B
(I will probably wake up and regret posting this or like find a million things wrong with it ...but right now I feel like I should post it so I will)
I was in so much agony
I couldn't see you any more
I couldn't hear you any more
I didn't know where you were
I was afraid
I felt
lost and alone
rejected and torn
depressed, sad, and overwhelmed
I was panicking and weeping
felt like this was my storm and you were sleeping
Jesus...where are you?
my soul was crying out in secret
Where were you when I was lost and couldn't find my parents
when I was crying myself to sleep at night
when my mother was in a raging fit trying to kill me
when my father left me alone
when my friend abandoned me after I made myself an outcast for her
when I failed my test and Dad was finally the scary one
when I got lost in the forest and that man attacked me and beat me and raped me
when I was lying alone in my bed crying because I was ruined for my future husband
when I was afraid of being kicked out of the house
when my dog died
when my Mom decided to speak ill of me in front of my brothers and tell them how she hated me
when my parents almost divorced
when we barely had any money and I had to move to a different country and lose all my friends
when everyone hated me because I didn't speak their language and I didn't have the same skin as them
when your pastors yelled at me and embarrassed me in front of your church because I wasn't touchy like everyone else...
where were you God?
and then he said...
I was there
I was sending that lady to bring you to your mother and making sure nobody touched you
I was crying with you, making it rain, and speaking good things, wisdom, and reassurance into your life even though you couldn't hear me
I was putting plans in your head and bolting up doors like I did for Noah in the flood
I was sitting there every day waiting for you to notice me, to talk to me, to open your ears and hear me
I was waiting for you to let me be your friend and leaving places for you to go and proud of you for doing the right thing
I was sending my angels to guard you so that nobody could touch you
I was telling you not to go in there but your anger blocked me out, but I still had mercy and I let you live
I was trying to get your attention to tell you that you weren't and that we both would still love you
I was making places for you to stay and giving you peace afterwards
I was giving you dreams of him in my kingdom so that you could know he was okay
I was hugging you making sure you knew in your spirit that it wasn't true, and I was preparing for justice
I kept them together
I was still waiting to be your best friend and showing your father my ways
I loved you and blessed you
I was crying with you both and then preparing my white horse so that I could ride in and be your vindicator
I was there ...I was always there
and then I asked myself...where was I?
I was in so much agony
I couldn't see you any more
I couldn't hear you any more
I didn't know where you were
I was afraid
I felt
lost and alone
rejected and torn
depressed, sad, and overwhelmed
I was panicking and weeping
felt like this was my storm and you were sleeping
Jesus...where are you?
my soul was crying out in secret
Where were you when I was lost and couldn't find my parents
when I was crying myself to sleep at night
when my mother was in a raging fit trying to kill me
when my father left me alone
when my friend abandoned me after I made myself an outcast for her
when I failed my test and Dad was finally the scary one
when I got lost in the forest and that man attacked me and beat me and raped me
when I was lying alone in my bed crying because I was ruined for my future husband
when I was afraid of being kicked out of the house
when my dog died
when my Mom decided to speak ill of me in front of my brothers and tell them how she hated me
when my parents almost divorced
when we barely had any money and I had to move to a different country and lose all my friends
when everyone hated me because I didn't speak their language and I didn't have the same skin as them
when your pastors yelled at me and embarrassed me in front of your church because I wasn't touchy like everyone else...
where were you God?
and then he said...
I was there
I was sending that lady to bring you to your mother and making sure nobody touched you
I was crying with you, making it rain, and speaking good things, wisdom, and reassurance into your life even though you couldn't hear me
I was putting plans in your head and bolting up doors like I did for Noah in the flood
I was sitting there every day waiting for you to notice me, to talk to me, to open your ears and hear me
I was waiting for you to let me be your friend and leaving places for you to go and proud of you for doing the right thing
I was sending my angels to guard you so that nobody could touch you
I was telling you not to go in there but your anger blocked me out, but I still had mercy and I let you live
I was trying to get your attention to tell you that you weren't and that we both would still love you
I was making places for you to stay and giving you peace afterwards
I was giving you dreams of him in my kingdom so that you could know he was okay
I was hugging you making sure you knew in your spirit that it wasn't true, and I was preparing for justice
I kept them together
I was still waiting to be your best friend and showing your father my ways
I loved you and blessed you
I was crying with you both and then preparing my white horse so that I could ride in and be your vindicator
I was there ...I was always there
and then I asked myself...where was I?
