Hey Everyone,
I have been thinking about this ever since I read a few posts here discussing what happens if one person in your life seems to set "the standard" for what you're looking for in a significant other.
Was there ever a time when someone in your life was as close to being "the one" as possible, and now you're looking for someone else who can be that close or even closer to being your ideal companion?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a potential or former love interest--maybe you have a parent, brother, cousin, sibling's spouse, etc. whom you see as being the "ideal" person and you're having a hard time because no one seems to even "come close" to being as ideal as that person.
I have two examples (all names have been changed for privacy):
1. I once knew a girl who was dating a guy who said he loved her, but would always talk about his ex-girlfriend from about 7 years before. "Yeah," he'd tell her, "Nikki was a model." He would then proceed to repeat this mantra over and over again, "MY EX WAS A MODEL," and in fact, he had been young at the time and had even had her likeness tattooed on one of his arms. Now, the current girl he was dating was beautiful (I'm not sure why, but he always seemed to overlook the fact that SHE had modeled as well for some local ads), intelligent (she was studying to be an attorney), and incredibly loyal (he was incarcerated for part of their relationship.)
I don't know what happened between them but I know she was getting awfully tired of him talking about "THE MODEL" all the time, not to mention showing off his ex's picture that he literally carried with him everywhere... on his arm. How would you feel and what would you do if someone you were dating kept going back to a standard set by another person?
2. In my own life, I would have to say that the things I miss most my time with my ex-husband are that he accepted and encouraged all of who I am, and he made me feel protected at a time when so many things seemed unsure. I normally meet people who taking a liking to one half of my personality but generally don't know what to do with the other--the people who like my serious side aren't sure what's going on when I crack a lot of (albeit, bad) jokes, and the people who like my humorous side back away when I want to talk about death, depression, and various forms of abuse.
My ex, however, took it all in stride. I remember the time I was stressing out over a major assignment for a class and he made me take a break and dance with him across the kitchen floor (dancing was something he NEVER did), and I remember when we were lying under Christmas lights one night and he was telling me, "I've always wondered... If I blew my head off at a wishing well in the middle of the mall, would people still go there to make wishes?" Of course they would.
But I loved that we could have such discussions with nothing held back, and the nature of our "special talks" could change without so much as the blink of an eye. We just kind of "got that" about each other. My whole life I had struggled to fit in and he told me, "Baby, you and I... we don't wait for someone to tell us where we fit in. We make our own place."
THAT'S what I miss. I miss... having a place to belong, because that's what I felt with him. Over time, I think it's not so much HIM that I miss but rather, the WAY I FELT when I was with him. But I also realize that this was 20 years ago and what made me feel as if I belonged somewhere then might be completely different now. And feeling protected now may have a totally different definition or may not even be necessary, seeing as I've survived on my own for so long.
What happens when someone makes us feel something we've never felt before in our lives, and we're afraid we'll never feel it again? How do we allow ourselves to have deep feelings for another person? How do we treat that person fairly without hurtful comparisons?
Can we expect someone else to look at us with fresh eyes if we're caught up in a feeling from the past?
If you're the one always being compared to a standard set by someone else, do you leave or do you stay?
And how can we allow God to "clean the slate" of our hearts so that we can start over fresh and anew, without looking for or expecting something we only seemed to find in another person?
I have been thinking about this ever since I read a few posts here discussing what happens if one person in your life seems to set "the standard" for what you're looking for in a significant other.
Was there ever a time when someone in your life was as close to being "the one" as possible, and now you're looking for someone else who can be that close or even closer to being your ideal companion?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a potential or former love interest--maybe you have a parent, brother, cousin, sibling's spouse, etc. whom you see as being the "ideal" person and you're having a hard time because no one seems to even "come close" to being as ideal as that person.
I have two examples (all names have been changed for privacy):
1. I once knew a girl who was dating a guy who said he loved her, but would always talk about his ex-girlfriend from about 7 years before. "Yeah," he'd tell her, "Nikki was a model." He would then proceed to repeat this mantra over and over again, "MY EX WAS A MODEL," and in fact, he had been young at the time and had even had her likeness tattooed on one of his arms. Now, the current girl he was dating was beautiful (I'm not sure why, but he always seemed to overlook the fact that SHE had modeled as well for some local ads), intelligent (she was studying to be an attorney), and incredibly loyal (he was incarcerated for part of their relationship.)
I don't know what happened between them but I know she was getting awfully tired of him talking about "THE MODEL" all the time, not to mention showing off his ex's picture that he literally carried with him everywhere... on his arm. How would you feel and what would you do if someone you were dating kept going back to a standard set by another person?
2. In my own life, I would have to say that the things I miss most my time with my ex-husband are that he accepted and encouraged all of who I am, and he made me feel protected at a time when so many things seemed unsure. I normally meet people who taking a liking to one half of my personality but generally don't know what to do with the other--the people who like my serious side aren't sure what's going on when I crack a lot of (albeit, bad) jokes, and the people who like my humorous side back away when I want to talk about death, depression, and various forms of abuse.
My ex, however, took it all in stride. I remember the time I was stressing out over a major assignment for a class and he made me take a break and dance with him across the kitchen floor (dancing was something he NEVER did), and I remember when we were lying under Christmas lights one night and he was telling me, "I've always wondered... If I blew my head off at a wishing well in the middle of the mall, would people still go there to make wishes?" Of course they would.
But I loved that we could have such discussions with nothing held back, and the nature of our "special talks" could change without so much as the blink of an eye. We just kind of "got that" about each other. My whole life I had struggled to fit in and he told me, "Baby, you and I... we don't wait for someone to tell us where we fit in. We make our own place."
THAT'S what I miss. I miss... having a place to belong, because that's what I felt with him. Over time, I think it's not so much HIM that I miss but rather, the WAY I FELT when I was with him. But I also realize that this was 20 years ago and what made me feel as if I belonged somewhere then might be completely different now. And feeling protected now may have a totally different definition or may not even be necessary, seeing as I've survived on my own for so long.
What happens when someone makes us feel something we've never felt before in our lives, and we're afraid we'll never feel it again? How do we allow ourselves to have deep feelings for another person? How do we treat that person fairly without hurtful comparisons?
Can we expect someone else to look at us with fresh eyes if we're caught up in a feeling from the past?
If you're the one always being compared to a standard set by someone else, do you leave or do you stay?
And how can we allow God to "clean the slate" of our hearts so that we can start over fresh and anew, without looking for or expecting something we only seemed to find in another person?