Building A Life Together

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#1
Since the singles forum is my native home I thought this would fit best here.:cool:

When a man and woman get married and begin their new stage of life. Is it better that they each come into the marriage already financially secure and with their additional baggage i.e. pets, cars, houses, furniture, tools, stuff, etc ?
Or would it be better that they start off their new life together with almost nothing and have to build a life together?

I know I have posed only two scenarios out of many possibilities, feel free to expand the thread into those other scenarios.

Above I called worldly items and money a life, I did this for lack of better words for the things and tasks which seem to be necessary in life.

It would be great to get responses from both singles and married folk.:)
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#2
I believe that financial security is not a prerequisite for marriage. Neither person needs to be well-established in order to have a godly marriage :) With that said, financial responsibility (rather than security) is a good trait to look for in a partner.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#3
Beats me, I've never done it. You know what they say - "Every man knows what to do with a kicking mule... until he has one of his own." I could glibly spout off what I think but I've never been there so I have no idea.

I did have a brainstorm once though, when two friends were getting married. I went to Wal-Mart and assembled a home starter kit with all the little things you never think about, that you need all the time. Trash bags, can opener, glue-strip wall hangers, spatula, etc, etc, all packed into a laundry basket. Everybody gives big presents at a wedding but nobody ever thinks about the little day-to-day things that you always need. Figured I'd save them a few dozen trips to the store when they got their home up and running.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#4
When I got married neither one of us was financially secure. We fell in lkve pretty quickly actually and wanted to spend our lives together. We lived together a year before we got married, I know it's not everyone's ideal way to start but we saved money that way. We shared a car and ate really cheap food. We worked hard to buy a house and waited a cew years before we had children. We still have some financial struggles, but not like we did in the beginning.

I guess it would have made life easier to not struggle like we did but we don't dwell on the hard times in life. We're bith grateful for our blessings and our little family we created.
 
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#5
Better from what perspective? I think there are benefits to both scenarios so long as the couple have a healthy relationship and love the Lord and one another. One scenario involves two people building a new life together. The other is two well-established lives being merged together into a new one. They both involve two becoming one. :)

As someone already mentioned, I care more for financial responsibility than financial maturity. My fiance and I are just starting out and we don't have much but IMO we're responsible with the little we have. When we get married, I feel like we have the chance to build our life together from the ground up, and I'm really excited about it. I know that we're likely going to be living extremely simply as we start out together, but I'm actually looking forward to it. He and I are both self-employed and just getting our businesses off the ground and I can't wait to walk that journey together. Also, our youth and lack of 'baggage' means we haven't become so set in our ways and we get to form habits and traditions together.

That said, I imagine there are definitely some perks to the first scenario you described. Being financially secure obviously means a more comfortable lifestyle. I would hope that with the additional life experience comes added wisdom for both parties, too.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#7
i tried building a life for myself once... it ended in disaster.
So...you...DON'T have a life for yourself currently? *slightly confused, based off of what I know about you*
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#9
Having a life is... a trap! I try to warn people in chat and on forums about that life junk, but they go out and get lives anyway, and then we never see them again. :(
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#10
Beats me, I've never done it. You know what they say - "Every man knows what to do with a kicking mule... until he has one of his own." I could glibly spout off what I think but I've never been there so I have no idea.

I did have a brainstorm once though, when two friends were getting married. I went to Wal-Mart and assembled a home starter kit with all the little things you never think about, that you need all the time. Trash bags, can opener, glue-strip wall hangers, spatula, etc, etc, all packed into a laundry basket. Everybody gives big presents at a wedding but nobody ever thinks about the little day-to-day things that you always need. Figured I'd save them a few dozen trips to the store when they got their home up and running.
You got the right ideas....now you just need to go find your lady Lynx......you can do it I have faith in you.....lol Blond runs as she knows this cat has claws....plus one super sized blowtorch or was that a flame thrower?.....lol
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#11
Getting married again at 59 it is hard to not already to have accumulated many things. So we are starting married life with my stuff and too much of it so tourist is on a mission to help us de-clutter. It is a fun process and I see a yard sale in our near future a little more money never hurt anyone.....lol

And Lynx we have got a life and are sticking around just to torment you a little more besides I am not done with my matchmaking attempts for you.....lol Life is not a trap it is fun!!!!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#12
It's not a blowtorch, it's a flamethrower. The real kind, not the hollywood really-short-range kind. Throws an arc of ignited liquid napalm a good 400 yards.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#13
I can only talk from my personal preference. It may or may not turn out that way because as we all know "Man plans. God laughs."

I would call it financial independence. I believe marriage is a union of two individuals. So it would be nice to marry someone who is financially independent. After marriage, I would prefer if we still maintained individual bank accounts and budgeted accordingly. There are numerous benefits from maintaining separate bank accounts. Some of them are (I'm going to digress a bit here) -

1) From a tax point of view, it is easier to audit individual accounts than joint accounts.
2) It is easier to budget your expenses and save some money if only one account is used for expenses and another account is used for savings.
3) You would always know how much is there in one account. Risks of overdraft are minimal because only one partner can spend.

Coming back to the topic, irrespective of one preference, trust is very important when it comes to financial matters. One has to trust in his/her spouse and believe that he/she can hold up their end of the deal.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#14
It's not a blowtorch, it's a flamethrower. The real kind, not the hollywood really-short-range kind. Throws an arc of ignited liquid napalm a good 400 yards.

Good thing I live in Florida then....that's better than 400 yards away....But my typing is as close as your eyes can see.....lol
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#15
nope. and what do you know about me anyway?
Well, I know you have a job, and a bedroom, and several guns. The more I think about I think about it, though, I can't remember if you have your own place...maybe I assumed you did since you tend to be anti-dealing-with-people.

My point being, if you have your own place and a steady gig that allows you to continue to have your own place...you've pretty much built yourself a life. It doesn't take much.
 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#16
Sets up trap, puts tourist in as bait. Snap, yep it works. Okay, Lynx, I think I have blonde secured for a couple of minutes.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#17
Sets up trap, puts tourist in as bait. Snap, yep it works. Okay, Lynx, I think I have blonde secured for a couple of minutes.
Honey, I would love to help you but I am all tied up at the moment...
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#18
Well that's a new twist. I've heard of tourist traps, the little gift shops that sell stuff they hope tourists will buy. One could say the knick-knacks are the bait to trap the tourists... or at least trap their money.

That's the first time I've ever seen a tourist used as bait though.
 
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#19
Well, I know you have a job, and a bedroom, and several guns. The more I think about I think about it, though, I can't remember if you have your own place...maybe I assumed you did since you tend to be anti-dealing-with-people.

My point being, if you have your own place and a steady gig that allows you to continue to have your own place...you've pretty much built yourself a life. It doesn't take much.
had is the key word.. had. was outsourced some months ago.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#20
Sets up trap, puts tourist in as bait. Snap, yep it works. Okay, Lynx, I think I have blonde secured for a couple of minutes.
You are funny......yes you would catch me if tourist were the bait.....but I have freed him and been free for quite some time now......good luck with your next trap......