Jealousy

[Lancek]

How do women feel about jealousy in a relationship? My last relationship ended because of jealousy, but what draws the line? I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl that I love is going on dates with other men and flirting with other men, but I also don't won't to be an authority figure to my girlfriend/ future spouse. Any thoughts?

 

[biscuit]

How do women feel about jealousy in a relationship? My last relationship ended because of jealousy, but what draws the line? I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl that I love is going on dates with other men and flirting with other men, but I also don't won't to be an authority figure to my girlfriend/ future spouse. Any thoughts?

It is really about one's level of maturity. Some women can be very mature, self confident with high self esteem, while others can be the complete opposite. You will have to do your homework in this area with a good deal of patience and not rush into a relationship without the facts.

Have met some extremely mature women at 18 and very selfish women at 35.

 

[dliz]

Honestly, It annoys me when someone is very clingy but at the same time it can be very sweet knowing that he cares for me. I guess it all depends on the situation. I myself would get hurt catching the person that I love flirting and dating other women. If she truly loves you then she wouldnt consider entertaining other men.

 

[JesusLives]

Just had a conversation with some of the ladies at a salon that I go to for services about the difference between jealousy and being possessive. As I told them I am not jealous but I am possessive... I told the lady that asked me the difference between jealousy and being possessive is that if he wanted to look at another woman I could handle that and not be jealous because I knew at the end of the day he would be coming home to me, however if the woman was looking at my man I would go in and tell her to back off as he belongs to me.

So don't know it that is better or worse, but at least I know that about myself that I am possessive and I usually admit it to the guys I have become close to in the past and present.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Jealousy is actually a form of insecurity. It's rooted in trust issues and also self-esteem issues. But if she's actually dating other guys.. that's not jealousy.. that's CHEATING.

 

[Inu]

Jealousy is actually a form of insecurity. It's rooted in trust issues and also self-esteem issues. But if she's actually dating other guys.. that's not jealousy.. that's CHEATING.

Lol I read that too.... and I was like who goes on dates with other guys if you are in a relationship

I think jealousy to a certain extent may be cute but jealousy to the point of, "you need to stop seeing all male beings", is kinda ridiculous.... I have found that a few guys with overly jealous tendencies, tend to be possessive and sometimes abusive so I steer clear of the jealous ones.

 

[Lynx]

I am jealous of anyone in Switzerland. Have you tried the chocolate there? You just can't get it over here in the USA. I know, I've looked.

 

[Charcoal]

When my marriage was in the "circling the drain, but still possibly salvageable" stage, I was accursed of being jealous, controlling, and manipulative. I took bad advice and became very permissive to avoid such labels. In the end, it came out that she was involved with other men. My jealousy had been well founded, and I was right to have tried to keep her at home with me and the kids more. I understand now how I could have done that in a more productive way, but the fact remains that when I chose to lead (in this and in other situations), she chose to not follow. When it was all said and done I was left with two kids whom I can raise to see that situation as a counter example rather than an example. I praise God for the opportunity to teach them what is right.

 

[Inu]

I am jealous of anyone in Switzerland. Have you tried the chocolate there? You just can't get it over here in the USA. I know, I've looked.

Caution: do not feed the wildcat chocolate... this may lead to unusual behaviours.....

 

[tourist]

How do women feel about jealousy in a relationship? My last relationship ended because of jealousy, but what draws the line? I don't want to be in a relationship where the girl that I love is going on dates with other men and flirting with other men, but I also don't won't to be an authority figure to my girlfriend/ future spouse. Any thoughts?

If the girl you love is hitting on other guys you may have a problem in the relationship. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. With trust there is no jealousy.

 

[tourist]

Jealousy is actually a form of insecurity. It's rooted in trust issues and also self-esteem issues. But if she's actually dating other guys.. that's not jealousy.. that's CHEATING.

My sentiments exactly.

 

[Lynx]

Jealousy is actually a form of insecurity. It's rooted in trust issues and also self-esteem issues. But if she's actually dating other guys.. that's not jealousy.. that's CHEATING.

Precisely.

The original post was about jealousy, and worrying about the other person cheating, but then the thread IMMEDIATELY got into what if the other person actually cheats, so I wasn't sure which way this conversation was going...

Jealousy is about worrying if your light-o-love will cheat on you. All it really boils down to is one simple question: Can you trust her? If you feel you can, you shouldn't have any reason to be jealous. If you feel you can't, you really should find someone else... or not find someone else, as you want, but you probably shouldn't be with her.

If you have every reason to trust her, but you still have trouble with jealousy... well, that's a whole other problem, and it's your problem, not hers.

 

[sassylady]

I wouldn't be in a relationship like that, period. She is already cheating in a sense.

 

[Trinity33]

I'm not really sure where you draw the line in the sand here. I know jealousy sucks but I think it is hard to not feel some kind or another if another person is chatting it up with ur guy/girl. I try to always turn to God when my evil jealousy emotion is trying to talk to me. Some times a prayer will give you answers if you wait a minute and listen. If she is going out (dating ) other guys dump her. That's not being a father figure, that's respecting yourself! ;-)

 

[Shouryu]

I am inherently suspicious of someone who is naturally jealous now. Here's why.

The Ex left her fiancee for me.
The entire time we were together, she was INCREDIBLY jealous.
"It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust other women around you."
...um, if you trust ME, though...it still shouldn't be a problem...*rolls eyes*
In six years, I was never suspicious or jealous if she spent time with a man-friend.
Then she left me for another man.

So...my natural reaction to someone who is inherently jealous and suspicious? The reason she was jealous and suspicious that I would leave her so easily...was because she knew she was capable of leaving me so easily.

It may not be fair to assume that...especially since someone who's been cheated on before may naturally be suspicious forevermore...but that's my first reaction. :/

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I am inherently suspicious of someone who is naturally jealous now. Here's why.

The Ex left her fiancee for me.
The entire time we were together, she was INCREDIBLY jealous.
"It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust other women around you."
...um, if you trust ME, though...it still shouldn't be a problem...*rolls eyes*
In six years, I was never suspicious or jealous if she spent time with a man-friend.
Then she left me for another man.

So...my natural reaction to someone who is inherently jealous and suspicious? The reason she was jealous and suspicious that I would leave her so easily...was because she knew she was capable of leaving me so easily.

It may not be fair to assume that...especially since someone who's been cheated on before may naturally be suspicious forevermore...but that's my first reaction. :/

I've kinda noticed that too. People who lie are always paranoid that others are lying to them. People who cheat are paranoid that others might cheat on them. People who gossip are paranoid that others are gossiping about them. We always assume that everyone else is just like us. People who wouldn't ever consider doing it would also never consider someone else doing it to them. Unless they learn the hard way of course. But yeah... it seems to be the trend.

 

[Shouryu]

I've kinda noticed that too. People who lie are always paranoid that others are lying to them. People who cheat are paranoid that others might cheat on them. People who gossip are paranoid that others are gossiping about them. We always assume that everyone else is just like us. People who wouldn't ever consider doing it would also never consider someone else doing it to them. Unless they learn the hard way of course. But yeah... it seems to be the trend.

Wanna know the disappointing part? I was never comfortable with the fact that she dumped her fiancee for me...I never even accepted her affections until two years after the fact.

...A young brave came across a stream whilst walking through the forest. At the edge of the stream lay a coiled snake, shivering in the cold air, looking to the opposite bank. As the brave place a foot into the stream, the snake looked to him, and said, "Are you crossing? The air is cold, and the water is colder, so I cannot cross. I can find warmth in the underbrush on the other side. Would you take me?"
...The brave frowned, and replied, "You are a snake. If I reach for you, you will strike me, and I will die."
...The snake implored further, "I will die if I do not reach the other side, so I would be foolish to strike you. Please carry me to the other side." What the snake said to the young brave made sense, so after a moment's hesitation, he reached down and picked up the snake, and began to carry it across the stream. As the brave continued, the snake's shivering grew. "Young warrior, the air is even colder over the water. Please hide me in your shirt."
...Again, the youth reacted on instinct. "If I place you in my shirt, you will think I am trying to eat you, and you will strike me, and I will die." But again, the snake assured the brave that his own was dependent on the brave's act of charity, and the young man, placed the snake into his shirt, against his chest.
...As they reached the opposing bank, the brave knelt and released the bottom of his shirt near the ground, allowing the snake to go free. As the snake slid to the ground, it immediately turned and struck the brave on the hand. The young man gasped and looked at the snake in horror. "I do not understand! You promised you would not strike me!" as the snake moved towards the brushes for warmth.
..."You knew what I was when you picked me up," replied the snake, as the youth breathed his last.

 

[Charcoal]

Having been bitten by my own metaphorical snake, I understand, Brother Shouryu.
I acknowledge that at times the devil will divide me by getting part of my attention overly focused on hopes, plans, and worries for the future, then getting another part of my attention on my sorrow and shame from the past. It is then that the evil one likes to attack. I try instead to live in the moment and live it with God.

You typically seem to be doing a great job of being there with God in the moment. Don't slip from that, remember my confession of being weak when divided and do not let the devil put you in such a state. (Not saying you're there now, just allowing myself to be a cautionary tale.)


As for the story of the brave, I have heard it before with a twist:

...A young brave came across a BROAD RIVER whilst walking through the forest. At the edge of the RIVER lay a coiled snake, shivering in the cold air, looking to the opposite bank. As the brave place a foot into the RIVER, the snake looked to him, and said, "Are you crossing? The air is cold, and the water is colder, so I cannot cross. I can find warmth in the underbrush on the other side. Would you take me?"
...The brave frowned, and replied, "You are a snake. If I reach for you, you will strike me, and I will die."
...The snake implored further, "I will die if I do not reach the other side, so I would be foolish to strike you. Please carry me to the other side." What the snake said to the young brave made sense, so after a moment's hesitation, he reached down and picked up the snake, and began to carry it across the RIVER. As the brave continued, the snake's shivering grew. "Young warrior, the air is even colder over the water. Please hide me in your shirt."
...Again, the youth reacted on instinct. "If I place you in my shirt, you will think I am trying to eat you, and you will strike me, and I will die." But again, the snake assured the brave that his own was dependent on the brave's act of charity, and the young man, placed the snake into his shirt, against his chest.
...As they reached the

...As they reached the middle of the river, the snake's body had warmed from the boy's own heat. This act of selfless kindness had been misplaced. The snake, acting on instinct, began biting the boy, again and again. The young man gasped and looked at the snake in horror. "I do not understand! You promised you would not strike me! We are in the middle of the river that you cannot swim and now we will both surely die!"
...The boy sank beneath the rushing waters, but the serpent had gained strength from the boy's warmth and swam to the bank. ...Pausing there he reflected, "I could not help myself. I will always be a snake and could not change for you."

I both love and hate this version of the tale.

 

[Ho11y]

I am inherently suspicious of someone who is naturally jealous now. Here's why.

The Ex left her fiancee for me.
The entire time we were together, she was INCREDIBLY jealous.
"It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust other women around you."
...um, if you trust ME, though...it still shouldn't be a problem...*rolls eyes*
In six years, I was never suspicious or jealous if she spent time with a man-friend.
Then she left me for another man.

So...my natural reaction to someone who is inherently jealous and suspicious? The reason she was jealous and suspicious that I would leave her so easily...was because she knew she was capable of leaving me so easily.

It may not be fair to assume that...especially since someone who's been cheated on before may naturally be suspicious forevermore...but that's my first reaction. :/

^ This... yes.

 

[Lynx]

The version I heard was of a scorpion who struck the dog who agreed to carry it across the river on his back. Both of them died in that tale.

A person who is a snake or scorpion can change, but don't marry one thinking you will change him. Plan your actions based on what he is right now, a scorpion... but don't assume a person can never change.