Dating Question...?

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jeremyPJ

Guest
#1
#1
Okay, so I've been going to this meeting a few of us have, its a small town and the couple who have the meeting go to my church, but there are some local folks who go to other churches there too, maybe 15 on any given night, tops. I haven't intended to date anyone this soon...but there's a gal there who really rocks my boat, so to speak. She's six years older than me, has grown sons she has issues with, and is single. So I decided on the way home last night to call her and ask her out...

So I call, she's already in bed (oops!), she just lives two houses down from the meeting and I'm 25 min. away. So I made some comments on our meeting that night, told her I found her to be a very nice lady and quite attractive (got two very enthusiastic sounding "thank you!" out of that!). Then I told her I'd like to go out with her sometime. And I get a totally unexpected answer (this always happens to me, I've heard them all), she says "how about we wait till the first of the year?"

So yeah I'm thinking "what?"...I very politely told her "sure that's fine, no hurry...

Any ideas? guys, gals, help me out here...I haven't dated for 20 years. But the dating game never fails to throw mw a curve ball lmbo!!!!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#2
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#2
Hmmm. Did she offer any explanation for wanting to wait? Maybe she has a lot of holiday stuff going on and is really busy right now? That's all I can think of based on what you mentioned. Hope it works out for ya. :)
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#3
#3
Could be, I don't remember her really saying why, maybe she did and I was lost in the moment lol
 
thezachattack

thezachattack

Senior Member
#4
Jun 12, 2014
256
1
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#4
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Hmmm. Did she offer any explanation for wanting to wait? Maybe she has a lot of holiday stuff going on and is really busy right now? That's all I can think of based on what you mentioned. Hope it works out for ya. :)
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I had no idea how to respond when I read your thread. I think Grace-Like-Rain makes a good point. A lot of people get really busy during the holiday season. I hope it all works out for you!
 
hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#5
May 10, 2014
552
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#5
She may simply want to know a little more about you and be around you a little more in the group environment for awhile first. I mean she could have simply said No. I think Grace is right, this is a busy, stressful time of year for many and dating would be a lot to take on for someone. I would enjoy getting to know her in the group environment that you now share and revisit the opportunity after the first of the year.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#6
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
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#6
I can never read a woman's mind, but I am going to wager an explanation anyway.

I think that's a positive sign jeremy. I mean, she could have easily said "No". Instead, she suggested that you wait till the first of the year.

Perhaps, as the posters before me have pointed out, she has a lot going on at the moment because it is the holiday season. Or maybe it is because she wants to get to know you better - she is probably going to notice you more from now on for 1 1/2 months and then take a call. The third possibility is that she just wants to test your resolve - are you the the kind who flitters from one flower to another or are you persistent?
 
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Sirsoupy4

Guest
#7
#7
Could be that she wants to see if your truly committed or if you're wanting something... else... something bad... a no no. Many times with a girl I liked they would do the same thing. It's like a test, but different probably not the best thing saying like a test. Anyway it's an understandable thing to do, because too many people want the here and now, rather than being in it for the long run (marriage, salvation,etc.).
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#8
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
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#8
I think she is a genius.

If you dated now, it would be the holiday season. You would be expected to "make the rounds" to visit each other's families. There would be pressure to spend part of Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with these people, or those people. Then there is gift-giving - - but you don't know each other well enough yet to get something meaningful, so the experience would be kind of a let down. Who wants a clumsy holiday season? In waiting until the first of the year, she is not allowing that kind of stress to affect a budding relationship.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#9
#9
I'm wondering if it's an instance of her wanting to talk to everyone else and see what they think about it...it's funny, I never ask any other men what they think about a woman I'm interested in, but I do believe this is how the ladies work in certain groups. Just sayin'...
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#10
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
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#10
I don't know.. They are women, you know.. I haven't got the slightest clue.. :p
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#11
#11
CatHerder said:
I think she is a genius.

If you dated now, it would be the holiday season. You would be expected to "make the rounds" to visit each other's families. There would be pressure to spend part of Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with these people, or those people. Then there is gift-giving - - but you don't know each other well enough yet to get something meaningful, so the experience would be kind of a let down. Who wants a clumsy holiday season? In waiting until the first of the year, she is not allowing that kind of stress to affect a budding relationship.
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That could be too...I hope. :)
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#12
#12
CatHerder said:
I think she is a genius.

If you dated now, it would be the holiday season. You would be expected to "make the rounds" to visit each other's families. There would be pressure to spend part of Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with these people, or those people. Then there is gift-giving - - but you don't know each other well enough yet to get something meaningful, so the experience would be kind of a let down. Who wants a clumsy holiday season? In waiting until the first of the year, she is not allowing that kind of stress to affect a budding relationship.
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This is AMAZING SMART.
I was thinking maybe that it could be because the holidays can be so very stressful, and that many people go through some dark times then, remembering those they have lost... but this IS genius. I think there may be a door open, Zorro, and that it would be wise to periodically do something that keeps your foot in the door. :) Show intent without pressuring. ...and maybe once it gets closer, make plans to arrive "stag" to a new years party, and leave as a couple ;) 12 days of Christmas? Nah man, you've got like 45 days of the rest of 2014 and you should Totally make it work.
From my own experience, I know the value of showing a woman patience. My sweetie and I are both single parents and we talked early on about how we'd probably only be able to go out once or twice a month. We kept at it anyway. Now we have a routine of talking on the phone daily, we hit the gym to run the indoor track on Thursdays, and we are going to church together on Sunday evenings. We don't always have time to date, but by being persistently patient, we have decided that it is worth the time to make minor alterations to our busy schedule and do things together.

This is not a situation to loose hear over, sir. Whatever the intent is behind her decision, she seems to be extending positive signs:

Well, I'm in bed already, but I'm going to take the time to talk to you
she didn't say no, she gave you this elusive "lets wait" yes. She is wanting to be sure before she takes a plunge. Dating again can be scary. Many people say that after a loss of a spouse that it takes 1 year for every 5 you were married...maybe she's counting down to that date on the calendar or something similar.
Also, you said those Thank You's were kinda encouraging... she's not fishing for more, but she is not sending you to the door! Go for it, bro! Show intent, but do not pressure. This could be a major win for your team :)
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
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Tennessee
#13
jeremyPJ said:
Okay, so I've been going to this meeting a few of us have, its a small town and the couple who have the meeting go to my church, but there are some local folks who go to other churches there too, maybe 15 on any given night, tops. I haven't intended to date anyone this soon...but there's a gal there who really rocks my boat, so to speak. She's six years older than me, has grown sons she has issues with, and is single. So I decided on the way home last night to call her and ask her out...

So I call, she's already in bed (oops!), she just lives two houses down from the meeting and I'm 25 min. away. So I made some comments on our meeting that night, told her I found her to be a very nice lady and quite attractive (got two very enthusiastic sounding "thank you!" out of that!). Then I told her I'd like to go out with her sometime. And I get a totally unexpected answer (this always happens to me, I've heard them all), she says "how about we wait till the first of the year?"

So yeah I'm thinking "what?"...I very politely told her "sure that's fine, no hurry...

Any ideas? guys, gals, help me out here...I haven't dated for 20 years. But the dating game never fails to throw mw a curve ball lmbo!!!!
Click to expand...
Call her on Dec 31 and set up a date for Jan 1.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#14
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#14
CatHerder said:
I think she is a genius.

If you dated now, it would be the holiday season. You would be expected to "make the rounds" to visit each other's families. There would be pressure to spend part of Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with these people, or those people. Then there is gift-giving - - but you don't know each other well enough yet to get something meaningful, so the experience would be kind of a let down. Who wants a clumsy holiday season? In waiting until the first of the year, she is not allowing that kind of stress to affect a budding relationship.
Click to expand...
I could not have said this any better and this is the way I was leaning....Who really would want to start a relationship with all the stress of the holidays....don't think I could do it. So give her a call after the first of the year and just be friendly with her in the mean time. Sounds like there may be possibilities for you in 2015. Relax and enjoy the holidays....
 
T

twofeet

Guest
#15
#15
CatHerder said:
I think she is a genius.

If you dated now, it would be the holiday season. You would be expected to "make the rounds" to visit each other's families. There would be pressure to spend part of Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with these people, or those people. Then there is gift-giving - - but you don't know each other well enough yet to get something meaningful, so the experience would be kind of a let down. Who wants a clumsy holiday season? In waiting until the first of the year, she is not allowing that kind of stress to affect a budding relationship.
Click to expand...

Now thats a womans point of view right there!! Awesumness :D
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#16
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#16
jeremyPJ said:
Could be, I don't remember her really saying why, maybe she did and I was lost in the moment lol
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​Jeremy has a crush! Jeremy has a crush! lol.. :) I agree with Grace, she probably has alot of holiday stuff goin' on right now..
 
A

AbbeyJoy

Guest
#17
#17
I agree with Grace to and also just be good friends with her first :)
 
J

johnbragg

Guest
#18
#18
I'm thinking there's a New Years resolution involved here but I just can't put my finger on it.
but I agree a wait is always better then a no.
 
O

OnThisRock

Senior Member
#19
Jan 20, 2011
353
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#19
jeremyPJ said:
I'm wondering if it's an instance of her wanting to talk to everyone else and see what they think about it...it's funny, I never ask any other men what they think about a woman I'm interested in, but I do believe this is how the ladies work in certain groups. Just sayin'...
Click to expand...

My gut response. It's too soon. She wants to know you better. This is a good thing!
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#20
#20
OnThisRock said:
My gut response. It's too soon. She wants to know you better. This is a good thing!
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there is a helping of this in there, methinks. :) Whatever the case, she didna shoot you down, she left the door open. keep your foot in the door, and let her get to know ya in a charming, low pressure way, then plot something diabolically cute for the two of you to do in early January!
 
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