Nice Guys and Nice Girls Rock!

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Elijah19

Guest
#1
Recently, an observant poster (Grace_Like_Rain) started a thread on the singles forum on here concerning the nature of the "bad boy/bad girl" archetype and how it can seems so romantically appealing to people.

That got me thinking, what about Nice Guys and Nice Girls? There's a saying somewhere that says "nice guys finish last", and you hear similar rumors about nice girls. In fact, I've been turned down when asking for a date numerous times because, according to the girl (even if she's Christian), I'm just too much of a nice guy. I've met girls who have the same problem. They meet this guy they like and, even if he's Christian, he'll turn her down because she's too much of a "nice girl".

So what about it? Why do people find Nice Guys and Nice Girls so undesirable? What's wrong with being "too nice" or "open and compassionate."

From what I've seen, most relationships between Christian girls and Bad Boys or Christian boys and Bad Girls usually end badly... sometimes with a lot more repercussions than heartbreak.

Me personally? I think Nice people rock and we deserve more credit! Give us a chance, people! We're nice because we're worth our weight in gold, not because we're suck-ups.

I guess my question is this... Why do nice guys and nice girls have such a hard time in finding romance, but bad boys/girls seem to draw the suckers like flies, usually with a destructive endgame.

That's how it was for the first girl I fell for. She was a nice girl that was my best friend for years. We kinda had a thing going on, and both of us were Christian. Along comes this dirty-dressed drug-dealing slob into my high school and abracadabra, that's four years of the girl liking me right out the window. And all this because I'm too much of a "nice guy" she says. But this unchristian dude that never showers is somehow the cream of the crop because he's a drug dealing "bad boy."

Needless to say, he really injured my friend the girl, and she would never talk to me again after that because she fell back on the old cliche of "all men are the same" and never gave me a chance. Go figure...

Here's my ultimatum people. Listen up: Nice Guys and Nice Girls will not hurt you. They are better for your health. Give them a chance to shine...
 
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Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#2
ugh not this again. this and modesty threads are our version of the bible discussion forum.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#3
ugh not this again. this and modesty threads are our version of the bible discussion forum.
As we can see, Nautilus is not one of the nice guys. :p

Elijah19 said:
I guess my question is this... Why do nice guys and nice girls have such a hard time in finding romance, but bad boys/girls seem to draw the suckers like flies, usually with a destructive endgame.
I find it has more to do with blurring 'nice' with 'assertive.' It has been said many a time [here] that women, especially women of faith, desire a man that can take the role of a leader. My perspective thus far is that the nice guy/girl outlook is tied to the presupposition that they (the nice ones) may be weak in character.
 
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ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
113
33
Arizona
#4
I think that maybe some people actually worry that they may hurt someone who is "actually nice" if they think they're not good enough for said person. And it can also be total misjudgement of thinking "Oh this guy is too nice, he'd let me walk all over him. I want a MAN." All that junk.

I want nice guy fo sho.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#5
If nice guys and girls rock... why am I still single? :confused:
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#7
If nice guys and girls rock... why am I still single? :confused:
Believe in yourself and the man that God created and then strut into the room like you are a rock star and you own the place.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#8
Nah, that's not me. I'm a nerd and proud to be one. I'm usually in the back making the computer work despite itself.
 
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Susanna

Guest
#9
It seems to me like a lot of people are using the word "nice" instead of using the accurate word. I have seen a girlfriend using the word nice about a man, while she really meant "jerk"...sugar coating it sort of. Ladies don't want a bad boy, just a man who can stand up for her, a jerk can't do that, and if there is just a hint of a jerk in a man, he is a no go. A nice man, in the accurate sense of the word isn't a jerk, a man can be both nice and tough. A bad boy is, the way I see it, a person who is not able to adjust to society, and that is the biggest no go of them all.
 
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JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#12
Believe in yourself and the man that God created and then strut into the room like you are a rock star and you own the place.
You are my Rock Star Honey and a really Nice Guy on top of it.....
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#13
Nah, that's not me. I'm a nerd and proud to be one. I'm usually in the back making the computer work despite itself.
O.K. then rock that Nice Nerd look and start searching for the cute girl with glasses on she's a nice little nerd too.

PS I am not knocking people who wear glasses as I wear them. Bifocals that is.....I'm old.
 
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Oct 30, 2014
1,150
7
0
#14
Recently, an observant poster (Grace_Like_Rain) started a thread on the singles forum on here concerning the nature of the "bad boy/bad girl" archetype and how it can seems so romantically appealing to people.

That got me thinking, what about Nice Guys and Nice Girls? There's a saying somewhere that says "nice guys finish last", and you hear similar rumors about nice girls. In fact, I've been turned down when asking for a date numerous times because, according to the girl (even if she's Christian), I'm just too much of a nice guy. I've met girls who have the same problem. They meet this guy they like and, even if he's Christian, he'll turn her down because she's too much of a "nice girl".

So what about it? Why do people find Nice Guys and Nice Girls so undesirable? What's wrong with being "too nice" or "open and compassionate."
'Nice guy' is a misleading term. When a woman says 'you're a really nice guy, but ..' what she's really saying is, you're too accomodating, or too available, or too soft, or you don't stand up for yourself and your beliefs enough, or you aren't assertive enough. The general vibe is ''you're too willing to be passive'', and it comes from the social stereotype that masulinity equates to not necissarily aggression, but at least a strong sense of independence, authority, control and mental strength. The opposite is 'bad boy'; he's spontaneous, has natural authority, takes charge, stands up for himself and doesn't care what people think. Of course, the stereotypes of masculinity are conditioned, and I doubt a woman in a different part of the world finds the same things attractive. From my experience near the Middle East, women find a more accepting, diversive ideology more attractive, along with intelligence and compassion.

From what I've seen, most relationships between Christian girls and Bad Boys or Christian boys and Bad Girls usually end badly... sometimes with a lot more repercussions than heartbreak.

Me personally? I think Nice people rock and we deserve more credit! Give us a chance, people! We're nice because we're worth our weight in gold, not because we're suck-ups.

I guess my question is this... Why do nice guys and nice girls have such a hard time in finding romance, but bad boys/girls seem to draw the suckers like flies, usually with a destructive endgame.
Because the bad boy archetype, by its nature, is adventurous. If you don't venture, you don't discover. People in the West have an almost fierce forward-thinking mentality, and if you can picture passiveness as a motion, it is a bit like standing still and letting people fly-by. Assertiveness is direct, it's forward, it has momentum. Go to the quieter parts of India and you see a differently mentality, one of contemplation, where stillness, passiveness and patience are virtues held in higher regard; people there don't mind standing in the same spot, so to speak.

That's how it was for the first girl I fell for. She was a nice girl that was my best friend for years. We kinda had a thing going on, and both of us were Christian. Along comes this dirty-dressed drug-dealing slob into my high school and abracadabra, that's four years of the girl liking me right out the window. And all this because I'm too much of a "nice guy" she says. But this unchristian dude that never showers is somehow the cream of the crop because he's a drug dealing "bad boy."
She found adventure in him, but not in you.

Needless to say, he really injured my friend the girl, and she would never talk to me again after that because she fell back on the old cliche of "all men are the same" and never gave me a chance. Go figure...

Here's my ultimatum people. Listen up: Nice Guys and Nice Girls will not hurt you. They are better for your health. Give them a chance to shine...
Perhaps they are better for the health, but then Western society has a fascination with trying what almost kills them; most think it makes them stronger.

There's a great discourse on Eastern philosophy I heard once (bear in mind that Christianity has its roots from Judaism, which originated in modern day Iraq) and it basically says ''Eastern philosophies don't jive like Western places''.
 
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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#16
It seems to me like a lot of people are using the word "nice" instead of using the accurate word. I have seen a girlfriend using the word nice about a man, while she really meant "jerk"...sugar coating it sort of. Ladies don't want a bad boy, just a man who can stand up for her, a jerk can't do that, and if there is just a hint of a jerk in a man, he is a no go. A nice man, in the accurate sense of the word isn't a jerk, a man can be both nice and tough. A bad boy is, the way I see it, a person who is not able to adjust to society, and that is the biggest no go of them all.
Just a hint of a jerk in a man means that he is edgy and that is kind of nice. It is only when he acts on this inclination that he becomes a jerk and turns into a bad boy.
 
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Susanna

Guest
#17
Just a hint of a jerk in a man means that he is edgy and that is kind of nice. It is only when he acts on this inclination that he becomes a jerk and turns into a bad boy.
It is nice if he's got any edgy-cation, yes, but not from Jerk High;).
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#19
I'm a Nice Girl, But A Nice Girl Who Doesn't Take Smack From Anyone When Pushed Too Far, and that's what I would look for in someone else as well.

Wanting to help people is great; not knowing the difference between helping and enabling, or knowing the difference but not having the backbone, strength, or energy to apply it and take a stand when needed is disastrous.
 

ultrasann

Junior Member
Dec 8, 2013
17
3
1
#20
I'm not sure what the stigma is with nice guys and nice girls, but the thing that I think is important is that you shouldn't make your crush/significant other/spouse the center of your world. I've seen people metaphorically chop off an arm and leg for their crush, while giving no indication that they have a life of their own, only for the other person to take them for granted. Maybe I'm only seeing one side of things...