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Thread: Presbyterian/Baptist War

  1. #21
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Abe wears his sunglasses at night
    So that he can see
    The glare from the moon is too much
    After drinking 15 Jack and Pepsi's

    He staggers through the woods
    Lookin' for his horse named Silver
    That blasted liquor is too hard
    It's makin' his liver quiver

    He bumps into his horse
    His horse bumps him back
    He then delivers a haymaker
    He hears Silver's neck go crack

    Great, he's done killed his ride
    He has to go home on foot
    He decides to stay out later
    He then goes to Ford's theater

    Now you know
    The rest of the story
    Don't drink Jack and Pepsi
    You just might find out
    "You are the father!" from Maury

    WORD!!!

    Those drunken bums!!!
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  2. #22
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    The Presby spots the Baptist
    Sneakin' across the battlefield
    He thinks this will be the easiest
    Baptist he has ever killed

    He puts the Baptist in his sights
    He slowly releases his breath
    But before he can squeeze the hammer
    Someone blew out his pilot light

    Another Baptist had taken a Presby captive
    He forced him to be a decoy
    He used his own man against him
    Snuck behind him and put an end to him boys
    Desdichado and Lighthearted like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  3. #23
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Bring me the harp!
    Bring me the lyre!
    Put the Baptist in my tarp
    And throw him in the fire!

    "But sir!" says my underling
    "He'll put the fire out!"
    "The Baptist won't drink Yeungling
    What's more his body's stout!"

    My boy, you have a point
    And now I am nonplussed
    The plan has lost its joint
    I've lost the pastor's trust

    "We could convert him."
    Said the noble servant
    "Let's make his senses spin
    Uncork the Glendffadant"

    We cannot do that either, son
    Throw him in the truck
    That or make him run
    We took him from potluck
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  4. #24
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Presbyterian and Baptist
    They're really quite the same.
    They read from the same bible,
    only difference is their name.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Mourn for the Baptist children
    For they're not truly saved
    Their parents fail to dunk them
    The horde of dispy knaves

    Gaze at their skin so dry
    See those dirty faces
    Their arms cleaned with lye
    To stave off water's traces

    Now the Presby children
    Who swim like Michael Phelps
    Needing no assistance
    No need of adult help

    They age twenty years in two
    Have bodies like the gods
    Their aim is always true
    They never eat tide pods

    What is our secret?
    Ask the Baptist swine
    Bring them home a pet
    And communion wine
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    In the fields of Flanders
    To the rubble of Saigon
    We'll find the Baptist Rhymers
    And show them how they're wrong

    Behold my Westminster Catechism
    How it eats London's Confession
    Thank God for our deep schism
    For it aids the Great Commission

    Here is a fact for your understanding
    Forget the blood spilled at Pusan
    Forget the Inchon landing

    Long before MacArthur
    Long before the Trappists
    Presbys seized Korea
    Where were those lazy Baptists?

    At a potluck.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  7. #27
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Presbys forever
    Hurrah boys, Hurrah
    Down with the Baptists
    They dress like Jamie Farr
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  8. #28
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    In Flanders Fields where poppies grow
    Where casualties of war must go.
    That fight a war that must be won,
    While Catholic friends have all the fun.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    That's the spirit, Tourist!

    Yes, this was intended to be a fight between Sovy and me, but step forth if ye feel the call to battle!
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  10. #30
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Shake off these old debates!
    Forget the Modalists!
    Leave the Catholics to their fates
    And tilt me in the lists!
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  11. #31
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Hark! Yon distant din doth draw anear
    As Baps' and Presbys' war I hear
    Their swords aflame with chilling fire
    I fear the consequences dire




    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  12. #32
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Presbys prep for war
    They don their battle gear
    They aim for their heads
    But hit’em in their rears

    Too much liquor
    Too much wine
    They won’t drink water
    Jack and Jim will do just fine

    Baptists show restraint
    They know their limit
    Presbys slam it down
    Drink a barrel in a minute

    Pass around the booze
    Pass around the grog
    They drink so much
    They begin licking frogs

    Getting back to war
    Not wanting to go astray
    The Presbys all donned
    In their battle array

    Their array looks splendid
    They look look like winners
    They soon will be in the ground
    Nothing but worms’ dinner

    WORD!!!

    Those drunken bums!!!
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  13. #33
    Senior Member Lighthearted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Presby's, Baptists, Catholics,
    Pentecostals, Apostolics

    We could all be alcoholics
    We can all eat from a pot
    We could speak in tongues
    We could swing from the choir loft

    Why battle one another
    O'er a battle of so little
    When our King is the same
    Known by many names

    I will put on my dry pants
    I will relax in my chair
    Eating my bag of popcorn
    as I chuckle at your rants




    Im glad that among the differences we have, there are those who can unite in fellowship in laughter and our common factor... Jesus' love. Hard to find at times....even on CC.
    Last edited by Lighthearted; March 8th, 2018 at 12:22 AM.
    Is your Jesus light shining?

  14. #34
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Lighthearted decided
    To jump in the fray
    She thinks she’s Marilyn Monroe
    But she’s closer to Nanette Fabray

    I don’t know her beliefs
    Don’t know if she’s orthodox
    But one thing I know
    Des looks like an ox

    Des eats a banana
    Chews on some bread
    He swigs the booze
    He forgets he’s on meds

    All who wish
    Can join our song and dance
    But don’t get mad
    When I kick you in the pants
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  15. #35
    Senior Member Lighthearted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    wait...I'll put my wet ones back on....lol
    Is your Jesus light shining?

  16. #36
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Sov says I'm an ox
    For he knows my strength
    My biceps are as rocks
    Legs of unmeasured length

    From miles far afield
    I can smell his rancid stench
    With banana peeled
    I stride 'cross his Baptist trench

    Lighthearted is correct
    Our King watches from on high
    In this battle of elect
    He chooses who will die

    "Love one another"
    The squeamish misinterpret
    For one can love a brother
    and correct his evil spirt

    Reproof takes many shapes
    On foot and in the saddle
    Baptists sail to heav'nly capes
    When I best them in wordy battle
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  17. #37
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    A kick in the pants
    A poke in the eye
    A punch to the gut
    A kick to the thigh

    Presbys like to play by the rules
    They act like gentlemen
    But Baptists play it dirty
    They attack one presby with ten

    The presby looking like
    A clone of Pee Wee Herman
    He sings like a screeching owl
    Thinking he sounds like Ethel Merman

    In closing, this I will say
    The Presby thinks he looks
    Like a dapper Dan
    But really looks like an aged Mermaid Man

    WORD!!!

    Those drunken bums!!!
    Desdichado, Lighthearted and becc like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  18. #38
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    When I said you look like an ox
    I did not misquote myself
    Because you share the same IQ
    With that ox & a box of rocks

    The ox e’er uses his brawn
    But ne’er his brain
    He stays in his master’s path
    Always his master’s pawn

    He works for stable & oats
    From daylight to dark
    Rain, sunshine, hail, and wind
    In his master he gloats

    In the closing of this slam
    I say this to my foe
    I drop the mic
    After I say ‘bam!’

    WORD!!!

    Those drunken bums!!!
    Desdichado, Lighthearted and becc like this.
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

  19. #39
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Baptist ranks arrive
    They are to be admired
    If for better form you do not strive
    And hope for a spare tire

    As in the days of Philip
    On ground surrounding Athens
    Or under his heir's stirrup
    When the seas churned in their fathoms

    See there the Phalanx of the Baptist
    A wall of brass locked as one
    Spears out to brew a crimson tempest
    Iron gleaming in the sun

    Mountains tremble in their cadence
    Boots rock the halls of Dis
    Abandon hope ye in defense!
    Fate's ring you soon shall kiss

    But look closer gentle onlooker!
    A sorrier host you have not seen
    Since the days of General Hooker
    Or a show with Charlie Sheen

    Put away those thoughts of mutiny
    Run not to your huts
    For Baptists embrace gluttony
    Those mighty shields are guts

    How likewise we would thunder
    With plunging heavy gate
    If our buckles stayed asunder
    From nights of hostess out-of-date

    Rally boys rally
    Hold to neither skill nor pluck
    They'll all have heart attacks
    If we feed them a potluck
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  20. #40
    Senior Member SovereignGrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Presbyterian/Baptist War

    Baptists like potluck
    Presbys love booze
    In the Baptist/Presby war
    The drunkards are gonna lose

    We love chicken casserole
    We love dumplings, too
    Feed us anything chicken
    We go and act the fool

    Presby look frail and gaunt
    Their diet very questionable
    When all you consume in Jim & Jack
    You can see their spine poking out their back

    We die from obesity
    Presbys from liver disease
    We die arm in arm
    All covered with fleas
    "There are two Christs in all of us who are saved."
    KJV1611

    "The Christ in me IS NOT the same Christ that's in someone who came to understand Christ a different way than I did."
    KJV1611


    "I don't have the same standard as you, I could care less what the originals say."
    KJV1611

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