Love problems

ChandlerFan · Feb 11, 2015

In this thread I was thinking W-I-L-L-I-E-T

I'm just kidding, although I do think the OP is serious.

Monnkai, it seems to me like you know what the best way to go is. You have a lot of really wise people giving you really wise advice, and I think it jives with what you know you need to do. You deserve a lot better than what you've got going on now. You deserve a woman who is all about Jesus and all about you. You may think that you won't get another shot, but for all you know, you could meet the right lady next week.

Do what you know is the right thing to do

seoulsearch · Feb 11, 2015

Monnkai,

I was curious as to how you found out about her other boyfriend? Did she tell you or did someone else have to tell you? Does she claim to be a Christian?

Something else to consider: someone who is not only living with someone and is perfectly fine with adding another person to the equation will simply keep adding--and subtracting--other people.

If she's willing to go to these kinds of lengths to have romantic relationships with 2 guys, she'll keep adding others and/or dumping the ones she already has, including you.

But we're pretty sure you know all of this already--it's one of those situations where you don't want to give someone up, no matter what the cost, and you're hoping against hope that person will keep you (even if it is only on the side) and will do anything to try to talk yourself into believing along the way.

You talked about thinking you can convince her to dump the other guy... but I think you already know all this means is that she'll either dump you too when the next guy comes along or will keep another new pair to string along just like she's doing now.

I'm sorry you're in this situation--I know it's a bummer to be alone but it's much worse to be someone's entertainment on the side. I hope you decide to get out with some dignity intact instead of staying until she tosses you aside or keeps you as another plaything. I hate seeing people get treated this way, but if they make the active decision to allow someone to do this to them, it's their own responsibility to make the choice to stop it.

zeroturbulence · Feb 11, 2015

Monnkai said:

If she gets pregnant then what?.. Will it be yours?.. his?... will you draw straws over it? Get yourself out of this mess before you regret it..

Ugly · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

So your response was 'it's me or the guy you've known longer, dated longer and live with'?
The fact that this chick lied, is willing to have multiple boyfriends doesn't tell you what kind of character that she has? My question to you is why you can't figure out to dump this nutjob and run away as fast as possible? That's the only reasonable reaction to this situation. Anything less than that is ridiculous.

djness · Feb 12, 2015

I thought it was only guys that had a chick on the side..
You are a chick on the side, a mistress, a relational booty call.
Grow some self respect son. Of course no woman is going to be interested in you.

JustAnotherUser · Feb 12, 2015

You have no other choice? Says who?

A relationship/marriage is for one man and one woman. There are no in between that would justify otherwise. You do have a choice as to walk away and have your respect and commitment that's obviously violated by someone not that truthful or stick around with excuses that may or may not be truthful to begin with. Why would you still think about marriage after knowing and processing this?

Well, hope you make a decision that will be smart for your own sake.

Lynx · Feb 12, 2015

Actually my brother is in something like this situation. He is married to a woman, but her first husband is still living in the house with them. I think he's slightly stupid for going along with this, but... *shrug* His life I guess, not mine. And my brother has basically shunned our whole family so he's not listening to any advice on the matter.

Monnkai · Feb 12, 2015

okay I got to come clean I may have streatched the truth a little. I'm probably going to quite this site after wards everyones going to hate me now....The reason I posted this was because I just wanted to know if having two boyfriends was a sin. In truth I deserve every horrible thing that happens to me sorry..... Its just sin after sin for me it seems.

gypsygirl · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

you don't have to quit, and no one hates you.

some of the remarks you read might sound harsh, but people have different ways of expressing themselves. i don't think anyone has any animosity -- they just were concerned by your very unhealthy scenario they believed you were a part of.

but just for future reference, you're best off just asking the question, as opposed to inventing a colorful scenario.

do you own a bible? if so, i'd really encourage you to pick it up and start reading it. there are numerous reading programs designed to help you progress through the bible in a year.

i think you'll find there are a lot of great answers there for you, more than just answers about "girlfriends" or "boyfriends", but some really worthwhile stuff. i highly recommend it.

welcome to CC. : )

Monnkai · Feb 12, 2015

Well I made my girlfriend look like the bad guy I knew about her relationship. It honestly didn't bother me at the time...but then I fell in love and now im jealous. I just wanted to know if it was a sin. It's not going to work regardless of anything I do but like I said I deserve everything that happens to me. Sorry. So yeah im going to quite this site. I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself.

secularhermit · Feb 12, 2015

Will you be willing to share your tubepaste and brush?

I seldom give my affections, those ones you mentioned, when I knew a woman had another... I´m thankful that, after some time, I knew they were not all alone as they probably said they were: Even those who said or considered themselves ugly had someone who took care and, the moment I grew old, that average didn´t change a lot: The younger they are, they more they are sought. The older they get, the less the can get (same applied to me)

tourist · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

If she is your girlfriend then she cannot be his girlfriend. There is something wrong with this equation. My advice is to read the first post of the Rules of Engagement thread. It offers a general outline of how to pursue matters of the heart. No, as she is not married there is no sin.

gypsygirl · Feb 12, 2015

well, the great news for you is that you are (well) aware of the fact that this relationship is unhealthy for you, and that tomorrow you can start fresh and new. because every day is fresh and new, without any mistakes, and God's mercies are new every morning.

it's really not about vilifying anyone, not you, or your girlfriend. we've been concerned for your heart and the miserable stuff that comes from reckless choices in love and relationships. what you've described is a prescription for pain and poor outcomes.

i really hope this can serve as an opportunity for you to leave this unhealthy relationship behind and start your life in a new and healthier path. even more, i hope you use this event to push you towards a closer walk with God.

there is a lot of joy and satisfaction in honoring God with our life and choices. : )

Jilly81 · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai, I'm not mad at you. I see someone who needs help in one way or another when I read your post. I knew before you said that you'd stretched the truth that you might be making some or all of it up. Don't think that you're beyond redemption; God is used to His children lying and much, MUCH worse things than you have done. Ask Him to forgive you and to help you to follow Him more closely.

I agree with Monica about starting to read the Bible regularly. It's often suggested that one start his or her Bible reading in the book of John. It's the fourth book of the New Testament, and I have a warning for you. You're going to feel an awful lot of love when you read the words written in red

.

zeroturbulence · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

Don't sweat it, friend. I think most of us will just be relieved to know you weren't planning on sleeping with a girl who's two-timing. Take a load off and stay awhile..

Monnkai · Feb 12, 2015

Yeah I told her I will not have sex today. She said she was fine with it.

blue_ladybug · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

personally, I would have gone the extra step and warned her to use protection before sleeping with multiple guys.. no telling what she might already have, or what her bf may give her..kudos to you for being smart on this..

Monnkai · Feb 12, 2015

Its the only thing I was smart on :/

Desdichado · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

Don't feel too bad, buddy. A lot of us made boneheaded decisions due to inexperience. I'm still paying for mine and probably will continue to do so on and off for the rest of my life.

Don't fall for the lie that this is your last chance at love (you have a lot more life to live). Don't fall for the lie that you need a woman to stay happy. You don't.

You are where you are in life. The best thing you can do now is move on regardless. Use your experience to bless others. Believe it or not, you've already been a blessing to me.

secularhermit · Feb 12, 2015

Monnkai said:

Hi Monnkai!

Do you often said it way?

Do you think being smart (or whatever thing) is a most to keep one woman happy?

As I read this: "she'll have to decide and I know it wont be me" I see a man beat (and lost) without fighting and, let´s suppose she read it now, what would she think about you?

I´m not the person to tell you: "Give yourself a chance"... I´m afraid you saw her as an idol, something too big for you... Is she really that big? If so, you chose wrongly.

May I see you need to know yourself better? You probably have much more than you think to offer a woman who loves you the way you really are but, that way I read on this post I´m commenting will discourage even your best friends...

Whatever your problems are, my friend, should be sort out in your mind, 1st. But I think you lacked NOTHING to be loved, except you are not loving yourself.

I´m probably wrong, but that´s what I´m reading here.

I beg you don´t get me misunderstood (because I´m probably misunderstanding what I´m reading here)

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