Is it wrong to just tolerate people, say gender specific?

[thecreationtutor]

So, my friend says it is wrong.

I am more or less leaning towards, always being superficial towards Christian women, or women in general. We can choose our friends, friends are optional. So a Hello and being kind, and public pleasantries is fine. They are there, just it's not my desire or responsibility to go farther than that.

My friend says that's a bitter attitude, but the way I am thinking by keeping them at a distance - it won't ever lead to that, You don't have to be married in this life, it's not about this life right.

Just thoughts I am having on living the rest of my life, counting the cost first, before just pursuing it. I suppose girl can do this too as well with guys

Some might call this brooding, but I think it's very logical

 

[PopClick]

I would say to check the reasons behind why you want to behave that way. If it's coming from anger, judgment, unfairness, bitterness, etc... then the root cause is definitely something to deal with. But I don't see anything wrong with keeping ladies at arm's length if you're simply not looking for anything more.

 

[gypsygirl]

sure, go for it--subjugate yourself and your life's choices by the ghosts of painful past.

sadly, the only one who you're really hurting is yourself.

as popclick said, this attitude stems from something deeper, something painful. something that you are feeling the great need to protect yourself from. lots of people have these kinds of things, and are faced with the opportunity to wave the white flag or bravely face these painful things. i really hope you consider the latter.

unless you're really unusual, we all kind of have pockets of fear (and/or pain, bitterness, and anger) associated with "certain kinds" of people. at that awareness, you have a choice. you can nurture and bow to that fear, or you can challenge it, and learn to overcome something that can be incredibly limiting, especially when the fear is broad(s).

i would REALLY encourage you to consider some kind of healing opportunity, such as discussing with a counselor or someone who is gifted in helping you delve into this issue and pursue some healing. perhaps a support group. have you heard of celebrate recovery? i'd encourage their book study. it's amazing.

because if you think it's not really enormously affecting your life, i'd wager you're quite wrong. you deserve wholeness. you deserve happiness, and you deserve better than just resenting (any) women for the rest of your life (yes, i said that, not you).

oh, and yeah, i've had to deal with this in my own life. it's well worth the trouble, and God can do amazing things with one who desires to grow, with willingness and cooperation.

 

[thecreationtutor]

I would say to check the reasons behind why you want to behave that way. If it's coming from anger, judgment, unfairness, bitterness, etc... then the root cause is definitely something to deal with. But I don't see anything wrong with keeping ladies at arm's length if you're simply not looking for anything more.

Sure I know what your saying - but on the other hand, shouldn't we avoid what could bring these up? Also just not pursing anything more than that - I mean there is more to life than that type of relationship right

 

[thecreationtutor]

Sorry lets kill the post - only for men to answer please

 

[JonahLynx]

Sorry lets kill the post - only for men to answer please

TBH I'd be repeating what PopClick said.

 

[Hellooo]

TBH I'd be repeating what PopClick said.

BUT it's different. Because you said it using a man's strong deep voice and male online profile.

 

[PopClick]

Sure I know what your saying - but on the other hand, shouldn't we avoid what could bring these up? Also just not pursing anything more than that - I mean there is more to life than that type of relationship right

No. You cannot avoid women. It's highly impractical. And those things I mentioned (if they are present) should be dealt with, even if there were no more women on Earth.

Sorry lets kill the post - only for men to answer please

Sorry.

 

[Calmador]

So, my friend says it is wrong.

I am more or less leaning towards, always being superficial towards Christian women, or women in general. We can choose our friends, friends are optional. So a Hello and being kind, and public pleasantries is fine. They are there, just it's not my desire or responsibility to go farther than that.

My friend says that's a bitter attitude, but the way I am thinking by keeping them at a distance - it won't ever lead to that, You don't have to be married in this life, it's not about this life right.

Just thoughts I am having on living the rest of my life, counting the cost first, before just pursuing it. I suppose girl can do this too as well with guys

Some might call this brooding, but I think it's very logical

Yes, it is very logical and that is exactly what's wrong with how you're going about it.

I think relationships in general are meant to be approached from a "heartful" foundation, not a logical one. To put it all in a few words... "John 13:34 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Did Jesus love us by keeping away from us? Nah, I'd say it's correct to attempt to love one another, male or female, as Jesus did... as best we can since I doubt we can do that exactly as Jesus.

"Sure I know what your saying - but on the other hand, shouldn't we avoid what could bring these up?"

Depending on what you mean... yes, we should avoid lust. No, we don't have to avoid falling for some one of the opposite sex. No, we shouldn't avoid the POSSIBILITY of conflict or problems in the future all together. Conflict and problems will happen. Sure, you should do your best to avoid sin or conflict or problems, however, to try to avoid the possibility is not something you should do because 1. It's probably not possible (no pun intended lol) 2. You're not loving female Christians as Jesus loved them which if you think about it... was very illogical. Jesus's love and sacrfice was the most illogical thing that ever happened to human kind which is exactly what makes it the best thing that ever happened.

To clarify... Jesus's love and sacrifice was similair to this... The richest, most perfect looking, most wisest and intelligent, and most powerful man that ever lived goes for the most ugly, most poorest, and dumbest girl on the planet.

God does not have to love us. It's illogical. I think love is illogical. Okay, I'm done. God bless

 

[nw2u]

Man, is it tough to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, I have to agree with the women here. Popclick and gypsygirl got it right, in my opinion. It will be tough to be happy if you avoid women completely. It's not possible to treat them with disdain and follow Jesus. Sorry I had to agree with them. Women are complementary to men, in many ways. You surely don't have to get married, but life would not be nearly as interesting without them.

You surely need some counseling to heal from your pain. I'm sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you, for sure. You can heal from this. It will take some work, but it's worth it.

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx looks around...

Hmm, this hasn't been done in quite some time, so...

Wots a relationship?

 

[ChandlerFan]

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger man as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." - 1 Timothy 5:1-2

I'm not sure if I fully understand your reasoning behind this, but it seems to me like it's due to some frustration with you being convinced that you're never going to get married. I don't mean to be harsh, I just want to be honest--it seems selfish to me and your heart doesn't seem to be in the right place on it. God calls us to unity and community as brothers and sisters in Christ. This seems like something moving in the opposite direction. Just something to think about.

Sorry lets kill the post - only for men to answer please

I'm sorry, but on a public forum that is not how it works. Please don't be demeaning.

 

[Shouryu]

at that awareness, you have a choice. you can nurture and bow to that fear, or you can challenge it, and learn to overcome something that can be incredibly limiting, especially when the fear is broad(s).

I can't be the only one that giggled at the joke she dropped here, can I?

 

[ChandlerFan]

I can't be the only one that giggled at the joke she dropped here, can I?

I totally would've missed that if not for this post.

[video=youtube;Jl2Q-Mh4j8M]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl2Q-Mh4j8M[/video]

Part of me really wants to spam the Bible Discussion forum with this video, but I know better

 

[seoulsearch]

I know I'm technically breaking the "Women, Don't Post Here!" rule but...

I think the most ironic thing about people who have a tough time with the opposite gender is that their ill feelings and distrust is usually rooted in a deep longing to be loved by someone of that gender, even if the bitterness has taken over and they no longer feel that longing.

I've known people who were abandoned by their mother/father and spent their lives hating/distrusting women/men because of it, but the heart of the matter was, they wanted someone to love and accept them but were rejected. On the flip side, I've also seen some people who were incredibly betrayed by someone of the opposite gender (sexual assault) but somehow learned to not hate an entire group of people.

I think guys are awesome, but I know there have been times in my life where certain instances made me think, "Men are something to be feared," and so for a while, I always felt as if I needed to be on the defensive. I was friendly and gracious, but also somewhat distanced and cautious.

This is one of the hard parts of being a Christian--God asks us to trust Him that He is bigger than our hurts, disappointments, and rejections. He tells us to cast all our cares on Him and not let bitterness or unforgiveness take root, and to treat people with fairness and kindness because that's how He treats us.

Rejection hurts everyone and it can be tough not to become bitter, but that's what God asks us to do. I once saw a woman in a dating site chat room who would go after certain guys she liked, then accuse them of racism when they didn't show an interest in her. Now of course, race CAN be a part of it, but what I really wanted to tell her was, "Um... maybe the reason they're saying 'No, thanks' is because your bitterness is so palpable that it's pretty much piercing through everyone in the room!"

One of the hardest things about rejection is that it forces us to take a hard, honest look at ourselves. Maybe there are things about ourselves God is asking us to work on; maybe it has nothing to do with us; maybe it's just not God's timing; maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

I've been single now for nearly 12 years, and at an age when a lot of my peers were "living it up" and going through what seemed like an endless stream of partners, so I certainly understand all the negative feelings that can creep up, but I know one of he hardest things in my own Christian walk is that God basically says,"Ok Kim. You've wallowed long enough. Now pick yourself and keep following me, because I have other places for you to go. And... other people for you to meet," (which has included both women AND men, who may not have been a potential spouse, but they sure have been a blessing.)

 

[gypsygirl]

I totally would've missed that if not for this post.

I can't be the only one that giggled at the joke she dropped here, can I?

you have no idea how much it delights me that you guys caught/laughed at that. : D

 

[Roh_Chris]

So, my friend says it is wrong.

I am more or less leaning towards, always being superficial towards Christian women, or women in general. We can choose our friends, friends are optional. So a Hello and being kind, and public pleasantries is fine. They are there, just it's not my desire or responsibility to go farther than that.

My friend says that's a bitter attitude, but the way I am thinking by keeping them at a distance - it won't ever lead to that, You don't have to be married in this life, it's not about this life right.

Just thoughts I am having on living the rest of my life, counting the cost first, before just pursuing it. I suppose girl can do this too as well with guys

Some might call this brooding, but I think it's very logical

I'd pretty much agree with what the women said on here.

You have to find out the reasons which are driving this behaviour. But however I look at it, I don't think it is reasonable to avoid women. In my opinion, avoiding a gender is a sign of social ill-health and that means you are not a healthy individual. Whatever be the reason, you have to accept women and their place in the society today. Whether it leads to a friendship or a romantic relationship, you cannot consciously avoid interacting with women.

 

[maxwel]

I think we all need to stop worrying so much.

If a guy, at this point in time, doesn't feel like being very open or engaging with women,
then... so what?

Not like that's going to last forever.

Women are still pretty, they still smell nice, and he's still a man...
I'm pretty sure he'll get over it, lol.

Seriously.
: )

Time and hormones will rectify all your aversions to the opposite sex.
God knew what he was doing when he created us.

Really.

This is a non-issue.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I think we all need to stop worrying so much.

If a guy, at this point in time, doesn't feel like being very open or engaging with women,
then... so what?

Not like that's going to last forever.

Women are still pretty, they still smell nice, and he's still a man...
I'm pretty sure he'll get over it, lol.

Seriously.
: )

Time and hormones will rectify all your aversions to the opposite sex.
God knew what he was doing when he created us.

Really.

This is a non-issue.

That's all great and everything, buuuut he diiiiid ask us what our opinion is of his whole mindset. We've all simply given our answer. And the fact that his particular mindset seems like it could translate into the way he treats people on this forum (aka "Women can't post in my threads"), it's at least a little bit of an issue. No one is making a big deal out of it and there is no need for that for sure, but if someone asks for an opinion and there is something there that warrants concern, why not let that be known? I think the answers that have been given were done so out of a heart of wanting him to have healthy interactions and community with all of the people in his life.

 

[Sirk]

I am always kind but I know my limitations and that I cannot befriend everyone. Just not enough time in the day.