I have tried helping fixing people. It usually doesn't work. I was just thinking about this the other day, someone I used to work with, I tried so hard to get her to stop doing the thing she was doing, sleeping around. I tried hard to get her to see that she was worth more, it didn't work and she kept on doing what she was doing. I eventually left the work place and don't communicate with her anymore, but have you ever tried to fix someone and realized, it just doesn't work?
Have you ever tried to fix someone?
- Thread starter Fenner
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Unfortunately yes. Just earlier I got into it with my step dad. It's hard for him to see a different viewpoint once he already has his mind made up. Growing up under him, I've unfortunately developed the same stubbornness qualities.The speck in the eye verse is always a good one to me. It's easy to focus on others when most of the time we need to focus on ourselves.
I had two friends in the past I tried this with. All of our other friends eventually gave up. I kept trying. Now that I look back on it I think giving up is actually the more loving thing to do. I was only enabling them to stay in their ways by always sticking by their side. It's usually when they realize nobody is going to put up with them that they will have to make the decision to change or stay the same.
I remember hearing on a local radio station here an exfootball player was talking about his work with drug addicts. Basically what he said was that he would try to give them all the help they needed but if he felt they were not trying to change he would say to them ''I don't think you are trying to change and I only have so much time to help people, so please tell me do you want help or can I move on?"
I remember hearing on a local radio station here an exfootball player was talking about his work with drug addicts. Basically what he said was that he would try to give them all the help they needed but if he felt they were not trying to change he would say to them ''I don't think you are trying to change and I only have so much time to help people, so please tell me do you want help or can I move on?"
I don't like the term fix and it's probably having that mentality behind your actions (no matter how pure your intentions) is where you're going wrong but yes, I've tried to help people and help grown them and develop wisdom and understanding to the consequences of their actions.
It works and it doesn't work. This a massive can of worms and there could be a million reasons as to why it's not worked for you.
It works and it doesn't work. This a massive can of worms and there could be a million reasons as to why it's not worked for you.
I understand. I wasn't saying you was wrong by the way. It's just me being somewhat facetious but in a necessary way.
If your natural language was to say help rather than fix, maybe your approach to the situation would be different? Do you know what I mean?
It's like when people say "I have healed many people"....the reality is God healed them. We are just God's instruments. Believing we can heal people will cause us to approach people differently than knowing it's God who is the healer.
Which leads me on to saying this: do what you can but don't over do it. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. Often the persistence of trying to help someone can push them deeper into their dysfunction.
What you should do is carefully and gently plant seeds, then allow God to do the rest. Pray for them and ask God for wisdom on how to handle the situation.
If your natural language was to say help rather than fix, maybe your approach to the situation would be different? Do you know what I mean?
It's like when people say "I have healed many people"....the reality is God healed them. We are just God's instruments. Believing we can heal people will cause us to approach people differently than knowing it's God who is the healer.
Which leads me on to saying this: do what you can but don't over do it. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. Often the persistence of trying to help someone can push them deeper into their dysfunction.
What you should do is carefully and gently plant seeds, then allow God to do the rest. Pray for them and ask God for wisdom on how to handle the situation.
Now, I'm no expert, but "helping" people in need of help is a really good thing. Trying to change people is not. Reason being, that when we become involved in trying to "change" people, we tend to try and "change" them into what WE think they should be.......Not good.........Bad...........Not good.
God is in the "people changing" business. If you want to "help" them, then introduce them to Jesus Christ......and get outta da way...........
God is in the "people changing" business. If you want to "help" them, then introduce them to Jesus Christ......and get outta da way...........
I've learned that God is the fixer, he can change their hearts. I had in the past put myself in situations where I unknowingly tried to change a person. For example I had this boyfriend that I really truly in my heart would change his views on marriage if I just made everything perfect. If I didn't say anything about his partying and just sat back and was the cool girlfriend he'd miraculously change and realize that my love would make his so happy he wouldn't possibly want to live without me.
Of course I was wrong and nothing changed,. That was a big turning point for me and although my feelings got hurt in retrospect I am glad I had that experience because it made me very humble and I leaned on God for the first time, I trusted him. So I guess that boyfriend changed me.
I probably shouldn't have made this thread. I wasn't focusing on me, I was just wondering if anyone else had ever been in that sort of situation before.
Of course I was wrong and nothing changed,. That was a big turning point for me and although my feelings got hurt in retrospect I am glad I had that experience because it made me very humble and I leaned on God for the first time, I trusted him. So I guess that boyfriend changed me.
I probably shouldn't have made this thread. I wasn't focusing on me, I was just wondering if anyone else had ever been in that sort of situation before.
I totally understood what you were saying here Fenner. I am often amused when people start threads like this and then everyone else tries to "help" the OP with their "problem" when the whole point of the thread was to discuss the topic itself. This happens to poor Kim all the time.
Yes... I am a convicted fixer. I try to fix everyone around me, even myself. I even go so far as to research what the person is going through so that I can give them valid advice and three easy steps to correct themselves. HA. I remember going through my dark valley three years ago, doing SO much research on how to fix myself. You have to do this, and this, and think about it like this, and NOT think about it like this... and you'll heal. Ugh. Well, a lot of it did actually help me, but for the most part I learned that sometimes people NEED to go through their own mess, and even hit rock bottom in many cases, in order to be "ready" to heal and get better. And in other cases, it takes TIME... and the Lord... to get past things. And then there are those who never do get past it, because they really just don't want to.
I'm usually the last one fighting. Everyone else has already given up, and I'm still in the ring attempting futilely to change this person's life, to help this person overcome. Just this last week I've been dealing with that. The need to walk away. And walking away appears unloving, which is very hard for me. But there's a place for it, and I've reached it. I feel the Lord saying "Angie. You can stop fighting now. Let me deal with this myself in my own way." I'm growing, slowly, and learning... Thank you Lord.
This happens to poor Kim all the time. Yes... I am a convicted fixer. I try to fix everyone around me, even myself. I even go so far as to research what the person is going through so that I can give them valid advice and three easy steps to correct themselves. HA. I remember going through my dark valley three years ago, doing SO much research on how to fix myself. You have to do this, and this, and think about it like this, and NOT think about it like this... and you'll heal. Ugh. Well, a lot of it did actually help me, but for the most part I learned that sometimes people NEED to go through their own mess, and even hit rock bottom in many cases, in order to be "ready" to heal and get better. And in other cases, it takes TIME... and the Lord... to get past things. And then there are those who never do get past it, because they really just don't want to.
I'm usually the last one fighting. Everyone else has already given up, and I'm still in the ring attempting futilely to change this person's life, to help this person overcome. Just this last week I've been dealing with that. The need to walk away. And walking away appears unloving, which is very hard for me. But there's a place for it, and I've reached it. I feel the Lord saying "Angie. You can stop fighting now. Let me deal with this myself in my own way." I'm growing, slowly, and learning... Thank you Lord.
I tried to fix/change my first husband to mold him into the perfect man.....Did Not Work hence the word changed to ex-husband. However, I was not alone in this as he was trying to fix/change me, but then we were 17 and 18 years old when we got married not the smartest teenagers obviously....
I did learn from that you can't change people he also learned that lesson so from that standpoint it was good to learn the lesson early.......
Helping people that is another matter as I did help people find jobs who were jobless and have helped in other areas too, but I knew I couldn't change or fix them by that point. P Rehbein is correct in it is enough to try and fix myself....which I can't do only God can change my heart and I just have to continue to submit to His power daily/moment by moment for those changes to occur. I think it is probably obvious that God is not done with this Blond yet.....I look forward to the day when I am fixed into that perfected state.....
As far as me being fixed as in the Lady Blue post #14 that happened in 2008.....lol
I did learn from that you can't change people he also learned that lesson so from that standpoint it was good to learn the lesson early.......
Helping people that is another matter as I did help people find jobs who were jobless and have helped in other areas too, but I knew I couldn't change or fix them by that point. P Rehbein is correct in it is enough to try and fix myself....which I can't do only God can change my heart and I just have to continue to submit to His power daily/moment by moment for those changes to occur. I think it is probably obvious that God is not done with this Blond yet.....I look forward to the day when I am fixed into that perfected state.....
As far as me being fixed as in the Lady Blue post #14 that happened in 2008.....lol
There's this guy at work without transportation, so for a couple months now I've been taking him to work. He's basically the archtype of every reason we should avoid the things the Bible says we are to avoid. He's done them all and he has all the problems that they cause. I'm doing my dead level best to NOT try to fix him, because he likes his life, problems and all. I know he's not ready to fix anything yet. But sometimes it sure is tempting...
There's this guy at work without transportation, so for a couple months now I've been taking him to work. He's basically the archtype of every reason we should avoid the things the Bible says we are to avoid. He's done them all and he has all the problems that they cause. I'm doing my dead level best to NOT try to fix him, because he likes his life, problems and all. I know he's not ready to fix anything yet. But sometimes it sure is tempting...[/QUOTE]
......been there, done that..........got the smileycon...........
......been there, done that..........got the smileycon...........