Receiving Advice

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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#1
May 10, 2014
552
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#1
I was talking with a friend earlier tonight, and she pointed out some advice she had given a mutual friend. She pointed out how receptive our friend was to the advice. The thing that stood out to me is that I had offered this friend the same advice a week ago and garnered not so much as an acknowledgement to my words.

That got me thinking about how receptive people are to advice also depending on the gender of the person giving the advice. For example, guys who only seem to listen to advice from woman or vice versa.

Do you seem to take advice from one gender over the other? Do you recognize that when others seem to do so? Is it issue specific? If it is relationship advice are you most likely to listen to a specific gender? business advice?
 
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Jacob_Fitzgerald

Guest
#2
#2
One of the greatest lessons I learned was when God said to me "Jacob, listen." Since then I try to listen to everyone, and then take their advice and weigh it and look for additional evidence which may or may not back up the advice.
God has spoken to me is many different ways, sometimes it is just a wisper, some times he practically shouts. So, I listen to everything people say to me because I never know when or how God is going to give me another shred of truth. :)

I have seen other people cast out my advice only to accept the same advice from a different person at a later date. So far I havent seen any patters as to whether it is gender specific. Sometimes it looks like it is definitely issue specific, like when I am not perceived as an authority on the subject.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#3
#3
hoss2576 said:
I was talking with a friend earlier tonight, and she pointed out some advice she had given a mutual friend. She pointed out how receptive our friend was to the advice. The thing that stood out to me is that I had offered this friend the same advice a week ago and garnered not so much as an acknowledgement to my words.

That got me thinking about how receptive people are to advice also depending on the gender of the person giving the advice. For example, guys who only seem to listen to advice from woman or vice versa.

Do you seem to take advice from one gender over the other? Do you recognize that when others seem to do so? Is it issue specific? If it is relationship advice are you most likely to listen to a specific gender? business advice?
Click to expand...
For me it depends on what the advice is about.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
24,907
8,162
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For some reason I'm reminded of the guys at the local diner. You know the ones, they sit around in the morning and drink coffee and talk about world problems and how they should be solved. Man, if only the president would listen to them... we wouldn't have any more problems at all! :rolleyes:

But anyway... For me it depends on the advice given, the person giving it but more importantly how the advice is given. If you just hired in and I've been on the job five years, don't tell me how to do my job. However if you just hired in and you have a suggestion on how to do the job, I'll be willing to try it.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#5
#5
It depends on the what the advice is about honestly. I don't think it has anything to do with gender. For example, my mom works at a bank and so if she has advice on money saving or anything business, I'll listen to her. However, she doesn't know much about music because she has never played an instrument. My brother has been playing several instruments for the past decade so I would trust his advice on music. This isn't to say I would completely block my brother's advice on business or my mother's on music, but it does give them credibility on the topics they know more about. :)

Although, I really like to go to the Word for advice most of the time.
 
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jogoldie

Senior Member
#6
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
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#6
Advice I think is only taken when one is ready to hear it.....who ever is giving it doesn't really matter......I have taken good advice from people who are younger than me.....I've learned from children .....lessonsforgotten......also it seems....if one tells me something in a certain way......with the words put for my understanding...the advice given before just is reaffirmed....In truth .......as long as they get it.....and thrive.....doesn't matter who turned on the light......peace....jo
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#7
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#7
Its like here on the site.....I read threads of advice all the time.....a lot of times I feel my advice would be pointless.....because many of my wise brothers and sisters here already hit the nailon the head.....and I couldn't find a better way of saying it.....if I did.....advice is like taking vitamins...even though its healthy to take.....and you know you should.......swallowing some of them horse pills...is just unpleasant.......he he...jo
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#8
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
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#8
I don't have an issue receiving counsel from another person, but their heart has to be in the right place. The plank also needs to be removed from their eye. Lots of people in the church will give advice to others from a place of pride. I won't accept counsel from them solely. If someone else, whom I respect, says something to me, then great. Or if I pray about it and the Holy Spirit says I need to heed their counsel, then great. However, I'm not going to accept every bit of counsel that comes to me. And that's biblical.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#9
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
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#9
i'll fully cop to the fact that i tend to receive advice/feedback better from a guy. probably in part because i tend to trust men easier, than women.

while i don't want to stereotype, i think another major part of it is that i tend to appreciate the plain truth. i don't want to be placated, handled, coddled or given some heartwarming platitude. i want it direct -- the good, bad and ugly. much like the way i try to give feedback -- honestly, but from a spirit of love.

perhaps because of this, it takes a long time for me to trust "people pleasers" when it comes to something like this. i am always afraid they are telling me a softer version of the truth rather than what i really want to hear, because they're afraid i'm going to be hurt or disappointed.

i would contend that a perception of honesty is even more important to me when it comes to receiving feedback (not to mention general trust), unsolicited or not, more so than gender. one of my favorite "advisors" is a very plain speaking woman who tends to be on the harsh side, but i love that raw, honest quality.

generally speaking, if someone has feedback for me that is thought out and given in a manner that is intended to be helpful as opposed to hurtful, i will appreciate it, and thank them for the trouble and especially their courage. regardless of who they are.

at that point, it's on me to evaluate, synthesize and decide whether to discard it or not.

oh, and i'm a big believer in not asking for feedback you don't want, i.e. does my butt look fat in these pants? because if i ask that question, i want the honest answer, and i'm going to appreciate that, regardless of the response--because i can believe them.
 
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gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#10
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
#10
Lynx said:
For some reason I'm reminded of the guys at the local diner. You know the ones, they sit around in the morning and drink coffee and talk about world problems and how they should be solved. Man, if only the president would listen to them... we wouldn't have any more problems at all! :rolleyes:

But anyway... For me it depends on the advice given, the person giving it but more importantly how the advice is given. If you just hired in and I've been on the job five years, don't tell me how to do my job. However if you just hired in and you have a suggestion on how to do the job, I'll be willing to try it.
Click to expand...

it's interesting that you used this as an example. because, ironically, some of the best feedback i've been given by someone who i work with is by someone who is new in the field or from a different place, but because they haven't been numbed by the "way things are done here" with a fresh perspective and a new paradigm. to me, those observations are worth hearing because we are all guilty of satus quo blindness and our own limiting perspectives.

as a result, they see things differently, and have interesting, helpful feedback. not always, and i don't always apply it, but i would say that it's often been most helpful. : )

i sort of believe in the fact that anyone, new, old, young, smart, dim, whomever, has the ability to provide pretty compelling, insightful observations and feedback. and in some cases, it's less about who says it, but the truth that is spoken. then it's my job to filter it for value or helpfulness.

and hopefully, i'm neither too stubborn nor prideful to discard a gem when it rolls in, regardless of the speaker.

it kind of reminds me of a quote that i have in my fb right now. i love the sentiment, but categorically disagree with the person who spoke it on many, many topics.

does that diminish their wisdom in this specific message? nope.
 
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lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#11
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
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#11
Lynx said:
For some reason I'm reminded of the guys at the local diner. You know the ones, they sit around in the morning and drink coffee and talk about world problems and how they should be solved. Man, if only the president would listen to them... we wouldn't have any more problems at all! :rolleyes:

But anyway... For me it depends on the advice given, the person giving it but more importantly how the advice is given. If you just hired in and I've been on the job five years, don't tell me how to do my job. However if you just hired in and you have a suggestion on how to do the job, I'll be willing to try it.
Click to expand...
I was going to say something similar.

It's not always about who's giving me the advice, though there are certain factors in a person that will either turn me off to them, or I'll turn my ear and listen to every single word they say.

It's usually HOW the advice is given and how I feel when they're giving me advice. If I feel like they're being judgmental giving me advice out of that judgment, I won't be very receptive. Sometimes people can be arrogant while giving advice, and can make me feel they're just being a know-it-all. Or they'll be very opinionated, and make me feel annoyed because it's my life, and you don't get a say in everything that goes on in it. Sometimes they're so blunt they come off as cold and uncaring, and make me feel even more sad and confused.

As the saying goes, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." That's almost always been the case with me.

Gender can also play a role, but I don't think it's a very big factor. For me, it's about humility, kindness, how well I know and care about the person, and how much they care about me.
 
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