Anyone else? If it's just me I'll shut up

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Z

zaoman32

Guest
#1
#1
So, I play bass at my church, that's how I get involved. I feel no guilt or pressure in doing other things, but I really wouldn't mind joining a small group. At my church the small groups just get together to discuss the message we had at church that week, and I think it would be nice to do that in a smaller, more intimate group. The problem is, pretty much all the people at my church over 18 are either married or in serious relationships

I was in a small group briefly, but is it just me, or it does it feel weird, being a single person, in a group of 4 or 5 married couples. It's not that I feel jealous, or any longing to have any of that (frankly I like listening to really loud music and playing video games without someone telling me to clean), I just feel really awkward, like I'm intruding on a date, or something like that. It's weird

Before anyone suggests it, I've thought about the idea of me starting a small group for singles at my church, so I asked the youth pastor, who's also a friend of mine if there were any other singles at church, this was our conversation:

Me: "are there any other single people at our church?"
YP (youth pastor): "Oh yeah, you're not the only one...at least I don't think so...I mean obviously if we were in a bigger city there would be more...but I'm sure you're not the only one."

In other words...nope.

Is it just me though, does this feel weird to anyone else?
 
S

smilesaj

Guest
#2
#2
It is not just you...I feel weird too. My church is really small and mostly it is everyone who is married. Hard to find that place for a small group when single. Perhaps go for gender related group. What I mean is men with men and women with women...I think that would be less weird. Esp. for me.

Annette
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#3
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#3
I host small group at my home, and everyone is married except for myself and a college student who comes. I don't feel uncomfortable at all in that setting, but I have noticed recently that the married couples sometimes do things together - have one another over for dinner, etc - and I'm typically not included. It's just awkward for a couple to have a single friend over for dinner I guess. Those who do feel comfortable doing that with me are people I met and befriended when I WAS part of a couple. Even this I kinda understand... there's no guy on this end for the other woman's guy to converse with, etc. But yeah. That does happen.
 
A

arwen-undomiel

Guest
#4
#4
Zaoman is back!
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
8,156
113
#5
You ain't the only one. I have some good friends on another forum, and we had a meet-up a while ago in Arkansas. Everyone there was married except me, four couples. They were good friends of mine, we had a great time... but I still felt kinda like a fifth wheel. Not their fault, not really my fault, it's just the way it was.
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#6
#6
I don't feel awkward if I'm with people from my Bible class, whatever we are up to. That's maybe because they've stood by me through thick and thin since 2002. Sure, there's only 3 other singles in the class and those three are all women, but We're family.

Now if I'm in some other setting I'll probably feel a bit like the odd man out...HOWEVER, I've gotten comfortable with that in almost every setting. I think if I were 10 years younger I would probably feel different about that, though.

I agree with another poster, maybe you could do a Men's Group. (think of all the fun, like Small group Night at the Demo Derby and Small Group Night at the Gun Range, or even Small Group Night Secretly Watching The Noteboo...no never mind that one should never happen.

I think it's sad that the YP could not come up with anyone else :(
Almost as sad as that he Still insisted that you were not the one and only.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#7
Nope. It's not you.

I've noticed that Bible studies tend to be comprised of heterogeneous mixes rather than cross sections of the church population. Couples of this age tend to like to meet with couples of their age, older couples with older couples, college students with other college students, women meet with women, etc..

At my church, there have been efforts to have more mixed groups, but they haven't really taken off.

I'm pretty much in the same boat.

 
violakat

violakat

Senior Member
#8
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#8
I guess I'm the odd duck out as I really don't feel comfortable anymore being in the single's department, but that might be because of a certain paranoia created when a certain person I know divorced his second wife, (both wives were my friends by the way) and I kind of felt like he was going to make me wife number three. So yeah, for me I feel better being in a more mixed class. But then, we also have some youth in there as well. The one thing we all have in common is the fact that we are either musicians or singers at church.

Also forgot to mention that we also have at least one or two other single women who come as well, and I was already pretty good friends with a few of the couples in the class, when it was started.
 
A

agirlandherguitar

Guest
#9
#9
It's not weird to think that's weird. My church is larger and we have a lot of singles, some well into their 30's. We have designated groups for marrieds and for singles. I understand your feelings of not wanting to be in a group of marrieds, as you have a different lifestyle and a different walk. If there isn't a small group for singles in your church maybe look elsewhere... not abandon your church of course! I mean have that weekly or biweekly small group on the side. I've felt more connected and learned more about God through my small group of singles. Nobody is trying to pair up, which is wonderful. It is better to be with similar individuals in a small group.
 
M

musicguy85

Guest
#11
#11
I'm one who has definitely felt like an outsider in small groups on a lot of occasions and I don't take part in them anymore. I am kind of old school in that I really do prefer the somewhat "standard" sunday school idea of age groups or singles, couples, etc. It has always seemed more comfortable and has seemed to work better than assigning small groups that often end up feeling very cliquey in the experiences I have had.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#12
#12
Once I was divorced I felt I just did not fit in with my church friends anymore; we had gotten together as couples and I felt we had nothing in common anymore. They had each other and couldn't understand what I was going through. But before I was a mother I felt like I didn't fit in with the women who had children. We didn't have much in common and I couldn't understand what they went through. So it's not just one type of group.

If your church is not interested in a singles group you can go to a singles group in another church, you don't necessarily have to leave the church you are at.
 
A

Angeltrhix

Guest
#14
#14
Aw, I know what you feel but I'm happy that in our church I'm not the only one lol. There are a lot of beautiful woman in our church and they still single and envy them that they trust God so much in everything especially waiting God to introduce them to someone. So I'm trying myself to follow them, trust God in waiting for the man He has store for me. :)
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#15
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#15
Yeah...the demographic in most churches does tend to be older or married...at least, they seem to lean that way...and though this may be somewhat trolling, totally made me think of this!

[video=youtube;DNV2ttK6UxA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNV2ttK6UxA[/video]
 
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sunnysky31

Guest
#16
#16
Hey Zao its good to see ya again.

You are not the only one that feels that way. I am one of 2 singles at my church (throw kids on top of that) and it is awkward.

I don't like to spend great deals of time with only married couples. It makes me feel like an old maid.

This post is similar to one Crimson created a few days ago about the way married couples tend to dumb their chores off of singles.

I think that there really should be more focus on the singles in the church, but they are often forgotten about. Literally.

Anyway, this is my connection to other singles and single parents. We have no group like that at church and I do not like any of those groups around town I have visited. Even here its easy to feel like a third wheel at times.
 
simplysweet

simplysweet

Senior Member
#17
Aug 21, 2014
137
1
18
#17
zaoman32 said:
So, I play bass at my church, that's how I get involved. I feel no guilt or pressure in doing other things, but I really wouldn't mind joining a small group. At my church the small groups just get together to discuss the message we had at church that week, and I think it would be nice to do that in a smaller, more intimate group. The problem is, pretty much all the people at my church over 18 are either married or in serious relationships

I was in a small group briefly, but is it just me, or it does it feel weird, being a single person, in a group of 4 or 5 married couples. It's not that I feel jealous, or any longing to have any of that (frankly I like listening to really loud music and playing video games without someone telling me to clean), I just feel really awkward, like I'm intruding on a date, or something like that. It's weird

Before anyone suggests it, I've thought about the idea of me starting a small group for singles at my church, so I asked the youth pastor, who's also a friend of mine if there were any other singles at church, this was our conversation:

Me: "are there any other single people at our church?"
YP (youth pastor): "Oh yeah, you're not the only one...at least I don't think so...I mean obviously if we were in a bigger city there would be more...but I'm sure you're not the only one."

In other words...nope.

Is it just me though, does this feel weird to anyone else?
Click to expand...

I know how you feel. I felt the same thing too before our singles fellowship started at church. Some of my friends also are married and in serious relationship. I feel like I am a chaperon. Then, I stopped going with them. A group of ladies saw that I was alone most of the time so they invited me to join their fellowship. I was really grateful for their kindness, but man! It was worse. They talk about their lives as wives and mothers, even as grandmothers. Sometimes, they are extra careful about their words since I am young and innocent. So I decided to stop joining their fellowship. After months of praying, God lead the singles together. During that time, we were totally strangers. Now, we are inseparable. After church, we eat lunch, talk, eat dinner talk, eat midnight snack, talk and go home.

Just watch and pray. I mean, just scout for people whom you think on the same boat with you and pray that God will bring you together. Who knows you will meet the perfect one for you there ^_^
 
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