Hi Hoss! Great thread, and thank you so much for the topic. I've actually been meaning to write a thread asking how we can speak with wisdom to those younger than we are without sounding patronizing to them and at the same time, graciously accept advice from those older than us who speak to US in a patronizing manner.
Nothing shuts me down faster than when a person automatically assumes some kind of "teacher" role over me without knowing anything about me but I also realize that I have to stop myself from doing this to others as well.
I agree with what many have said here. Some think I'm negative, but a good friend of mine, even in high school, branded me as "realistic" and so I tend to stick with that description. I think when we're younger, the possibilities look endless and a lack of experience can allow us to approach things in a more innocent manner. We think we can be whatever we want if we just work hard enough. We also think we can help or change anyone for the better if we only try hard enough. Back then, I was eager to help anyone I could without realizing that I was also very much enabling them to do the wrong thing, which can be just as much of a sin as what they were doing, but I didn't realize that at the time. I've also been learning to recognize the difference between helping someone out of my own pride rather than listening to God's lead.
I think by this age you realize that life is not an endless stream of opportunities and that you have to make wise decisions because choices are much more limited than you once thought. Instead of chasing after your dream career, you may now make choices based on paying your bills and feeding your family. Which also puts a much different spin on dating.
Something I've also come to realize as I've gotten older is that there are more challenges to face as you get older. Most of the gentlemen in my age range now are dealing with things such as parents with ailing health or their own medical challenges as well, along with raising kids, putting them through college, and sometimes even adjusting to grandchildren. I've known many people who aren't even 40 and are already grandparents, whether through their own children or through their significant others.
When you're in your 20's you generally don't have to think about how you're going to put your kids through college or welcoming a new grandbaby!
At the same time, I've become better at figuring things out I didn't know or realize before instead of just getting upset. I often wonder if my ex-husband and I had met at this stage of the game, if things would have gone differently...
I'm not sure how it is for men, but for women (myself at least), it really does start to feel like the possibility of marrying is gone by age 35. Many men my age whom I've had conversations with have told me they look for women in their 20's because they see younger women as being hopeful and optimistic instead of bitter and jaded, as they see women their own age to be, and I do understand that.
However, one of the most freeing things for me was realizing around age 37 that I don't HAVE to have kids. Yes, God makes anything possible but at my age, even if I met someone tomorrow, I'd want to date around two years, be married at least 3 years, and maybe then start talking about having a family--which would put me at starting a family around age 46, give or take. Starting a family close to age 50 might be great for Hollywood celebrities, but I know it would not be right for me. And this automatically crosses me off the list of a great majority of single men, which I do understand.
But my focus has also shifted. Instead of finding "the one", I have my sights set on retirement, traveling, volunteer work, and lifelong learning. If I can find someone who's interested in the same things and wants to make the journey together, great! If not, I know from watching others that I can still have a good and meaningful life, despite what society tells us. I've met many other women who are using their time and talents to serve and learn in all kinds of interesting settings, and if I never meet the right person, I know I'll look to these women as inspiration.
I know my posts sometimes sound like they're coming from the pit of despair but believe it or not, I'm actually the happiest I've ever been. Mostly because God broke my dependence on unhealthy relationships and is teaching me how to LIVE instead of just exist. Many of the questions I ask here are things I've been through IN THE PAST and am not dealing with in the present or I'm writing from the perspective of watching someone else go through something. Despite what some might thing, I'm not constantly wringing my hands in anxiety over all the things I write about. My purpose is generally just to throw out topics for group discussion, which is why I don't write blogs.
Something very important I have learned is that a single life lived well is much, MUCH better than being attached to a relationship that is slowly draining away your life, but you won't admit it (and hang on to it because you fear being alone.)
For myself, I have found that being in the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons is a death sentence compared to being single and having the freedom to at least make choices that will improve your quality of life (and hopefully, the lives of others around you as well.)
