Singles and Human Affection
- Thread starter Grace-Like-Rain
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
A
What an interesting thread!
I wouldn't pay somebody to cuddle with. I think the idea is a representation to how desperate for love and human connection we've become.
I'm somebody you wouldn't classify as "snuggly". I have friends who are big into hugging and snuggling and it get's on my nerves, haha. But recently I've been trying to incorporate more hugs into my life. Sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it's awesome. The different ways people hug are interesting. Sometimes I get the bear rib-crushing hug, sometimes I get the "rub down" where they hold you and rub your upper back. Men, you are mostly guilty of this, but it's sometimes it's a nice feeling when you know the person isn't trying to be creepy. Sometimes it's an awkward side hug, sometimes I am overly aware when I hug a friend, guy or girl, and feel my breasts squish against them. Most of my girl friends are shorter than me and my shoulder always stabs them in the throat and chokes them! It's hilarious mostly. They lived.
Just last week I had an interesting thing happen that made me second guess hugging male friends. I have this one guy in my bible study group who is much younger than me. He is a sweetheart and I see him as a little brother. When we were leaving I realized I wouldn't see him until after Christmas so I went to give him a hug goodbye and he froze up and backed away from me. I was a little hurt and confused by his actions and asked what was wrong, then he openly admitted that he tries to avoid hugging girls because it led him to some confused feelings in the past with a friend who hugged him all the time. I told him I respected his feelings on the matter, but it left me feeling different about the next time I willingly hug a man I'm friends with. I didn't realize how powerful something as simple as a hug could affect somebody emotionally.
I wouldn't pay somebody to cuddle with. I think the idea is a representation to how desperate for love and human connection we've become.
I'm somebody you wouldn't classify as "snuggly". I have friends who are big into hugging and snuggling and it get's on my nerves, haha. But recently I've been trying to incorporate more hugs into my life. Sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it's awesome. The different ways people hug are interesting. Sometimes I get the bear rib-crushing hug, sometimes I get the "rub down" where they hold you and rub your upper back. Men, you are mostly guilty of this, but it's sometimes it's a nice feeling when you know the person isn't trying to be creepy. Sometimes it's an awkward side hug, sometimes I am overly aware when I hug a friend, guy or girl, and feel my breasts squish against them. Most of my girl friends are shorter than me and my shoulder always stabs them in the throat and chokes them! It's hilarious mostly. They lived.
Just last week I had an interesting thing happen that made me second guess hugging male friends. I have this one guy in my bible study group who is much younger than me. He is a sweetheart and I see him as a little brother. When we were leaving I realized I wouldn't see him until after Christmas so I went to give him a hug goodbye and he froze up and backed away from me. I was a little hurt and confused by his actions and asked what was wrong, then he openly admitted that he tries to avoid hugging girls because it led him to some confused feelings in the past with a friend who hugged him all the time. I told him I respected his feelings on the matter, but it left me feeling different about the next time I willingly hug a man I'm friends with. I didn't realize how powerful something as simple as a hug could affect somebody emotionally.
J
i'm not looking. i didn't even read any of this thread except the last post that showed up on the 'front page' of the site/ recent posts.
i didn't even read more than the first 2 sentences. something about being paid to cuddle.
that immediately reminded me of what a local minister at a large methodist church said in one of the sunday school classes about 15 years ago.
somehow or another, without anything unbecoming a minister, i.e. at the church during and engaged in his regular job/duties,
he and a prostitute were having a conversation, k,
and he said she said she didn't really ever want to do what she got into,
she had just wanted somebody to hug her.
she just
wanted a hug.
and the only way she found to get even a hug was or ended up in the red light district...........
she was lonely.
then the only 'company' she thought she could find, or maybe some reason the only company she could find, was , well..... not well thought of by others.
all because as far as she knew,
no one loved her or would even hug her just without all the 'extras'.....
anyway, i thought (but didn't say) right away when the minister shared this story,
well, was/wasn't the church responsible then , somewhat, for not letting people know is a good way, for not training people, (NO, not , definitely NOT, traingin men to hug women who are not their wives. !!!) (EMPHATICALLY NOT, in today's world/climate/society)...(but let older women train younger women in doing what is right, and not excluding others rather including them HOPEFULLY B4 it is too late.......... )....
this is even more difficult today when in the usa men cannot hug men like they did 50 years ago without bad connotations, but rather as brothers and fellow members in the HOLY and PURE BODY OF CHRIST JESUS. oh, still possible, but more difficult in a lot of places....
the believers , the ekklesia immersed in yahushua hamashiach, need to learn again how to righteously, without ever compromising righteousness, help the poor and the downtrodden and the destituted and the alone / lonely heart-broken individuals all around us.... and even we ourselves.... how to live right, wholesome full and true lives.... not engaged in any sinful conduct or even appearing so.
i didn't even read more than the first 2 sentences. something about being paid to cuddle.
that immediately reminded me of what a local minister at a large methodist church said in one of the sunday school classes about 15 years ago.
somehow or another, without anything unbecoming a minister, i.e. at the church during and engaged in his regular job/duties,
he and a prostitute were having a conversation, k,
and he said she said she didn't really ever want to do what she got into,
she had just wanted somebody to hug her.
she just
wanted a hug.
and the only way she found to get even a hug was or ended up in the red light district...........
she was lonely.
then the only 'company' she thought she could find, or maybe some reason the only company she could find, was , well..... not well thought of by others.
all because as far as she knew,
no one loved her or would even hug her just without all the 'extras'.....
anyway, i thought (but didn't say) right away when the minister shared this story,
well, was/wasn't the church responsible then , somewhat, for not letting people know is a good way, for not training people, (NO, not , definitely NOT, traingin men to hug women who are not their wives. !!!) (EMPHATICALLY NOT, in today's world/climate/society)...(but let older women train younger women in doing what is right, and not excluding others rather including them HOPEFULLY B4 it is too late.......... )....
this is even more difficult today when in the usa men cannot hug men like they did 50 years ago without bad connotations, but rather as brothers and fellow members in the HOLY and PURE BODY OF CHRIST JESUS. oh, still possible, but more difficult in a lot of places....
the believers , the ekklesia immersed in yahushua hamashiach, need to learn again how to righteously, without ever compromising righteousness, help the poor and the downtrodden and the destituted and the alone / lonely heart-broken individuals all around us.... and even we ourselves.... how to live right, wholesome full and true lives.... not engaged in any sinful conduct or even appearing so.
D
$60 dollars an hour for cuddling? Yowzers. Maybe I'm wrong but I think the service completely defeats it's intended purpose. Isn't the whole point of cuddling to be close to someone you like? Don't see how that's possible when one party only does it because they're getting paid. It's like emotional prostitution
S
For 60 bucks an hour, they might hire actual prostitutes to do this job for all we know. Is everyone sure these aren't shady fronts for something more sinister. Seriously it sounds kind of seedy.
I was aware of people doing this as part of a weird hook up to cuddle type thing, but I didn't realize that the paid services had gotten that out of control. The kind of person who pays 60 bucks an hour to cuddle sounds desperate, and I don't like when someone takes advantage of a desperate person.
It's even worse if you're a dude. You just can't go hugging a woman. It sends mixed messages apparently.
And most dude's aren't huggers at all, so unless someone just died, or someone just won the lottery, don't do it. That is why the bro hug exists. It starts with a hearty hand shake and ends with a half hug. It is the preferred method of hugging for men of all ages.
I was aware of people doing this as part of a weird hook up to cuddle type thing, but I didn't realize that the paid services had gotten that out of control. The kind of person who pays 60 bucks an hour to cuddle sounds desperate, and I don't like when someone takes advantage of a desperate person.
It's even worse if you're a dude. You just can't go hugging a woman. It sends mixed messages apparently.
And most dude's aren't huggers at all, so unless someone just died, or someone just won the lottery, don't do it. That is why the bro hug exists. It starts with a hearty hand shake and ends with a half hug. It is the preferred method of hugging for men of all ages.
J
As someone who needs and desires "touch" in his life I find that if I have to pay for it it lessens the experience. I am and always will be a "cuddler". I do not charge for my hugs(which I have been told are good ones), and I refuse to pay for them. Does it bother me that my available people that I can hug is extremely small? Yes. Does it bother me that I want to hug someone to comfort them but can't because they are far away? Yes. That being said...I have come to the point that I am almost there to paying someone because I long for "touch" so much, but I am holding firm. This being said I offer hugs to all my CC friends when we eventually meet. I do hope the line is rather long though.
All I know is there's a sweet little old lady at church that doesn't have any family around here. My family has kind of adopted her - she goes out to the restaurant with us when we go, she comes over for Christmas, etc. When I see her at church I always give her a hug. I never know when she'll be gone and I won't be able to give her a hug any more.
A
I can say that out of all the men I've hugged (which isn't that many since I don't have many guy friends close enough to hug) I've only had that kind of opposed reaction once. Any other time it never led to any weirdness or expectations. And my hugs are "church" hugs, so they're very short and G rated. Yes, we do need to be careful with who we touch and in what ways, but to say never? Unless there are good reasons, like the one my friend gave me, then I don't see the harm.
D
Lets just assume for the purposes of this thread that nothing else seedy is going on, it's merely paying for the cuddling.
And there are lots of people that may feel they have to pay for cuddling. People with disabilities (wheel chairs, facial disfiguration, dwarfism, etc...). They may very well suffer from low self esteem and feel like they aren't "worthy" enough to have someone want to cuddle with them for the sheer joy of it. I don't agree with negative self beliefs like that, but I think there are situations where it's not taking advantage. It's a rational exchange on the part of the "desperate" person you speak of. Money for emotional value. I'm not going to go out and say that's wrong, I just think it's a bad idea because what a person pays for isn't real. They are just paying for the appearance of a thing, not the substance of it.
And there are lots of people that may feel they have to pay for cuddling. People with disabilities (wheel chairs, facial disfiguration, dwarfism, etc...). They may very well suffer from low self esteem and feel like they aren't "worthy" enough to have someone want to cuddle with them for the sheer joy of it. I don't agree with negative self beliefs like that, but I think there are situations where it's not taking advantage. It's a rational exchange on the part of the "desperate" person you speak of. Money for emotional value. I'm not going to go out and say that's wrong, I just think it's a bad idea because what a person pays for isn't real. They are just paying for the appearance of a thing, not the substance of it.
Someone wiser than myself once told me, "Every sin is a shortcut around the intended path." or something to that effect.
Perhaps I am alone but, I have seen the mistakes men make when they feel alone. I have made my own mistakes in pursuit never being alone again.
But I would rather be alone and have my relationship with God uncompromised, than to live as if I didn't know the cost.
There is a love vacuum that we live in. A need to express, share, and experience love, flows through our soul. But Love cannot be bought, it cannot be short circuited, it cannot be dispensed at our leisure and it cannot be replaced.
Lust is not love, but many hope to find love at the end of a road that begins with lust.
Money is not love, but many hope to find security in money and hope to find love as a product of wealth.
Love must simply be a gift, without expectation, without a cause, without an aim and without a price.
Even under the best circumstances, connections are made that are designed to be severed. Its a funny thing, how the heart works. We were meant to bond with each other, to feel connected, to be close but, it was not meant to be synthetic or have an expiration. Our mind can try to rationalize it, but our being has no such mechanism.
Because we can for a moment have this. It can feel real, and be satisfying. But it is terminally flawed. It leads to an unhealthy state. Almost like a drug. If something can make you feel good, and the only it requires of you is money and time, it seems alright but, it doesn't last. You have to come back to feel that way again. It requires no courage. And once you've experienced the closeness to someone, it cannot be unlearned. A person may spend the rest of their lives chasing a dragon that simply cannot be caught, because once upon a time they felt something that cannot be replicated.
Once this becomes an avenue to emotional affection, platonic or otherwise, its going to create a dependency. This dependency will make a legitimate relationship seem like too much work, and too risky and too unreliable.
The bible says, "Above all else, Guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life." Pro 4:23
The real truth is that Love is made of Courage. What is easy is not valuable and what is valuable is not easy. This is why we do not settle or pursue the consolation prize of relationship. This is why love inspires us to be better than we were the day before. Love is perfect, a standard that we cannot be but, we can know it.
Love does not seek for itself, it does not covet or want, it does not cause strife, it simply is a gift. The greatest gift that we have is our ability to love one another completely, as Christ did. And the greatest blessing that we can experience is to be loved as Christ has always.
Yet we are frail, vulnerable, mortal creatures. Yet this is not counted as loss for we have a promise that endures, this enables us to love fearlessly. Even if it is only until death do us part, we have the opportunity to show the world what a courageous love centered relationship is capable of being. Our eternal promise through Christ Jesus is the Kingdom, yet even now its light shines in our love for one another.
Perhaps I am alone but, I have seen the mistakes men make when they feel alone. I have made my own mistakes in pursuit never being alone again.
But I would rather be alone and have my relationship with God uncompromised, than to live as if I didn't know the cost.
There is a love vacuum that we live in. A need to express, share, and experience love, flows through our soul. But Love cannot be bought, it cannot be short circuited, it cannot be dispensed at our leisure and it cannot be replaced.
Lust is not love, but many hope to find love at the end of a road that begins with lust.
Money is not love, but many hope to find security in money and hope to find love as a product of wealth.
Love must simply be a gift, without expectation, without a cause, without an aim and without a price.
Even under the best circumstances, connections are made that are designed to be severed. Its a funny thing, how the heart works. We were meant to bond with each other, to feel connected, to be close but, it was not meant to be synthetic or have an expiration. Our mind can try to rationalize it, but our being has no such mechanism.
Because we can for a moment have this. It can feel real, and be satisfying. But it is terminally flawed. It leads to an unhealthy state. Almost like a drug. If something can make you feel good, and the only it requires of you is money and time, it seems alright but, it doesn't last. You have to come back to feel that way again. It requires no courage. And once you've experienced the closeness to someone, it cannot be unlearned. A person may spend the rest of their lives chasing a dragon that simply cannot be caught, because once upon a time they felt something that cannot be replicated.
Once this becomes an avenue to emotional affection, platonic or otherwise, its going to create a dependency. This dependency will make a legitimate relationship seem like too much work, and too risky and too unreliable.
The bible says, "Above all else, Guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life." Pro 4:23
The real truth is that Love is made of Courage. What is easy is not valuable and what is valuable is not easy. This is why we do not settle or pursue the consolation prize of relationship. This is why love inspires us to be better than we were the day before. Love is perfect, a standard that we cannot be but, we can know it.
Love does not seek for itself, it does not covet or want, it does not cause strife, it simply is a gift. The greatest gift that we have is our ability to love one another completely, as Christ did. And the greatest blessing that we can experience is to be loved as Christ has always.
Yet we are frail, vulnerable, mortal creatures. Yet this is not counted as loss for we have a promise that endures, this enables us to love fearlessly. Even if it is only until death do us part, we have the opportunity to show the world what a courageous love centered relationship is capable of being. Our eternal promise through Christ Jesus is the Kingdom, yet even now its light shines in our love for one another.
This. Was an awesome post. WHAT can or should the Church be doing to teach her people how to love in a righteous way? WHY are single people struggling with loneliness when they are involved in a church family? What can we as Christians offer one another in the way of comfort and acceptance - in the way of physical affection - that would be acceptable to God?
For a person like me, who is a bit emotional by nature, hugs are a way of expressing affection. I hug my close friends as a form of greeting, even the male ones. But it can get awkward when the other person is not comfortable with hugs.
I have a mixed opinion of cuddling sites because I think they are in the gray area. I like "Free Hugs" because it is a nice way of spreading love and warmth. But paying someone to cuddle with them is quite edgy for me. I don't think one can experience the genuine warmth of cuddling when it is done commercially. But I can't say much about this because I don't know how it works (as gypsygirl pointed out, about massage parlours).
Massage parlours on the other hand are completely different. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about how massage parlours work. I will clarify a few -
- You do not have to be completely naked while having a full-body massage. You are given disposable undergarments to wear during your massage.
- You can choose to receive a massage from a male or female masseur. In India, it is usually male masseurs for men customers and female masseurs for women customers.
- Professional massages offer many health benefits. Masseurs do not share an 'emotional' bond with their customers and hence, are not the same as professional cuddling sites. They cannot be compared to brothels, either.
I do admit there are some massage parlours which offer their customers some 'extra benefits' but those are not the ones I am talking about.
I have a mixed opinion of cuddling sites because I think they are in the gray area. I like "Free Hugs" because it is a nice way of spreading love and warmth. But paying someone to cuddle with them is quite edgy for me. I don't think one can experience the genuine warmth of cuddling when it is done commercially. But I can't say much about this because I don't know how it works (as gypsygirl pointed out, about massage parlours).
Massage parlours on the other hand are completely different. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about how massage parlours work. I will clarify a few -
- You do not have to be completely naked while having a full-body massage. You are given disposable undergarments to wear during your massage.
- You can choose to receive a massage from a male or female masseur. In India, it is usually male masseurs for men customers and female masseurs for women customers.
- Professional massages offer many health benefits. Masseurs do not share an 'emotional' bond with their customers and hence, are not the same as professional cuddling sites. They cannot be compared to brothels, either.
I do admit there are some massage parlours which offer their customers some 'extra benefits' but those are not the ones I am talking about.