what the qualities that GUYS looking for in a woman?

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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#41
I have decided already that I will not marry until I have known the guy at least two years, dated at least a year, been engaged at least six months, and have finished at University which is years away. So for now I can safely score short. :D
Wow, that's quite a plan.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#44
What's wrong with burkas?
He was looking for modesty and a burka covers just about everything but you eyeballs....that's pretty modest.....your hands might be uncovered to and the tips of your toes......very modest.....
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#45
I see and expected to see many comments here about the woman loving God/Jesus............and that is as it should be. But I believe that just being a believer isn't enough to assure a harmonious relationship/marriage.

It seems to me that it would also be very beneficial if both parties were of the same mind concerning the teachings they grew up with/or have come to believe. In that they need to be from the same church/denomination/whatever.

Not to throw stones at any particular church/denomination.........but if the man grew up in, and still attends a church who teaches the theology of denomination "a", and the woman grew up in, and still attends a church who teaches the theology of denomination "b," and those differences are substantially in conflict with each other, I would expect these differences to have an adverse effect on any possible relationship/marriage being harmonious.

Hope that makes sense. Did not want to get too specific so as to not unduly ruffle any feathers.
My only comment on this since tourist and I are in this group of opposites in denominational upbringing is that there exists compromise not so much of ones beliefs but in the partnership. We both believe and understand salvation and have accepted Jesus as our personal Savior a lot of the traditions of religions are just that and most have nothing to do with your salvation.

I would agree with you that it is best if the couple have the same background as a lot of people aren't as inclusive as we have been raised to be. Both of our families are very non-judgmental towards people groups and I think that has helped our relationship greatly.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#48
It's not skepticism, it's experience and real life.

I personally think that's why a lot of well-meaning Christians wind up divorced. We all want a God-focused marriage with two people devoted to their faith--that's a no-brainer.

But then real life happens. For instance...

1. Your spouse wants to spend money on a new computer or new phones, but you don't. You want to get the car paid off early, but your spouse thinks, "We have all the bills paid this month, any other money is for play!"

2. You suffer a miscarriage as a couple, and you want to try again, but your spouse is heartbroken and does not.

3. You have to decide what to do over caring for an aging parent--put them in a home, or take them into your own home together?

4. Your child is having problems in school. You want to get them a tutor but your spouse says everything is fine and that your child is just going through a phase and will catch up.

God isn't necessarily going to say, "YES, GET THAT CHILD A TUTOR AND IF YOU DISAGREE, YOU ARE SINNING." And these are just a handful of a thousand other things that will come up when you get married. I think many Christians seem to think, "Oh, God will take care of everything!" and He will. It's just that if you don't have any way of compromising on very important life decisions and haven't thought about how you'll deal with it when you have long-term disagreements... or won't always get your way... simply saying, "We'll trust in the Lord," is bound to set you on a course for the Family Forum... Generally under a thread title of, "My Spouse Just Doesn't Understand," or "My Marriage Is In Trouble." I think many Christians are shocked to find themselves in a place of constant disagreement, discord, and disillusion all because they truly believed all they would ever have to do is "just follow the Lord."

Even church service can become a point of tension. What if your spouse wants to spend 4 nights at church but you feel as if you already never get any time together? I had a mentor once who was always trying to take people into their home but at one point, her husband (and they were both very devout Christians, leaders and elders in the church) put his foot down and said no. She was convinced God was calling her to do this, but in the end, she felt it was best to obey her husband's lead and cut back on offering their home to others. (At the same time she felt God was leading her to take people in, he felt God was warning him about some of the people she was extending this hospitality to.)

What would you do if you feel God is calling you to do X (spend more time at church) but your spouse says No, I want more time with you! Would you accuse them of keeping you from following God? Would you expect them to sacrifice their needs to allow you to do what you feel God was asking you to do? Would you go ahead and do it anyway even against your spouse's wishes? Would you then be tempted to look for a spouse who was "more Godly"?

If life were always cut and dry and A + B always equaled C, then yes, these simple answers would be enough.

Life, however, is usually not all that simple.
 
Last edited:

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#49
Ok, 5 more qualities...

- she's not ridiculously scared of spiders (this will probably be impossible to find)

- she's not vegan (no offense to any vegans out there, I just imagine they are too picky about everything - NOTE this is not the same as vegetarian)

- she cleans up after herself (although I can tolerate messiness to a degree, especially if she's really busy)

- she knows a little more than average about health and nutrition (would love it if she's a nurse)

- she likes spaghetti
 
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#50
1. The ability to think
2. To be able to discuss points
3. Someone I have fallen in love with
4. Similar emotional experiences so we understand each other
5. The ability to share needs and meet needs
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#51
It's not skepticism, it's experience and real life.

I personally think that's why a lot of well-meaning Christians wind up divorced. We all want a God-focused marriage with two people devoted to their faith--that's a no-brainer.

But then real life happens. For instance...

1. Your spouse wants to spend money on a new computer or new phones, but you don't. You want to get the car paid off early, but your spouse thinks, "We have all the bills paid this month, any other money is for play!"

2. You suffer a miscarriage as a couple, and you want to try again, but your spouse is heartbroken and does not.

3. You have to decide what to do over caring for an aging parent--put them in a home, or take them into your own home together?

4. Your child is having problems in school. You want to get them a tutor but your spouse says everything is fine and that your child is just going through a phase and will catch up.

God isn't necessarily going to say, "YES, GET THAT CHILD A TUTOR AND IF YOU DISAGREE, YOU ARE SINNING." And these are just a handful of a thousand other things that will come up when you get married. I think many Christians seem to think, "Oh, God will take care of everything!" and He will. It's just that if you don't have any way of compromising on very important life decisions and haven't thought about how you'll deal with it when you have long-term disagreements... or won't always get your way... simply saying, "We'll trust in the Lord," is bound to set you on a course for the Family Forum... Generally under a thread title of, "My Spouse Just Doesn't Understand," or "My Marriage Is In Trouble." I think many Christians are shocked to find themselves in a place of constant disagreement, discord, and disillusion all because they truly believed all they would ever have to do is "just follow the Lord."

Even church service can become a point of tension. What if your spouse wants to spend 4 nights at church but you feel as if you already never get any time together? I had a mentor once who was always trying to take people into their home but at one point, her husband (and they were both very devout Christians, leaders and elders in the church) put his foot down and said no. She was convinced God was calling her to do this, but in the end, she felt it was best to obey her husband's lead and cut back on offering their home to others. (At the same time she felt God was leading her to take people in, he felt God was warning him about some of the people she was extending this hospitality to.)

What would you do if you feel God is calling you to do X (spend more time at church) but your spouse says No, I want more time with you! Would you accuse them of keeping you from following God? Would you expect them to sacrifice their needs to allow you to do what you feel God was asking you to do? Would you go ahead and do it anyway even against your spouse's wishes? Would you then be tempted to look for a spouse who was "more Godly"?

If life were always cut and dry and A + B always equaled C, then yes, these simple answers would be enough.

Life, however, is usually not all that simple.
No, life is not all that simple. Of course, you must trust in the Lord but you certainly have to play your part. If you are biblically and spiritually naïve you will most certainly have problems in your relationship, particularly marriage. God will only take care of the things that you have the wisdom to let Him take care of.

Your post is outstanding, per usual.
 

gypsygirl

Senior Member
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
#52
Nay not at all.

Take communication for instance. If the woman loves me then she would talk to me and not avoid me.

Or for example raising children. If the woman loves God, then she would raise our chidlren with me.

Me thinks divorce is so common today because people make complicated what is actually rather simple.

okay, so here's a thought for you.

you suggest, that "if the woman loves you, she'll communicate with you".

well, here's another real wrinkle. did you know that two people who love each other and have shared goals can still employ very different communication methods that could easily leave one or both frustrated and quite dissatisfied (and even more in the dark) with the ultimate outcome of the conversations?

or the very point of communication could become subjugated by the lack of understanding? it doesn't matter how well you can communicate if you're talking to a brick wall. or someone who with different abilities or preferences.

also, you comment that "loving God means she'll [our] children children with you".

well, i am not sure what you mean by that statement, but ultimately a vast majority of the execution of these day-to-day choices, and the fulfillment of these so-called "common goals" still require a great deal of interpretation of the same scripture that may hold very different meaning to you.


further, what would happen if you are asking her to do things that she feels are completely wrong, or outside her biblical interpretation? in that sense, her view might be that you're actually asking her to GO AGAINST God. and as such, even the most submissive and passive woman might hold her ground and reject your ideology, citing her reasoning and your instructing her to "go against God". i've actually seen this play out between two very godly-minded people.

so, while you can certainly both intend to live your life consistent with loving God and making biblical choices, the reality is that it can still look very different between folks.

honestly, i only bring this up because i see this kind of statement made all the time, and it greatly concerns me.

if there's one thing i believe with all my heart, it's almost impossible to have too much communication when it comes to understanding the heart, intention, goals, and and desires of two people seriously considering a life together.

and to your final statement, considering how rampant divorce remains (even among the christian population) in sincerely doubt that it exists by the over-complication of simple principles.

more like lacking obedience, taking things for granted, flawed communication, disordered priorities, selfish and prideful behavior, along with a litany of other related issues.
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#54
Loves the Lord. Kind. Understanding. Good sense of humor. Loves animals as I would love to have a few dogs when given the chance. Those are the main ones.
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#55
You know Im for communication, but does it always have to be with words? Guys (like Me) just don't talk alot and I read somewhere that's part of the normal thing for a guy, its kinda how they are made :(
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,095
6,479
113
#56
My only comment on this since tourist and I are in this group of opposites in denominational upbringing is that there exists compromise not so much of ones beliefs but in the partnership. We both believe and understand salvation and have accepted Jesus as our personal Savior a lot of the traditions of religions are just that and most have nothing to do with your salvation.

I would agree with you that it is best if the couple have the same background as a lot of people aren't as inclusive as we have been raised to be. Both of our families are very non-judgmental towards people groups and I think that has helped our relationship greatly.
There are always exceptions to the rule.............and Tourist is certainly an exception......uh, no, wait, that didn't come out right...........sigh...........YOU are exceptional........

Seriously. Yes, God like love can overcome denominational differences, but in general, such relationships will feel a strain. Which church to worship with? Do they worship in church at all? Things like that.

Now, I will say that in my experience Non-denominational churches that are not necessarily the same seem to more readily accept members from other churches.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#57
I'm going to repeat something I posted on facebook recently. Some people make me want to facepalm. So. Hard.

Life does look perfect in a pipe though doesn't it?
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#58
Depends. Does she have bacon?
 

JonahLynx

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#59
You know Im for communication, but does it always have to be with words? Guys (like Me) just don't talk alot and I read somewhere that's part of the normal thing for a guy, its kinda how they are made :(
I'm the opposite - love conversation. Looks like I was defective out of the factory. :p
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#60
You know Im for communication, but does it always have to be with words? Guys (like Me) just don't talk alot and I read somewhere that's part of the normal thing for a guy, its kinda how they are made :(
Guys that don't talk a lot is not necessarily a bad thing. Yes, I am female but I don't like to talk a lot either, I tend to be quiet and reserved. So I can understand where the guys are coming from on the communication topic.