What IS a "bad boy"?

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Sep 6, 2013
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#1
The typical stereotype of a "bad boy" seems to be someone all tatted up, riding a Harley and breaking laws.

However, MY idea of a "bad boy" has, in recent years, become more like someone with a rebellious streak who spurns authority and doesn't care what anyone thinks about them. This has nothing to do with outward appearance though, and these types of people span all cultures, lifestyles and dress codes.

What is your idea of a bad boy, and do you think women (and men too) are attracted to the qualities they represent for you? If so, why is that? What is it about those specific qualities that appeals?

Now, same question, referring to "bad girls". What quality do they have that is appealing? Is it a sinful quality in itself, or just a characteristic that can (as with any personality) go to far and slip into sin when taken to extremes? (ie. fierce independence or brutal honesty.)
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#2
Relentless negative destructive rebellion.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
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#3
The typical stereotype of a "bad boy" seems to be someone all tatted up, riding a Harley and breaking laws.

However, MY idea of a "bad boy" has, in recent years, become more like someone with a rebellious streak who spurns authority and doesn't care what anyone thinks about them. This has nothing to do with outward appearance though, and these types of people span all cultures, lifestyles and dress codes.

What is your idea of a bad boy, and do you think women (and men too) are attracted to the qualities they represent for you? If so, why is that? What is it about those specific qualities that appeals?

Now, same question, referring to "bad girls". What quality do they have that is appealing? Is it a sinful quality in itself, or just a characteristic that can (as with any personality) go to far and slip into sin when taken to extremes? (ie. fierce independence or brutal honesty.)
Nothing.

Zero.

You don't have to be "bad" to be an independent thinker, a critical thinker, an innovator, a person who thinks or operates outside the normal box. Christian do have "liberty in Christ" to be individuals.

Being an individual isn't the same as being "bad"... but many people misunderstand and misapply these things.
 
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Elijah19

Guest
#4
Well, I wouldn't know what makes a bad boy attractive to a girl, since I'm a guy. But as far as bad girls go, I think it's the feisty temper and stubbornness that makes them attractive. A woman is more attractive to a true gentleman if she doesn't mind standing up for herself and has an edge to her. Also, a girl that gives up too quickly is unattractive, if you want my opinion. Fickleness is also unattractive in a woman. Women should show strength and tenacity.

Believe me when I say, real men don't just look at the physical beauty of a woman. The mind of her, constantly flashing her strong heart, is an incredible turn on for any strong man. I don't know if this comment gives you a good idea of what a guy looks for in a "bad girl" of the right caliber or not, but too much badness isn't a good thing either. Everything in moderation, so to speak...

Oh, and just to say... Nice Guys and Nice Girls can actually be just as attractive, if not more so. Nothing wrong with being a Nice Guy or a Nice Girl with a little bit of an edge.

You feel me?
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
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#5
Bad boys and, to a lesser extent, bad girls have attractive qualities for two chief reasons that I can think of:

1. Sin is, in and of itself, attractive. That people want other sinners is not a surprise.

2. There are aspects of a bad boy's behavior that are attractive in people who are not bad boys. Confidence, willingness to act boldly (nothing ventured, nothing gained), an air of command, a sense of humor, a zest for life, etc. Women would be attracted to these qualities in the most Godly of men, but bad boys appear to possess them in spades.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#6
I can only speak for myself, but I get frustrated by "all the rules", even though I follow them. I have also been in churches that were hyper-spiritual and saw "demons" in everything so unless you were sitting in a spiritually-cleansed corner the size of a postage stamp, you were in danger of being a pawn of the devil.

Someone who "does what they want" and says what they want can have an appearance of "freedom" and "breaking free" that is so popular in culture today. People don't want to be told what to do, which is a major reason why many won't accept faith in Jesus. I think for some people, being with someone who is a rule-breaker is kind of like going to the bar on Friday nights--they think they will feel like they can "cut loose" from all the restraints for a while and "let it all go" around that person.

I also think that a lot of "bad image" types are players, and it seems like many are attracted to the "challenge" of "taming" a player--"Look, this person is really popular and could have anyone they want, but I'M the one who got him/her to settle down..." except that they usually DON'T settle down.

I've had fascinations with the "bad" type when I was younger and going through a rebellious stage myself. (My rebellion is usually through words and saying what I'm really thinking) but I am a very responsible person; being around someone who was irresponsible and used hard-earned resources on worthless things (drugs, alcohol, things to smoke) pushed me past my breaking point (because they would lie/cheat/steal to get them), and, for me, was a lifetime cure.
 
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Susanna

Guest
#7
My momma once told me, I think I was 16 or 17 at that time, that bad men was like that old luxury car my uncle had purchased from a dealer in Jackson...it had nice leather seats, looked like a dream, powerful and all that...but oh so unreliable and was consuming gas at the speed of greased lightning. No sweetie, she said, you best stick to the smaller, reliable cars...some people say they are boring, but they will get you wherever you want whenever you want...forever and forever...while your uncle's fancy car will be letting you down more often than not even if it handles smoothly whenever it decides to do so...
 

gypsygirl

Senior Member
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#8
guessing where the genesis of this conversation was found--another thread, i mentioned in an earlier post, i believe that "grown up", godly women and men don't really desire or are attracted to a "bad" boy or a "bad" girl.

i think that this being a pervasive fantasy/fallacy is more about a rebellious heart, and wanting to be more free or less culpable for behavior that they desire and seek to find an accomplice or "tour guide" to something they desire in their life.

i certainly have no desire for a "bad boy", and i never have really been attracted to them.

and as i previously mentioned, i have been called a "good" bad girl by a few different guys in the past, all to my confusion and enormous vexation. not entirely sure why i have been called that previously, i've asked others what that means and whether they could help me understand it better.

anyway, the primary consensus has been that it is more about perceptions associated with being playful, adventurous spirit, and being strong/independently opined, less about actual "bad behavior".

i still don't really understand why this is to be confused with "bad girl" behavior, since i know actual bad girls, and they don't seem terribly adventurous, playful or even rife with sound opinion. if anything they seem predictable, contentious, and way-too-pedestrian in their "rebellion". ; p

the whole "bad boy/girl" premise needs work. it just seems to boil down to rebellion, unbelief, and a desire to justify or accommodate/nurture a sinful nature.
 
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Jan 24, 2012
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#9
When I think back to middle/high school, I was always attracted to the goth/punk types. I think perhaps there is a hidden desire for the man/woman to be the only thing that the bad girl/guy is soft for. A pride thing, you know?

Or it could be that most of us don't want to live by the script of life that society has written for us (grow up, get married, have kids, have a boring job/life with a white picket fence, and die) and a bad boy/girl SEEMS like a way out of that path.
They SEEM like a possible key to an exciting, fun, spontaneous relationship that leads to a fun, spontaneous life.

But most of the time it just doesn't work like that.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#10
seoulsearch what you said about an appearance of "freedom" and "breaking free" reminds me of an old Ginny Owens song.

There's a young mother with three children
Got a faithful husband and a stable income
She's searching for her life's meaning
So she says to her shrink "I'm leaving home soon"
Just decided that she couldn't take it anymore
Didn't look back, she just snuck out the back door

What is wrong with this picture?
We applaud this behavior
Admire how she breaks away
It's so clearly cloudy
In the land of the gray
 
A

AnnaBou

Guest
#11
I think I am outwardly nice and I try to be. I have a bad side I try to keep in check. When I want to start dating it must be with a nice decent guy. My family would not allow anything else and that is very much what I want. The bad side of me likes 'bad boys'. In our day smart guys can protect us and build a home and provide for children but in old days the man we would want could wrestle a bear. I so like the nice smile of the decent guy in the Church Choir (not a real guy the type) but part of me wants to jump on the back of that motorbike and ride of with the guy covered in tatts. Maybe when I'm older I'll find a smart decent Christian guy with a nice smile who could wrestle a bear if he had to?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#12
The other song that comes to mind isn't a christian song, but I heard it on the radio at work:

He's no good, girl
No good for you
You'd better be getting on your goodbye shoes
 

IBDesmond

Senior Member
Jan 25, 2013
148
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#13
Hahaaa!!! I like the fact that this conversation is in a christian forum. Usually that whole bad boy appeal is something of a secular mindset but I suppose people are people wherever you go.
I've had a few conversations with people where girls tells me that girls prefer a bad boy in the sense that they say that the whole "treat em mean keep em keen" thing actually works. They say that when a guy treats them like he doesn't care about them and when he isn't overly nice all the time, it makes them crazy for him. They tell me because I'm so far from it. I'm too forward and honest and compassionate and complimenting and what not.
Grace, how you originally described a bad boy is how I am. I spurn authority to a degree. I don't follow people or leaders who a hyprocrites or who aren't too deep or have theologies that don't align with the bible and with what I believe the bible to say. I don't agree with a lot of the customs of church because I feel that church has become too institutionalised and I don't agree when people manipulate the word of God to benefit their institute.
And I don't care what people think of me neither....well....not until I like a girl. When I like a girl, suddenly her opinion of me means everything lol but I'm working on that.

I remember being a scenario where I went to church in London (I'm not from London you see). I was doing the alpha course (despite being a christian for most of my life but that's a different topic) in a posh affluent part of London where everyone was quite conservative and very well spoken. A few of the girls really fancied me which I think was because of my bad boy perception such as the fact I don't always dress up, I like to no care too much about my appearance and also there was this one time when I took my top-off (I was wearing a tank top underneath) and they saw all my tattoos for the first time. They really started swooning. Little did they know I'm quite the opposite of what they think I am.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
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#14
We really have 2 Distinct Issues here.
1. People want someone unique, but they think unique equals "bad", because they don't understand scripture.
2. People truly want someone rebellious toward God.


1. People want someone unique, but they think unique equals "bad", because they don't understand scripture.

Many people want someone who is independent, assertive, and unique, and they really think those qualities mean you must be "bad". But is being unique really bad?

God could make us all exactly the same, but he doesn't.
He makes us all different on purpose.
He gives us different personalities, preferences, skills, gifts, and callings.
Why?
It's to serve him in different ways.

If your calling is to be a minister to Mexican Biker Gangs, then God has probably made you a LOT DIFFERENT than someone who is gifted to work with soccer moms in Peoria. Seriously guys, this really isn't complicated.
: )

God has made us all unique, ON PURPOSE, in order to serve him.
Christianity FAILS when it tries to make everyone identical, so we all fit into the same small box....
so we all look, and sound, and smell exactly the same.
That isn't biblical.

The bible talks MUCH about our "liberty in Christ", and yet churches ignore this.
I've been to many churches where people have never even heard this phrase!
Why?
Because people feel comfortable, and safe, when everybody is EXACTLY like them.
So churches make ridiculous rules, expect everyone to have the same haircut, wear the same clothes, and think the same... like robots.

God did not create Adam and Eve to populate the earth with robots.
God makes us each unique, so that we can all serve him in unique ways.

If you like Harleys, or kung fu, or guitars, or hunting, or weight lifting, or street rods, or the arts, or leather jackets instead of tweed... or if you're just more of a leader than someone who blindly follows... God made you unique for a reason.

Being unique does NOT make someone BAD.

Not if they're serving God.


2. Some people truly want someone rebellious toward God.

If you truly want someone rebellious toward God, you'll get that person.

God is NOT going to punish you.

He doesn't need to.
You've punished yourself.
 
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PopClick

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#15
My thoughts are similar to Bushido's. Some people want stability and commitment, and some people just want to paint the town and have fun without the expectation of anything long-term. If you hang out with a "bad boy" who isn't looking to commit, you can have fun without worrying about playing with his heart and be spontaneous and free and all that jazz.
 
Oct 30, 2014
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#16
The typical stereotype of a "bad boy" seems to be someone all tatted up, riding a Harley and breaking laws.

However, MY idea of a "bad boy" has, in recent years, become more like someone with a rebellious streak who spurns authority and doesn't care what anyone thinks about them. This has nothing to do with outward appearance though, and these types of people span all cultures, lifestyles and dress codes.

What is your idea of a bad boy, and do you think women (and men too) are attracted to the qualities they represent for you? If so, why is that? What is it about those specific qualities that appeals?

Now, same question, referring to "bad girls". What quality do they have that is appealing? Is it a sinful quality in itself, or just a characteristic that can (as with any personality) go to far and slip into sin when taken to extremes? (ie. fierce independence or brutal honesty.)
I don't find bad girls appealing, to be brutally honest with you. They're arrogant, unfaithful, have an unjustified sense of self superiority and generally fancy themselves far too much. Most think they're every man's dream; they're definitely not mine. I don't think I'm a bad boy as such (maybe a few years ago), but I don't care for authority much. It's not because I'm intrinsically rebellious, but because I've no reason to think anybody with authority deserves to have it. Elitism and heirarchy based on predefined social criterion for selection are utterly irrelevent in light of my beliefs; I'm free -- anybody I respect enough to listen to instruction from had better earn their right to be heard, because I certainly won't give it to them on the basis that somebody else seems to think they should be telling me what I should or shouldn't do.

Bad boys and bad girls are for girls and boys, though. Independent men and women are for grown ups.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
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#17
I don't find bad girls appealing, to be brutally honest with you. They're arrogant, unfaithful, have an unjustified sense of self superiority and generally fancy themselves far too much. Most think they're every man's dream; they're definitely not mine. I don't think I'm a bad boy as such (maybe a few years ago), but I don't care for authority much. It's not because I'm intrinsically rebellious, but because I've no reason to think anybody with authority deserves to have it. Elitism and heirarchy based on predefined social criterion for selection are utterly irrelevent in light of my beliefs; I'm free -- anybody I respect enough to listen to instruction from had better earn their right to be heard, because I certainly won't give it to them on the basis that somebody else seems to think they should be telling me what I should or shouldn't do.

Bad boys and bad girls are for girls and boys, though. Independent men and women are for grown ups.
Human,

I'll have to admit, you're not altogether my least favorite atheist.

: )
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#18
Well, I wouldn't know what makes a bad boy attractive to a girl, since I'm a guy. But as far as bad girls go, I think it's the feisty temper and stubbornness that makes them attractive. A woman is more attractive to a true gentleman if she doesn't mind standing up for herself and has an edge to her. Also, a girl that gives up too quickly is unattractive, if you want my opinion. Fickleness is also unattractive in a woman. Women should show strength and tenacity.

Believe me when I say, real men don't just look at the physical beauty of a woman. The mind of her, constantly flashing her strong heart, is an incredible turn on for any strong man. I don't know if this comment gives you a good idea of what a guy looks for in a "bad girl" of the right caliber or not, but too much badness isn't a good thing either. Everything in moderation, so to speak...

Oh, and just to say... Nice Guys and Nice Girls can actually be just as attractive, if not more so. Nothing wrong with being a Nice Guy or a Nice Girl with a little bit of an edge.

You feel me?
It's not the stubbornness. It's the fact that they speak their mind.

You can always know where you stand with a bad girl because she's going to make it abundantly clear (and at the most inopportune times).

The bad boy tends to do the opposite, you never get a read on him. Perhaps that's nice for some women because they can imagine whatever they want to about what he might be thinking - it's not like they'll ever get the truth.
 
Sep 6, 2013
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#19
It's not the stubbornness. It's the fact that they speak their mind.

You can always know where you stand with a bad girl because she's going to make it abundantly clear (and at the most inopportune times).

The bad boy tends to do the opposite, you never get a read on him. Perhaps that's nice for some women because they can imagine whatever they want to about what he might be thinking - it's not like they'll ever get the truth.
This is very insightful. Bad girls always tell the brutal truth, and bad boys never do. Hmmm. I may have to do some thinking about this one. So far in my experience, this rings true.
 
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ServantStrike

Guest
#20
This is very insightful. Bad girls always tell the brutal truth, and bad boys never do. Hmmm. I may have to do some thinking about this one. So far in my experience, this rings true.
I can't really discern why it is, but I've always seemed to find that's the end result.

My theory is that at some level, some of the behavior must be a facade for a lot of bad boys, and for the ones who it isn't a facade, then they're probably one of those people that it's just impossible to get a read on. If someone spends large portions of their life trying to go against social norms, they're going to pick up some bad habits along the way, like learning how to shut out people who they might ascertain are a threat (which is every one for a bad boy).

And the ones who do it as a facade, well it's a lot more clear cut. If they ever let on that they were overcompensating, then the facade would come crashing down, so they can't afford to tell the truth about anything - and they'll lie about the most inane things (it's actually kind of funny to watch).