I wore my big hat today.
It's white with a thick blue circle.
It's big. Derby big. Borderline comical.
I wore my big hat low today to shield my eyes.
I pondered people's legs and feet as I walked to get lunch.
It was a relief.
I didn't have to see anything in their eyes.
I didn't feel the need to silently pray for their souls.
I just was.
I was authentic under my big hat.
When I looked up and saw an acquaintance, I turned and walked the other way before our eyes met.
I didn't want to talk.
That's selfish, I thought.
Forgive me, God, I thought.
But I wasn't sorry.
I've had enough of people for now.
So I hid under my hat.
I got my seafood.
I walked home.
I shut the door.
I was alone.
I took off my hat,
And I exhaled.