This is a companion thread to seoulsearch's http://christianchat.com/christian-...f-one-person-sets-bar-what-youre-looking.html thread. If you don't want to go there, the gist is in the questions at the end of her post:
In reading her thread, I realized that the converse could also be true. What if someone set the bar so low, that you look for the opposite of that person?
What if you were treated poorly in a certain area during the relationship. Do you look for someone who will treat you well in that same area? Is this fair? Are you basing this new relationship solely on the negative one? Are you looking for the "Anti-Ex?"
What if you are the "Anti-Ex" - the one who acted in a positive way that was contrary to the ex's behavior? Would you feel uncomfortable or awkward if your significant other mentioned that "So and So never encouraged me/supported me the way that you are doing now" or would this comparison make you feel closer to your partner?
I have to admit to sometimes enjoying occasional "opposite" qualities in women friends than those of my ex. One example may be in something as silly and unimportant as decor. I once stopped my then-wife from getting rid of a bookcase that my dad's great-uncle made back in the 50's. The thing is so well built that it could have been made last week, except that nowadays, they are all cheap pressboard with a nice finish, which is the kind of bookcase that she wanted instead. The bookcase I saved and other ideas I had about how the place was to look were called "stupid" by her.
Flash forward to me as a single. One night in CC chat (about a year ago), one of the ladies mentioned that what she could see of my place looked nice, speaking favorable of my "California casual" as she called it. Last week, a ladyfriend commented on how fun and cozy my place looked (I have to be on guard with her, but that's not the point). Both the comment last year, and the one last week had me on Cloud 9 for a while. I was totally aware that one of the reasons I felt so good about the comments was that I was receiving a positive stroke by an attractive female in an area that my ex had been nothing but critical.
So...
Is it fair to compare positive experiences in your current relationship to their converse experience in an old relationship?
If you are in a relationship with someone who did that, would you be comfortable with it?
Are these silly questions? I mean, we are the sum of all our experiences, good and bad, including our exes, right?
What happens when someone makes us feel something we've never felt before in our lives, and we're afraid we'll never feel it again? How do we allow ourselves to have deep feelings for another person? How do we treat that person fairly without hurtful comparisons?
Can we expect someone else to look at us with fresh eyes if we're caught up in a feeling from the past?
If you're the one always being compared to a standard set by someone else, do you leave or do you stay?
And how can we allow God to "clean the slate" of our hearts so that we can start over fresh and anew, without looking for or expecting something we only seemed to find in another person?
Can we expect someone else to look at us with fresh eyes if we're caught up in a feeling from the past?
If you're the one always being compared to a standard set by someone else, do you leave or do you stay?
And how can we allow God to "clean the slate" of our hearts so that we can start over fresh and anew, without looking for or expecting something we only seemed to find in another person?
What if you were treated poorly in a certain area during the relationship. Do you look for someone who will treat you well in that same area? Is this fair? Are you basing this new relationship solely on the negative one? Are you looking for the "Anti-Ex?"
What if you are the "Anti-Ex" - the one who acted in a positive way that was contrary to the ex's behavior? Would you feel uncomfortable or awkward if your significant other mentioned that "So and So never encouraged me/supported me the way that you are doing now" or would this comparison make you feel closer to your partner?
I have to admit to sometimes enjoying occasional "opposite" qualities in women friends than those of my ex. One example may be in something as silly and unimportant as decor. I once stopped my then-wife from getting rid of a bookcase that my dad's great-uncle made back in the 50's. The thing is so well built that it could have been made last week, except that nowadays, they are all cheap pressboard with a nice finish, which is the kind of bookcase that she wanted instead. The bookcase I saved and other ideas I had about how the place was to look were called "stupid" by her.
Flash forward to me as a single. One night in CC chat (about a year ago), one of the ladies mentioned that what she could see of my place looked nice, speaking favorable of my "California casual" as she called it. Last week, a ladyfriend commented on how fun and cozy my place looked (I have to be on guard with her, but that's not the point). Both the comment last year, and the one last week had me on Cloud 9 for a while. I was totally aware that one of the reasons I felt so good about the comments was that I was receiving a positive stroke by an attractive female in an area that my ex had been nothing but critical.
So...
Is it fair to compare positive experiences in your current relationship to their converse experience in an old relationship?
If you are in a relationship with someone who did that, would you be comfortable with it?
Are these silly questions? I mean, we are the sum of all our experiences, good and bad, including our exes, right?