
    Served just as hard
    That it made the Presby pass out
    Like a drunken Picard

    The Presby runs out
    Of the stadium in fear
    He leaves so fast
    All the fans saw was his rear

    So when a Baptist and Presby
    Get into a tennis scratch
    The ump will look to the Baptist
    And loudly proclaim

    "Game, set, match"
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  2. #182
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Abe Lincoln
    Lived in a house
    Of logs
    Not linkin'

    Presby's a'drinkin'
    Which in turn
    Make his
    Breath a'stinkin'

    "What was I a'thinkin'?"
    Said the drunk Presby
    "When I was a'drinkin'
    And my eye to her
    I was a'winkin'?"

    "My eyes are
    Now a'blinkin'
    After her husband's
    Fist made my
    Head a'clinkin'"

    "I'll go and get
    Babies for
    Water a'dinkin'"
    Said the drunk Presby
    With the avatar
    Of a sunglassed
    Abe Lincoln
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  3. #183
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    February 28th, 2016
    Age
    69
    Posts
    7,328
    Rep Power
    205

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    why blame the 'drinkin', if the water was a stickin'???
    i'll bet Jesus knew what would happen when He allowed
    the water to turn into the wine of rejoicing, when His
    brothers and sisters found their voices of praise and wonder...

  4. #184
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    oldthenew
    wearing denim blue
    eating beef stew
    drinking mountain dew

    oldthenew
    not many but few
    having a tobacco chew
    at the local zoo

    oldthenew
    turned blue
    choking on chew
    while drinking mountain dew

    oldthenew
    coroners few
    packing them to the pew
    in the zoo

    oldthenew
    the coop flew
    their body has dew
    buried with a jew

    at the local zoo
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  5. #185
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    SeoulSearch
    Has a cousin named Lurch
    Who sits on a perch
    Made of birch

    SeoulSearch
    Ain't no jerk
    Goes to church
    In the pews lurk

    SeoulSearch
    Needs some mulch
    To put around the birch
    That made Lurch's perch

    SeoulSearch
    What mirth
    Happy from birth
    Playing is the dirt

    SeoulSearch
    And our friend Mert
    Wondering my mirth
    And my belly's girth

    #That'sallIhave
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  6. #186
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby sneaks into the Baptist church
    To cause a scene and a riot
    But he's caught by a man and a woman
    The man is a deacon
    And the woman his wife

    The deacon gives him a fist
    She gives him a knife
    So much for a riot
    And sowing in that church come strife

    The deacon pounds him to the ground
    And then in three places
    Breaks the Presby's arm
    Then he gets a kick in the ribs
    From that Baptist schoolmarm

    As he leaves the hospital
    Three weeks has past
    Since he got a fist to the face
    And a kick to his...

    Hey, didn't I tell you he needs to stop trying to infiltrate Baptist churches, Des?
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  7. #187
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Des is a Presby
    Lucy a Baptist
    She filed for divorce
    When he demanded
    She wear a habit

    She gives him a poke
    A slap, stomp and fist
    When she's finished with him
    He realizes this ain't no joke

    He then begs her to
    Stay with him and not leave
    "Don't divorce me, Lucy.
    To you I'll always cleave!"

    She then told him
    He must stop the liquor
    He curls his lip
    But she demands he quit quicker

    "Forget you!"
    Were the words he proclaimed
    To his former wife that day.
    "I keep my liquor,
    and drink it quicker,
    And marry your sister Sue!"
    oldethennew likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  8. #188
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    February 28th, 2016
    Age
    69
    Posts
    7,328
    Rep Power
    205

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    boy, what an 'old-story', SG, where did you dig this one up?
    SovereignGrace likes this.

  9. #189
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Desdichado has went AWOL
    Thought he was drinking
    Alcohol
    Turned out to be Correctol

    Desdichado flew the coup
    The Correctol
    He drank
    Made him go poop

    Desdichado in dire straits
    Can find his Garmin
    And because of that
    Can't squeeze the Charmin

    Desdichado looking around
    For something useful
    Maybe someone will
    Get him some Metamucil

    Desdichado sitting
    On his porcelain throne
    Going to order some
    Toilet paper on his iphone

    Desdichado is in need
    Drop his iphone
    In the commode
    Into which he just peed

    Desdichado gets up
    Walks out of his place
    You can tell he's made
    By the look on his face

    Desdichado is a
    Cautionary tale
    Of making sure you have
    Toilet paper for your tail
    Laish likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  10. #190
    Senior Member JaumeJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 2nd, 2011
    Age
    73
    Posts
    12,399
    Blog Entries
    36
    Rep Power
    169

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Most are going to disagree with this pronouncement on denominations, and this is normal for most in this age.

    No named denomination will concur with another simply by virtue of the fact they need to name themselves in order to distinguish them from other named denominations.

    This is why I hear Jesus on the matter always, whom I also like to call Yeshua..

    We are become children of Abrahan, and our faith is the faith of Abraham. This is not a denomination unless someone comes along and makes one up calling it by this reality, not a title.

    Now if you keep in mind Abraham means "Honored Father of Peoples (nations)" you may possibly understand this teaching more profoundly.........

    Those who disagree will disagree while those who understand will know.

    All blessing in Jesus Christ, amen.
    Magenta and oldethennew like this.
    From the Mouth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, or do you call Him Yeshua?
    Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.


  11. #191
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 9th, 2014
    Age
    28
    Posts
    7,392
    Blog Entries
    6
    Rep Power
    123

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Awol he says!
    The star who lays beneath a rock
    I load and lift the iron trays
    While he sniffs his dirty socks

    I journeyed 'cross lands bigger than most nations
    Fought the sun, snow, and sleet
    Forwent the great libations!

    The pillars of Perdition tremble
    As my hand is put to plow
    My mighty host to assemble
    For the coming row

    Don't forget the star!
    Don't give up the ship!
    Cast harpoon down to his lair
    Pierce Neptune's mighty lip

    Jove's shackles are as twine
    Death to the great Hyperion
    Fill the chalice with finest wine
    So returns the Presbyterian
    Laish and SovereignGrace like this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  12. #192
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Des has arms as hard as rocks
    And brains to match
    Sadly, he doesn't know
    How to put on his socks
    Or even his back to scratch
    Laish likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  13. #193
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 9th, 2014
    Age
    28
    Posts
    7,392
    Blog Entries
    6
    Rep Power
    123

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    SovereignGrace is fat.
    Laish and SovereignGrace like this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  14. #194
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    I may be fat
    But keep it quiet
    But youse is ugly
    And I can diet
    Desdichado and Laish like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  15. #195
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby wakes up
    Early on Christmas day
    He can barely open his eyes
    From having too much Tangueray

    His hair's a mess
    His breath a stench
    It reeks of a dog pile
    Found under a park bench

    He stumbles through the house
    Bouncing off the walls
    He barely makes it to the kitchen
    When he suddenly lost it all

    A few minutes later
    He hears a woman say
    "Are you okay my sweetie?"
    He thinks "May day, May day!"

    He looks at her
    In awe and wonder
    Not knowing what had went down
    He thought, "Oh what a blunder!"

    He says to her
    "I am okay
    Though I did sin.
    I had too much to drink last night.
    What's your name again?"

    "Why, I am your wife Maggie,
    You goon."
    "My wife?" He quipped
    His body feeling like
    It had been thoroughly whipped

    "Yes, your wife, you silly.
    We got married at
    Younder's court house.
    The judge's name was Willie"

    He looks at his left hand
    Sure enough a wedding ring
    But he remembers none of it
    The thought of marriage
    Was such an awful thing

    "Well, I don't remember a thing,
    An annulment in the near future."
    She said, "You annul our marriage,
    And you'll need more than one suture!"

    She wielded a knife
    And puts it in a private place.
    "Looks like I have a wife!"
    Said the hung over Presby
    With a fake smile on his face.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  16. #196
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The old Presby Pastor
    Knew his end was near
    He'd preached God's word
    Through many, many tears

    He knew he was about
    To breathe his last breath
    Because who stepped in
    His last enemy death

    They came and got him
    Took him to the morgue
    The mortician looked and said
    "Embalming him? There's just no use!
    He's already preserved
    In 160 proof!"

    They take him to the cemetery
    To give him in last rites
    The workers looked at his body
    And thought, "Egad, what a site!"

    They planted him under the dirt
    And when they turned to leave
    They heard a racket and turned about
    Why, right after they planted him
    In that graveyard
    All the Baptists buried there
    Got up and walked out
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  17. #197
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by Desdichado View Post
    Awol he says!
    The star who lays beneath a rock
    I load and lift the iron trays
    While he sniffs his dirty socks

    I journeyed 'cross lands bigger than most nations
    Fought the sun, snow, and sleet
    Forwent the great libations!

    The pillars of Perdition tremble
    As my hand is put to plow
    My mighty host to assemble
    For the coming row

    Don't forget the star!
    Don't give up the ship!
    Cast harpoon down to his lair
    Pierce Neptune's mighty lip

    Jove's shackles are as twine
    Death to the great Hyperion
    Fill the chalice with finest wine
    So returns the Presbyterian
    Plow and row do not rhyme
    You must be Ren Hoek
    Because using words
    That do not rhyme
    Makes you not a poet
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  18. #198
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    I'm over in the corner
    Yelling "Des, come out
    And fight me like a man!
    You started this thread
    Looks like you've
    Tucked tail and ran!"

    He knows he's beat
    He knows its over
    He looks like he got
    Hit by a Land Rover

    I expect him back
    Des, don't be on alarm
    Because you'll get beat up again
    By that Baptist schoolmarm
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  19. #199
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby looked all depressed
    Whilst setting on top of the hill
    A Baptist asked why he's so glum
    He said "My barrel of whiskey
    Just rolled over the hill!"

    The Baptist said, "I'd give you a drank
    But your liver would go on tilt
    For all I drink
    Is cold buttermilk."

    "Buttermilk? He wildly screamed
    "That stuff's nasty
    As rotten ice cream!"

    "If it's not more than 100 proof
    I'll tear the barrel down
    Use the wood for the roof!"

    The depressed Presby looked
    Down yonder's hill
    He sees something exciting
    Something that gave him a thrill

    It's his Presby Pastor
    Packing his whiskey barrel
    He thinks, "I've got my booze back
    I'll party and drink it faster
    Until I pickle my bone marrow!"

    But to his dismay
    To his demise
    He knew the barrel was empty
    From the look of his Pastor's eyes

    He said "I couldn't help myself
    Nor could I contain
    To not drink your whiskey
    I could not refrain."

    "That whiskey was smooth
    That whiskey was nifty
    And because of that
    Here's your barrel back empty."

    Sign at the local Presby church
    Was spotted on their front door
    That Presby Pastor
    Will steal whiskey no more
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  20. #200
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,423
    Rep Power
    171

    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Dolly Parton and RuPaul
    Minding their business
    When they both received
    From Desdichado a phone call

    He explained his plight
    He explained his dilemma
    Politics has gotten so bad
    He needs an enema

    The Republicans are
    Way too conservative
    The Democrats are
    Way too liberal
    He just decided
    To live in a bar

    The reason why
    He called those two?
    He thinks he’s a smarty
    He’s gonna go and
    Restart the wig party

    Sadly, he doesn’t know
    Its actually Whig
    But what else should you expect
    From a drunken pig?
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

Page 10 of 13 FirstFirst ... 89101112 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Goa Baptist Choir Singing - Grace & Truth Baptist Church Goa India
    By ChosenbyHim in forum Indian Christian Forum
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: September 13th, 2017, 01:34 AM
  2. What is a Presbyterian???
    By 1Lord1Faith1Baptism1God in forum Bible Discussion Forum
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: February 15th, 2016, 07:01 AM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: August 17th, 2013, 12:46 PM
  4. Replies: 0
    Last Post: August 15th, 2013, 12:25 PM
  5. Scripture is neither Lutheran nor Presbyterian nor ....
    By Scotth1960 in forum Bible Discussion Forum
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: June 1st, 2011, 03:27 PM