Presbyterian/Baptist War

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Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
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Apparently the lass prefers
The Presby of the youth
He is really young
I am getting long in the tooth

But there's one thing I have
That will always escape this young buck
I have an open invite
To the Baptist potluck


I'm not a Presby or a Baptist
I don't label myself at all
I'm just a simple believer
In the God of us ALL

You both make me laugh
Something I love to do
You are both winners to me
I like your attitude

So, every now and then
A glass of wine is nice
To enjoy with some potluck
As long as its not SG's dish of Des
I will certainly resist!
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,782
841
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Lighthearted likes Des’ posts
Like Des likes his Ruger
Would it be safe to say
Lighthearted is a cougar?

I wrote that in jest
I wrote that in jive
Now from Lighthearted
I run and hide

Its funny that I was writing my next one when you were writing this one!
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,782
841
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I nearly choked drinking some Coke
When I read the starfishes words
I'm hardly what you meant by a cougar
That has to be a joke

Im not interested in married men
Or men who are dating someone else
Yes, I am single tis true
I could probably use some help

I prefer someone my own age
Perhaps a wee bit older
He must love God indeed
This post is silly SG
 
Dec 28, 2016
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The Presby shepherd stands before his sheep
He leads them in the prayer
“I pray me down to sleep
I pray my Lord my soul to keep”

As they bow there heads in prayer
He takes his sword from its scabbard
He swings it to fro in their ranks
He thought, “I’ll kill these filthy babblers!”

But in the middle of the slaughter
He's confronted by a maiden fair
Whose a Baptist’s daughter
And ends his carnage there.

From her waistband
She pulls out a boomerang
He sees her do that
And thought it rather strange

“A boomerang at a church?”
Was the thought that came into his head
But within a very few moments
He would end up dead

She throws the boomerang
With such a mighty force
It knocked the sword out of his hand
It fell upon the floor

She runs up to him
Hits him hip and thigh
She stomped his foot
Broke his toe
Then poked him in the eye

She takes the sword
Gives him an enema
His last thought
”She’s such an enigma”

She stands over the slain body
Of the Presby who caused so much harm
Yep, you guessed it right
She’s the Baptist Schoolmarm
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
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The schoolmarm thinks she's great
For being SovGrace's mom
Thinks he wins every debate
Stars in many a romcom

Militant, she is in defense of Baptist Faith
In contests of strength, she's stronger than a boar
In contests of stealth, she's as silent as a wraith
When attacked by comp'rable foes, she always asks for more

"To the Alpha and Omega, I'm the Beta and the Psi
If you storm the mighty fortress, I'll see you surely Die
I am the matron of Godly education
My modest heel is made to wreak devastation"

No one could challenge her
She bent them all in two
Skinned them for their fur
Put them in her "zoo"

Nothing surprised the marm
Though old and full of days
She senses most potential harm
As she kneels and prays

Until a certain time
Her luck had all run out
The fearsome foe had arrived
All she could do was shout

Before she could say a word
She got a kick across the face
No sound was ever heard
They vanished with out trace

She spun herself around
Got knocked in the leg
Unable to make a bound
She could not avoid the keg

In the moment it was clear
She was not alone
"Hello, my dear"
Said the Presby crone
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
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Never fear milady
You will get a label
As silly as potluck gravy
"Non-denominational"

I'm not a Presby or a Baptist
I don't label myself at all
I'm just a simple believer
In the God of us ALL

You both make me laugh
Something I love to do
You are both winners to me
I like your attitude

So, every now and then
A glass of wine is nice
To enjoy with some potluck
As long as its not SG's dish of Des
I will certainly resist!
 
Dec 28, 2016
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Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant
Met for the heavyweight belt
The puny ref looks like a half-pint
Andre never looked more svelte

He signals to ring the bell
Hogan and Andre clash
Andre kicks Hogan in his tail
Hogan in Andre's noggin
Gave him a mighty bash

Andre comes to his senses
And rushes the mighty Hulkster
He's met with a boot to his face
To the floor his body crumpled

Hogan runs and bounces off the ropes
He gives him his patented leg drop
The match is surely won
The ref gets down and to the mat, slams his hand,
And yells, "One!"

That's as far as he counts
And Hogan is amazed
The ref never gets to two
Then Andre kicks out
Hogan gets up dazed

Hogan asked, "Why did you not count two and three?
I had him beat
I had him bested
I had the victory!"

But before the ref could explain
The Giant attacked Hogan again
He brought the Hulk to his knees
As easy as can be

But Hogan came back
And the Giant he body pressed
Off the rope and another leg drop
He was on the victory express

The ref got down once more
And slapped the mat and yelled "One!"
But that was as far as he got
Then Hogan looked at him
And got really hot

After a few seconds
The mighty Giant kicked out
Hogan was furious
And was ready to pout

He went over to Vince McMahon
And said "What is this you've done?
Have you bought this ref off
And at my expense have some fun?"

The ref finally jumped in
And said to the Hulk
"Please don't get mad
Please don't sulk!"

"You see I am a Presby Pastor
I ref to supplement my income
But when it comes to counting
I don't know what comes after 'One!'"
 
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Dec 28, 2016
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Tinuviel joins in with a barb
Her first joust in the fray
By the time we're finished with her
She'll need to find a Catholic father
To pray her sins away

She's a lass of only teenage
But her anger is that of a Calvinist
In the midst of their cage stage
But since it is her
I shall give her a pass

Buckle up my dear
The ride is getting bumpy
Put on your helmet, bullet proof vest
Your shield of faith
Your sword of the Lord
For Des is getting grumpy
 
Dec 28, 2016
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The old Presby Pastor
Had become a recluse
For the crime he had done
There was no excuse

He had distanced himself from his family
Not even his neighbors had sighted him
He hid his face in shame
For such a major sin

Then one day
After many years had past
His grandson had come to visit him
A question he needed to ask

"Grandfather, what was it that you did?
From your goat herder neighbor
Did you sneak over,
And steal a kid?"

"No, my lad, twas not
That that I done
I knew better than to bother his goats
He had 20 sons."

"Then, my grandfather, was it
You took his wife?
Had you stole a hen
And had taken its life?"

"No, my sonny, twas none of that
His wife was a good shot
And got mad
At the drop of a hat

"Then, my grandfather,
Had you took from his distillery?"
"No, my child, I couldn't do that.
He had a strong boy that would whip me,
His name was Willy."

"I guess I will have to tell you,
My son, the crime that I did.
The crime that I committed,
My face, for 25 years, have kept hid."

"It wasn't for stealing a goat
Taking his wife or eating his hen.
It twasn't for taking from his distillery.
The vile crime that I had done
Was that I voted for Hillary.
 
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The Cat in the Hat
Is a Presby in disguise
I say a Presby in disguise
I see it in his smile
I see it in his eyes

The reason why I say this
The reason why I am a repeater
Is the only hat that's that tall
Is the Pope's mitre
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
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I want to write a poem
I want it really bad
But my head's an empty dome
And I'm really sad

Today I read Richard Dawkins
200 pages

...and I actually enjoy his writing style, but building a case against The God Delusiontakes brain power.

Then a libertarian friend came over and we discussed the validity of the non-aggression principle after which I wrote a blog post defining what exactly a libertarian is because that is what I like to do with my spare time.

That and I'm packing for a move to a different state. Huzzah. Huzzah.

Now, I challenge SovereignGrace and the rest of y'all to write one zinger of an insult poem based on this excuse.

Me go beddy bye
 
Dec 28, 2016
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Tinuviel! What's your exact denomination?

:p

She belongs to the denomination
That goes by YaBusiness
I think they're cool
While others call'em silliness

She is a nun
Inside their ranks
She's toiled really hard
By scrubbing the sanks

So what she be
Is Nun YaBusiness
 
Dec 28, 2016
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She belongs to the denomination
That goes by YaBusiness
I think they're cool
While others call'em silliness

She is a nun
Inside their ranks
She's toiled really hard
By scrubbing the sanks

So what she be
Is Nun YaBusiness
Actually, what this makes her, Des, is Nun of YaBusiness. :p
 
Dec 28, 2016
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Des reading Richard Dawkins
In his free time
If he ain't awful careful
Gonna get a polluted mind

Though the span across
An atheist and a Presby
Is not as far
As many have suggested

Atheists believe there is no God
The Presby is too tired
Sleeping during the service
After being out all night
Their head will continually
Up-and-down nod

So at the end of the day
And all is said in done
The Presby and atheist
Can walk arm-in-arm

They reason I say this
The reason I know its true
The Presby that sleeps through the service
Gets as much theology
As the atheists do
 
Dec 28, 2016
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Richard Dawkins, Steve Hawking,
Madalyn Murray O'Hair & Christopher Hitchens
Are all plastered in Des' house
In the bathroom and in the kitchen

He thinks he is smart
He thinks he is slick
But you'll find 25 atheist websites
If on his computer you will click

At first it was odd,
But the more I am thinking
This explains why
Jonathan Edwards was
Replaced by a sunglassed Abe Lincoln
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
Yeah, it was definitely weak sauce.

But let's see you try and flow!
You cannot rope me in,
You cannot make me write.
I'm Presby to the core,
So I'll put up a fight.

Analyzation's my game,
I'll not pick up the pen,
Lest I should mar the name
Of Presbyterian.

I like to write in prose,
I'm not a fancy poet.
I'll leave it to the rest,
Before I really blow it.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
I'm reading Richard Dawkins
So my arguments improve
Instead of incessant mocking
The skeptic crowds I'll move

The thing I can't get over
He'll speak of religious crimes
But when the commies played red rover
You heard from him not a chime

Sov picked it up
At my recommendation
To see what was up
The source of my frustration

But he was pleased, you see
To read of all religious dead
Closed the book with glee
He's pink though not red

McCarthy would've clapped him in irons.