Fear or Freedom: Why are you single?

[hoss2576]

A friend made an interesting remark about being single that I thought was a curious thing to point out. In essence, why are you single: fear or freedom?

Are you afraid of getting married to the wrong person or what married life may bring? Are you really enjoying the freedom that being single brings and think marriage may cost you a lot of those freedoms?

To be honest, my perspective has changed over the years. When I was in my 20's it was all about a fear of marriage. I grew up surrounded by lousy marriages, and I was scared I was doomed to have one. Now in my late 30's, I know myself better and have built my life in such a way that those fears of my 20's have been addressed. However, being in my late 30's I have also lived on my own for nearly 20 years and have come very accustomed to the freedoms that come with being single at this point in my life. Having the freedom to stay up all night talking to friends may be problematic to my future wife, or even the freedom to eat tacos for dinner 4 days in a row may not jive well with a future wife. So the issue of freedom crosses my mind more than fear does now; but neither have ever dictated my actions. I just am aware one thought has been more prevalent at times than at others.

Which one of the two plays a greater role in your life as a single person? Which do you think more about in regards to relationships; freedom or fear?

 

[Wormwood]

In essence, why are you single: fear or freedom?

Are those our only options?

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I would say freedom. Any fears I have are mostly associated with that loss of freedom.

And it's not just loss of freedom to eat what I want or live how I want, but freedom from the burden of making sure someone else is happy with me. Am I doing all I need to do to be a good wife. Am I fulfilling all of my roles and responsibilities. I've lived through that, and was happy because I didn't know any different, but now that I feel the ease of life without those responsibilities, I don't know if I'd be happy going back.

 

[Ugly]

Neither of these apply to me.

 

[kenthomas27]

i would hope there is freedom regardless. If there's burden, then something's wrong either way you go. GraceLikeRain suggested a burden when asking internally whether she was all she could be as a partner in marriage - and that could resonate a couple of different ways. She could be asking because she truly seeks to be even better at what she's confident about already (that of being a good wife to her husband) or she could be asking because she doesn't feel confident in that role. If it's the former, then it's a freedom; if it's the latter, then it's a burden.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Neither of these apply to me.

Same for me. There are definitely more reasons than just the two listed in the OP, but I'm sure the OP already knew that. I don't want to detract too much from the thread topic, but for me it's really just that things haven't panned out to the point of marriage yet. I do have some fears regarding marriage, but they're not enough to keep me from pursuing it, and while I enjoy some of the freedoms that come along with being single, there are blessings that come with marriage and having a family that I hope to experience one day as well. It's encouraging to know that one can be blessed and experience joy either way, though.

And I just wanted to add that the greatest fear I've been dealing with actually has been that I will never be married and will always be alone. That fear far and away trumps any fear of any aspect of being married or having a family.

 

[zaoman32]

I'm just not a fan of people boiling down a persons circumstances to just one or two options. I'm with those who say that neither really apply.

I'm single right now because I would make a really crappy husband right now, I doubt I'd even be a decent boyfriend at this point. That doesn't mean I have no interest in dating, and it doesn't mean I feel doomed to these circumstances forever. Honestly some days I hope I will have someone in the future, other days I couldn't care less if I'm single forever or not. Both have their ups and downs.

 

[Wormwood]

I've found myself to always end up in a position where I loved the individual I was with, but not so much the relationship. I think I have much to work on before becoming beholden to someone, and becoming so would, arguably, be selfish of me and distract from focusing on improvement.

 

[Lynx]

I'm single because I haven't met a girl I want to marry. No fear or freedom factor here.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I'm single because I want to be single.

 

[Pipp]

I'd have to agree with the neither option. There are freedoms that I'd have to give up , but I'm not afraid of giving them up. Of course I have fearful days from time to time as well... kinda like .... I'm not ready to be a grown up at all days.... but they pass as quick as they come.

 

[maxwel]

I'm not single because I have fear.

I'm single because the girls I meet have fear.

: )

 

[johnbragg]

I'm just waiting for Gods gift of His mate for me.

 

[cinder]

Let's see in no particular order:

Most of what I see of marriage in the surrounding culture is too fluffy or indefinite to make marriage seem attractive.

I know me very well, and some days I get tired of dealing with me. Can't imagine any guy would want to sign up and deal with me if given the choice (well at least not any guy worth having).

Having to co-ordinate activities with other people is usually an annoying pain in the posterior.

I've been kind of a loner for so long, I'm not even sure how to let someone get close enough to know if they'd want to date me.

Along with that I'm fiercely independent and rarely let anyone do anything nice or helpful for me without protesting it.

Oh and let's not forget, any guy who is foolish enough to approach me cold and want to date me is likely to get shut down faster than a computer dropped in lava.

Oh and my dad says I think like a guy so I seem to be much better at being treated like one of the guys than like an actual dateable female person.

Well that probably answers the why are you still single part of the OP at least.

 

[sassylady]

Seems for me that I've had the experience of having dated three different so called Christian men who wanted me but not my children. I feel being a single mom in my 50's with three college age children still at home is a turn off. If I have anything to do with it, I avoid encounters of any kind with men because I believe I will be rejected a 4th time.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Fear. Definitely fear. Cooties are very real, people, and I want nothing to do with the repercussion that is the circle circle dot dot cootie shot.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

In all honesty I think it's fear. Not fear of a relationship or even commitment, but more fear that no one is going to like me. It goes deeper than that I should say. The first fear is no one will like me with my outward appearance being what it is, but also the fear is once they get to know me they'll realize they don't like my personality either. I have a lot of flaws....

 

[aharah]

God knows your future..dont afraid of it..just Pray for wisdom from God to keep you from error.

 

[Nicee]

The best things in life requires patience. U rush n ull not get wht u want/need. Yet again, when it comes to love. People never seems to use their brains. The Heart without the brain is nothing.

 

[Nicee]

In all honesty I think it's fear. Not fear of a relationship or even commitment, but more fear that no one is going to like me. It goes deeper than that I should say. The first fear is no one will like me with my outward appearance being what it is, but also the fear is once they get to know me they'll realize they don't like my personality either. I have a lot of flaws....

Dont count your flaws. Count your talents and gifts. Youll be amaze at hw a guy will overlook your flaws n focus on your talents n gifts and also work with u on your flaws. My mom once said "If u r looking to be perfect n hv everything or look a certain way. ull never get marry."

I'll always keep th in my heart even after I find d right girl. Hopefully, Ill tell my daughter(s) and son(s) the same thing.