while i don't want to make broad strokes, i do believe a lot of addiction isn't as much person-specific but "opportunity meets circumstance" because i've seen that play out over and over. i'm sure it's far more comfortable to believe that those who haven't faced addiction are because they're "that strong" but i don't believe that. actually, the opposite, only waning in risk, perhaps because of maturity and fruit.
for me, the greater concern exists with what they've done with their life because of that addiction, and how vigilant they are.
i dated a guy who had a history of cheating in his first (and only) marriage and was in recovery with a group of former pastors who had sex addiction. it had been few years since he'd been actively in recovery, but for me, it was still too new, and too affected by this. i wanted so badly to be the understanding and "believe the best" girlfriend to his sorry and "turn over a new leaf" ways, but everything in me was screaming to run. and i did.
ultimately, i felt like he was still dealing with so much of the root and aftermath. that became a deal breaker for me. he was an amazing person that was just not right for me at the time, and i'm not even sure i'd have ever been cool with the cheating history, to be fully honest. i'm not sure i'd have been able to trust him, as if it was all fresh and new. maybe i'm not big enough of a person to manage that.
note: he remarried about 8 months after i broke up with him, and occasionally i want to find out what he's been up to, only to discover whether he's maintained his ways or repeated more pattern. part of why i broke up with him was because he was so focused on remarriage and i wasn't about to leap with him--not anytime soon.
i'd really love to say that all addictions are redeemable, and with sobriety and support, i'm on board. but at the minimum, i'd need to see the following:
1) a fully committed path of maintaining sobriety, including a serious amount of time that has passed on that journey
2) a concerted effort to deal with the root issues that drive that coping mechanism
3) enough time to eclipse lost development during the time of addiction. for example - when people abuse or use coping mechanisms, it's been well documented that the time addicts spend with that addiction represents an utter lack of maturing and growth. so, say someone was smoking pot since they were 15 years old, and it's now 20 years later, he has a LOT to catch up with. he needs a much more time of sobriety than the guy who spent a couple years drinking excessively, all other things equal.
at the end of the day, there are so many other factors:
how is our communication? how is his faith? how strong are his boundaries? how well does he manage personal accountability? how interested am i? what kind of support does he have? how old is he? how far out is he from recovery? what is his attitude towards it all?
the list goes on. factors matter but the individual scenario still trumps for me the actual decision.