Singles and Human Affection

[Grace-Like-Rain]

"Touch" (affection) is one of the five popular "love language" categories that people need in varying amounts. Some people are very affectionate and need lots of human touch, while others don't need much at all. But I think most will agree that human touch is very important, which can be difficult for single people without close relatives to help fulfill those needs.

Sites are actually popping up on-line to fulfill these platonic needs, such as Snuggle Buddies and apps like Cuddlr . People, it seems, are finding help for their depression, comfort for their pain, or just enjoying feeling loved through these programs.

Check out this article on a "Cuddle Shop" that has opened in Oregon:


By Rhiannon Edwards

12:05PM GMT 19 Nov 2014

A "professional cuddler" has set up a cuddle shop in the hipster town of Portland, Oregon.

Samantha Hess, who has written a book on the importance of the human touch, has called the shop "Cuddle Up to Me" and offers one-to-one platonic cuddling sessions for $60 per hour.

Ms Hess began her cuddling business in 2013, but this is the first time she has opened up a premises. The shop has four studios that have cameras in to record the sessions and ensure safety for both customers and Hess. Ms Hess has trained three employees in the art of platonic touching, to run the business on a day-to-day basis.

“I was at a place where I thought paying someone to hug me and not have ulterior motives sounded like a great idea,” Ms Hess told KPTV. “I decided why can't this be a thing that we can easily and safely reach for?”

“We can customize each session depending on your comfort level,” she added. “So, I have people who will come in and we won't touch at all. We'll just sit and read together.”

Business has already been booming, and according to Ms Hess the shop has had more than 10,000 emails from interested people.

Ms Hess initially found it difficult to find a landlord who wasn't skeptical about her intentions. Portland, the home of one of the world's only not-for-profit pubs and a juice bar where customers power the juice machines by bike, seemed the perfect home for her business.

The city in Oregon is also known as a magnet for 'hipsters' - it is home to plenty of alternative industries and craft ale breweries - the lifestyle there has been sent up on popular comedy show Portlandia.

[SUP]Samantha Hess (right) is the owner of the Cuddle Cafe[/SUP]

The concept of the shop is slightly different from the Japanese cuddle cafe that hit the headlines in 2012, where male only customers paid for platonic female time, including back patting and sleeping alongside one another.

“It's a simple service." said Ms Hess. "It's the same for a man or a woman. We are a family-oriented service. We're not adult-oriented in any way. We just make people feel loved and accepted for who they are.”
Cuddle up to Me is open from Monday to Saturday. More information at cuddleuptome.com


What are your thoughts on this? Is this simply fulfilling a very real emotional human need, or is it entering into a danger zone?

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

[video=youtube;IiZF_DHxZ7E]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiZF_DHxZ7E[/video]

 

[Desdichado]

All of this added connection through the internet, cell phones, etc. Yet we still manage to be lonely.

 

[Nicee]

Back home. I only felt lonely for a short while. Here, well, it's the norm. Maybe it's because we didn't have technologies. As technology improves, social get to together reduce.

 

[Pipp]

I wanna be a professional cuddler ! Lol

I have 3 nephews and a niece so I get plenty of human interaction and I love every second of it.

 

[Nautilus]

eh okay apps and random businesses are definitely weird. BUt cuddling between friends is alright if people understand the boundaries.

 

[kayem77]

I think human touch is a real need. We all have different degrees of need though, and some people might need no more than a handshake for a week, while another person might need to be constantly touching, hugging, kissing their loved ones in order to express/receive love.
I think it's also cultural. I have often wondered if Americans (in general) are really less physically affectionate than other cultures, or maybe it's just that it looks weird, so nobody shows affection that much? I was raised in Mexico, and so I'm more affectionate than the average American. This doesn't mean that I'm super affectionate, or that physical touch is my first love language (I think it's ranked #3 on my list), but I do like hugs and affectionate touching. Growing up, a kiss in the cheek when seeing relatives and close friends was common. Here a simple hand wave, sometimes a hug if you know the person, is what's normal. I wonder sometimes how different cultures affect the way we see/interpret love. I know other cultures that are even more affectionate than mine.

Though I sometimes miss the physical affection I was used to, I wouldn't go as far as to pay for it. That sounds a little....extreme . I also think it could go wrong in so many ways. Who knows what is too much? And the idea of hugging an old man for an hour is not appealing to me. And even with regulations, I think physical touch should come from loved ones, not just any random stranger.

 

[seoulsearch]

All of this added connection through the internet, cell phones, etc. Yet we still manage to be lonely.

I've read that studies show our modern society is more isolated than ever, despite always being "connected."

Great thread, Grace!! This is something I think about often. Although on the surface it sounds innocent enough, my gut feeling is that it would be too easy to slip into some "touchy" territory (pun intended.) Either it would "accidentally" become more than just cuddling, and/or people would become too attached, etc.

I'm also not sure how to feel about someone whom you pay to cuddle with you and you know is literally cuddling with who knows how many others for money. Where is the line between something innocent... and a form of prostitution? But I suppose we could say the same of listening--people pay psychologists to listen.

I am someone who receives no touch at all in my life unless I see my parents (they always hug me) and it really bothers me. I went to the doctor for the first time in a few years and even though it was a "fully dressed" visit, I felt slightly started when he looked in my ears, checked my heart rate, etc.

I was always a very affectionate person but lack of an outlet has killed off something inside... and now touch almost feels foreign, as if it's something that should put me on the defense, which makes me sad. I've asked God how to cope with it but never feel like He's giving an answer.

 

[Susanna]

A "professional cuddler" has set up a cuddle shop in the hipster town of Portland, Oregon.

Lord, Lord...what is this world coming to. I will pray that the people in need of such a shop will manage to build healthy relationships in their precious lives. Lord, shed some light on them, it is truly needed.

 

[gypsygirl]

the physiological benefits of touch in a therapeutic context is well documented, and powerful in effect. i am a major proponent of this kind of therapy, but not in this setting--i think massage is something that should be part of a preventative health care regime.

Recent research done has demonstrated that touch triggers a cascade of chemical responses, including a decrease in stress hormones (cortisol, catecholamines, norepinephrine, epinephrine), and increased serotonin and dopamine levels. The shift in these bio-chemicals has been proven to decrease depression (Field, 1998, 2003). Hence, touch is good medicine. It also enhances the immune system by increasing natural killer cells and killer cell activity, balancing the ratio of cd4 cells and cd4/cd8 cells. The immune system's cytotoxic capacity increases with touch, thus helping the body maintain its defense against pathogens (Field, 1998).
Massage therapy has been shown to reduce aversion to touch and to decrease anxiety, depression and cortisol levels in women who have been sexually or physically abused (Field, et. al., 1997). It decreases diastolic blood pressure, anxiety and cortisol (stress hormone) levels (Hernandez-Reif, et. al., 2000). One study examined the effects of massage therapy on anxiety and depression levels and on immune function. The subjects received a 45-minute massage five times weekly for a 1-month period. The findings were that: 1) anxiety, stress and cortisol levels were significantly reduced; 2) natural killer cells and natural killer cell activity increased, suggesting positive effects on the immune system (Ironson, et. al., 1996).

while i admire an enterprising spirit and concur that touch has value, i don't think this is the way to do it. while i know it's not technically prostitution, the fact that this web site features several pictures of a woman who provides these services--not to mention listing her height and weight, it is perhaps only a few degrees above, both in approach and service provided. if it is truly a therapy, why does she need to sell her services with such statistics, as opposed to the merits of the "therapy" or service?

if someone needs "touch therapy" they should get a massage from a trained, capable person who is equipped to provide such a thing in a far more neutral environment.

 

[kenthomas27]

the physiological benefits of touch in a therapeutic context is well documented, and powerful in effect. i am a major proponent of this kind of therapy, but not in this setting--i think massage is something that should be part of a preventative health care regime.

Recent research done has demonstrated that touch triggers a cascade of chemical responses, including a decrease in stress hormones (cortisol, catecholamines, norepinephrine, epinephrine), and increased serotonin and dopamine levels. The shift in these bio-chemicals has been proven to decrease depression (Field, 1998, 2003). Hence, touch is good medicine. It also enhances the immune system by increasing natural killer cells and killer cell activity, balancing the ratio of cd4 cells and cd4/cd8 cells. The immune system's cytotoxic capacity increases with touch, thus helping the body maintain its defense against pathogens (Field, 1998).
Massage therapy has been shown to reduce aversion to touch and to decrease anxiety, depression and cortisol levels in women who have been sexually or physically abused (Field, et. al., 1997). It decreases diastolic blood pressure, anxiety and cortisol (stress hormone) levels (Hernandez-Reif, et. al., 2000). One study examined the effects of massage therapy on anxiety and depression levels and on immune function. The subjects received a 45-minute massage five times weekly for a 1-month period. The findings were that: 1) anxiety, stress and cortisol levels were significantly reduced; 2) natural killer cells and natural killer cell activity increased, suggesting positive effects on the immune system (Ironson, et. al., 1996).

while i admire an enterprising spirit and concur that touch has value, i don't think this is the way to do it. while i know it's not technically prostitution, the fact that this web site features several pictures of a woman who provides these services--not to mention listing her height and weight, it is perhaps only a few degrees above, both in approach and service provided. if it is truly a therapy, why does she need to sell her services with such statistics, as opposed to the merits of the "therapy" or service?

if someone needs "touch therapy" they should get a massage from a trained, capable person who is equipped to provide such a thing in a far more neutral environment.

kinda takes the romance out of it.

 

[seoulsearch]

kinda takes the romance out of it.

I dunno, Ken. After all my years of bad dating experience, "trained", "capable", "equipped", and "neutral" are sounding pretty good right now.

"Romance" would be if the room had a vase of flowers.

 

[cinder]

What are your thoughts on this? Is this simply fulfilling a very real emotional human need, or is it entering into a danger zone?

Silly answer: I think I've found a new career, and to think I've been hugging people for free all these years. People say I give good hugs too, what a waste of talent that I haven't thought of this sooner! And for all my CC friends- e-hugs will now be 5 likes each

More serious answer: Selling any sort of relational service seems like a bad idea. In my own life I very much have the attitude that if I have to ask for certain things it just completely destroys their value (i.e. everybody compliment me on x makes the compliments seem worthless). What the internet has done for face to face social interaction, and prostitution and pornography do to sexual relationships, this has the potential to do to the idea of friendship and affection. What will we become if we get so used to buying the cheap imitation product that we begin to think what we're getting is genuine? That said, yes I would be very glad to be around more people I felt close to and wanted to hug on a weekly basis. And maybe I should stop complaining about the whole cling to the arm of your female friend thing that a lot of the girls here do to me.

 

[Lynx]

For some reason I'm reminded of a Garfield cartoon. Jon is dialing a number, listens eagerly, and hears, "Nice biceps big guy!" Garfield has a sheet of paper and thinks, "The phone bill says it all. $182.53 for Dial-A-Compliment."

As to whether "cuddle shops" are good or bad, that's between the people who use them and God. All I know is I give Grandma a hug sometimes. Maybe some people don't have a grandma to hug.

 

[blueorchidjd]

Who's that handsome man there?

 

[seoulsearch]

Grace, I hope I'm not going off-topic so please correct me if I am, but as we talk about this, does anyone have any ideas as to how we can incorporate more touch in our lives?

My life is so void of it right now that a few months ago when I went to buy something from a department store counter and the woman touched my face, I felt startled and unsettled... and really sad, just because I was thinking, "You mean... human being have physical contact with each other? I forgot that. And it feels kind of weird... but familiar at the same time."

Years ago I had relationships in which there was almost always some kind of contact, even if it just a hand on a toe while one person was watching TV and the other was reading.

So how does one go about getting more touch in their life in a non-creepy way? All I have are co-workers and hugging them is not a very professional idea... not to mention, legally ideal. I am currently attending a church in which the only people you find who hug are much older women, and only a few of them at that. Not that this is bad in any way, but sometimes that feels a little creepy too.

(Lynx--my Grandma's are both gone. )

Does anyone also have any ideas as to how to find affordable options for massage? Last time I checked the going rate was $1-$2 a minute and at that rate, I could maybe have one twice a year.

 

[cinder]

Grace, I hope I'm not going off-topic so please correct me if I am, but as we talk about this, does anyone have any ideas as to how we can incorporate more touch in our lives?

Well this might be a slightly creepy idea, but something along the lines of volunteering as a meals on wheels driver or in a nursing home or something might help. There's lots of old people and invalids out there who would probably be glad to get a hug with their meal or from a random visiting stranger.

 

[gypsygirl]

Does anyone also have any ideas as to how to find affordable options for massage? Last time I checked the going rate was $1-$2 a minute and at that rate, I could maybe have one twice a year.

i think most massage therapy schools utilize the public for their students. i'd start there.

as to luxury, vs. necessity: i personally find the sacrifice well worth it. i am super cheap about a number of things, and seldom eat out, make my own "convenience" foods and so on, but there is simply no substitute for a good massage. i have an old car accident-related injury, and when i am starting to lose some of my range of motion or just getting sore, massages seem to help more than most things, and certainly better than a diet of pharmaceutical alternatives.

also, i have no real empirical evidence, but i think it does a lot for my state of mind. we are a very disconnected society, and there isn't really a substitute for the power of touch. : )

 

[1still_waters]

I'm rambling, tossing observations out there.
Food for thought. Food to choke on. Food to toss out.
Points to ponder.

Anyways, in relation to massage.

Many massages are done alone, in a room, with a person basically naked with only a towel.
Sometimes done with people of the opposite sex.
Or in other contexts the person is clothed, but still in a room alone with another.
Hands go over most of the body, maybe even near questionable areas.

That type of description has massages looking rather risque.
Yet many think of it as just fine.

The cuddling services, both are clothed, in a room together, alone, with possibly just as much sum total body contact as a massage. But we question that.

My food for thought, point to ponder is, do we accept one but have questions of the other just because of familiarity?
Both are rather risque when you think about it.


Also maybe we need to look at this as an issue of degree, not an issue of on or off.

What if someone has some severe emotional issues, like totally over the top stuff?
And medically something like this would help.
Is it ok then?

What if someone doesn't have severe emotional issues, and has nothing over the top, and their issues could be resolved through exercising some social initiative?


My own opinion is that folks shouldn't engage in this cuddling thing.
Too many doors are opened for sexual temptation, and there are probably other alternatives to deal with this.

 

[gypsygirl]

I'm rambling, tossing observations out there.
Food for thought. Food to choke on. Food to toss out.
Points to ponder.

Anyways, in relation to massage.

Many massages are done alone, in a room, with a person basically naked with only a towel.
Sometimes done with people of the opposite sex.
Or in other contexts the person is clothed, but still in a room alone with another.
Hands go over most of the body, maybe even near questionable areas.

That type of description has massages looking rather risque.
Yet many think of it as just fine.

The cuddling services, both are clothed, in a room together, alone, with possibly just as much sum total body contact as a massage. But we question that.

My food for thought, point to ponder is, do we accept one but have questions of the other just because of familiarity?
Both are rather risque when you think about it.

i am curious if you have ever had a massage? just gauging from your statement, i am guessing no. : )

licensed massage therapists are actually well trained in many aspects of health service, such as anatomy, physiology and clinical standards. they provide what i find akin to physical therapy, or any other health service that involves utilizing a more "hands-on" approach.

by your definition, the services/examination provided by my doctor could be considered risque too. : D

usually my massage therapist is a woman (her husband is her clinic partner and back-up), and while the massage is not in a group setting, there is nothing remotely "risque" about it. instead, it's often a bracing (and verging on painful) journey across the landscape of knots in my back. also, she does myofascial release, an intensive therapy designed to restore and protect range of motion. because of my injury, it is almost painful, but well worth it for the end result.

while i can't speak for others, the massage offered by my massage therapist would never be confused as "risque" or less than a health-seeking, therapeutic massage. and i don't think most licensed massage therapists are offering anything less than real therapy.