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Thread: Presbyterian/Baptist War

  1. #201
    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    I don't know whether to laugh, act shocked or say, "not cool, dude. NOT COOL"...
    My testimonies are below.


    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneous/94389-blue_ladybugs-uterine-cancer-battle.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-vs-light.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...h-my-pain.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...s-suicide.html


    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    ​ Orange kitties approve



  2. #202
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by blue_ladybug View Post
    I don't know whether to laugh, act shocked or say, "not cool, dude. NOT COOL"...
    It’s all in jest
    It’s all in fun
    Just chill and rest
    Drink some coffee
    And eat a honeybun
    blue_ladybug likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  3. #203
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Desdichado!
    Get outta the house
    Quit being a louse
    Fight me you
    Lilly livered Presby
    Are you a man or a mouse?

    "I like cheese!"
    Desdicahdo quickly stated
    Then my anger
    Was quickly abated
    Because I know
    This thread is ill-fated

    A drunk Presby
    Starting a thread
    To debate a gluttonous Baptist
    He had to know
    He'd end up
    With a fat lip
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  4. #204
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Desdichado
    Gone MIA
    No one can find him
    Even the CIA

    Has any one seen him
    Has any one seen him post
    I guess he's missing
    Like Mr. Chicken's ghost

  5. #205
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Desdichado
    Still moving, yes
    Contrived as a game of Chess
    Described by the band Yes

    I have a confession
    A sin so vile
    It harms my mission
    Cramps my style

    My quest for a new church is done
    Sweat goes from brow to wrist
    Grab the casserole and run
    The church I attend is Baptist

    But I'm still technically a Presbyterian. Ha.
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  6. #206
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    why not try and find Jesus on your own,
    for He is known to be neither...

  7. #207
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    A Presby attending
    A Baptist church
    What’s next
    Buckingham Palace hires
    A butler named Lurch

    Tis the last days
    Sound the alarm
    When it’s known
    A Presby is in there
    He’ll get his teeth kicked in
    By that Baptist schoolmarm
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  8. #208
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Desdichado is leaving
    The Presby faith
    Baptists are bobbing and weaving
    When he shows his face

    They gasp in horror
    Their mouths dropped in fear
    Him with their baby
    The water, don’t let him go near

    He’s in a quandry
    He’s in a plight
    He’s doing their laundry
    Hoping they accept
    His drinking Coors Light

    But we know why
    He switched from Presby to Baptist
    Presbys drink liquor
    Baptist Blue Ribbon of Pabst

    But when one goes
    To a church of Baptist faith
    When they read their bibles there
    They know it’s never too late
    To jump the ship of Presby contrition
    And join the buffet line
    And fill their plate
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  9. #209
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Lighten. up.

    Quote Originally Posted by oldethennew View Post
    why not try and find Jesus on your own,
    for He is known to be neither...
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  10. #210
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    It was pretty funny.

    When I visited the Baptist church, they had this GIANT box of doughnuts on their greeting table. I tried to hide my high level of amusement at this fact.

    I then grabbed two doughnut holes and a mug of delicious coffee. I'd trade Presby Liquor for Baptist coffee any day of the week.

    But don't think this means you've won the war. Irish separatists still drink Bushmills.



    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    Desdichado is leaving
    The Presby faith
    Baptists are bobbing and weaving
    When he shows his face

    They gasp in horror
    Their mouths dropped in fear
    Him with their baby
    The water, don’t let him go near

    He’s in a quandry
    He’s in a plight
    He’s doing their laundry
    Hoping they accept
    His drinking Coors Light

    But we know why
    He switched from Presby to Baptist
    Presbys drink liquor
    Baptist Blue Ribbon of Pabst

    But when one goes
    To a church of Baptist faith
    When they read their bibles there
    They know it’s never too late
    To jump the ship of Presby contrition
    And join the buffet line
    And fill their plate
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  11. #211
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Doughnuts on the greeting table?
    The Baptist said, “Yum!”
    The drunk Presby thought
    ”What a gluttonous bum!”

    “At my church
    We have soda and liquor
    To serve our congregants
    To get them out quicker”

    ”No need to tarry
    At church,” the Presby did state
    “We like to go to the buffets
    And watch those gluttonous Baptists
    Repeatedly fill their plates”
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  12. #212
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby Pastor was awakened
    By shouting from the sanctuary
    That the churches' pillars were shakened
    He thought, "I better get there fast
    I better not tarry"

    He runs down the stairs
    At a frightening pace
    He stumbles over his Pastor's chair
    And lands upon his face

    He gets up without delay
    "I need to get there fast
    I'll run like I am in a relay
    Before they kick my ass,
    My trusty mule, 'Daisy Mae'"

    He goes into the sanctuary
    His congregants are calling for lighting
    Praying God, "Our request, please do not tarry
    Answer our pray, because this sight is frightening!"

    He stands before his flock
    "What's with this ado?"
    Then a member cleaned his clock
    A fine howdy do

    His congregants keep saying,
    "He needs stoned then crucified
    We do not need him any longer staying
    He needs fried, died and laid to the side!"

    "What did I do?"
    The Presby pastor asked
    Then a congregant whispered what he did
    After which he took a swig from his flask

    He looked at him
    And said, "Whisper that to me again"
    Then the congregant whispered on a whim
    "You invited here to preach

    Benny Hinn"
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  13. #213
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Dear Reverand Presby
    The infiltration's a success
    They think I wouldn't dunk a baby
    And make a watery mess

    I'll tell all that I see
    All that I hear
    Pastor's mournful plea
    To them men shaped like steer

    When they are abed
    Their bellies filled with fat
    I'll unlock this shed
    You'll sneak in like a cat

    Beware of Presbys
    Whenever they bear gifts
    They'll dunk the Baptist babies
    While drinking potent fifths
    Last edited by Desdichado; 2 Weeks Ago at 09:21 PM.
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  14. #214
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby stands backstage
    He thinks "Oh my gawd,
    There's Alex Trebek
    I am a lifelong fan
    Now I am a nervous wreck!"

    He stands behind the podium
    The signaling device in hand
    As Alex reads off the categories
    His mind's in a far away land

    He thinks, "I know none of the categories
    I know I am not that bright
    I guess I should have listened
    Better to dad's stories
    But now I am a fright!"

    But there's a glimmer of hope
    For one of the categories is 'Potent Potables'
    "Maybe I won't look like quite the dope
    And my name will then become notable."
    Was his thought

    "I'll take 'Potent Potables' for $200 Alex"
    The Presby loudly averred
    "I'll show'em what for
    My wisdom will cause them fear!"

    Alex gives the answer
    "In 1852, in St. Louis, this company was formed
    And caused ppl to become pickled"
    The Presby hits his button
    But he shows he's as wise as mutton
    When he uttered, "What is George Dickel?"

    "No, I am sorry,"
    Was what Alex clearly stated
    The Presby's ire became unstable
    It could not be abated
    Even after throwing Mr. Trebek under a table

    "I know my booze, wine, whiskey, spirits"
    Loudly boomed the crazed Presby
    As they carried off the stage
    He was unhinged like a wild ape
    Like a Calvinist in his cage

    He goes to jail as quick as '1, 2, 3'
    He's booked into the inner jail
    To a cell called 'Gay Paris'<---prounounced Pair-E
    And no one would go his bail

    #OohLaLa!
    #OhHoHo!
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  15. #215
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    (Baptist) Man:
    Come to your window, maid
    I'll sing you a sonnet
    Follow me into the glade
    Quick as you tie the bonnet

    (Presby) Maiden:
    Not so fast you silly cad
    Break thyself from trance
    I hear the footsteps of my dad
    Forbidding our romance

    Man:
    Your father is a swine
    Your father is a pig
    For he will never let us dine
    Or watch me dance my jig

    Maiden:
    You forget yourself good sir
    Manners must be paid
    If you are seen to err
    In ground ye be laid

    Man:
    My love I shall proclaim
    More words must be said
    To lose my lovely Dame
    Would make me join the dead

    Maiden:
    With salvation, our love was ordained
    In eternity past
    Such things cannot be feigned
    But fated to last

    Man:
    I'm not so sure of this
    I cannot share your opinion
    For my pastor is a Dispy
    And my deacons are Arminian

    Maiden:
    Get off my lawn!
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  16. #216
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by Desdichado View Post
    (Baptist) Man:
    Come to your window, maid
    I'll sing you a sonnet
    Follow me into the glade
    Quick as you tie the bonnet

    (Presby) Maiden:
    Not so fast you silly cad
    Break thyself from trance
    I hear the footsteps of my dad
    Forbidding our romance

    Man:
    Your father is a swine
    Your father is a pig
    For he will never let us dine
    Or watch me dance my jig

    Maiden:
    You forget yourself good sir
    Manners must be paid
    If you are seen to err
    In ground ye be laid

    Man:
    My love I shall proclaim
    More words must be said
    To lose my lovely Dame
    Would make me join the dead

    Maiden:
    With salvation, our love was ordained
    In eternity past
    Such things cannot be feigned
    But fated to last

    Man:
    I'm not so sure of this
    I cannot share your opinion
    For my pastor is a Dispy
    And my deacons are Arminian

    Maiden:
    Get off my lawn!
    This is the truth

    Today, I was thinking of a Romeo and Juliet themed poem with a Baptist and Presby in it. Just wasn't for sure which would be which.

    That was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  17. #217
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    That's bizarre because it's never occurred to me to write one before this. It was A LOT of fun to do. Glad you like it!

    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    This is the truth

    Today, I was thinking of a Romeo and Juliet themed poem with a Baptist and Presby in it. Just wasn't for sure which would be which.

    That was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Laish and SovereignGrace like this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  18. #218
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Homelio the Baptist and Fooliet the Presby

    Fooliet: Homelio, Homelio, where for art thou, Homelio?

    Homelio: Fairest maiden Fooliet, I am over here in yonder rose garden.

    Fooliet: Why art thou there my love? Art thou trying to keep from getting plopped on by that dove?

    Homelio: No, my fair maiden. I am here avoiding yonder's police officers. You see, whilst I was out, I had one too many stouts, and when they saw me on my trusty mule, Daisy Mae, they sought to lock me away and hide the key.

    Fooliet: By my dear sir, I have warned you of the perils of those spirits, as the bible says to test them, not taste them. This is what happens whenst thou does not heed the advice of your future wife. Must I tell you this again?

    Homelio: No, my fair lady. Tis true, and you are once again correct. I disobeyed your warning and almost got a broken neck.

    Fooliet: Please listen to me, my love, whenever I speak to you....

    Homelio: I am sorry, my dear, what was that you said to your fool?

    Fooliet: I have to go and repeat myself over and over again, and in the end, I see my future husband evading the police and hiding in a rose garden.

    Homelio: I am sorry, my fair maiden, for my short attention span. But I can only focus on one thing at a time, because I am a man.

    Fooliet: Well focus on this, Homelio.


    We close as her secret lover, Prince Escalator takes her to her upper room, and leaves Homelio in the rose garden to gloom and doom.
    Last edited by SovereignGrace; 2 Weeks Ago at 02:33 AM.
    Desdichado and Laish like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  19. #219
    Senior Member Lighthearted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    Homelio the Baptist and Fooliet the Presby

    Fooliet: Homelio, Homelio, where for art thou, Homelio?

    Homelio: Fairest maiden Fooliet, I am over here in yonder rose garden.

    Fooliet: Why art thou there my love? Hast thou gotten pricked by a rose whilst thou wast bent down a fartin'?

    Homelio: No, my fair maiden. I am here avoiding yonder's police officers. You see, whilst I was out, I had one too many stouts, and when they saw me on my trusty mule, Daisy Mae, they sought to lock me away and hide the key.

    Fooliet: By my dear sir, I have warned you of the perils of those spirits, as the bible says to test them, not taste them. This is what happens whenst thou does not heed the advice of your future wife. Must I tell you this again?

    Homelio: No, my fair lady. Tis true, and you are once again correct. I disobeyed your warning and almost got a broken neck.

    Fooliet: Please listen to me, my love, whenever I speak to you....

    Homelio: I am sorry, my dear, what was that you said to your fool?

    Fooliet: I have to go and repeat myself over and over again, and in the end, I see my future husband evading the police and hiding in a rose garden.

    Homelio: I am sorry, my fair maiden, for my short attention span. But I can only focus on one thing at a time, because I am a man.

    Fooliet: Well focus on this, Homelio.


    We close as her secret lover, Prince Escalator takes her to her upper room, and leaves Homelio in the rose garden to gloom and doom.
    WOW! Just WOW! Lol
    Your wife must be a saint SG!
    Is your Jesus light shining?

  20. #220
    Senior Member Lighthearted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by Desdichado View Post
    (Baptist) Man:
    Come to your window, maid
    I'll sing you a sonnet
    Follow me into the glade
    Quick as you tie the bonnet

    (Presby) Maiden:
    Not so fast you silly cad
    Break thyself from trance
    I hear the footsteps of my dad
    Forbidding our romance

    Man:
    Your father is a swine
    Your father is a pig
    For he will never let us dine
    Or watch me dance my jig

    Maiden:
    You forget yourself good sir
    Manners must be paid
    If you are seen to err
    In ground ye be laid

    Man:
    My love I shall proclaim
    More words must be said
    To lose my lovely Dame
    Would make me join the dead

    Maiden:
    With salvation, our love was ordained
    In eternity past
    Such things cannot be feigned
    But fated to last

    Man:
    I'm not so sure of this
    I cannot share your opinion
    For my pastor is a Dispy
    And my deacons are Arminian

    Maiden:
    Get off my lawn!
    LMBO! That's awesome! Does your gal know what she's gotten herself into?
    You guys are somethin' else!
    Is your Jesus light shining?

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