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Thread: Presbyterian/Baptist War

  1. #241
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Julius Caesar wearing pink lip stick
    On the cheek, under the brow
    Was it from fair maiden Cleo
    And does she still say, "Call me now!"?

    Was it from Pompeia
    His second wife
    Was it from her
    He got the kiss that ended his life?

    Was it from Cornellia Cinnilla
    Though she was rather lovely
    She had a personality that
    Made her very vanilla

    Was it from Calpurnia Pisonis
    Who was his last bride
    Maybe she gave him the kiss of death
    As they stabbed him, the cuts became mile wide

    Was it from his friend, Brutus
    Who seemed to always act a little fruitay
    And maybe that's why Caesar quipped
    "Et tu, Brute?"

    We can only speculate who
    Placed the pink lipstick
    On Julius Caesar's cheekbone
    But if I had to bet, Brutus would be
    The one I'd have my money on
    Last edited by SovereignGrace; 1 Week Ago at 04:35 AM.
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  2. #242
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    My money's on Nicomedes.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  3. #243
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presbys broke loose from Rome
    They have been wandering through
    The wilderness for centuries
    Trying to find a home

    They tried to sneak into the Lutherans
    They were privy to their stealth mode
    And gave them the ole heave ho
    Like Jazz on a Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode

    They then tried the Episcopalians
    But they were too shrewd for their tactics
    They maced them then beat them with a cat o'nine tails
    Their defeat was rather fantastic

    They then tried to link arms with the Baptists
    But they said "No way, you drunkards!"
    And they were chased out like
    WWII Germans from their French bunkers

    They then tried to link up with the SDA
    But even they would not commune with them
    They went all Ellen White with their prophecies
    And ran them off, their hopes of communion grew dim

    But finally they found some ppl
    Who would commune and with them do their business
    Yep, you guessed right Desdichado
    They linked arms with the Jehovah's Witness
    Desdichado and Laish like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  4. #244
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Sword of Damocles
    Hovering over Desdichado's head
    He prays on his knees
    Then jumps in the bed

    The sword is sharper than a serpent's tooth
    Ready to cut him asunder
    But in steps preacherfortruth
    To help Desdichado's blunder

    He tells him, "My mind is shaper than that sword
    And my brawn stronger than 100 bears
    They all bow before me and call me 'lord'
    Because I kicked those 100 bears' rears"

    The sword swings suddenly
    Preacherfortruth was able to quickly duck
    Desdichado was praying on bended knee
    But he had just ran out of luck

    Desdichado will marry a fair lady one day
    And a husband to her, he'll make her happy
    But one thing he'll never hear
    Is a child that calls him 'Pappy'
    Desdichado and Laish like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  5. #245
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby stands in the lineup
    Wondering where it went wrong
    "Was it when I was in the buffet
    Fixing myself a hotdog one foot long?"

    "I tried to fit in with
    Those gluttonous Baptists
    But all they want to do is
    Eat till they pop and that's it!"

    "Was it when I tried to infiltrate
    The Charismatic ranks
    Their 'name it, claim it, blab it grab it'
    Made my heart sank"

    "Was it when I tried to sneak
    Into the Jewish synagogue
    They welcomed me with open arms
    Until I introduced them to 'Sallie June', my pet hog"

    "How about when I tried to
    Stealthly make my way into the Hindu temple
    I was in until I ate a hamburger in front of them
    They just popped me like a pimple"

    "Maybe it was when I rubbed elbows
    With Buddhism's elite
    They have no thought of original sin
    And I thought that was pretty neat"

    "But getting tossed out on my rear
    Did not take very long
    Because I was caught whispering
    In Dalai Lama's daughter's ear, and found out I was wrong"

    "Ah, I now know where I went wrong
    I know it plain as day
    It was the day I saw those kids in church
    And I carried them out
    Singing 'yippie-ki-yay'"

    "And now I am in this lineup
    Having dunked those sin stained heathens
    Without getting their parents' permission
    And now I'm black-and-blue beaten





    Thanks to that Baptist Schoolmarm"
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  6. #246
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    The Presby stands in the lineup
    Wondering where it went wrong
    "Was it when I was in the buffet
    Fixing myself a hotdog one foot long?"

    "I tried to fit in with
    Those gluttonous Baptists
    But all they want to do is
    Eat till they pop and that's it!"

    "Was it when I tried to infiltrate
    The Charismatic ranks
    Their 'name it, claim it, blab it grab it'
    Made my heart sank"

    "Was it when I tried to sneak
    Into the Jewish synagogue
    They welcomed me with open arms
    Until I introduced them to 'Sallie June', my pet hog"

    "How about when I tried to
    Stealthly make my way into the Hindu temple
    I was in until I ate a hamburger in front of them
    They just popped me like a pimple"

    "Maybe it was when I rubbed elbows
    With Buddhism's elite
    They have no thought of original sin
    And I thought that was pretty neat"

    "But getting tossed out on my rear
    Did not take very long
    Because I was caught whispering
    In Dalai Lama's daughter's ear, and found out I was wrong"

    "Ah, I now know where I went wrong
    I know it plain as day
    It was the day I saw those kids in church
    And I carried them out
    Singing 'yippie-ki-yay'"

    "And now I am in this lineup
    Having dunked those sin stained heathens
    Without getting their parents' permission
    And now I'm black-and-blue beaten





    Thanks to that Baptist Schoolmarm"
    Laish likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  7. #247
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    A Presby Elder and a Catholic lass
    Tied the knot in wedded bliss
    The Presby took over the Catholic mass
    And the Catholic the Presby church abyss

    One went off into sinning
    Getting drunk, cavorting all week
    Playing the lotto in hopes of winning
    Peering into locker rooms, trying to sneak a peek

    They went to confession
    Admitted their sinning
    Hoping God would be their possession
    Walking in the Lord as a new beginning

    Then the Catholic lass
    Led the Presbys in way of prayer
    Making their church one huge mass
    Hoping in bread and wine the Christ was there

    Then one day, the Elder realized
    The error of his ways
    And the lass was truly surprised
    When he set his tarot cards ablaze

    "Enough with the witchcraft!"
    The Presby Elder proclaimed
    "I tried to make the mass grow with arts and crafts
    And when I failed, it was God I falsely blamed!"

    "Now I know why I married a Catholic dame
    Because we both love to waterboard kids.
    We dunk the baby, blind, crippled, mute and lame
    All who come to us, baptism we will never forbid"

    So, as you see, these two denominations
    Can coexist in holy matrimony
    Even if they act like Satan
    And one ends up paying alimony
    Desdichado likes this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  8. #248
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    A Presby Elder and a Catholic lass
    Tied the knot in wedded bliss
    The Presby took over the Catholic mass
    And the Catholic the Presby church abyss

    One went off into sinning
    Getting drunk, cavorting all week
    Playing the lotto in hopes of winning
    Peering into locker rooms, trying to sneak a peek

    They went to confession
    Admitted their sinning
    Hoping God would be their possession
    Walking in the Lord as a new beginning

    Then the Catholic lass
    Led the Presbys in way of prayer
    Making their church one huge mass
    Hoping in bread and wine the Christ was there

    Then one day, the Elder realized
    The error of his ways
    And the lass was truly surprised
    When he set his tarot cards ablaze

    "Enough with the witchcraft!"
    The Presby Elder proclaimed
    "I tried to make the mass grow with arts and crafts
    And when I failed, it was God I falsely blamed!"

    "Now I know why I married a Catholic dame
    Because we both love to waterboard kids.
    We dunk the baby, blind, crippled, mute and lame
    All who come to us, baptism we will never forbid"

    So, as you see, these two denominations
    Can coexist in holy matrimony
    Even if they act like Satan
    And one ends up paying alimony
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  9. #249
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Best movie ever.


    Quote Originally Posted by SovereignGrace View Post
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  10. #250
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    I've caused enough trouble today. I'll get you tomorrow, pink star.
    SovereignGrace likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

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