What IS a "bad boy"?

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I can't really discern why it is, but I've always seemed to find that's the end result.

My theory is that at some level, some of the behavior must be a facade for a lot of bad boys, and for the ones who it isn't a facade, then they're probably one of those people that it's just impossible to get a read on. If someone spends large portions of their life trying to go against social norms, they're going to pick up some bad habits along the way, like learning how to shut out people who they might ascertain are a threat (which is every one for a bad boy).

And the ones who do it as a facade, well it's a lot more clear cut. If they ever let on that they were overcompensating, then the facade would come crashing down, so they can't afford to tell the truth about anything - and they'll lie about the most inane things (it's actually kind of funny to watch).

This is the thing... bad boys (ones I have known, at least) do seem to be secretly threatened by everything. But unless you are really looking, you don't realize this until it's too late. They come off as confident and self-assured, but their constant rejection of anyone in authority gives it away. They will most likely also feel threatened by a spouse, which leads to shut-down rather than opening up and developing a deeper relationship. They will never confide their true feelings to you. They will probably never be "real" or vulnerable with you. They do not seek counsel outside of themselves.

The hard part is recognizing the signs and warnings of a bad boy. I want to say that the main sign would be typical disdain for authority, but I know that it's not an across-the-board proven diagnosis. Sometimes people rebel against authority with good reason, and sometimes bad boys don't appear to have this trait, so it's a toss-up. However, I'd venture to guess that if someone always has a problem with anyone in leadership over them, they probably have this problem. If their bosses are all constantly wrong, they have no respect for their pastor or other spiritual leaders, and had problems submitting to their parents or rules as a child/teen... it's definitely something to consider.

So we're looking at a self-esteem issue? The question is: Is this something that can be worked on, and how? Can others help? Can a bad boy with low self-esteem be helped by receiving the encouragement, praise, respect and deference that he yearns for? Or is this something he himself will have to conquer inwardly by changing how he views himself?

 

[maxwel]

This is the thing... bad boys (ones I have known, at least) do seem to be secretly threatened by everything. But unless you are really looking, you don't realize this until it's too late. They come off as confident and self-assured, but their constant rejection of anyone in authority gives it away. They will most likely also feel threatened by a spouse, which leads to shut-down rather than opening up and developing a deeper relationship. They will never confide their true feelings to you. They will probably never be "real" or vulnerable with you. They do not seek counsel outside of themselves.

The hard part is recognizing the signs and warnings of a bad boy. I want to say that the main sign would be typical disdain for authority, but I know that it's not an across-the-board proven diagnosis. Sometimes people rebel against authority with good reason, and sometimes bad boys don't appear to have this trait, so it's a toss-up. However, I'd venture to guess that if someone always has a problem with anyone in leadership over them, they probably have this problem. If their bosses are all constantly wrong, they have no respect for their pastor or other spiritual leaders, and had problems submitting to their parents or rules as a child/teen... it's definitely something to consider.

So we're looking at a self-esteem issue? The question is: Is this something that can be worked on, and how? Can others help? Can a bad boy with low self-esteem be helped by receiving the encouragement, praise, respect and deference that he yearns for? Or is this something he himself will have to conquer inwardly by changing how he views himself?

Of course he can be helped, once he accepts Christ.

But that does NOT mean you should try to rescue him by DATING him.


Guys and girls both make this common, and dangerous mistake.

 

[ServantStrike]

This is the thing... bad boys (ones I have known, at least) do seem to be secretly threatened by everything. But unless you are really looking, you don't realize this until it's too late. They come off as confident and self-assured, but their constant rejection of anyone in authority gives it away. They will most likely also feel threatened by a spouse, which leads to shut-down rather than opening up and developing a deeper relationship. They will never confide their true feelings to you. They will probably never be "real" or vulnerable with you. They do not seek counsel outside of themselves.

The hard part is recognizing the signs and warnings of a bad boy. I want to say that the main sign would be typical disdain for authority, but I know that it's not an across-the-board proven diagnosis. Sometimes people rebel against authority with good reason, and sometimes bad boys don't appear to have this trait, so it's a toss-up. However, I'd venture to guess that if someone always has a problem with anyone in leadership over them, they probably have this problem. If their bosses are all constantly wrong, they have no respect for their pastor or other spiritual leaders, and had problems submitting to their parents or rules as a child/teen... it's definitely something to consider.

So we're looking at a self-esteem issue? The question is: Is this something that can be worked on, and how? Can others help? Can a bad boy with low self-esteem be helped by receiving the encouragement, praise, respect and deference that he yearns for? Or is this something he himself will have to conquer inwardly by changing how he views himself?

See that's the thing. A lot of guys might over compensate for what they feel they lack by latching onto something else and using that to prop up their self image. I mean it could be anything - a car, a sport, a hobby, but the common thread there is they will find something that most people will view as normal or healthy and take it to an extreme that is not healthy, and then they will be overly focused on it.

That's the kind of guy that can probably be helped.

The bad boy usually takes this further and will never even admit there's a problem. It's going to take something drastic to wake someone like that up. Id' say any change has to come from within.

Of course he can be helped, once he accepts Christ.

But that does NOT mean you should try to rescue him by DATING him.


Guys and girls both make this common, and dangerous mistake.

Usually followed by the comment "but God wanted us to be together." It may take a few years, but it always ends up that way.

No, actually, He didn't.

But missionary dating is another whole topic all to itself.

 

[Pickledgrapenuts]

Nothing.

Zero.

You don't have to be "bad" to be an independent thinker, a critical thinker, an innovator, a person who thinks or operates outside the normal box. Christian do have "liberty in Christ" to be individuals.

Being an individual isn't the same as being "bad"... but many people misunderstand and misapply these things.

Hello everyone! Brand spankin' new here and happened upon this thread. Just thought I'd put my two-cents in that I agree with this statement fully! Thank you and have a gloooooorious day....

 

[Liamson]

I Am a Bad Boy, and here's why....



I went to a friends church, as I often do. And the pastor gave a sermon about how each nation that ancient Israel conquered represented a spirit that was manifesting in today's society. Amelikites, Perizities equalled pride or scorn or whatever. Somehow it worked into some kind of formula, that made sense to someone. I distinctly remember the girl sitting next to me taking notes. After the sermon, my friend and I along with her, went for coffee. And my friend wasn't participating but, I remember having a conversation with this girl about the service. We talked for about 2 hours, and essentially I couldn't fathom why she believed this stuff. I couldn't convince her that it was something someone made up to make themselves seem relevant.

I called the Pastor and I talked with him about this, and he said he got it from some book he heard about online.


Let me go back even farther.

In 1996 or around then, my mother had a mental breakdown. And it revolved around a book her church was going through about theophostic healing or seeing Jesus in the corner or playing imaginary games to fight evil or whatever. It essentially had her thinking she was the woman who rides the beast in Revelation or whatever. So she sold everything we owned and filled the basement with bags of rice, to endure the apocalypse or whatever.

And now, when I meet a girl in church I have to wonder what sort of things they actually believe. Because the number of girls who believe in the whole blood moon theory of whatever is remarkably high at every church I've been to in the last 5 or 6 months. The number of girls who will believe whatever someone tells them simply because it came from a man in christian leadership, is too high.






I have to see some form of dissonance between a woman and figures of authority. Someone who doesn't follow simply because a person's message rests upon the trust instilled by appealing to the authority of themselves as "Pastor".

I have to know that a girl knows the difference between "Rules" and "Principles" especially as it relates to faith. Having an internal compass that governs herself in accordance with her relationship with God, is going to ruffle feathers, break rules and in general not really follow Pop-Christianity.

Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."So, this isn't a rule, its a principle. So when a girl has This principle in her heart, she can know that something like Prosperity Gospel stuff is less than applicable. People who attend such churches would label her a "Bad Girl"






In fact According to the religious authority of His day, Jesus was considered a Bad Guy. As was every major prophet in their own time.





I would rather date a girl who doesn't own a smartphone because she knows there is no ethical smart phone manufacturer, than a girl who hasn't missed a service in 13 years. I would rather date the girl who sits with the homeless in her evenings because she has more in common with them than she does with the ladies christian book club who mostly use the time as an excuse to gossip and ruin marriages. I would rather date the girl who knows her faith enough to choose Christ even when it means everyone else is going to call her "Bad"



Having a Kingdom of Heaven set of Principles, understanding the Parables, doing likewise is going to differ from the politically religious culture of American Christianity that we are accustomed to. Making us "Bad"



So be it.

 

[maxwel]

I have to see some form of dissonance between a woman and figures of authority.

Actually I feel the same way.

I don't want a woman who disagrees with authority just for the sake of it,
but I expect her to think for herself, and question what she hears.

Here's why.

I KNOW I'm going to question everything I hear, and see if it lines up with scripture.
If the girl DOESN'T... her head is going to explode the second I start questioning everything.
No relationship is possible.

 

[JesusMyOnly]

Welp, the bible says there are none that are good. So until a girl or boy is made righteous in God's eyes I guess they are all bad. lol


My idea of a bad boy is an explicitly flirtatious (player), self centered (self loving, self obsessed, thinking they are all that) rude, rebellious lifestyled loser. XD


My idea of a bad girl is that she is mean. Plain and simple. Mean girls are the worst. And also the ways in which I see a boy as being bad this is what makes up a bad girl in my opinion as well.


I can honestly say that those specific qualities in men are not attractive to me. I'm not interested in the least bit of that sort of behavior romantically.


Characteristics in one's personality that are not sinful that could slip into being sinful are things such as being confident. This can turn into pride and thinking they are all that. It seems many people would love to have a funny significant other. But their joking personality can become very inappropriate and they may not take things seriously that need to be taken seriously. The one in the relationship who steps up can be very helpful but can also become bossy.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Your friends have interesting churches.

People should definitely hold everything they hear in church up to the Bible to make sure it's trustworthy. I would never put myself under the submission of a church that taught things I felt were seriously in error. But when someone refuses to put themselves under the authority of ANY leader at ALL... I just don't know. We need to have some sort of accountability. No leader is going to be perfect.

I just hear too many people these days say that they don't go to church or don't respect church leaders because some leaders teach crazy things. It's just not a good enough excuse, to me, for not participating in the Body of Christ. It's our responsibility to find a solid church using discernment, and grow together with other believers.

There has to be a healthy balance.

I Am a Bad Boy, and here's why....



I went to a friends church, as I often do. And the pastor gave a sermon about how each nation that ancient Israel conquered represented a spirit that was manifesting in today's society. Amelikites, Perizities equalled pride or scorn or whatever. Somehow it worked into some kind of formula, that made sense to someone. I distinctly remember the girl sitting next to me taking notes. After the sermon, my friend and I along with her, went for coffee. And my friend wasn't participating but, I remember having a conversation with this girl about the service. We talked for about 2 hours, and essentially I couldn't fathom why she believed this stuff. I couldn't convince her that it was something someone made up to make themselves seem relevant.

I called the Pastor and I talked with him about this, and he said he got it from some book he heard about online.


Let me go back even farther.

In 1996 or around then, my mother had a mental breakdown. And it revolved around a book her church was going through about theophostic healing or seeing Jesus in the corner or playing imaginary games to fight evil or whatever. It essentially had her thinking she was the woman who rides the beast in Revelation or whatever. So she sold everything we owned and filled the basement with bags of rice, to endure the apocalypse or whatever.

And now, when I meet a girl in church I have to wonder what sort of things they actually believe. Because the number of girls who believe in the whole blood moon theory of whatever is remarkably high at every church I've been to in the last 5 or 6 months. The number of girls who will believe whatever someone tells them simply because it came from a man in christian leadership, is too high.






I have to see some form of dissonance between a woman and figures of authority. Someone who doesn't follow simply because a person's message rests upon the trust instilled by appealing to the authority of themselves as "Pastor".

I have to know that a girl knows the difference between "Rules" and "Principles" especially as it relates to faith. Having an internal compass that governs herself in accordance with her relationship with God, is going to ruffle feathers, break rules and in general not really follow Pop-Christianity.

Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."So, this isn't a rule, its a principle. So when a girl has This principle in her heart, she can know that something like Prosperity Gospel stuff is less than applicable. People who attend such churches would label her a "Bad Girl"






In fact According to the religious authority of His day, Jesus was considered a Bad Guy. As was every major prophet in their own time.





I would rather date a girl who doesn't own a smartphone because she knows there is no ethical smart phone manufacturer, than a girl who hasn't missed a service in 13 years. I would rather date the girl who sits with the homeless in her evenings because she has more in common with them than she does with the ladies christian book club who mostly use the time as an excuse to gossip and ruin marriages. I would rather date the girl who knows her faith enough to choose Christ even when it means everyone else is going to call her "Bad"



Having a Kingdom of Heaven set of Principles, understanding the Parables, doing likewise is going to differ from the politically religious culture of American Christianity that we are accustomed to. Making us "Bad"



So be it.

 

[maxwel]

Your friends have interesting churches.

People should definitely hold everything they hear in church up to the Bible to make sure it's trustworthy. I would never put myself under the submission of a church that taught things I felt were seriously in error. But when someone refuses to put themselves under the authority of ANY leader at ALL... I just don't know. We need to have some sort of accountability. No leader is going to be perfect.

I just hear too many people these days say that they don't go to church or don't respect church leaders because some leaders teach crazy things. It's just not a good enough excuse, to me, for not participating in the Body of Christ. It's our responsibility to find a solid church using discernment, and grow together with other believers.

There has to be a healthy balance.

We ARE to be part of an assembly.
We ARE to place ourselves under reasonable authority in that assembly.

We ARE NOT to accept the teaching of any pastor, or any man, without comparing it diligently to the Word of God.


This doesn't mean we should spend all out time pointing out insignificant mistakes.
This doesn't mean we should glory is causing as much trouble as possible.

But we should simply test everything we hear by the Word of God.
We should NEVER forgo this... not for anyone.
This is our duty.

 

[maxwel]

Also, when posting late at night...

I'm allowed at least 17 typos per line.

: )

 

[Liamson]

Your friends have interesting churches.

People should definitely hold everything they hear in church up to the Bible to make sure it's trustworthy. I would never put myself under the submission of a church that taught things I felt were seriously in error. But when someone refuses to put themselves under the authority of ANY leader at ALL... I just don't know. We need to have some sort of accountability. No leader is going to be perfect.

I just hear too many people these days say that they don't go to church or don't respect church leaders because some leaders teach crazy things. It's just not a good enough excuse, to me, for not participating in the Body of Christ. It's our responsibility to find a solid church using discernment, and grow together with other believers.

There has to be a healthy balance.

But that is just it. Our Church already has a head, that is what having a personal relationship with Christ means. We have the truth at our fingertips.

And you are right, no one is perfect.



But rather than saying "Which basket do I put all of my eggs in?" or who do I follow?

Rather it is to always seek the truth, whether it comes from a Presbyterian, Methodist, Calvinist or a Lutheran. And realizing that on any given Sunday the same man who was right can be wrong.


I don't believe it is like a light switch, either on or off, in or out, good or bad. We have to take each day and hold it captive according to the Gospel of Christ. This is my submission. "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."

I literally go to 3 churches. They are all plugged into the same charity. They refer people to each other. Yet they are different.

I don't fully agree with any of them. Christians are my people. 7 Pastors in my city go to the same prayer breakfast every Thursday. I'm sure on some level they don't get along but, we have the same purpose, or at least we should.

I have a spiritual mentor, or two depending on who is counting.


I'm not playing musical churches to stir the pot. I do it because we are all one family. In the same way that since I have divorced parents, I tend to visit them both but, I don't take sides in their feuds. Which is also why you don't see me in the Bible Forum.

And just because I'm not living with my Girlfriend, smoking pot or downloading porn, doesn't mean I've got it all figured out.

 

[Lynx]

I was thinking the same thing as Grace-like-rain: Your friends sure have some interesting churches. "Interesting" as in the old chinese curse "May you live in interesting times" interesting. >.>

You should come visit my church. I can't say it's the best church around (because we're not in a contest here after all...) but it's a good church and I like it.

 

[Braylay]

The typical stereotype of a "bad boy" seems to be someone all tatted up, riding a Harley and breaking laws.

However, MY idea of a "bad boy" has, in recent years, become more like someone with a rebellious streak who spurns authority and doesn't care what anyone thinks about them. This has nothing to do with outward appearance though, and these types of people span all cultures, lifestyles and dress codes.

What is your idea of a bad boy, and do you think women (and men too) are attracted to the qualities they represent for you? If so, why is that? What is it about those specific qualities that appeals?

Now, same question, referring to "bad girls". What quality do they have that is appealing? Is it a sinful quality in itself, or just a characteristic that can (as with any personality) go to far and slip into sin when taken to extremes? (ie. fierce independence or brutal honesty.)

I've been put into the ''bad girl'' category because of those qualities you mentioned. I admit i have a problem with authority, and I've always been rebellious. I'm not concerned with what people think about me, And i'm very independent... to a fault. However, i reject the notion that this makes me ''bad'' or a ''bad girl'' In my opinion, that type of girl is self destructive, and needlessly hurts people for her own benefit. I think this type of girl will speak whatever is on her mind not caring if her words are hurtful. She is only about her.

I think servantstrike was right on, he said something to the effect of, a bad guy won't tell you what's on his mind. And that's how he can string people along. You never really know what he's thinking or doing. He's never really available. He does what he wants when he wants.
I think generally these two, bad girls and bad guys, have the same thing in common. They are all about themselves.

I'm not sure how anyone could find any of that attractive. Those type of people are hurtful, and they don't bring anything positive into your life.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Your friends have interesting churches.

People should definitely hold everything they hear in church up to the Bible to make sure it's trustworthy. I would never put myself under the submission of a church that taught things I felt were seriously in error. But when someone refuses to put themselves under the authority of ANY leader at ALL... I just don't know. We need to have some sort of accountability. No leader is going to be perfect.

I just hear too many people these days say that they don't go to church or don't respect church leaders because some leaders teach crazy things. It's just not a good enough excuse, to me, for not participating in the Body of Christ. It's our responsibility to find a solid church using discernment, and grow together with other believers.

There has to be a healthy balance.

We ARE to be part of an assembly.
We ARE to place ourselves under reasonable authority in that assembly.

We ARE NOT to accept the teaching of any pastor, or any man, without comparing it diligently to the Word of God.


This doesn't mean we should spend all out time pointing out insignificant mistakes.
This doesn't mean we should glory is causing as much trouble as possible.

But we should simply test everything we hear by the Word of God.
We should NEVER forgo this... not for anyone.
This is our duty.

That's what I said.

 

[MissCris]

Also, when posting late at night...

I'm allowed at least 17 typos per line.

: )

That's two over the legal limit; you'll have to get out

 

[LionEyes]

What is your idea of a bad boy, and do you think women (and men too) are attracted to the qualities they represent for you? If so, why is that? What is it about those specific qualities that appeals?

"Bad boy" is a term that has been thrown around so often that it's nearly lost all meaning. In real life, it's usually the self-proclaimed "nice guys" who accuse other men of being "bad boys". They hurl these accusations for no other reason than because the "bad boy" in question is dating a woman the "nice guy" fancies. If the "bad boy" is genuinely bad, meaning criminal or at least immoral, it seems that those types of guys typically attract women who are also immoral. The women I know who have dated criminal types were also prone to criminal activity.

In fiction, the romanticized "bad boy" seems to be a Byronic Hero who usually had a tragic past, has internal conflicts as a result of aforesaid tragic past, and can be redeemed by True Love. I think the main appeal of "bad boys" in fiction is their emotional vulnerability. If an otherwise confident and strong man is vulnerable in some fashion, a female character can feel needed by protecting him. The female character can play an important role in his life and not be deemed a mere trophy wife.

 

[Jacob_Fitzgerald]

Who am I to judge who is a bad boy or bad girl? I am but a small child I don’t know very much. Sometimes I see people who look like they are in pain because they act weird or in an unnatural way (I am speaking about the so called bad boy/girl people). So, I pray for them.

In some circles I would be considered to be a bad boy. I politely listen to those in authority then go and usually do something different. I drive a big noisy dirty truck which I do use to make some big splashes and churn up mud. When working I do dress in my hardhat and rough hole filled work clothes, and usually am unshaven. I am willing to wrestle a bear, cougar, or bunny, especially if I have a big knife. Bunnies by the way can be quite the antagonists, when you’re out and about the timber in the middle of the night, half asleep mind you. These little varmints will charge right at you at the speed of light, sending your half-awake mind into a frenzy, then they dodge to the side at the last moment leaving you with the sound of their retreat, thump – thump – thump. Back to the topic: I do flirt, usually without any intention to take a relationship any farther. I take life threatening risks. I usually blaze my own trail instead of following others. My life in the world is not stable, instead it is thrown around like waves in a sea. I very often won’t commit. I often don’t say much, and people find it difficult to get to know me and they call me mysterious. I do feel secretly threatened by very many things. I have very low self-esteem. I am excessively focused on music. I am exceedingly confident on certain things. I often appear to have an alternative agenda.

Now let’s look at the truth and the reasons why. I patiently listen to most everyone and everything because God plainly told me to “listen,” but he also teaches me discernment and shows me the trail to walk, and it is usually not the way people told me to go. If you think a big noisy truck is a bad boy thing then you need to get to know cowboys better. I wear hole ridden clothes for work because by the end of the day a pair of nice clothes would be filled with holes anyway. I shave infrequently because I have sensitive skin and shaving often gives me skin problems. I am willing to wrestle wild critters, not because I am tough, but because I have had many encounters with wild beasts and I refuse to fear them. I called it flirting above, but personally I consider it conversation; and I’m simply tired of all the weird games people play so I just step right out and say the truth - Even if it is to complement a total stranger on her dress. So, I take life threatening risks. I don’t do it to get a thrill, I simply do it because there is an obstacle in the way or a problem that needs to be solved, and sometimes action needs to be taken immediately. These risks don’t scare me, because I trust in the Lord – like David fighting Goliath. I blaze my own trails because often where the Lord leads me is away from the well-worn paths and into a jungle. My life isn’t stable, but whose is? We all know that tribulation is a part of life, and because of this I don’t like to commit. I never know if I will be able to keep that commitment because the Lord might at a moment’s notice send me off to the ends of the earth again (parabley speaking). I don’t like to say much because words can get a person into horrible trouble (just read proverbs), and when you don’t say much people find it difficult to get to know you. In counter to this I say “spend time with me and get to know me through my actions”. I may not say much but when I sacrifice my life to save yours you will then know plenty enough about me. I do feel threatened by a great many things. Think of the dog who has been beaten viscously his whole life, everything is a possible threat (no sympathy please it’s merely a salting with fire). I do indeed have a low self-esteem, but after all we are supposed to go and sit down in the lowest room (Luke 14:10). I am excessively focused on music because it is a task the Lord has given me, don’t ask me why because I don’t really know, I’m just being obedient. I am exceedingly confident on those things which I know to be the truth. Though there aren’t many of them. As far as the alternative agenda goes, I don’t have one as I try always to be sincere and truthful and discuss and explain to an excess. So, I don’t know what signs I am displaying to people which cause them to think I have an alternative agenda, it’s something I’ve been trying to figure out for years now.

If you made it through my whole post then I congratulate you, it bored me to proof read it.

I hope my post wasn’t too off topic .

And as my Mother says “love them where their at because you just don’t know their journey”

 

[jeremyPJ]

My opinion of what a "bad boy" is (and it is just my opinion), is the type of man who treats his woman like crap, but makes her feel "special" because she is in a mutual crowd like her. When all together this situation is very attractive to many women. Notice I haven't mentioned Christians here, as I have yet to meet a "bad boy" Christian, with the exception of a few older men I have come across. And they are tattered by their past, not necessarily bad guys. They are just...different, in an arrogant way (sometimes, or more often).

These bad boys and their women tend to think they are "all that". And behind closed doors, it gets bad sometimes. Egos. I've been around people like this, it's no fun for a nice guy like me. I'm no pushover, but a nice but firm man. My ex-wife hangs around people like this now, hope she's happy!! They helped us part ways...and I'm thankful now, really.

Some women are attracted to these guys, sometimes even Christian women. Who have been there before, and should know better. But they just can't help themselves, for whatever reason.

 

[zeroturbulence]

What IS a "bad boy"?

 

[Lynx]

Has any man NOT done that with a can of hair spray as a boy?