Friendship after romantic breakup. Now, a literal breakup.

[Kenitay]

Good day everyone,

There is something, a trouble, that I need to get off my chest...

I am single, obviously, and for months I had been in contact with a young lady from overseas. I won't name her, for the sake of privacy, or where she lives or how old she is. She's a bit younger than I am, though. And for some time, back in December, both of us thought it would be possible to be together, we loved one another. This was before I accepted Christ unconditionally, January 2nd of this year.

But after I told her how impossible it was at the time, for financial reasons, I also knew...had it come true...it would have led me to live a life of utter Godlessness. A life of horrible sin, as if just sin isn't bad enough. Because, she leads a life of nothing but desire for all things sexual, an absolute horrendous sexual appetite. And, her family also worship idols and spiritual teachers, similar to that you find in India. I praise the Lord that he worked through me, that I couldn't possibly live a life like that, that He kept me from going. I felt the Holy Spirit working through me, telling me that any kind of sin is simply going against God.

We stayed in contact through email, though, after becoming 'great friends' again. Our friendship seemed mega strong, our love for things like our love for cats and various other topics, go deep. But her sinful nature simply didn't change. I testified to her, about Jesus, 2 days ago. About how He has changed my life and my outlook on life. Told her that if she would ever find herself in a terrible position, that she may call out to the Lord. These words didn't reach her heart from what I read from her responses, although she wasn't upset or anything about hearing all that, I just hope I somehow planted a little seed of hope inside her, maybe in her subconscious. I asked the Lord if I did everything I could that evening, if I used the right words, as I mentioned the scriptures too.

Then, yesterday, she talked about wanting to do all the sinful(to her it isn't) sexual activities. How she found a new partner, since the week prior, at the school she was in training for, to become a teacher. She was boastful about it, and asked me if...guys preferred regular sex or oral sex, as she herself is a virgin. At that point, I just couldn't continue with her, anymore. I told her about how that kind of stuff not only against my faith and God, but that it is simply wrong too. As I also am against fornication, as is God.
Needless to say, she was pretty upset, and angry, about hearing it. Paraphrasing her last sentence in her last email, "Sorry for bothering you with my 'BLASPHEMOUS' thoughts.'

That one line hurt me deep within...That cut through my heart, it was just too hard to bear. But, I don't condemn her. And I kept thinking about what Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, in John 8:10 “(Then) neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

So we haven't talked for a day and a half now. After I told her for weeks that I became a Christian, it seemed she simply had no consideration toward me. Which made me wonder what her concept of a 'Christian' really is. But what hurts me most, is that she is going to drag herself, and her new boyfriend(a primary school teacher) to hell. I don't know how else to say it. It sounds harsh, but then I trust Jesus.
And to be honest, after having prayed for her (without her knowing) that her eyes may be opened, for more than just a month, I just thought, "She just...doesn't know what sin is. Much like the rest of the world."

It is hard to let go of her, but I won't stop praying for her. I just care so much for her as a believer in Christ. I asked the Lord if He has a specific plan for her, that she might understand sin someday, and turn to God somehow, in the end, even without me knowing. I suppose, I will know, after He'll come and take us away. I hope, desperately, that she'll be there, in the Kingdom. That she may find herself in a situation that prompts her to call out for Jesus, and be saved.

Having said all that, it is a lonely time for me... I feel nothing but sadness, I sigh, and I know I can bring it to the Lord, but it is still hard on me. We emailed literally day after day, for maybe 4-5 months. It is hard to get into this new rhythm, knowing that I get up without the usual "Good morning, dear Keni! What did you have for breakfast? The weather here is ... ... ..."

I hold onto our heavenly Father, desperately, for comfort, joy, guidance and hope... Even asked Him if He knows the one for me, a to-be-wife who also loves the Lord passionately. I am waiting, but I am hopeful, and I must be patient and faithful.

God bless you all,

Kenitay

 

[Ugly]

The reality is they were both headed for hell, even if they don't have sex. They can live as moral or immoral as they won't, it has no bearing on the fact that without salvation they will still end up in hell.

You don't have to remain friends to continue praying for her, though. And it's not Gods will that any should perish, so we already know it's His will for her to be saved, but it has to be her will to choose to accept that.

The rest is basically just a break up story. Sounds as though she's a rather insensitive person, and i suspect she may actually be purposefully vindictive since she comes to you to talk about sex with her new boyfriend. Even if you had not become a Christian it sounds like she would have been a bad choice. While it doesn't make it hurt less you can probably be thankful you did not end up with someone vindictive.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

I think you have probably done all you could for her. We cannot force people to accept Christ but are called to plant the seed.

 

[Kenitay]

The reality is they were both headed for hell, even if they don't have sex. They can live as moral or immoral as they won't, it has no bearing on the fact that without salvation they will still end up in hell.

You don't have to remain friends to continue praying for her, though. And it's not Gods will that any should perish, so we already know it's His will for her to be saved, but it has to be her will to choose to accept that.

The rest is basically just a break up story. Sounds as though she's a rather insensitive person, and i suspect she may actually be purposefully vindictive since she comes to you to talk about sex with her new boyfriend. Even if you had not become a Christian it sounds like she would have been a bad choice. While it doesn't make it hurt less you can probably be thankful you did not end up with someone vindictive.

Actually, I forgot to add that before I became saved at the start of last month, she and I did usually (not always) talk about sexuality, say back in November or December. So I should have mentioned that in the main post, my apologies for the unnecessary confusion.
But it seemed that she's perhaps shocked to see how I have changed so suddenly because of my faith, and I had no interest in having talks about sexuality at all. She probably thought that I'd want to talk about sexuality again, whatever that may be... Which is understandable from her point of view. But in the end, she couldn't accept that. It's just the way it is for now.

 

[Kenitay]

I think you have probably done all you could for her. We cannot force people to accept Christ but are called to plant the seed.

Yes, indeed... I hope it will sprout sometime, sooner or later. I just hope it won't be too late.

 

[Chrissy85]

People who don't respect our boundaries or our "no" are disrespecting us. This is hard when we have grown attached to someone as lots of relationship is often lonely and painful. However, if they choose not to grow in the area of respect for others then they usually aren't the best friends and make even more challenging romantic relationships.
Congratulations on your commitment to Christ you sound like an amazing guy. Well done on keeping your standards high even in the face of loss and pain.

 

[JonahLynx]

I can definitely relate, brother. I was in a relationship for awhile and became saved after already being involved. I was a changed person and my spirit wouldn't allow me to behave like I did prior to my conversion. But the girl was not truly saved and I was torn between her and righteousness. We both had assumed we were Christian because we were "good people," but when I truly converted I realized that we were both lost. I tried to communicate my experience to her, but she pretty much shrugs it off and still wants to be like we were before. So for about a year-ish I struggled with breaking off the relationship. Now in the aftermath, I am thankful for being free of temptation.

These days I have been trying to improve my walk with God and self-control. I pray that this period of singleness/freedom/devotion will be productive for you as well. Probably the most crucial thing is to not fall back to the girl when things get tough, because it's almost guaranteed that she will keep coming back to you. Stay strong, and pray that God delivers you from temptation... we cannot handle very much of it (well, I can't anyway ).