Are there invisible (or visible) walls in your life?

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Markum1972

Senior Member
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#1
So I was inspired to write this by something that seems to reoccur when I meet some people. It is also something I know that I have personally struggled with. It is something that I want others to seriously consider and pray about.

Do you have walls that you put up that obstruct you from experiencing closeness with others?

I for one have experienced this. At one time I would even say that it was OK because I only really cared about experiencing closeness with God. It wasn't until after a great deal of work on my heart, that God showed me that this was not his will. There are a great number of scriptures that discuss the need for fellowship and love with one another.

Last night I mentioned to someone on CC that I would like to get to know them better. There seemed to be a gentleness in their spirit that made me curious to know more about them. After offering this, the person shared their testimony with me. I was wowed with the testimony and really wanted to encourage this person to share it with others. I was told, "I have and no one cares... kind of like you."

I was perplexed thinking haven't I just sat here listening to your testimony being interested? It was rather upsetting and I even took time to try to figure out what I may have done that was misconstrued. Today... I got it. I realized that this person does not experience closeness with others (this was expressed) because they don't give others the opportunity to get to know them. It is as if they have their mind made up that no one really cares without giving any person a chance. It is similar to this story...

"A man was driving on a country road and ran out of gas. As he was trying to figure out what to do, he realized that he was only a couple of miles away from a local farmer that he had loaned his chain saw too a couple of years back. His first thought was, 'Oh... certainly he will give me some gas in a can so I can make it home. I will just walk down there and ask.'
As he began the two mile walk he began to think...
'Why did the man never call me to give me my chainsaw back?'
'Why hasn't he just called to say hello?'
This kind of thinking continued for the entire two mile walk. He had quite a bit of time to think about things and draw up some conclusions. He decided that the man must not really like him and would probably not loan him the gas to get home.
When he got to the house of the farmer, he knocked on the door. The farmer opened the door and overjoyed to see his friend that he hadn't seen in quite some time, he smiled and said hello.
Without a pause, the man looked at the farmer and yelled at him saying, "You know what? I don't like you either. You can keep your gas and my chainsaw." He then turned and walked away leaving the farmer standing absolutely perplexed."

So yeah... it is kind of like that sometimes. Do you do this? When upset with someone do you tell them and give them the chance to make things right? Or do you avoid them deciding that they don't care? Do you put up walls with others basing your opinions of them on short exchanges? Or do you take the time to get to know who they are deeply? What walls do you put up without even realizing it?

Again, the intent of this message is to get us all to take the time to seek the Lord on this. Ask him to show us these things and correct us so that we might be able to walk in the fullness of God's love towards others.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#2
When upset with someone do you tell them and give them the chance to make things right? Or do you avoid them deciding that they don't care?
It depends on how significant the relationship is and on the precedents. If it is someone with whom I have a very good relationship, then I would go and them that I was upset with them. I would give them the chance to make it right. But if it is a relapse of something which occurred before, I would put up my walls and avoid them. With mere acquaintances, I may not even give them a chance to rectify the first mistake.

Do you put up walls with others basing your opinions of them on short exchanges? Or do you take the time to get to know who they are deeply? What walls do you put up without even realizing it?
The walls that I have put up mostly come from the stereotypes I have about certain people, maybe on language, culture and locality. I know this is not right, but I did this to avoid getting disappointed by people later. Thankfully, I don't do this anymore. :)
 

Markum1972

Senior Member
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#3
It depends on how significant the relationship is and on the precedents. If it is someone with whom I have a very good relationship, then I would go and them that I was upset with them. I would give them the chance to make it right. But if it is a relapse of something which occurred before, I would put up my walls and avoid them. With mere acquaintances, I may not even give them a chance to rectify the first mistake.
This makes sense. Of course we are too forgive, but there comes a point when behavior is not corrected that I think we need to walk away. I think the key is communicating it to the person first though. I would like if people did that more because there have been times I have been abandoned and left wondering why. It is a horrible feeling I would not wish upon anyone.


The walls that I have put up mostly come from the stereotypes I have about certain people, maybe on language, culture and locality. I know this is not right, but I did this to avoid getting disappointed by people later. Thankfully, I don't do this anymore. :)
Glad to hear that you have overcome that. :) Something you said there made me think a bit. "avoid disappointment" I would like to add to that "fear of rejection". I think fear is really the motivation for our walls. While we certainly should not forsake wisdom, we also know that God has given us a spirit of power, love, and soundness of mind; not fear.

Thanks for sharing. :)
 

CatHerder

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#4
from what you described in the OP, it seems that this type of person would rather find their identity in being a "victim" of some sort rather than find their identity in Christ.

yes. this does go on. many people actually do think this way. it's frustrating and tragic.

 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#5
from what you described in the OP, it seems that this type of person would rather find their identity in being a "victim" of some sort rather than find their identity in Christ.

yes. this does go on. many people actually do think this way. it's frustrating and tragic.
I agree with what Mary Catdalene said. :)
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#6
Markum1972 said:
Do you have walls that you put up that obstruct you from experiencing closeness with others?
That's nobody's business! :p
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#7
Yes, I have put up walls for years many years. Got fat so that men would avoid me, became invisible or so I thought, but then I surfaced invisibly when I came on CC. I started making friends and then started caring about them even though they are miles away from me and now I get frustrated because some of those friends have needed help or comfort and I am miles away and can't just get in the car and go to help or comfort them.

I am still battling the weight issue but have at least given it to God to help me work on it. I learned to let a lot of walls down in 2014 and by doing so gained a husband who loves me very much. He saw through all the walls I had put up and does not realize it but everyday he helps me break through more. God is using him and tourist doesn't realize it as I needed help learning to love again and trust. By doing so with a human it helps me to love and trust God more and more. I am learning some of this myself as I sit here and type this. Just how many walls I had put up and learning to love and trust people in general.

I was very stand offish and elusive toward people and still am to some degree but I see myself softening and opening up toward people more and more. Tourist also comes from a big family and I am learning to let more people in than I ever dreamed possible. So God is using him to help me become a better person and a more loving one. As I avoided people as much as I could. I have always been a friendly type but not letting anyone get too close. That has changed this last year and I think I like the change.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
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#8
I put up walls to keep others from getting close to me.

(not that anyone would want to)
 

JesusMyOnly

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2014
880
15
0
#9
Yes, I have those invisible walls (as do many others) that enclose me into my comfort zone.
They [the walls] prevent me from having a closeness with people and I allow them to do that purposely so.


I've been told to look at the word JOY. I was told it means Jesus, Others, You. If someone doesn't have Jesus first how can you get close to others? I need Jesus, seriously.


(Someone that could reach out in a way then seem to push you away later could be crying out for help inside but do not know how to handle closeness. They could be scared of losing someone they get close to, they could have insecurities, they were abused...so on so forth. ) To leave them would be a big, big mistake.


When upset with someone do you tell them and give them the chance to make things right? Or do you avoid them deciding that they don't care? ~ It depends on who that person is to me.


Do you put up walls with others basing your opinions of them on short exchanges? Or do you take the time to get to know who they are deeply? ~ I put up walls with everyone. But I try to get to know them if they allow me to. I can listen to them but I hide.


What walls do you put up without even realizing it?
Every wall I have has been there since a small child and I am aware of all of them.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#10
How does one know when they have an invisible wall?
 

JesusMyOnly

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2014
880
15
0
#11
I put up walls to keep others from getting close to me.

(not that anyone would want to)
zeroturbulence, I really hope you understand how wonderful you are. You saying 'not that anyone would want to (get close to me) is really upsetting for me because I've seen how kind you are. You are always giving me positivty if you realize it or not. You often do nice replies to my posts and like my comments.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#13
Walls. Yeah. I've got those. It's an automatic self-preservation technique. Though I would say I have less walls up than a lot of people I know...I certainly am more open and free with information about myself than many people are (not the kind that gets people stalked, but the kind people are like "Why did you tell me this?! What am I supposed to do with that info?!").

The trouble with building a fortress around yourself is that it also (maybe unintentionally) tends to keep God out, as well as other people. God doesn't force His way into a person's heart, so when you've got yourself all "protected" and supposedly safe from the pain of having to like, LIVE...there's a good chance you're missing some important connections with people who could help you become closer to the Lord, or teach you something new, or...basically, shutting yourself away (metaphorically speaking) is a sure-fire way to miss out on a lot of amazing experiences.

Also, all those carefully constructed walls that are meant to protect you from getting hurt don't necessarily get the job done- I find that the people I know who have the most self-protective measures in place are the ones who are the most miserable in their lives. It's very sad.

I've spent a fair amount of the last year or so chipping away at the walls I've put up, and I'm learning that I don't need walls, just boundaries.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#14
zeroturbulence, I really hope you understand how wonderful you are. You saying 'not that anyone would want to (get close to me) is really upsetting for me because I've seen how kind you are. You are always giving me positivty if you realize it or not. You often do nice replies to my posts and like my comments.
He's the most humble and peaceable guy in person, too. Very down to earth and not volatile. :)

(not that anyone would want to)
Pft!! I'm going to take umbrage to that for you!
 
May 21, 2014
344
5
0
#15
Yes, I have put up walls for years many years. Got fat so that men would avoid me, became invisible or so I thought, but then I surfaced invisibly when I came on CC. I started making friends and then started caring about them even though they are miles away from me and now I get frustrated because some of those friends have needed help or comfort and I am miles away and can't just get in the car and go to help or comfort them.

I am still battling the weight issue but have at least given it to God to help me work on it. I learned to let a lot of walls down in 2014 and by doing so gained a husband who loves me very much. He saw through all the walls I had put up and does not realize it but everyday he helps me break through more. God is using him and tourist doesn't realize it as I needed help learning to love again and trust. By doing so with a human it helps me to love and trust God more and more. I am learning some of this myself as I sit here and type this. Just how many walls I had put up and learning to love and trust people in general.

I was very stand offish and elusive toward people and still am to some degree but I see myself softening and opening up toward people more and more. Tourist also comes from a big family and I am learning to let more people in than I ever dreamed possible. So God is using him to help me become a better person and a more loving one. As I avoided people as much as I could. I have always been a friendly type but not letting anyone get too close. That has changed this last year and I think I like the change.
Beautiful !! It is a freedom to allow the walls to come down because I was the same as you. It will take a loving man who loves JESUS to know within his heart that you were a rare jewel. Hallelujah!!!
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#16
I put up walls to keep others from getting close to me.

(not that anyone would want to)

OK sad Ninja you are good and wise and kind, so if someone doesn't want to get close to you then phooey on them.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#17
I put up walls to keep others from getting close to me.

(not that anyone would want to)
I have very high walls...
but it's only to keep zerotubulence from standing on top of his walls and looking over my walls.
 

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
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#19
Sometimes people confuse walls with genuine trying not to be foolish. That's not the same as rejecting people.

Fact: people like to gossip - we shouldnt just be telling everybody everything and talking much about everything everywhere. Discretion shall preserve thee. There is also this little bird that takes your words elsewhere whether you intend it to or not. Extra care with says. Plus it's really easy to sin if I'm not careful with that.

Fact: cant expect from anyone to rely on them but God. Do I love them less for that? No, I dont think I'm any better, actually. But I very strongly see the fallibility of man as I have personally experienced it in family and many close people. When I needed them, they failed me or were even against me. So I just eradicated from my mind the very expectation and I dont get angry. When someone is actually there for me I'm thankful to God and pleasantly surprised.

Fact: cant know people well instantly - should be on guard. Trust is not the same as benefit of a doubt, I just dont throw it around and I keep my private life private except for few close friends. I might even listen to people I dont know enough when they want to talk and hang out with them joke with them and love them but still keep my private life off limits... because I've learned if one doesnt do that... people can get ugly. It's better not to tempt them. At least imo.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
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#20
zeroturbulence, I really hope you understand how wonderful you are. You saying 'not that anyone would want to (get close to me) is really upsetting for me because I've seen how kind you are. You are always giving me positivty if you realize it or not. You often do nice replies to my posts and like my comments.
Wow thank you so much, JesusMyOnly! :D I'm speechless. You're a wonderful person too! :)